- Mar 18, 2018
The past few weeks, I've been feeling an intense impulse to just commit to my plan and end it within the next couple months. I have my method and everything needed to complete it. I have noted ready. I have the time. I don't know anymore. All I know is that the impulse just keeps rising and rising. Usually it goes away, but I am not so sure it will this time. The way life is spiraling downwards and out of control is really solidifying the fact that I don't want to make it to next year anymore. I've been thinking about going back to alcohol to see if I can hang on a little while longer, but then I think "what for?" The things that make make me happy are out of my reach and always have been. The feeling of being content lasts maybe an hour. I'm tired of experiencing crippling depression and hatreds towards myself. How much longer can this go on? I've been like this since grade school, and I'm reaching the end of my rope.