Rounded Apathy

Rounded Apathy

Longing to return to stardust
Aug 8, 2022
252
Once again I double up..! Didn't send that email last night but just did, as well as a response to the other interview offer (which gave me one outside of the time I told them I was available...why are people so stupid?).

Also finally managed to (almost) nail a cocktail I'd given up on by ditching the blender method and just shaking the b'. Fun fact I discovered: drinking alcohol with a scalded palate will get you quite intoxicated quite quickly 🙃
 
ForbiddenSiren

ForbiddenSiren

Student
Dec 16, 2019
101
You have done well in what you have achieved! I write notes as well and i also think whats the point as no one will see it. My success today was I went to the grocery store for the first time in ages
 
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atonofdespair24

atonofdespair24

Never enough
May 2, 2022
49
Wow I really did forget to keep this up, kind of.

I have been pretty low and suffering with huge mood swings lately. Still trying to stay alive but when I hit my low point (almost daily) I get so close to just turning my head into chunky salsa with my method.

I'm working 6-7 days a week now and it's not fun but it does make life easier in a lot of ways lol. I'll try to keep up in here but my mood is so shit and my energy is non-existent these days.

I told myself I wouldn't be alive by september (that was may), I've gotten farther then I thought but I'm on a really slippery slope
 
Mixo

Mixo

Surviving
Aug 2, 2020
763
I didn't want to spend £8 on a pill organiser that wouldn't fully meet my needs, so I just made one at home out of a cereal box. Lol, kind of a stupid "accomplishment" but hey, it took me a whole 15 minutes to make!

IMG 2389   Copy IMG 2388   Copy
 
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Rounded Apathy

Rounded Apathy

Longing to return to stardust
Aug 8, 2022
252
You have done well in what you have achieved! I write notes as well and i also think whats the point as no one will see it. My success today was I went to the grocery store for the first time in ages
Thank you, and good on you! Hopefully you found some tasty health stuff.

Wow I really did forget to keep this up, kind of.

I have been pretty low and suffering with huge mood swings lately. Still trying to stay alive but when I hit my low point (almost daily) I get so close to just turning my head into chunky salsa with my method.

I'm working 6-7 days a week now and it's not fun but it does make life easier in a lot of ways lol. I'll try to keep up in here but my mood is so shit and my energy is non-existent these days.

I told myself I wouldn't be alive by september (that was may), I've gotten farther then I thought but I'm on a really slippery slope
I was missing your contributions, most regular contributor after me I think. Working that much is enough to drain even a mentally healthy person, but I know what you mean about somehow making things easier. You just kinda get on autopilot and crash when the day is done...

I didn't want to spend £8 on a pill organiser that wouldn't fully meet my needs, so I just made one at home out of a cereal box. Lol, kind of a stupid "accomplishment" but hey, it took me a whole 15 minutes to make!

View attachment 97639 View attachment 97640
That is a solid craft. Are those normal use pills or exit method items?

Playing catch up: Sunday I spontaneously went for a walk in a nearby area I’d never been to, after missing the streetcar to the market. It was nice but it made me sad at the same time. I think I scored a lot of citrus at the grocery store later no.
Monday worked my second to last shift. Not much achieved but told some staff in other departments I “wouldn’t be around for a while”, and others I saw around managed to hear the news before I could tell them. I like to think that means people will miss me.
Today I had a pretty dodgy feeling interview, and after looking up the company decided I don’t even want a theoretical job. Scheduled another for Friday at an organization that seems great but not sure the job itself suits me. A coworker laterhelped me take all of a housemate’s empty booze bottles back for the deposit, which will go towards a house pizza or something. I’m not really looking forward to the gathering but the food will hopefully be good. I repaid the favour with a cocktail. It was nice to finally make one for someone else.

Oh, pretty sure one of those days I emailed each of my parents which is not my favourite thing. So good for me.
 
atonofdespair24

atonofdespair24

Never enough
May 2, 2022
49
Thank you, and good on you! Hopefully you found some tasty health stuff.


