Meditation guide

Meditation guide

Desire=half of life. Indifference=half of death.
Jun 22, 2020
4,974
What a thorough and well documented experience you had with SN, just what was needed here.

Can you tell us your weight please?

You got some impressive medical treatment there. It's surprising that they saw your brown blood but still had no idea what you took, even though they gave the correct antidote.

It sounds like taking a much smaller dose than that which is recommended resulted in less unpleasantness. You are very brave and have done a service. Thank you.
 
at-sea

at-sea

Member
Oct 30, 2020
28
Thank you so much!!!

It was a really fun read (please don’t take it wrong), really interesting! I’m also a med student, so I enjoyed it thoroughly.

Maybe I’m crazy or just hyped from reading your story or just bored from life and craving some excitement, but I also want to do it!!
So much adrenaline!! Sounds so fun!! (Yep, definitely going mad)

What holds me down is knowing the bill will be huge :/
Don’t know how it is in your country, but in mine public healthcare is crap and private healthcare is a robbery.

Also, I wouldn’t know how to act. What history did you give? Abrupt respiratory failure while doing nothing?
Did they have any other theory rather than self poisoning?

Did any relatives or friends get suspicious that you asked for a voluntary leave?
I don’t think mine would allow it hahahaha they would argue that I’m depressed therefore not in my right mind
 
J

juraviel

PL
Aug 11, 2021
244
replace all this shit you're taking with jatrosom (maoi, rarely prescribed). 70-90% chance you'll be fixed just from that, trust me.

////
i have to read the rest of the topic when i have a moment but, your TEST was MINIMUM LETHAL dosage.. ok.. OK..

so you're med student. decided you want to live after all. you must have known methylene blue was the antidote this entire time (it's not like it's a secret). none of this makes any sense

and by the way. don't tell people to take 2g, or even 10g, because some people actually wanna be dead in max 20 minutes, not linger on for hours, suffer, and finally change their mind because of it. from your account it sounds like you really could care less in this entire process, before during and after, and it shows. but most people aren't like that. they wanna die asap from the moment of ingestion. you basically followed none of the protocol, for any one reading this and thinking sn is a bad method fyi.
 
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icetea15

icetea15

Member
Apr 12, 2020
41
Wow.

Is there any chance your medicine regimen boosted the effect of the SN such that less of it was needed for a lethal dose?
In my final report it says „maybe a selfpoisining with lidocaine“, a medicine which causes the same effect as SN - and there in the final report there is no comment about my previous medication. It maybe lorazepam which killed my panic but I really don’t know how SI and this kind of feeling really feels so I can’t give you a right answer to this.
can you explain the taste a bit if you don't mind? Does it taste really bitter like alprazolam or far worse?
The taste: I‘ve had a whole glass of cocacola with a really tiny amount of SN in it. The taste while drinking was just straight coke. The taste after the drink was horrible for a second. If you have any cleaning supplies at your home, go search for something which got bleach in it (like Clorox for example) the smell you‘re having in your nose is exactly the taste of SN.
Thanks for sharing. I’m unsure why you did this, were you planning on medical attention the whole time it was this SI? Either way this is useful info
Is was planning getting medical attention if my oxygen level falls below 85%. I didn’t plan to CTB that night, but my preparation were all done. Deep inside my wardrobe there are many letters addressed to all my friends, my boyfriend and my family. So I took the SN, got to the hospital and get all this treatment with the knowledge I might leave the hospital dead.
Very interesting story. Why do they have to use defibrillator?
I don‘t know how much knowledge you have about the anatomy of your heart but I try to explain it simple: Your heart got to „chambers“ in which in the left chamber your „bodyused“ blood fills up and goes right into your right chamber where your heart „shoots“ it’s up to your body again. In my case the link between those two chambers was plumped because of the thickness of the blood. My heart still got enough blood to shoot up, but my heartmuscle was going crazy. This is called „entricular fibrillation“. And of the ways to loosen the blockade between the two chambers and got your heartmuscle to a normal state again is shocking it once with a defribrillator.
replace all this shit you're taking with jatrosom (maoi, rarely prescribed). 70-90% chance you'll be fixed just from that, trust me.

