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Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Just dont. I dont want to hear it
Joined
Jul 1, 2020
Messages
4,051
Ok so its a vent mostly with a touch of 'advice probably wont kill' (depending on the "advice" but what im speaking of really isnt advice and something im seriously done "listening" to)

Ive been thinking about talking to my husband about getting a 'divorce'. Kind of, sort of. (Honestly just getting this far in the post is making me feel sick, could be hunger agitating it too, i havent eaten yet. But theres definitely a feeling of 'oh dear god').

I still want to be with him. I still want to show him my home. And all that stuff. But for me on a personal level, im better of single. I have enough emotion problems without adding extra humans to the situation. It would irradicate the "youre my husband so i have to" feeling. Plus it would irradicate the feeling that i cant leave. These are not healthy things for me to be dealing with.

We cant even have a damn conversation about tape without him misunderstanding. I should just break up with him. Sometimes easier isnt the wrong answer.
Also theres "theres no point in breaking up over 'one major problem'" speaking of my friend, which his answer was straight up no and im letting you talk to him. IM MY OWN FUCKING HUMAN NOT YOUR FUCKING SLAVE. Also that '1 major problem' really ISNT your call to make. Im the one with the problems and its nice to know you can undermine the rest of them like that.because yeah, i just love being unwantedly touch. Theres just sooo many fucking problems
oh and i have to "watch my wording" because we dont want people thinking the wrong thing, well that wording i have to not say is how i fucking feel. Im getting so sick of all this bullshit hes lucky i havent just had my grandfather pick me and the cats up and leave
Also STOP MAKING YOUR FUCKING PROBLEMS OUT TO BE MINE. OVER HALF THE SHIT I SAY I SAY BECAUSE I FEEL I HAVE TO. THIS IS NOT HEALTHY FOR ME IN ANY FUCKING WAY AND YOURE THE PROBLEM!!!! What happened to your original promise? Your promise to break up with me if youre not helping. Well guess what YOURE NOT HELPING!!!!!
 
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listeningpost1379

listeningpost1379

enduring winter
Joined
Apr 20, 2019
Messages
92
I'm sorry you are suffering by someone who should have loved and understood you.
I wish you strength and courage to go through with bettering your life, I hope the process will go easy on you, hope it comes as smooth as possible.
 
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Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Just dont. I dont want to hear it
Joined
Jul 1, 2020
Messages
4,051
The thing is he does help. He got me that cactus. He got me my girls (cats). He helps with the dishes. He picks up after himself so i dont have extra to do. He helps on the days im down. Hes helping me with shaving today because of my hallucinations last year. Hes good......i just dont know......everything mentioned in the above post is just too much.

He gets me ice cream cake for my bday because my parents were d***s. He got me giant sparklers. He got me a childrens book and 2 teddy bears to go with it (that yes i sometimes get him to read to me). Hes always doing stuff to bring me back to my 'good years'.
 
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MYStERY_Man

MYStERY_Man

The 't' is silent
Joined
Jul 15, 2020
Messages
223
I think you should try to tell him exactly what you said here, but without the anger. You gave him a note that time, maybe try another one. Something like "I appreciate you and I'd like this relationship to work. But sometimes you do some things that push me away and make me think I'd be better off alone...", then describe how you feel when he keeps touching you or tries to put you on a leash right when you feel that you need some release. Maybe some more of the good stuff.
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Just dont. I dont want to hear it
Joined
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Messages
4,051
MYStERY_Man said:
but without the anger
lmfao
MYStERY_Man said:
You gave him a note that time, maybe try another one. Something like "I appreciate you and I'd like this relationship to work. But sometimes you do some things that push me away and make me think I'd be better off alone...", then describe how you feel when he keeps touching you or tries to put you on a leash right when you feel that you need some release. Maybe some more of the good stuff.
hes going to want to fix it. and its just.....not that. i feel that i should clarify, when i said
Life_and_Death said:
YOURE THE PROBLEM
i meant it, but not directly. just him because hes the one there. im really thinking that im better off with close friendships instead of relationships. but i dont even think i should tell him that. which brings us to...
Life_and_Death said:
feeling that i cant leave.
the last time i suggested something like this he was all "what if you change your mind" and saying that he wouldnt get back with me. and at this point i really dont care. but like i said in the nice post, hes not all bad which is putting me in a difficult situation especially with bpd (extreme emotions)

edit: also thank you, i was hoping youd read it and respond. youve been helping me a bit, but in comparison a lot, if that makes sense lol
 
