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RainAndSadness

RainAndSadness

Global Mod
Joined
Jun 12, 2018
Messages
1,435
This is a very tragic incident and I'm very sorry this happened to these women. I hope this person will face severe punishment if he is found guilty in a court - of course we should wait for the legal outcome of this process but I don't doubt that this actually happened. But I don't know why this incident is so surprising, to be honest. Predators always used the internet to their advantage, they've been doing that since the internet was created. The articles that are linked below were written over 10 years ago(!) and they talk about the exact same issue, about predators on the internet, an issue by the way that doesn't just affect SS but websites like Facebook, Myspace and Youtube as well:



Keep in mind that this forum has over 17'000(!) registered members, so yeah - there are gonna be bad apples among us, that's simply a statistical fact. But this isn't just an issue that only affects SS per se, it's an issue that affects the whole internet as a medium, as you can see in the linked articles above. The anonymity that comes with the internet is the perfect condition for predators to roam freely and do nasty things, that's why we should condition people to be more careful when meeting up with strangers, especially on a website like this that contains so many vulnerable people in desperate situation. It's why I'm skeptical of catching the bus with a partner in general, especially when it's done with a stranger from this forum, not only for legal reasons but also because you don't know the real intention of that other person - even when that person is a member of this forum, there is still a slight chance that they're looking for trouble.

We made very clear that you need to be careful if you meet up with someone that's a member of this forum, but once again, that applies to the internet in general, not just to this website. This also applies to Facebook, Tindr, Instagram, any social network really - there are creeps on all platforms that allow personal and deeply intimate interaction between humans, that's the nature of these apps. We don't know the real intentions of people that register in this forum but if we find out that members have predatory intentions, we ban them immediately.

I've met with people in this community in real life and it's been a great experience so far. And I know plenty of real people, long-term friends that I've talked to a lot, that are authentic and amazing people. We shouldn't fall for fearmongering and fall into some kind of paranoia just because of this one incident. You can still meet great people and create lovely friendships in this community, you just need to be careful during that process. So yeah, there are creeps but you can avoid them with common sense. If someone is harassing you, threatening you, stalking you in any way, report them to use and they'll be banned asap.

But don't let this incident make you believe that there is a systemic issue with predators on this website. There are plenty of people that would love to make you believe this and this talking point about predators in this forum is gonna be the narrative of plenty of groups that oppose the pro-choice purpose of this website (and it was the narrative of people like Jackie Bieber back in 2019) because they're gonna use any ammo they can possibly find to smear and slander us, in the hopes of taking us down eventually.

Here is a thread with useful information to protect your privacy. Please read it. You should take measures to protect yourself.
 
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Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Defective since birth
Joined
Jul 1, 2020
Messages
4,305
x_LittleAmy_x said:
Funnily enough, I've just now been messaged by a mod to tell me why my thread on the same topic was locked:

"It was locked to prevent the thread from becoming drawn out and toxic".

Make of that what you will....
ummmm, idk if it was just because there werent any mods online at the time but ive seen threads BECOME drawn out and toxic and they didnt do anything about it at that time. (i mean sooner or later it did get locked) and this specific subject i think is actually good to talk about because like people have already said, while it is safe we should still be on guard and not meet up with people.
 
throwaway2goawy

throwaway2goawy

Member
Joined
Mar 7, 2021
Messages
55
As a couple of others have said, just use normal internet procedures. Don’t meet people you don’t know, if you decide to meet up know the risks and minimalise them (meet in public etc.) and remember that most people including you are in a vulnerable state and so may not think everything through rationally.

There are some horrible people out there that will take advantage of people at their lowest point sadly. Hope the two women are ok wherever they are.
 
Celerity

Celerity

Enlightened
Joined
Jan 24, 2021
Messages
1,454
Jesus fucking Christ! Huge yikes! I have only spoken with one other member on here via video and never face-to-face. There have been creepers on here before and still are, but this is another level of nasty.
 
charlotte greentea

charlotte greentea

Misery Chick
Joined
Apr 2, 2021
Messages
67
This is insanely fucked up. You really can't trust people that you meet online. Even on dating apps I've met men that weren't safe to be around and followed me back to my house and worse. If you really want to meet someone from this website, do it in public and let someone who cares about you know you'll be out.
 