////
i have to read the rest of the topic when i have a moment but, your TEST was MINIMUM LETHAL dosage.. ok.. OK..

so you're med student. decided you want to live after all. you must have known methylene blue was the antidote this entire time (it's not like it's a secret). none of this makes any sense

and by the way. don't tell people to take 2g, or even 10g, because some people actually wanna be dead in max 20 minutes, not linger on for hours, suffer, and finally change their mind because of it. from your account it sounds like you really could care less in this entire process, before during and after, and it shows. but most people aren't like that. they wanna die asap from the moment of ingestion. you basically followed none of the protocol, for any one reading this and thinking sn is a bad method fyi.
I don’t tell to people how many grams they should take. Iam just giving out informations and recommendations what happens if you take less than that. And in my personal recommendation I wouldn’t take so much because it’s to overkill and chances of failing is too high because of the sideeffects. Like I mentioned before in one of my post: You have the choice.
And thank you for the tip, I may discuss this medication with my therapist.

Thank you for posting also critical questions. I knew the antidot, but telling them would have raised the chance that they might suspect me.

And to make it clear: I didn’t follow any step in the protocol because I questioned the protocol itself. For me: It‘s just too much.
Thank you so much!!!

It was a really fun read (please don’t take it wrong), really interesting! I’m also a med student, so I enjoyed it thoroughly.

Maybe I’m crazy or just hyped from reading your story or just bored from life and craving some excitement, but I also want to do it!!
So much adrenaline!! Sounds so fun!! (Yep, definitely going mad)

What holds me down is knowing the bill will be huge :/
Don’t know how it is in your country, but in mine public healthcare is crap and private healthcare is a robbery.

Also, I wouldn’t know how to act. What history did you give? Abrupt respiratory failure while doing nothing?
Did they have any other theory rather than self poisoning?

Did any relatives or friends get suspicious that you asked for a voluntary leave?
I don’t think mine would allow it hahahaha they would argue that I’m depressed therefore not in my right mind
Iam sorry for you, but in Germany we don’t have such problems… I looked up at my account of my public healthcare organization (AOK) and the whole treatment cost me 7.535,51€. In Germany you only pay 10€/per day and max. 28/days per year (280€) if you’re stationary hospitalized. I only paid 20€ for the whole process, the rest of the 7k paid my healthcareinsurance. And we don’t have any rules in public healthcare where you have to pay more or less because of your conditions. Here it only depends on your salary. Since I‘m a student I pay maximum 110€/month.

My story; I acted like I have absolutely no clue what happened. And since the hospital don’t even knew that either, I‘ve got no problems with any suspecting. They had to write an cause to this and the whole final report is full of „maybe“, „could be“, „might be“, „not sure“ etc.
 
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J

juraviel

PL
Aug 11, 2021
244
I don’t tell to people how many grams they should take. Iam just giving out informations and recommendations what happens if you take less than that. And in my personal recommendation I wouldn’t take so much because it’s to overkill and chances of failing is too high because of the sideeffects. Like I mentioned before in one of my post: You have the choice.
And thank you for the tip, I may discuss this medication with my therapist.

Thank you for posting also critical questions. I knew the antidot, but telling them would have raised the chance that they might suspect me.

And to make it clear: I didn’t follow any step in the protocol because I questioned the protocol itself. For me: It‘s just too much.
there is no such thing as overkill when you're OVERdosing on something. it's been established - based on the best data we have so far - 25g, not more, not less, is the ideal amount for the reason that if you still puke after AEs, some is still going to stay in your stomach/blood stream.

i think you had some alibi being a med student, that you figured it out on your own. not that it could be sn because that's a bit too specific, and i guess it depends on how good of a liar you are. i suppose i have trouble grasping why it was preferable for you to keep the truth to yourself in that moment.

you didn't just change the dosage, but also the fact you ate, and drank a lot of liquid, all which slowed down absorption (and let's not forget 1/3 of the dosages for both meto and prop). i understand this was for you a 'whatever happens, happens' kind of spur of a moment thing. im being a little harsh just because we need proof this is the the best cheap and peaceful way or we need to find something else, there's people questioning this method here every day and what happened with you doesn't help with that. hope you understand where im coming from.

the med obviously you will want to discuss with your psychiatrist, not your therapist. do some research in regards to the mechanism of action, you should be able to understand it and why it can help you when other stuff failed. best luck to you.
 
