Jan 24, 2021
I posted before here how I relate strongly to that NIN song, “Every Day Is Exactly the Same”.

For the past 5 years, I have lived with my parents. My career is dead. My romantic/sex life, while it never existed, has certainly not gotten better.

At my boring-AF low wage job, I find myself listening to the dumb songs on the playlist despite my best efforts. There are two in particular that have stood out to me recently, and they have very similar themes.

One is a pop country song by Jewel called “Standing Still” that I don’t much like the sound of because I hate country music even if Jewel does a decent job on vocals. The other is “The Waiting Game” by Swing Out Girl which sounds like it should open Sailor Moon. Not sure why it sounds like anime, but oh well.

Both are about women who just can’t get the fuck over somebody, and boy can I relate.

Part of me still mourns my former life. I really thought I had something good going, but it was all an illusion. Sometimes we need that fantasy of progress.

I also still keep thinking about this girl who ditched me. I totally understand how people struggle to move on from relationships. I didn’t even date her, and she haunts me. I keep hoping she would stop by sometime just so I would have some closure, but she continues to be a coward, and I continue to be a fool who can’t stop standing still.