Uncle Donk

Uncle Donk

I tried. I really did.
Joined
Jan 3, 2020
Messages
1,051
I don't understand why people are so shocked when stuff like this happens. There are predators online trying to assault women and its been happening since the birth of internet. The guy was a piece of shit and should be punished but those women are partly to blame for being so Naive.
 
x_LittleAmy_x

x_LittleAmy_x

-
Joined
Mar 18, 2021
Messages
198
Uncle Donk said:
I don't understand why people are so shocked when stuff like this happens. There are predators online trying to assault women and its been happening since the birth of internet. The guy was a piece of shit and should be punished but those women are partly to blame for being so Naive.
I find this type of victim blaming disgusting.
 
Brink

Brink

Exhausted. RadHomo.
Joined
Feb 11, 2020
Messages
627
As a community, we need to come together and prevent the bad apples from doing any more harm.

I think as a start, we need to disband the partners' thread. I feel like a hypocrite because when I first joined, I used it, but I quickly came to regret it and see that I was very desperate and needy at the time.

Many members won't be able to leave that desperate place as quickly or if ever. There have been calls for this before, but it never goes anywhere. How can we as members go about changing this?
 
JustAMatterOfTime

JustAMatterOfTime

Fragile
Joined
Mar 21, 2021
Messages
750
Quite bizarre that this happened
 
x_LittleAmy_x

x_LittleAmy_x

-
Joined
Mar 18, 2021
Messages
198
Brink said:
As a community, we need to come together and prevent the bad apples from doing any more harm.

I think as a start, we need to disband the partners' thread. I feel like a hypocrite because when I first joined, I used it, but I quickly came to regret it and see that I was very desperate and needy at the time.

Many members won't be able to leave that desperate place as quickly or if ever. There have been calls for this before, but it never goes anywhere. How can we as members go about changing this?
If you want to change something about the forum I would think the best thing would be to tag an administrator and possibly start a new thread with a poll in order to establish the opinion of the wider membership.
 
Fragile

Fragile

Broken
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
1,271
This is one of the main issues with the internet. Anonymity can be liberating, protective, useful, but it can also be extremely dangerous if abused by the people who want to exploit others.

I'm not one to blame the victims, however, people should really, really get it into their heads that you can't trust everyone, or rather, anyone on the internet. Being naive is not a crime, but it's also not a virtue in these times, specially when talking about the stuff we talk about here. There's a very good reason why even outside of the internet most people tend to be wary of strangers.

There are many vulnerable people here and I'm very surprised that the partners megathread is still a thing. I personally avoid it like the plague specifically because these tragedies are so common on the internet, but still very rare in this place and many people have found comfort in a partner that they found there.

Also, I'm sure that the usual assholes will turn this tragedy into ammunition for their ridiculous agendas.
 
Brink

Brink

Exhausted. RadHomo.
Joined
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Messages
627
x_LittleAmy_x said:
If you want to change something about the forum I would think the best thing would be to tag an administrator and possibly start a new thread with a poll in order to establish the opinion of the wider membership.
 
UterEntonaur

UterEntonaur

Specialist
Joined
Aug 17, 2020
Messages
343
charlotte greentea said:
Even on dating apps I've met men that weren't safe to be around and followed me back to my house and worse.
Exactly! I've spoken to "women" on Tinder before, who didn't want to video call via WhatsApp, and just wanted me to come to their house/flat instead.

At the very least I would've got robbed of my phone/money/etc by whoever was actually there - sometimes those red flags and warning signs are obvious - sadly that's not always the case for others :notsure:
 
omoidarui

omoidarui

orangedarui
Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
880
The perpetrator is likely to be @demonanon, based on a post made earlier in this thread. If you search for posts made by him, you’ll see he never posted in the Partners Megathread, but instead operated in the shadows on new members’ profiles, inviting them to PM chat when they met the post criteria. The Partners Megathread itself didn’t facilitate these events.

Every platform has the potential for abuse (even Pokemon Go - and they’re not removing lure modules), and whilst I can understand the argument that people here are more susceptible, I fear that by removing the Partners topic we’re NOT fully mitigating this issue but are giving FT26 what they want by removing features of the site they find objectionable.
 
Uncle Donk

Uncle Donk

I tried. I really did.
Joined
Jan 3, 2020
Messages
1,051
Uncle Donk said:
I don't understand why people are so shocked when stuff like this happens. There are predators online trying to assault women and its been happening since the birth of internet. The guy was a piece of shit and should be punished but those women are partly to blame for being so Naive.

Sometimes the truth isn't pretty. I feel sorry for the victims in this incident and this shouldn't have happened. Like I said the guy should be bury to the ground for using this site as means to satisfy his hideous urges. By the same token, let's be smart about it. There are other ways to interact with a partner(s) such as using the forum, voice chat or videoconferencing via zoom. Also why not consider choosing a female as a partner? or even carry a weapon for self defense if a member insist on choosing a male counterpart. I think I worded incorrectly in my last post by using the word "blame" but let's be smart about it so this won't happen again.
 