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icetea15

icetea15

Member
Apr 12, 2020
41
What a thorough and well documented experience you had with SN, just what was needed here.

Can you tell us your weight please?

You got some impressive medical treatment there. It's surprising that they saw your brown blood but still had no idea what you took, even though they gave the correct antidote.

It sounds like taking a much smaller dose than that which is recommended resulted in less unpleasantness. You are very brave and have done a service. Thank you.
Thank you for your post! The brown blood: The first attempt they made was to „replace“ my blood with new one but in my case the „new blood“ just turned also brown over time. And my weight was at this time 74kg/174cm hight.
there is no such thing as overkill when you're OVERdosing on something. it's been established - based on the best data we have so far - 25g, not more, not less, is the ideal amount for the reason that if you still puke after AEs, some is still going to stay in your stomach/blood stream.

i think you had some alibi being a med student, that you figured it out on your own. not that it could be sn because that's a bit too specific, and i guess it depends on how good of a liar you are. i suppose i have trouble grasping why it was preferable for you to keep the truth to yourself in that moment.

you didn't just change the dosage, but also the fact you ate, and drank a lot of liquid, all which slowed down absorption (and let's not forget 1/3 of the dosages for both meto and prop). i understand this was for you a 'whatever happens, happens' kind of spur of a moment thing. im being a little harsh just because we need proof this is the the best cheap and peaceful way or we need to find something else, there's people questioning this method here every day and what happened with you doesn't help with that. hope you understand where im coming from.

the med obviously you will want to discuss with your psychiatrist, not your therapist. do some research in regards to the mechanism of action, you should be able to understand it and why it can help you when other stuff failed. best luck to you.
Thank you for your critical point of view. I‘m just telling you: If I haven’t got to the hospital, I had just died in my sleep. The absorbation was pretty fast; I just didn’t died so fast because the meds in the hospital gave me so much oxygen so the falling oxygen level could be slowed down. Without any extraordinary oxygen I would have lost consciousness after a specific oxygen level. What I‘m saying: The official, well known, lethal dose is exactly 2g. 2g itself is overdose. Yes, you can take more, of course. But in my opinion no matter how you take it, if the SN is right, it’s going to kill you. And in my case there is a typical german saying: „Weniger ist manchmal mehr“ which is roughly translated to: less is sometimes more.
 
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Whale_bones

Whale_bones

Student
Feb 11, 2020
105
I want to point out that OP consistently takes a major mix of benzodiazepines; 3 different kinds at once. All benzos increase the risk of breathing problems, especially when combined with another benzo, and even more so when combined again with something else that causes sedation or issues with oxygen. Triazolam especially is a serious medication, it can cause short-term amnesia by itself, nevermind when combined with other things.

OP may have varying levels of tolerance to these meds, depending on how long he’s been taking them, but his sensations of feeling totally calm and indifferent during the entire process of taking SN and getting intensive care treatment should *not* be taken as anywhere near what’s expected for the average person. There’s a lot of potential for those benzos specifically to interact with SN, and his experience after only taking 2g may well be a result of those interactions.

@icetea15 I appreciate you taking the time to write this up so we have this information, but in my opinion no one should disregard the protocol for this experience. We have a lot of written evidence of the protocol’s effectiveness, while the average person who isn’t taking the same mix of medications as you are can’t count on getting the same reaction from only 2g.
 
BottomlessPit

BottomlessPit

Staring at the edge
Apr 28, 2021
430
I'm afraid I don't have anything of substance to add, but I just want to thank you for taking the time to write all this up, and answering questions so thoroughly. This whole report is incredibly helpful. In my opinion, the fact that you totally ignored the protocol and yet still had these results, is perfect proof of the efficacy of this method. It's relieving to know.
 
icetea15

icetea15

Member
Apr 12, 2020
41
I want to point out that OP consistently takes a major mix of benzodiazepines; 3 different kinds at once. All benzos increase the risk of breathing problems, especially when combined with another benzo, and even more so when combined again with something else that causes sedation or issues with oxygen. Triazolam especially is a serious medication, it can cause short-term amnesia by itself, nevermind when combined with other things.