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MYStERY_Man

MYStERY_Man

The 't' is silent
Joined
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Messages
223
Life_and_Death said:
hes going to want to fix it. and its just.....not that. i feel that i should clarify, when i said

i meant it, but not directly. just him because hes the one there. im really thinking that im better off with close friendships instead of relationships. but i dont even think i should tell him that. which brings us to...
What's the worst that could happen if you told him that? Where do you think keeping it bottled inside is taking you? If you compare the answers, it will be easier to decide whether you should tell him or not.

Life_and_Death said:
the last time i suggested something like this he was all "what if you change your mind" and saying that he wouldnt get back with me. and at this point i really dont care. but like i said in the nice post, hes not all bad which is putting me in a difficult situation especially with bpd (extreme emotions)
I can only imagine how difficult it is. But I think if you really need this time off and you don't take it, you'd both be wasting a huge opportunity. It can't be healthy to spend the next 50 years wondering about the "what if". On the other hand, I'm not so sure you'd feel like you needed it if only he didn't upset you so often... maybe I'm just falling for the sunk cost fallacy.
Life_and_Death said:
edit: also thank you, i was hoping youd read it and respond. youve been helping me a bit, but in comparison a lot, if that makes sense lol
Oh, I try (sometimes). Thanks for telling me that!
 
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Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Just dont. I dont want to hear it
Joined
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MYStERY_Man said:
What's the worst that could happen if you told him that? Where do you think keeping it bottled inside is taking you? If you compare the answers, it will be easier to decide whether you should tell him or not.


I can only imagine how difficult it is. But I think if you really need this time off and you don't take it, you'd both be wasting a huge opportunity. It can't be healthy to spend the next 50 years wondering about the "what if". On the other hand, I'm not so sure you'd feel like you needed it if only he didn't upset you so often... maybe I'm just falling for the sunk cost fallacy.
no, yeah, i agree with you but after everything he's said and done in the past it's really hard to bring to voice or paper. i dont think he'll understand. he'll want to "fix it" "give things a bit of time". ive been feeling horrible for years, no.

its the same conversation again and again, i really dont want to do it again...i have a therapist appointment coming up on the 14th, i cant even recall what its for but i think its to talk about the note(??). maybe that would be the time to bring it up and have a note for myself, kind of like q-cards for a presentation but instead for me so i know how i feel not stressed about the moment (telling him).
 
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MYStERY_Man

MYStERY_Man

The 't' is silent
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Messages
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Life_and_Death said:
no, yeah, i agree with you but after everything he's said and done in the past it's really hard to bring to voice or paper. i dont think he'll understand. he'll want to "fix it" "give things a bit of time". ive been feeling horrible for years, no.

its the same conversation again and again, i really dont want to do it again...i have a therapist appointment coming up on the 14th, i cant even recall what its for but i think its to talk about the note(??). maybe that would be the time to bring it up and have a note for myself, kind of like q-cards for a presentation but instead for me so i know how i feel not stressed about the moment (telling him).
Sounds like a plan. I have this thing where I spend the whole week planning my appointment, then it just completely derails when the time comes. I might steal your idea...

Best of luck to you!
 
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T

Tiredofhurting

Member
Joined
Feb 26, 2021
Messages
62
Life_and_Death said:
Ok so its a vent mostly with a touch of 'advice probably wont kill' (depending on the "advice" but what im speaking of really isnt advice and something im seriously done "listening" to)

Ive been thinking about talking to my husband about getting a 'divorce'. Kind of, sort of. (Honestly just getting this far in the post is making me feel sick, could be hunger agitating it too, i havent eaten yet. But theres definitely a feeling of 'oh dear god').

