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R

Remember-Me-Not

Happiness is running a bit late to our meeting.
Dec 10, 2019
79
I usually post personal life updates in my profile, but this was too long so here it is:

When I was in high school I had this friend who I consider to be my best friend. Well, the issue is that I didn't treat her well.

I always wanted my abusive mother's love and approval, and the one thing she did was compare me to other people to berate me. So to gain her love, I put others down to show that I was superior. My friend became my target.

Long story short, I treated her badly. I was a horrible person. I just wanted my mother to love me. I was in a desperate situation and that made me a desperate person.

Finally, now that I am thousands of miles away from my mother, I gained some clarity on my trauma and my mental health. I reached out to my best friend around June to wish her happy birthday and send her an e-gift card. It took me a lot of courage to reach out because I thought I was not worthy anymore to be in her life.

She didn't reply back at the time and I accepted that. I just wanted to give her a birthday gift because she always got me one while I couldn't because my mother would not let me.

And today, nearly half an year later, she replied. I got scared to read the message. What if she tells me to get lost and never bother her again? I'm going to check it soon and update you all, but that's what's been going on with me today. Just feeling anxious.

I hope you all are able to connect with the person in your life you want to connect with. Thanks for reading.
 
GentleSoul

GentleSoul

Here, but not 'there'...
Dec 14, 2021
437
I hope it turns out good! We all make mistakes but the fact that you are willing to admit that and try to make amends is admirable.
 
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MeltedJello

MeltedJello

My brain is a liquid mess.
Aug 18, 2021
2,127
I’m sorry you experienced that abuse and suffering. I hope you and your friend can reconnect again :)
 
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R

Remember-Me-Not

Happiness is running a bit late to our meeting.
Dec 10, 2019
79
(I couldn't find a way to just edit my initial post, so here's a reply)

Update: Thank you everyone for your kinds words, it gave me the courage to read and reply to her message. We're trying to catch up with each other, but with there bein a 12+ hour of a time difference and also both of us being depressed, the times between replies are long haha.

But it's a start and I'm happy.