OP may have varying levels of tolerance to these meds, depending on how long he’s been taking them, but his sensations of feeling totally calm and indifferent during the entire process of taking SN and getting intensive care treatment should *not* be taken as anywhere near what’s expected for the average person. There’s a lot of potential for those benzos specifically to interact with SN, and his experience after only taking 2g may well be a result of those interactions.

@icetea15 I appreciate you taking the time to write this up so we have this information, but in my opinion no one should disregard the protocol for this experience. We have a lot of written evidence of the protocol’s effectiveness, while the average person who isn’t taking the same mix of medications as you are can’t count on getting the same reaction from only 2g.
Thank you for your long and detailed post with a critical point of view. I can‘t be sure if any of my previous medications, especially the benzodiazepines, have anything to do with this whole procedere.
But I can give you some side notes:
Lorazepam: In use since 6 years
Diazepam: In use since 7 years
Triazolam: In use since 4 years. No short-term memory effects, the effect of Triazolam holds about 5h max. as you can research.
I know after many, many blood tests that diazepam and lorazepam are always in my body. So I cannot exclude any reactions with SN. But for Triazolam I can calm you/everyone: Triazolam, a very aggressive benzodiazepine, is not included in any reaction.

About breathing problems: I had no breathing problem at all. Like I mentioned in my story I just got a tube around my nose because they knew something in my body causes the lack of oxygen. My breath/perminute rate and the general condition of my „way to breathe“ was for me, and for the doctors totally normal. Even in the intensive care unit I could breathe normally with a little help of a ventilator. A full „ventilator based“ breathing was not a topic because it may cause panic with the patient because he/she has no control of his airflow even through he is at consciousness. In a short text: I had never any feeling of breathing problems.
Thank you for your long and detailed post with a critical point of view. I can‘t be sure if any of my previous medications, especially the benzodiazepines, have anything to do with this whole procedere.
But I can give you some side notes:
Lorazepam: In use since 6 years
Diazepam: In use since 7 years
Triazolam: In use since 4 years. No short-term memory effects, the effect of Triazolam holds about 5h max. as you can research.
I know after many, many blood tests that diazepam and lorazepam are always in my body. So I cannot exclude any reactions with SN. But for Triazolam I can calm you/everyone: Triazolam, a very aggressive benzodiazepine, is not included in any reaction.

About breathing problems: I had no breathing problem at all. Like I mentioned in my story I just got a tube around my nose because they knew something in my body causes the lack of oxygen. My breath/perminute rate and the general condition of my „way to breathe“ was for me, and for the doctors totally normal. Even in the intensive care unit I could breathe normally with a little help of a ventilator. A full „ventilator based“ breathing was not a topic because it may cause panic with the patient because he/she has no control of his airflow even through he is at consciousness. In a short text: I had never any feeling of breathing problems.
EDIT: The protocol. I don’t know, and I can’t really understand how someone came to the conclusion that 25g is the perfect amount. From my medical point of view, it’s just increasing the chances of failing because of an overreaction of your body which leads to strong nausea and vomiting. The officially, scientifically discovered lethal dose is 2g. I don’t attack the protocol for itself, that’s not my intention. I just questioned the protocol itself. A quiet good example: The decreasing of propranolol. I do have the PPill and in an version it says 2g, now it’s 800mg. 2g itself lead, according to many reports (I discussed that in on of my previous threahds), can cause death.

I think also one of the reasons why I criticize the protocol: For my opinion it‘s excluding too many people out and creates a hemisphere of anxiety if you don’t correctly follow the protocol.

Little, maybe dumb example: Why should you drink 15L water in once to CTB if 9L is enough?
 
