Rounded Apathy

Rounded Apathy

Longing to return to stardust
Aug 8, 2022
205
They say writing down crap like this can be good, and I've tried it, and it hasn't really made any damn difference. But those attempts were totally private in some stupid document no one else will ever see, maybe after I'm dead or something. I thought sharing public way and making space for others to do the same could be different. Share anything that you are happy you were able to do today (I specifically am avoiding saying "proud" as it feels bloated); however big or small, just something(s) you felt you wanted to do and managed to get done, despite the odds.

I took a shower after thinking last night it had been long enough since I had last.
Later I took a resume to a place I think it might not be completely terrible working.

The night is young, so if I manage to accomplish anything else I currently would like to, I'll edit this to show that.

Looking forward to seeing whatever y'all have to add.
 
Monique696

Monique696

Member
Aug 31, 2021
38
You accomplished quite a lot in one day!
It's been rough for me since my cat of 23 years died last Friday. Still I managed to change the furniture with my husband a bit and paint over a wall. Had to keep myself busy with the loss.
 
Mixo

Mixo

Warlock
Aug 2, 2020
759
Great job applying to a new job. Small accomplishments, many of them added up, are just as valid as a life changer, so good on you.

I haven't accomplished much this week except paying an unpleasant bill, so that was responsible of me, but that was quickly cancelled out by me buying vodka again and getting absolutely wasted.
 
Rounded Apathy

Rounded Apathy

Longing to return to stardust
Aug 8, 2022
205
You accomplished quite a lot in one day!
It's been rough for me since my cat of 23 years died last Friday. Still I managed to change the furniture with my husband a bit and paint over a wall. Had to keep myself busy with the loss.

Thank you. But oh no, that is so sad. I'm glad you had such a long time with your fuzzy friend but it makes it all the harder to say goodbye. Glad too you and husband had and were able to take care of something. Sharing the grief makes a big difference too.

Great job applying to a new job. Small accomplishments, many of them added up, are just as valid as a life changer, so good on you.

I haven't accomplished much this week except paying an unpleasant bill, so that was responsible of me

Thank you too, and good on you for taking care of the payment! I'm only trimming the quotation because I'm hoping the focus here can be on things we're happy to have gotten done, and it doesn't sound like you're too happy about the vodka-drinkin'. No judgement of course, just want to leave other things at the door/the vast majority of this entire site, haha.
 
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nys

nys

mors mihi lucrum
Jun 1, 2022
269
I think I accomplished quite a bit today. First, after about a week of sleeping in until pretty late (like 9am or later) I got up at 6am today. I'm going to keep waking up earlier and earlier until I'm waking up at 5:30am so I can get my sleep schedule right, to prepare for when I need to wake up that early for school. Also today I finally got the answer to this complicated summer homework question that I was stuck on for days. That's not really significant but I'm still proud of myself for it. I also tried to learn a bit about how to fence so I could have something for college applications (I didn't have a sword to practice with so I used a wooden plank lol) and I think I've gotten pretty good at the footwork. Also, even though I was kind of tired from waking up so early, I did some research into pediatric oncology because lately I've been interested in that, and I think I finally know for sure that I want to pursue a career in that field. It's great not having to worry about that anymore
 
Rounded Apathy

Rounded Apathy

Longing to return to stardust
Aug 8, 2022
205
Well, seems I can’t edit a thread-starting post, but that’s okay cause a stomachache prevented me from doing the last thing I’d hoped to today. Maybe tomorrow.

I think I accomplished quite a bit today. First, after about a week of sleeping in until pretty late (like 9am or later) I got up at 6am today. I'm going to keep waking up earlier and earlier until I'm waking up at 5:30am so I can get my sleep schedule right, to prepare for when I need to wake up that early for school. Also today I finally got the answer to this complicated summer homework question that I was stuck on for days. That's not really significant but I'm still proud of myself for it. I also tried to learn a bit about how to fence so I could have something for college applications (I didn't have a sword to practice with so I used a wooden plank lol) and I think I've gotten pretty good at the footwork. Also, even though I was kind of tired from waking up so early, I did some research into pediatric oncology because lately I've been interested in that, and I think I finally know for sure that I want to pursue a career in that field. It's great not having to worry about that anymore

Hey way to go. I saw your other post about your family situation and want to say how extra great it is you were able to get these things taken care of in that environment. Ugh. Paediatric oncology, great stuff.
 