I was missing your contributions, most regular contributor after me I think. Working that much is enough to drain even a mentally healthy person, but I know what you mean about somehow making things easier. You just kinda get on autopilot and crash when the day is done...


That is a solid craft. Are those normal use pills or exit method items?

Playing catch up: Sunday I spontaneously went for a walk in a nearby area I’d never been to, after missing the streetcar to the market. It was nice but it made me sad at the same time. I think I scored a lot of citrus at the grocery store later no.
Monday worked my second to last shift. Not much achieved but told some staff in other departments I “wouldn’t be around for a while”, and others I saw around managed to hear the news before I could tell them. I like to think that means people will miss me.
Today I had a pretty dodgy feeling interview, and after looking up the company decided I don’t even want a theoretical job. Scheduled another for Friday at an organization that seems great but not sure the job itself suits me. A coworker laterhelped me take all of a housemate’s empty booze bottles back for the deposit, which will go towards a house pizza or something. I’m not really looking forward to the gathering but the food will hopefully be good. I repaid the favour with a cocktail. It was nice to finally make one for someone else.

Oh, pretty sure one of those days I emailed each of my parents which is not my favourite thing. So good for me.
Thanks. I am being terrible to everyone lately but it's hard not to
 
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Rounded Apathy

Rounded Apathy

Longing to return to stardust
Aug 8, 2022
252
I won a chess tournament. It was against computer personalities on a chess program on my computer, not real people. But computers are good at chess too.
Noice, how many opponents were there? Did they get progressively better or was it random?

I ate four cans of soup in the past two days.
Soup, there it is!

Thanks. I am being terrible to everyone lately but it's hard not to
Aw. I wouldn’t say not posting in some thread for a few days is “terrible” but it is good to see you back :heart:

Yesterday I worked my whole last shift despite being ill and it being the busiest one in recent memory. (Not an accomplishment, but some other staff expressed their disappointment at my departure in a totally unforced way and also gave me some little gifts. That was nice...). After that I bit the bullet and dropped a bunch of money to sign up for this accreditation course for possible other/better work, because it was 20% off. Now if I can just manage to do it...

Today I met with the parent I sometimes actually see in person (but who still is the perpetrator of one of the major life events that make me wanna ctb). It’s such a weird and unpleasant time every time, not only for the historical reason but also the fact that I basically get talked/complained at the entire time. Manage to survive 2.5 hours of mostly hearing and sometimes actually having a dialogue about how miserable life is...with someone responsible for my existence...

Sorry, that wasn’t super suitable to the point of the thread, but I needed to get it out. Bleh.
 
Marktheghost

Marktheghost

-
Feb 20, 2020
914
Noice, how many opponents were there? Did they get progressively better or was it random?
There were 8 opponents, fairly random. I chose them myself; hard enough to be challenging, but not so hard that I had no chance of winning the tournament.
 
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freedompass

freedompass

Arcanist
Jan 27, 2021
495
I mopped the kitchen thoroughly. Cooked a Japanese tofu and veg stew. Did my ultrasound bone healing session. I haven’t left my house since Tuesday. It’s hard to motivate myself to walk outside just for the sake of it. Sometimes it can help the sense of boredom and isolation. But it’s an ongoing fight with myself to do it.
 
jodes2

jodes2

SN arrived!
Aug 28, 2022
1,309
Yesterday I fixed the side gate latch by moving it down a little bit. It's been bugging me for ages, I just trampled through the flat instead because the gate was unusable.

I also asked for help on here on how to fix admin problems once everyone around me is dead so I won't need to CTB ( but to be honest I probably will CTB if everyone around me is gone since I won't have any reason to live anyway
 
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Rounded Apathy

Rounded Apathy

Longing to return to stardust
Aug 8, 2022
252
I mopped the kitchen thoroughly. Cooked a Japanese tofu and veg stew.
Could I snag the recipe? Sounds yummy.