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H

heavyglow

Member
Dec 14, 2019
25
At this point I think what you did is just wrong. I mean I get the idea of ending life and even get the idea of trying SN without actually wanting to die. But get admitted to ER exactly knowing what is happening because you did poison yourself on purpose and let all the people work on you, being a med student yourself? Are you out of your mind? I mean do your shit but leave other people alone with that. And as a med student you should know that the left ventricle doesnt pump your blood in the right one, I mean what the fuck?

its truly disgusting especially taking pictures of your sick adventure
 
3

3691215

Member
Aug 31, 2021
77
there is no such thing as overkill when you're OVERdosing on something. it's been established - based on the best data we have so far - 25g, not more, not less, is the ideal amount for the reason that if you still puke after AEs, some is still going to stay in your stomach/blood stream.

i think you had some alibi being a med student, that you figured it out on your own. not that it could be sn because that's a bit too specific, and i guess it depends on how good of a liar you are. i suppose i have trouble grasping why it was preferable for you to keep the truth to yourself in that moment.

you didn't just change the dosage, but also the fact you ate, and drank a lot of liquid, all which slowed down absorption (and let's not forget 1/3 of the dosages for both meto and prop). i understand this was for you a 'whatever happens, happens' kind of spur of a moment thing. im being a little harsh just because we need proof this is the the best cheap and peaceful way or we need to find something else, there's people questioning this method here every day and what happened with you doesn't help with that. hope you understand where im coming from.

the med obviously you will want to discuss with your psychiatrist, not your therapist. do some research in regards to the mechanism of action, you should be able to understand it and why it can help you when other stuff failed. best luck to

At this point I think what you did is just wrong. I mean I get the idea of ending life and even get the idea of trying SN without actually wanting to die. But get admitted to ER exactly knowing what is happening because you did poison yourself on purpose and let all the people work on you, being a med student yourself? Are you out of your mind? I mean do your shit but leave other people alone with that. And as a med student you should know that the left ventricle doesnt pump your blood in the right one, I mean what the fuck?

its truly disgusting especially taking pictures of your sick adventure
Who are you??? Mind your own business
 
icetea15

icetea15

Member
Apr 12, 2020
41
At this point I think what you did is just wrong. I mean I get the idea of ending life and even get the idea of trying SN without actually wanting to die. But get admitted to ER exactly knowing what is happening because you did poison yourself on purpose and let all the people work on you, being a med student yourself? Are you out of your mind? I mean do your shit but leave other people alone with that. And as a med student you should know that the left ventricle doesnt pump your blood in the right one, I mean what the fuck?

its truly disgusting especially taking pictures of your sick adventure
Thank you for your post. I don’t share your point of view, those people were well paid for this service and I was the only one in the intensive care unit. The doctors even mentioned that it was a quiet good adventure because they have never seen such a reaction. I respect your opinion but I do not share it.

And because of the heart: I mentioned in my answer I‘m trying to absolutely explain the situation without any medical term. I’m sorry for not clearly mentioning I do not mean the left heart chamber but from the right „Vorhof“ into the right „Herzkammer“, I think the typical user without any understanding in anatomy could possible understand what I was saying.

And please: Pay more attention to your words. I couldn’t care less about your opinion, but I‘m sure there are many people outside who are way more sensitive than me. Keep that in mind.
 
yellothere

yellothere

I don’t want to die... I just want to go back
Aug 12, 2021
105
From 21:15 to 00:10 or something like that it took 3 hours for the effects to reach a critical level??? That is a long time.
It seems like a terrible drawn out death. Was it because you only took 2mg? Do you think a higher dose, maybe 20mg would have reached the critical level sooner? And I would not want it to take more than 10 minutes to knock me out.
I would prefer it to take around that time and to be drowsy before. I just don’t know what I would take to knock me out.

I still don’t know why you took it if you weren’t ready to ctb. You were aware it was not the correct amount?
 
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icetea15

icetea15

Member
Apr 12, 2020
41
From 21:15 to 00:10 or something like that it took 3 hours for the effects to reach a critical level??? That is a long time.
it seems like a terrible drawn out death.
It took only one hour to reach a critical level (<85%). The hospitalization slowed down the whole process but couldn’t end it. Like I mentioned in my story, I was given mainly pure oxygen in order to slow down the decrease. Without any medical help my oxygen level would have decreased immediately like before. One hour passed before it became critical, with just 2g.
 
mentalhealthfighter

mentalhealthfighter

Born in sin
Jun 15, 2021
235
if I take 1 spoon of SN with a glass of water, will it kill me? How long will it take for me to pass out and how long to die? I dont have the equipment to measure everything so I wonder if I can Just do it that way
 
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icetea15

icetea15

Member
Apr 12, 2020
41
if I take 1 spoon of SN with a glass of water, will it kill me? How long will it take for me to pass out and how long to die? I dont have the equipment to measure everything so I wonder if I can Just do it that way
Just to make it clear: If you just take one spoon of SN without anything the chances are very high you could end up underground. Do not take any samples of SN without the intention to CTB.
For me it was a test with the background information that it could end lethal. And the result of 2g is and was for me: You can pass away.