I still want to be with him. I still want to show him my home. And all that stuff. But for me on a personal level, im better of single. I have enough emotion problems without adding extra humans to the situation. It would irradicate the "youre my husband so i have to" feeling. Plus it would irradicate the feeling that i cant leave. These are not healthy things for me to be dealing with.

We cant even have a damn conversation about tape without him misunderstanding. I should just break up with him. Sometimes easier isnt the wrong answer.
Also theres "theres no point in breaking up over 'one major problem'" speaking of my friend, which his answer was straight up no and im letting you talk to him. IM MY OWN FUCKING HUMAN NOT YOUR FUCKING SLAVE. Also that '1 major problem' really ISNT your call to make. Im the one with the problems and its nice to know you can undermine the rest of them like that.because yeah, i just love being unwantedly touch. Theres just sooo many fucking problems
oh and i have to "watch my wording" because we dont want people thinking the wrong thing, well that wording i have to not say is how i fucking feel. Im getting so sick of all this bullshit hes lucky i havent just had my grandfather pick me and the cats up and leave
Also STOP MAKING YOUR FUCKING PROBLEMS OUT TO BE MINE. OVER HALF THE SHIT I SAY I SAY BECAUSE I FEEL I HAVE TO. THIS IS NOT HEALTHY FOR ME IN ANY FUCKING WAY AND YOURE THE PROBLEM!!!! What happened to your original promise? Your promise to break up with me if youre not helping. Well guess what YOURE NOT HELPING!!!!!
Marriage is a big deal
Life_and_Death said:
Ok so its a vent mostly with a touch of 'advice probably wont kill' (depending on the "advice" but what im speaking of really isnt advice and something im seriously done "listening" to)

Ive been thinking about talking to my husband about getting a 'divorce'. Kind of, sort of. (Honestly just getting this far in the post is making me feel sick, could be hunger agitating it too, i havent eaten yet. But theres definitely a feeling of 'oh dear god').

I still want to be with him. I still want to show him my home. And all that stuff. But for me on a personal level, im better of single. I have enough emotion problems without adding extra humans to the situation. It would irradicate the "youre my husband so i have to" feeling. Plus it would irradicate the feeling that i cant leave. These are not healthy things for me to be dealing with.

We cant even have a damn conversation about tape without him misunderstanding. I should just break up with him. Sometimes easier isnt the wrong answer.
Also theres "theres no point in breaking up over 'one major problem'" speaking of my friend, which his answer was straight up no and im letting you talk to him. IM MY OWN FUCKING HUMAN NOT YOUR FUCKING SLAVE. Also that '1 major problem' really ISNT your call to make. Im the one with the problems and its nice to know you can undermine the rest of them like that.because yeah, i just love being unwantedly touch. Theres just sooo many fucking problems
oh and i have to "watch my wording" because we dont want people thinking the wrong thing, well that wording i have to not say is how i fucking feel. Im getting so sick of all this bullshit hes lucky i havent just had my grandfather pick me and the cats up and leave
Also STOP MAKING YOUR FUCKING PROBLEMS OUT TO BE MINE. OVER HALF THE SHIT I SAY I SAY BECAUSE I FEEL I HAVE TO. THIS IS NOT HEALTHY FOR ME IN ANY FUCKING WAY AND YOURE THE PROBLEM!!!! What happened to your original promise? Your promise to break up with me if youre not helping. Well guess what YOURE NOT HELPING!!!!!
Probably an opinion that most wobt agree but you need to file divorce if you are hanging out with men other then your husband. I understand you and your husband are not getting along but to be so admit about hanging out with another man alone who is not your husband is not okay.
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Just dont. I dont want to hear it
Joined
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4,051
Life_and_Death said:
(depending on the "advice" but what im speaking of really isnt advice and something im seriously done "listening" to)

Tiredofhurting said:
Probably an opinion that most wobt agree but you need to file divorce if you are hanging out with men other then your husband. I understand you and your husband are not getting along but to be so admit about hanging out with another man alone who is not your husband is not okay.
A perfect example. :meh: seriously DONT. I hear the same bs every time i make a thread and im seriously sick of it. Why cant people realize when to not comment.
 