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butterfly3

butterfly3

Member
Apr 2, 2022
96
i dont really have any. i guess ive been brushing my teeth like 3x daily because my sleep schedule is severely messed up, so i just brush at any time of the day which comes up to about 3. this is an improvement because before i used to only manage like 1x daily. it’s not much but i don’t really have any other achievements other than laying in bed
 
Lauriso

Lauriso

Member
Jul 26, 2022
78
I go out delivering food on my bicycle for 3 hours almost every work day. There are days when I really don't feel like it, but I still push it because being outdoors on a bike with tasks to complete does drag me out of despair at least for a while. I'm in the park right now waiting for orders.
i dont really have any. i guess ive been brushing my teeth like 3x daily because my sleep schedule is severely messed up, so i just brush at any time of the day which comes up to about 3. this is an improvement because before i used to only manage like 1x daily. it’s not much but i don’t really have any other achievements other than laying in bed
Do you feel a little better if you force yourself to go out for a walk?
 
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atonofdespair24

atonofdespair24

Never enough
May 2, 2022
49
Hey everyone

Today I set up an interview for another part time job to help pay for some things I need to get taken care of. I completed some assignments for school (university) and then I took a nice nap haha. I went on a drive and enjoyed the beautiful sunset.

Even though I am suicidal I think I’m just high functioning. I wish I was doing these things as more of a motivation thing but I feel like I have to.

I just want to say the recovery page makes me feel a lot better when I see threads like this. Thank you to everyone for sharing and reading, I’m trying my best to survive. I want to be the old me so badly.
 
imcurious

imcurious

Member
May 6, 2022
31
Haven’t left my house in a long while. I’ve been especially avoidant and depressed lately. So yesterday night I decided to sit by the lake. It was lonely, but I rested in my inner monologue in a place that wasn’t my room and that felt good I guess.
 
Rounded Apathy

Rounded Apathy

Longing to return to stardust
Aug 8, 2022
205
Welp, yesterday was not good for the ol' body so pretty much the whole day was trashed BUT I did manage to take a walk shortly before midnight to the little local shared food box (though some asshole had dumped a bunch of bug flashcards in it; not the place >_<). Today I wandered over to the grocery store to see what went on sale this week (nothing I want), and got a bunch of discount produce; yummy mangoes, pineapple and avocado~

Hey everyone

Today I set up an interview for another part time job to help pay for some things I need to get taken care of. I completed some assignments for school (university) and then I took a nice nap haha. I went on a drive and enjoyed the beautiful sunset.

Even though I am suicidal I think I’m just high functioning. I wish I was doing these things as more of a motivation thing but I feel like I have to.

I just want to say the recovery page makes me feel a lot better when I see threads like this. Thank you to everyone for sharing and reading, I’m trying my best to survive. I want to be the old me so badly.

I get you on the high functioning thing; I'm absolutely less "high" than even a half year ago but yeah, when things are aligned I feel like even I surprise myself remembering how bad it has been/can be. Then when my body decides to fuck me around my mind gets so wrecked I'm just in bed curtains closed most of the day. Fun times. PS - reading this makes me very glad that I had the thought to start the thing. Thanks :heart:

Haven’t left my house in a long while. I’ve been especially avoidant and depressed lately. So yesterday night I decided to sit by the lake. It was lonely, but I rested in my inner monologue in a place that wasn’t my room and that felt good I guess.

Nice! I know the feeling. These days I rarely want to get out to places I even want to go because I figure "well, why bother be alone out somewhere when I can just be alone here?", but sometimes it does feel better once I'm there. It helps if I don't see other people with company, or some kind of animal friend comes to say hello. 🐈
 
atonofdespair24

atonofdespair24

Never enough
May 2, 2022
49
Fun times. PS - reading this makes me very glad that I had the thought to start the thing. Thanks :heart:
No, thank you. I think I'm going to try to continue how my days go in this. I'll probably forget, but worth a try.

Today I volunteered at a local race track helping kids with various illnesses take rides in racecars. I felt pretty happy about it, I did not want to go at first but am so glad I decided to instead of laying in bed all day. I got to ride in some of my favorite cars as well, which is always fun as I haven't raced in my own in awhile.

Afterwards I took a nap, then showered and went to grab food as well as a little drive. Met a new friend at my usually hangout spot and chatted awhile.