Keep in mind; Every body is different. In my case, and from the perspective of the doctors afterwards, if I hadn’t gone to hospital, the doctors said a) I would have passed out because of lack of oxygen and died not be aware of it or b) I would go normally to sleep and never woke up again.
 
SentientCreature

SentientCreature

Member
Mar 16, 2021
94
What's the role of propranolol here? I took it with the intention of slowing down my heart rate because I thought it would help with anxiety(although I also took lorazepam so perhaps that wasn't really a good justification), but the reports from the hospital said something like - "a combination of sodium nitrite and propranolol led to hypotension and respiratory arrest", if I remember correctly, but I should look at the reports again. So the doctors seemed to think that it played an important role and I'm just wondering what your reasoning was for taking it.

Edit: Oh wait, nvm, you didn't actually take it, it's just part of your therapy.
 
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K

Kaisler

Am I good enough ?
Sep 19, 2021
51
Wow, this is very interesting, did you feel your stomach grumbling after you took the SN ? Also did your feel any burning sensation in your throat ? And one other irrelevant question, is it safe to use metal tools when dealing with sn ?
 
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icetea15

icetea15

Member
Apr 12, 2020
41
What's the role of propranolol here? I took it with the intention of slowing down my heart rate because I thought it would help with anxiety(although I also took lorazepam so perhaps that wasn't really a good justification), but the reports from the hospital said something like - "a combination of sodium nitrite and propranolol led to hypotension and respiratory arrest", if I remember correctly, but I should look at the reports again. So the doctors seemed to think that it played an important role and I'm just wondering what your reasoning was for taking it.

Edit: Oh wait, nvm, you didn't actually take it, it's just part of your therapy.
As you mentioned it, I do take propranolol for my tremor in my general therapy.
Wow, this is very interesting, did you feel your stomach grumbling after you took the SN ? Also did your feel any burning sensation in your throat ? And one other irrelevant question, is it safe to use metal tools when dealing with sn ?
I felt my stomach grumbling and also heard it for about 30min and there was no burner after all or any kind of strange or burning sensation in my throat. And what exactly do you mean by metal tools? I took the SN with a metal spoon and weighted it on my micro scale which has a metal layer.
 
LADY007

LADY007

Student
Feb 25, 2020
111
Hello guys and girls,

First of all: I apologize for any spelling or grammatical errors, I'm from Germany/Austria and unfortunately I'm not a native speaker.
I don’t know why it took me so long so tell you my story but today I decided to do exactly that: My story of what happens when you try SN.

WARNING: NSFW, graphical image of my face, wrist and arm.

My actual medication is:
2.5mg lorazepam
150mg venlafaxine
200mg modafinil
0,25mg triazolam
10mg diazepam
10mg metoclopramid
45mg mirtazpine
80mg propranolol

(Yes, you read that right. I take a lot, severe depression for 10 years and chronic suicidality…)
It was a thursday evening. I've had my SN for almost a year. I did a blood test long time ago (which was successful) but that evening I thought to myself that I would like to test it myself. No matter how it ends. I weighed the SN exactly. 2g. The minimum "lethal" dose.


I try to make it clear on a timeline.

09:00:

I swallowed lorazepam, modafinil and venlafaxine in the morning. The night before (about 11pm) the rest of the medication.

13:00:
My first meal, cereal with milk, not much but I rarely have breakfast.

19:00:
We had homemade schnitzel with fries, lots of ketchup and coke.