Bleh. Despite yesterday being basically a write-off I had a job interview that I felt went okay, but realised I'd rather be doing something for the organization other than what I was interviewing for. I straight up said so during the conversation which I felt wasn't inappropriate given my enthusiasm for what they do overall. Later I made another new cocktail which sucked; I put it in the fridge and reinvented it today, and made another new one for dessert which was very tasty.

I decided lately that while it's still not awful death winter, I want to take at least a 20 minute walk as soon after getting up as I can every day, and today I did so. Completed a shopping errand during, no less. Also made a loose schedule for the teaching cert. course I signed up for (after having to get the stupid admin to put me in the right course [Jesus I paid five hundred dollars for this]) which takes me into mid-November. Ugh, winter.
 
Rounded Apathy

Rounded Apathy

Longing to return to stardust
Aug 8, 2022
252
Me again! Yesterday and today the weather was balls. But yesterday I went to the farmers market right away and got some delicious apples. Didn’t manage much else cause my body was being weird, but I did make a new cocktail and a tasty dinner.

Today the body continued being weird so that and the weather kept me inside till late...but I did get out for my walk and had some cat-time. Made another new drink and finished sorting/prepping for the cert. course, which I hope to start tomorrow.

Maybe there was something else but these two days were kind of a blur...🙃
 
Rounded Apathy

Rounded Apathy

Longing to return to stardust
Aug 8, 2022
252
So...Tuesday I started my certification course, and have done it the following two days, and it’s been keeping me mostly away from here, either due to more laptop time or something else. Wednesday I went for a massage for the first time in too long, ugh. Human contact. Met a friend afterwards, for the first time in a while, for vegan junk food and walked around downtown after. God this city is sketch.

Came home and re-made a cocktail I’d been wanting to for time. Made another new one today allowing me to finish one type of alcohol and open up another new one; so many flavours. Someone else cancelled on plans tonight so I didn’t do much besides the course. Supposed to have a few other social engagements the coming days so we shall see if they happen
 
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Rounded Apathy

Rounded Apathy

Longing to return to stardust
Aug 8, 2022
252
Two cancellations in a row, and today's was permanent! Fuuuck dating! I returned a book to the library and later walked up my street to visit the cats; was able to pet four of them. 😻

Didn't really do much of the course today but am nearly done the first assignment, and realised my self-made schedule is kinda flawed since the TA's don't work weekends, which is when I planned to submit my assignments...so I have a couple of grace days I guess, cool.

Made the very last of the cocktails from the long list I put together at the start of my interest in the endeavour, as well as another experimental one based on this thing the summer subletter left behind and it was pretty tasty. Have some ideas on how to improve it if I make it again.
 
Rounded Apathy

Rounded Apathy

Longing to return to stardust
Aug 8, 2022
252
Oh jeez, a triple post...and a triple for being cancelled on, in a row no less. Mostly got a whole fuckload of nothing done cause of it, but I did submit an application for EI. Hopefully I can get some pittance to keep my miserable existence going while I do this baloney course. Speaking of which, close and hoping to finish my first assignment before bed so I can have tomorrow "off", whoopee.

Oh, I also finally made and uploaded to Youtube a dumb video of relaxing music from a certain videogame I'd made the tracklist for months ago, when I was doing one every couple of weeks. Finally got tired of seeing the text file on my desktop, I guess.
 
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Rounded Apathy

Rounded Apathy

Longing to return to stardust
Aug 8, 2022
252
Even I'm getting bad with this. Not much this week...

Got 100% on the assignment and started the second module; going okay so far and on track despite spending less time on it than expected. Been pretty good at keeping with the routine of study after taking a short walk first thing after getting up, though fucking fall is coming and due to that and feeling pretty fucking sick yesterday I missed a day or two. Can't think of anything else from the last five days, but maybe that's cause it's past 4 am.