I'm feeling more hopeful to recover after today than any day this past week. I really hope I can keep the steam rolling. I have spent a lot of time driving lately which is when I feel like I think the most clearly/rationally, and the more I think the more I feel like I can use my favorite hobby as a reason to keep going. When I am not tinkering or competing in my car, life sucks and is pretty bleak. But when I do get to, I'm so genuinely happy, like big stupid grin on my face and I don't even know it. I think if I can work a little more (gross) then I can save up some more money to do fun stuff with my car. It makes life worth it to me, just that alone. Anything else, I can do without. I feel a little sad because I use to live life for my mother, not to say I don't love her any less now but her alone doesn't feel like enough to keep pushing through the struggle. This helps. As well as knowing I have the means to end it at any given time.

If you did, thanks for reading. This is a good habit I think I should continue.
 
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Hollowillow

Hollowillow

I want throat hugs & anime! Can't use chat pm me
Aug 7, 2022
906
They say writing down crap like this can be good, and I've tried it, and it hasn't really made any damn difference. But those attempts were totally private in some stupid document no one else will ever see, maybe after I'm dead or something. I thought sharing public way and making space for others to do the same could be different. Share anything that you are happy you were able to do today (I specifically am avoiding saying "proud" as it feels bloated); however big or small, just something(s) you felt you wanted to do and managed to get done, despite the odds.

I took a shower after thinking last night it had been long enough since I had last.
Later I took a resume to a place I think it might not be completely terrible working.

The night is young, so if I manage to accomplish anything else I currently would like to, I'll edit this to show that.

Looking forward to seeing whatever y'all have to add.
High five

The social worker phone betrayed me & sent the cops, but I avoided being taken to a hospital again! I was staring at his gun the whole time, but I'm so unbearably annoying. They wanted me to go down to speak to social urgences, at 2am, I told them to call me. In the end they said to keep seeing my therapist. Which is useless because my problem is PHYSICAL!
 
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Rounded Apathy

Rounded Apathy

Longing to return to stardust
Aug 8, 2022
205
Today...hmm, well, I did not let the lack of a tentative date coming to pass wreck my day (it helped that it was indeed only tentative and is theoretically just being rescheduled). When it was decided I went over to a shop near me and treated myself to a vegan soft serve ice cream that I'd been thinking about for a while. It made me feel a bit funny afterward but it was nice while eating it.

Depending on how I feel after dinner I might try creating that cocktail I've been pondering for a while. I've been taking a break from (the small amounts of) alcohol I was drinking regularly to learn how to make these new drinks, because it seemed to possibly not be the best for my insides, but my insides are being kind of fucky anyway so I'm feeling like it may not be worth it to not be experimenting.

This wasn't today but I also discovered there is a continuous livestream of all Samurai Jack episodes on AdultSwim for anyone who enjoys this show. I found it looking for season 5 as I really want to rewatch that specifically for the dark heaviness, but the cycle is such that I am not awake at those hours. The rotation seems such that the episodes move back about an hour a day, so if I just wait a week or so...
 
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J

je.suis.prêt

Jag förstår inte :s
Jul 9, 2022
22
I booked myself a hotel for the weekend to temporarily escape my living situation – I don't have my own room, so getting 'me time' to sleep in or just 'be' is difficult. As soon as I locked my hotel room door I felt so relieved, so safe. Being alone is such a big comfort to me; I don't want to completely isolate myself from everyone, but I am highly introverted (and possibly autistic), so having a space to myself where I don't have to think about hearing anyone, or anyone hearing me makes me feel so safe, free, and happy.
 
Rounded Apathy

Rounded Apathy

Longing to return to stardust
Aug 8, 2022
205
@je.suis.prêt that was me for middle and high school, eugh. It was not okay, for a number of reasons...hope you're enjoying your mini-vacation. @willitpass nice on the dentist - it is definitely far better to be proactive on that one as unpleasant as it is; someone I knew went forever without going and when they finally did had several cavities and early stage gum disease. Keep up that brushing and flossing!

Today I went to work despite my usual toilet time horrors continuing to be a bit more horrific than they have been up until very recently. Thankfully there was no pain and only some minor delayed discomfort despite being on my feet for over five goddamn hours. I forgot to bring my medical leave form for my manager but he says it should be all good to take it in a week and a half for as long as I need.
 
want2dienow

want2dienow

Atari hazure?
Jul 24, 2022
342
Before late I
-Finished the main campaign (FK) (big)
-Completed main scenario (FK) (biggest)
-Added opt events (FK)
-Added primers for language #1 (FK) (big)
-Finished unicode & language #2 (FK) that was a pain in the ass. (big)
-Added language glyphs to bitmap font (another pain in the ass) (big)
-BTL assets (done in April)
-Finished 2 PC character CG models (May) ready for production
-FPC assets (done in June)
-UFPC assets (finished 10 in July based on FPC so was easier to complete frames & sheets)
-added dynamic plugin for extended engine parameters (big) as it migrates control of code
 
Rounded Apathy

Rounded Apathy

Longing to return to stardust
Aug 8, 2022
205
Here's hoping y'all are too busy out there accomplishing things or tired from doing so to post them here 😆

Today I finally made it to the good farmers' market not terribly far from my house. I realised it had been a very long time when I got there and the seasonal items were all completely different, eugh. I got some eggs, "ugly" peaches, and a vendor I chat with gifted me a quart of raspberries...which I don't like but was very nice. The p.o.s. streetcar driver didn't stop for me on my way home, but I was able to let the rage subside and took a nice walk back instead.