21:00:
I didn't take any other medication 12 hours before. I started taking SN.
I mixed exactly 2g of SN with exactly 250ml of coke. I know it's totally out of the typical schedule (Stan Plan), but like I mentioned earlier, I wasn't really planning to die, even though I have all the medication I need.
I’m a med student and messed my oxygen level about the whole process using a pulse oximeter. The taste was 100% coke. The aftertaste: horrible, like bleach. But the taste could quickly be washed away by more coke.
View attachment 75573

21:15:
Oxygen level: 95%
Heartrate: 81/bpm

21:30:
Oxygen level: 93%
Heartrate: 99/bpm

21:45:
Oxygen level: 90%
Heartrate: 110/bpm
View attachment 75566

22:00:
Oxygen level: 88%
Heartrate: 132/bpm
View attachment 75563

22:15:
Oxygen level: 83%
Heartrate: 154/bpm
When my oxygen level fell below (critical) 85, I decided to smoke a cigarette and then asked my brother if he could drive me to the hospital. My lips were very bluish and my skin was getting lighter and lighter. I just told my brother that I was getting real sick.

22:35-00:10:
We got to the hospital, we went to the emergency room, and I was immediately greeted by two nurses. I had to completely undress, had electrodes taped to my chest and an oxygen tube around my nose. I was asked if I had taken anything (obviously: my arm and my body are full of scars), I said no. During the interrogation they repeatedly took small samples of my blood and tested it for all kinds of drugs. They didn't find anything. Funny though, they had to use a very wide needle to access the blood from the vein, because my blood was brown and very thick at the time. The doctor said: "That looks exactly like mud“.

I'm sure you're wondering how I felt meanwhile: Amazingly good. Although my heart rate was consistently over 150, I didn't feel any of this. I was just tired. I even threw up twice but without feeling nauseous.
View attachment 75564

00:10:
I had no overview of my exact oxygen level, I just knew that my heart was beating very fast. Over the time I was given more and more oxygen through the tube, and later I had a mask on. The doctors just told me that although the oxygen level was still falling, they could/had slow it down. At 00:10 everything changed: The monitor behind sent a loud alarm. Two doctors came immediately with an emergency kit and an oxygen tank. I was pushed down the hallways of the hospital with two nurses as if there was a race. I was told on the way that my oxygen level had dropped rapidly to below 65% in a matter of time and that I had to go to the intensive care unit immediately.

Once there, the same procedure began as at the beginning. With the exception that this time a ventilator "helped" me breathing like semi-automatically, and that I was now given an arterial access on my right wrist.

00:30-02:30:
The following 2 hours consist of a mix of my memories and the doctor's stories afterwards. I try to explain it as unmedically as possible.
I was fine, I would even say very well. However, I lost consciousness a total of 6 times over time. It always felt like I just fell asleep for a moment. Only afterwards they told me that every time „I was asleep“, my left ventricle was unable to flow enough blood into the right ventricle due to the thickness of the blood. This irritated my heart muscle and led to "ventricular fibrillation" (according to Google, this is the english translation of „Kammerflimmern“, a word that every German speaker knows). After the first time, more electrodes were stuck to my chest that can deliver a shock with the push of a button. Yep, they had to use a defibrillator. And another five times after that thought the button. During this whole process, the doctors were connected to the German Poison Center (Giftzentrale) at all times. After several blood conserves (they sucked my blood out of my body and added new one at the same time, like a dialysis but with new blood) and anitdots, I was given exactly the medication: methylene blue. My oxygen levels rose to 97% in about 10 minutes. It was over. The doctors and nurses were finally relieved, full of sweat. Only then everything I write here was fully explained to me.
View attachment 75567

02:30-04:30:
Despite the fact that I kept requested the nurses to inform my brother what was/is happening, my brother was only afterwards informed that I survived it. They didn't want to let him know until I survived or died. 2 more hours passed in which my values were observed. At half past four I decided to leave the hospital voluntarily. I knew that nothing more would happen now and had to sign two contracts that I am at my own risk and that the doctors do not recommend it.
View attachment 75568View attachment 75569
That's me afterwards.