Oh, I went back and made added time stamps and tracklists for the videos in that series I'd skipped doing so for when I uploaded them. So now it's not in partially done limbo, which is nice. Maybe I'll think of another game to make one for.
 
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volnaya_pesnya

volnaya_pesnya

Member
Oct 16, 2021
16
tried cooking breakfast with peanut oil for the first time and it came out pretty good i think
 
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WhatPowerIs

WhatPowerIs

Arcanist
Jun 19, 2022
468
I am struggling with my other classes (especially engineering so I am starting to regret picking this as my major). Even though I'm in the lowest level math class I have a 98% in the class so far. I guess that is an accomplishment, right?
I hate to be a downer but I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up... but I'm gonna try.
 
StarlightDreamer

StarlightDreamer

Member
Aug 2, 2022
54
I am struggling with my other classes (especially engineering so I am starting to regret picking this as my major). Even though I'm in the lowest level math class I have a 98% in the class so far. I guess that is an accomplishment, right?
I hate to be a downer but I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up... but I'm gonna try.
I believe in you, friend. You can do this. c:
 
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Rounded Apathy

Rounded Apathy

Longing to return to stardust
Aug 8, 2022
252
Nice to see some other contributions here. The last few days I've been food journaling - both on paper and in an app - to try and see what seems to mess with my guts and make sure I'm eating enough, respectively. It's a chore but also kind of fun to measure and log what I eat, and nice to have time to do this now that I'm not working. Honestly putting more into myself than I expected but still barely enough to keep this gaunt frame going...only a few more foods to test from my usual rotation. Who knows, maybe stress will end up being the main culprit?

tried cooking breakfast with peanut oil for the first time and it came out pretty good i think
Peanut oil is tasty stuff! Also love me some sesame oil for "Asian" dishes.

I am struggling with my other classes (especially engineering so I am starting to regret picking this as my major). Even though I'm in the lowest level math class I have a 98% in the class so far. I guess that is an accomplishment, right?
I'd say so - way to go.
 
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Rounded Apathy

Rounded Apathy

Longing to return to stardust
Aug 8, 2022
252
Big time today - I hoofed it up to a different farmer's market I haven't been to in months and bought a new big bottle of maple syrup to replace the one that just ran out. I also scored a freshly-picked cabbage as I'd been thinking of making sauerkraut for the second time, which I did right after getting home. There was a lot of brine so I'm hopeful it turns out well!

I also was my own healthcare advocate (as f'ing usual) and called the sleep lab to schedule my study. I'm not really looking forward to it at all but hey.
 
P

przeciwwymiotne

Be rude to me at all times, I don't deserve kindne
Jun 27, 2022
241
They say writing down crap like this can be good, and I've tried it, and it hasn't really made any damn difference. But those attempts were totally private in some stupid document no one else will ever see, maybe after I'm dead or something. I thought sharing public way and making space for others to do the same could be different. Share anything that you are happy you were able to do today (I specifically am avoiding saying "proud" as it feels bloated); however big or small, just something(s) you felt you wanted to do and managed to get done, despite the odds.

I took a shower after thinking last night it had been long enough since I had last.
Later I took a resume to a place I think it might not be completely terrible working.

The night is young, so if I manage to accomplish anything else I currently would like to, I'll edit this to show that.

Looking forward to seeing whatever y'all have to add.
Went 11days eating healthy
 
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Rounded Apathy

Rounded Apathy

Longing to return to stardust
Aug 8, 2022
252
Fallen off the wagon yet again. Been a rough few days for a few reasons.

Nearly aced the first test in my course and was luckily ahead of schedule before I entered slug mode. Still slightly ahead which is good as I got the new covid shot today (yay) and due to that (and other reasons) might be a bit offline again the next few days.

Went to the mall a couple of times and got some better pyjama pants, no luck on the housecoat though. My stupid house is fucking cold. Already.