MartyByrde

MartyByrde

Experienced
Joined
Mar 15, 2020
Messages
260
Uncle Donk said:
Sometimes the truth isn't pretty. I feel sorry for the victims in this incident and this shouldn't have happened. Like I said the guy should be bury to the ground for using this site as means to satisfy his hideous urges. By the same token, let's be smart about it. There are other ways to interact with a partner(s) such as using the forum, voice chat or videoconferencing via zoom. Also why not consider choosing a female as a partner? or even carry a weapon for self defense if a member insist on choosing a male counterpart. I think I worded incorrectly in my last post by using the word "blame" but let's be smart about it so this won't happen again.
Please stop victim blaming. These women suffered horribly. Nothing they did justifies their rape and attempted murder.

Who is to say they didn't take precautions? The guy still has an online presence that makes him look decent at a glance. His Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn accounts all make him look talented and successful.

Some predators are excellent at manipulating people. Many people on SS are particularly vulnerable. This man made SS his hunting ground.
 
throwaway2goawy

throwaway2goawy

Member
Joined
Mar 7, 2021
Messages
55
If someone gets robbed, it’s not the victims fault. It’s the robbers.
If someone gets murdered, it’s not the victims fault. It’s the murderers.
If someone gets raped, it’s not the victims fault. It’s the rapists.

Whatever the circumstances, it’s never the victims fault, so stop victim blaming.
 
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throwaway2goawy

throwaway2goawy

Member
Joined
Mar 7, 2021
Messages
55
Yeah, I’ve re-read it and realised I got the wrong end of the stick, sorry @Uncle Donk - will leave my post as it applies still anyway but edited.
 
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TotallyIsolated

Arcanist
Joined
Nov 25, 2019
Messages
456
This is horrible and inexcusable. Perhaps SS could do more to support forum members who are subject to harassment, and to discourage meeting other members IRL IDK...

I don't think @Uncle Donk meant to blame the victims, but I must say its refreshing to see that users here take an unambiguous stand against victim blaming.
 
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Brink

Brink

Exhausted. RadHomo.
Joined
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Messages
627
Life_and_Death said:
i dont think @Uncle Donk is victim blaming so much as saying that it could have been prevented and that the partners thread isnt to blame
TotallyIsolated said:
I don't think @Uncle Donk meant to blame the victims,
He literally did though?!
Uncle Donk said:
The guy was a piece of shit and should be punished but those women are partly to blame for being so Naive.
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Defective since birth
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Messages
4,305
Uncle Donk said:
I think I worded incorrectly in my last post
Brink said:
He literally did though?!
might i point out that he fixed it. people are humans and their thoughts dont always translate into words right. i hope you dont ever misword something
 
Uncle Donk

Uncle Donk

I tried. I really did.
Joined
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Messages
1,051
MartyByrde said:
Please stop victim blaming. These women suffered horribly. Nothing they did justifies their rape and attempted murder.

Who is to say they didn't take precautions? The guy still has an online presence that makes him look decent at a glance. His Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn accounts all make him look talented and successful.

Some predators are excellent at manipulating people. Many people on SS are particularly vulnerable. This man made SS his hunting ground.

Not once did I say those women deserved to be raped. Please don't put my words out of context. I have repeatedly stated the attacker should be blamed and punished for his actions. is it too much to ask members to be more cautious when choosing or meeting a partner IRL or virtually? Am I Victim blaming if I said someone with lung cancer should have quit smoking( assuming smoking was the cause of lung cancer)? How is this issue gonna be solved if we don't minimize the risk of sexual assault. sexual predators aren't gonna magically disappear, That's the scary truth. Let's be more pro-active and raise awareness on the danger of meeting a suicide partner. Especially when there are vulnerable individuals who are more easily manipulated to no fault of their own.
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Defective since birth
Joined
Jul 1, 2020
Messages
4,305
Brink said:
It doesn't matter if you replace the word 'blame' with a synonym; it means the same thing.
they didnt replace the word. im not going to argue with you about this. i feel like im bashing my head off a wall.
 
S

SoonWB

Specialist
Joined
Feb 23, 2020
Messages
362
"..and talked about ways he wanted to violate my body before and after he hanged me. He said he might keep me as a slave for a few days before he killed me."

Not enough red flags?! Why is she still meeting this guy?!
 
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