In the evening I finally made a cocktail for which I'd thought up the basic recipe last month, and it turned out freakin' great. Just praying I don't pay for it tomorrow as my bm's have already been not great the past few days, as often happens, but whatever. It doesn't seem to matter what I do or not more than half the time anyway.

To cap off the night, just sent off five stupid job applications after combing through the awful listings. If I even hear back from one I'd be happy.
 
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FrootyBat

FrootyBat

Member
Aug 11, 2022
32
I had a good work meeting today. (I trained my boss on a research approval process.) I won’t bore you with the details, primarily because it would bore you to tears. 🤪

Oh also I ate some nice strawberries today. That was lovely.
 
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Rounded Apathy

Rounded Apathy

Longing to return to stardust
Aug 8, 2022
205
Yesterday was pretty meh as I did in fact pay for that beverage, though today was also intestinally bad so who tf really knows? I did however stand my ground when my manager approached me right at the start of my shift telling me not to talk about wages with other employees. Told him that's bs and my reasoning for it as well as why I was talking about it in the first place, and he turned around and explained he misunderstood the situation from the source. Not something I planned at all but the nice thing about not giving a fuck ab out your job is that you can be honest and righteous without fear of losing it. I also submitted the document for my (unpaid) leave and that reality should begin next week✨

Today I went for a walk in a place I had never been. I wanted to go to the islands but saw there was some crap happening with the ferries, and instead of just giving up I made another plan. While there I discovered there's an evening farmers' market I didn't know about, a charming little cafe I want to visit, as well as a spooky necropolis where I crossed paths with a cute toad.

Admittedly it was a lonely outing; I hate how almost every other person out in places where they aren't obviously on their way somewhere is either with someone or a pet or on a call. While waiting forever for the stupid bus home (as usual) I did chat up a foreign couple also waiting for it about how to know if/when it'll ever show up. That felt nice.
 
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Rounded Apathy

Rounded Apathy

Longing to return to stardust
Aug 8, 2022
205
Me again, huh? Not much for today, due to my body keeping me near home...just did some basic physio and renewed my library card in the afternoon, then at night walked up and down the street to check for anything in the neighbourhood shared pantry (nope) and see if any cats were about (also nope). But I did score a free lawnchair and hanging lantern in that trip at least.

Also retried making this one cocktail I bungled before (still not right but fuck blenders) and cooked some lentils for dinner which I'd been wanting to do for a while. They were pretty tasty :-)
 
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Rounded Apathy

Rounded Apathy

Longing to return to stardust
Aug 8, 2022
205
Today felt sucky. Didn't hear back on the responses I sent to the jobs which replied to my applications. Tried to go to a walk-in clinic; no doctor till Monday. Tried to go to a new farmers' market; felt overwhelmed upon boarding the dumb streetcar so got off after one stop. Did make two trips to the grocery store because of this and got mad fruit, and made a tasty new cocktail.

The rest of the night kinda just slipped away, though I took a peaceful walk around my neighbourhood and saw several skunks. No wonder it stinks around here at night.
 
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Mixo

Mixo

Warlock
Aug 2, 2020
759
Didn't do much but I was productive and got work done. Also carved a whole pineapple for the first time and that was kind of fun. Procured something for someone that they needed medically, and it gave me a nice, warm feeling inside to know I helped practically. Also went for a long walk along the water.
 
worst.therapist

worst.therapist

Member
Aug 25, 2022
21
well, i went to the gym and booked with my psychiatric
also got a call for a interview for a job >.< today was a cool day
 
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Rounded Apathy

Rounded Apathy

Longing to return to stardust
Aug 8, 2022
205
Nice one @worst.therapist, I also got to schedule an interview today, though it isn’t for something I know if I would take even if I was offered. Did get an email about something that would be potentially better, but they asked a question in it that I’d already answered...hopefully not a red flag. I’ll reply to clarify before bed.
 
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