Now I sit here and write down my experiences with the hope that it will eventually help somebody. I can't guarantee it 100% though but: there are NO after-effects. I went to check-ups several times in the same week and no heart defects were found. I feel the same way as before. Still severely depressed, but physically healthy. The only physical after-effect I got and are now gone:
View attachment 75572

Thank you very much if you've read it up to here, I hope my english wasn't toooo bad. I am happy to answer any questions or anything else, and if there are any doubts, I am ready to give the handwritten final report from the hospital to a moderator so that you can be sure that this is not a made-up story. And sorry for the title... I deal depression with humour and everybody who knows the real title of the netflix movie: It was a fcking good movie.


Cheers
Thanks so much for explaining your experience. I am sure many members including myself appreciate the info immensely. I hope you have no lasting problems from it and I believe you will of inspired others to post their experiences. The more information.. the better.
 
D

Despairing

Student
Oct 25, 2019
136
Hello, if you wanted to live the methlyne blue is what saved you. I attempted with sn and I thought I was dying in the ICU and the doctor told me the methlynne blue is what is saving me.
However I told the ambulance I had taken sn they didn't even know what it was and thought it was a plant fertilizer. They had to phone poison helpline. If they had not used methlynne blue on you you would have passed away. Best regards to you.
Yes, they tested me on literally anything. Like I mentioned in my story the doctors took dozends of small samples of my blood. They even examined my vomit but couldn't find any "atypical" substance. Apparently, the SN was completely absorbed. In the final report it says "maybe a self-poisoning with lidocaine".

Thank you for your post! The brown blood: The first attempt they made was to „replace“ my blood with new one but in my case the „new blood“ just turned also brown over time. And my weight was at this time 74kg/174cm hight.

Thank you for your critical point of view. I‘m just telling you: If I haven’t got to the hospital, I had just died in my sleep. The absorbation was pretty fast; I just didn’t died so fast because the meds in the hospital gave me so much oxygen so the falling oxygen level could be slowed down. Without any extraordinary oxygen I would have lost consciousness after a specific oxygen level. What I‘m saying: The official, well known, lethal dose is exactly 2g. 2g itself is overdose. Yes, you can take more, of course. But in my opinion no matter how you take it, if the SN is right, it’s going to kill you. And in my case there is a typical german saying: „Weniger ist manchmal mehr“ which is roughly translated to: less is sometimes more.
 
icetea15

icetea15

Member
Apr 12, 2020
41
Hello, if you wanted to live the methlyne blue is what saved you. I attempted with sn and I thought I was dying in the ICU and the doctor told me the methlynne blue is what is saving me.
However I told the ambulance I had taken sn they didn't even know what it was and thought it was a plant fertilizer. They had to phone poison helpline. If they had not used methlynne blue on you you would have passed away. Best regards to you.
Thank you for your post! I already knew before methylene blue is the andidot because of many threads in this forum. I just told nobody about it because it could have broke my whole story which leads to a detention into a psych ward.
where did you get that the lethal dose is 2g?
They maybe some changes, but at this time the official lethal dose was 2g which was a mix of reports and laboratary examinations after failed attempts. And the early studies about SN Australia where they‘re were using SN to kill pigs.
Thanks so much for explaining your experience. I am sure many members including myself appreciate the info immensely. I hope you have no lasting problems from it and I believe you will of inspired others to post their experiences. The more information.. the better.
Thank you so much for your nice words! <3
Hey icetea15. I've seen people got really mad at you. Lol. I know it's a little bit off topic but may I know why you would like to ctb?
Yeah, if you could see my PM‘s… But I reported some because I think with their attitude, they don‘t really fit in this forum. The question why I want to CTB is a simple question with an extremly long answer, I try to explain in in keywords:

- PTSD: war refugee as a child (NATO strikes Jugoslavia (Kosovo)
- violent parents
- I was unwanted
- high expectations set for me
- I hate myself
- the lack of feeling love (for my parents, brother, sister, ex-girlfriend, boyfriend, friends etc.)
- my general philosophical view of the world which makes no sense for me
Thanks so much for explaining your experience. I am sure many members including myself appreciate the info immensely. I hope you have no lasting problems from it and I believe you will of inspired others to post their experiences. The more information.. the better.
I have no lasting problems. I got a total of 7 checkups afterwards. My heart muscle was the main organ they tried to investigate. But just 10-20 minutes after giving me methylene blue: I had no aftereffects at all. Since today.
 
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