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Tiredofhurting

Member
Joined
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Messages
62
Life_and_Death said:
A perfect example. :meh: seriously DONT. I hear the same bs every time i make a thread amd im seriously sick of it. Why cant people realize when to not comment.
I am not trying to be a downer. A lot of people here have a lot of hurt from stuff like this.
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Just dont. I dont want to hear it
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Tiredofhurting said:
I am not trying to be a downer. A lot of people here have a lot of hurt from stuff like this.
Stuff like this?
 
T

Tiredofhurting

Member
Joined
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Messages
62
Life_and_Death said:
Stuff like this?
Stuff like you are doing. Your not single you are a married women. Those actions push people to sites like this. Maybe he does not understand maybe he is complacent. Honor your vows or leave him it is simple.
 
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Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Just dont. I dont want to hear it
Joined
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Messages
4,051
Tiredofhurting said:
Stuff like you are doing. Your not single you are a married women. Those actions push people to sites like this. Maybe he does not understand maybe he is complacent. Honor your vows or leave him it is simple.
So i get to suffer quietly because im different. Got it. Because apparently wanting and almost attempting to the point that i had the rope around my neck and the only thing that stopped me was that my husband messaged, isnt good enough. Im starting to think i should just off myself, holy fuck. Mind your own buisness if you have nothing good to say. Im seriously DONE HEARING IT!!! ITS EVERY FUCKING POST AND IM TIRED OF BEING HARASSED BY PEOPLE THAT DONT UNDERSTAND.
Edit: btw youre on ignore so dont bother responding.
 
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Symbiote

Symbiote

sudo apt-get SN
Joined
Oct 12, 2020
Messages
2,438
People need to stop playing moral police. So you don't agree about married women hanging out with other men? Ok fine, that's your opinion, but umm, we're in the 21st century and it's okay for women to hang out with other men, and vice-versa. Marriage isn't the traditional Boomer shit of the 50s anymore.
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Just dont. I dont want to hear it
Joined
Jul 1, 2020
Messages
4,051
Symbiote said:
People need to stop playing moral police. So you don't agree about married women hanging out with other men? Ok fine, that's your opinion, but umm, we're in the 21st century and it's okay for women to hang out with other men, and vice-versa. Marriage isn't the traditional Boomer shit of the 50s anymore.
Thank you
 
GenesAndEnvironment

GenesAndEnvironment

Average ctb enjoyer
Joined
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Messages
3,628
Symbiote said:
Haha, it's called trust in your relationship and being secure.
"Trust is good, but control is better."
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Just dont. I dont want to hear it
Joined
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Messages
4,051
GenesAndEnvironment said:
"Trust is good, but control is better."
While im sure youre joking, at least i think you are in a way lol, ive been there done that and it left me crying in class. I really dont want to do the whole control bs again
 
T

Tiredofhurting

Member
Joined
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Messages
62
Symbiote said:
People need to stop playing moral police. So you don't agree about married women hanging out with other men? Ok fine, that's your opinion, but umm, we're in the 21st century and it's okay for women to hang out with other men, and vice-versa. Marriage isn't the traditional Boomer shit of the 50s anymore.
Then why get married? To have a shiny ring.....
 
-Persephone-

-Persephone-

The only thing all humans are equal in is death
Joined
Mar 28, 2021
Messages
375
Having platonic relations with a member of the opposite sex is very different to infidelity. Marriage does not mean never speaking to or befriending another member of the opposite sex ever again. Demanding that is not love or commitment - it's control.
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Just dont. I dont want to hear it
Joined
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Messages
4,051
Tiredofhurting said:
Then why get married? To have a shiny ring.....
Im NOT your ex, and not all situations are exactly the same. Stop treating me like everyone else
 
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