• Welcome! SanctionedSuicide is a forum for the discussion of mental illness and suicide. Please read our rules and our Principles.
    If you are in need of immediate support, please call the Samaritans hotline at (877) 870-4673, or check our recovery resources.

Niko

Niko

Student
Oct 4, 2018
112
What are things you guys would do around your final days alive if or when you decide to ctb?

I mean there is something very liberating about the idea that if you're going to turn it all off anyway soon then why not do the things you've been holding in the far corners of your mind forever?

What could you do if you truly, finally, had nothing to lose?

Here's a little for instance: i was following a pretty strict no-carb diet for a year almost and i've just thrown that the fuck out recently. I've been on a tear just vacuuming anything sugary i see into my mouth. it's been fun, but it also makes me feel little gross. I'm just wondering what are some really crazy shit i could get myself into.

I remember a few years ago, when i was in a similarly incredibly low place like i'm in now, I started breaking into houses. Not to steal anything, believe it or not, but simply because my life felt like it had fallen apart and I couldn't care less anymore. It was a thrilling experience but i stopped when i started feeling better and i had to start caring about shit again.

There is something fucking beautiful and almost powerful actually about the unburdened freedom you receive when you're at your lowest and when you feel like reality itself has already been broken.

if you're already at the point of suicide, what in the fuck else do you have to lose??
 
J

Jaded

Student
Sep 8, 2018
112
I remember a few years ago, when i was in a similarly incredibly low place like i'm in now, I started breaking into houses. Not to steal anything, believe it or not, but simply because my life felt like it had fallen apart and I couldn't care less anymore. It was a thrilling experience but i stopped when i started feeling better and i had to start caring about shit again.

You just broke in for the thrill and never got caught? Any close calls ?
I wouldn't mind seeking revenge or carrying out some retribution but I'm not that type of person.
 
Last edited:
Niko

Niko

Student
Oct 4, 2018
112
Yeah I guess I broke in for the thrill of it. I had entered a period of life where everything felt completely meaningless including the barriers that were set up around me. I should mention that this was in college and pretty much all these houses were frat houses, not like houses with little old ladies or something lol.

I was drinking a lot and carefree and careless. life felt like when you're in a video game but you've completely disregarded the 'mission' you were supposed to be on and instead you're just exploring the synthetic world constructed around you.
 
Going Home

Going Home

Specialist
Sep 21, 2018
357
There is a certain amount of freedom in knowing I'm going to, "turn it all off soon".
I could get revenge on the people who harassed me into this position especially a demented mathematician with too much authority named Joe.

After the last two years of being harrassed and having my mental state played with I'm ready to go.
 
Niko

Niko

Student
Oct 4, 2018
112
There is a certain amount of freedom in knowing I'm going to, "turn it all off soon".
I could get revenge on the people who harassed me into this position especially a demented mathematician with too much authority named Joe.

After the last two years of being harrassed and having my mental state played with I'm ready to go.

i'm not sure revenge is always the best of ideas, although i don't know your situation or what you had in mind. the demented mathematician sounds like a really interesting story, do you think you can tell us more?