• Welcome! SanctionedSuicide is a forum for the discussion of mental illness and suicide. Please read our rules and our Principles.
    If you are in need of immediate support, please call the Samaritans hotline at (877) 870-4673, or check our recovery resources.

NormaJeane

NormaJeane

Member
Mar 24, 2021
599
What keeps you alive? There are so many people on Sanctioned Suicide who want to die, but are still alive. Why are you alive when you want to die? Humans have fear of death. Death is something scary. Life is the only thing we know anything about, we know nothing about death. In the same way as the clock is ticking forward, we are programmed to live. None of us would have had problems with death and suicide if we would have lived 200 years ago - at that time we would have had the opposite problem because people lived short, hard and poor lives. Most people in the society of today see nothing of human death. But if there were dead people almost everywhere in the cities and people committed suicide in front of you, would it not be easier to die?

I believe that a successful suicide requires:
- find the courage to die
- overcome the survival instinct
- a suicide method that works
- find trust in that method
- find a place to die
- a brave and determined act
- feel so bad that it is impossible to live

People are very different, some are braver than others. Are you tormented by physical or psychological pain? Sadness and sorrow usually disappear with time, but chronic physical pain, disability, broken teeth or toothlessness and age-related ailments can be worse.

I believe that none of us would be here on Sanctioned Suicide if we were tormented so much that it is impossible to live because then we would not be able to sit in front of a computer and write. The bravest people with the worst pain are already dead or so they have tried to kill themselves. But it is terrible that not everyone can get euthanasia - all people deserve a peaceful death.



What keeps you alive.png
 
Last edited:
LeavingForever

LeavingForever

-
Sep 24, 2020
7,563
I am still here because of the lack of peaceful and reliable way to exit and the fear of failure. Suicide is very difficult and if it was easier to leave, I would already be gone. I hope to fall asleep and never wake, as then I would not have to go through the ctb process. I wish I was never born in the first place as then I would not have to deal with this life. Life is just pointless suffering and I am tired of living. I believe that I will only be able to leave this world when I get completely desperate.
 
blueclover_.

blueclover_.

Better Never to Have Been: 2006, David Benatar
Oct 11, 2021
640
We are not a death cult. There doesnt have to be reasons why we are still alive.
I think it's just OP's personal view on the general morale of this forum, I don't believe that they think those listed reasons apply to everyone as we all know that people came to here from different backgrounds.
 
Mr2005

Mr2005

Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
Sep 25, 2018
3,376
Sitting in front of a computer and writing is actually my ultimate torment. It's why it's impossible to live because it's how the world operates now. I'm doing it at a time it's completely useless instead of dying. There are two reasons to fear death, what lies beyond and the process itself. More than anything though it's the thought of giving up the things I do actually like. I don't think being surrounded by death would make it any easier to do yourself other than making you want to be here even less. I suppose I'm trying to hang on, I don't really know why. Nothing really makes up for knowing my lifes over already. I also feel like maybe I can help someone else then there's a point to still being on this forum.
 
freemindnsoul

freemindnsoul

Wizard
Sep 29, 2021
649
- I am lazy and didn't finish working on my ctb plan and to do list
- I didn't finish training on my method
- I didn't finish ordering all supplies needed for my method
- I don't know where to ctb
- most important reason: I don't have the strength to rehome my dog
 
N

Nightmare Painting

Member
Dec 16, 2021
41
My main issue right now is not having a safe place where I have personal time and where I can be 100% certain I won't be found. I have absolutely zero reason to stay now so I don't believe that survival instinct will stop me again.

I also don't agree with your post that the people with the most pain are already gone.
 
Xeroornothing

Xeroornothing

Global Mod “Ye shall be as gods..🐍🍎”
Jun 22, 2021
2,091
there is nothing wrong with the post. It is a valid question. The OP didn't gaslight anyone or dismiss their pain
If you see it that way you are entitled to your opinion
 
Moomin17

Moomin17

Member
Jan 14, 2022
26
Anyone here don't want their body to be found or touched when they are gone? I feel so irritated with the idea of someone touching my dead body, washing it etc (I come from a Muslim family, so that's what will happen) it's chilling for me. ruining the feel of bodily authority, even if I am not there anymore. I know it's kind of weird, but I can't be alone I guess?

that's why if I would ever do something like that, (maybe in 15 years when I will be in early 40s) I would prolly prefer to jump from somewhere in the wild, where no one can find me and I will be consumed by nature with dignity.
 
Somber

Somber

Student
Jan 6, 2022
192
All these years I've mostly been kept alive by hope that I might find a different solution than suicide. I can live out entire fictional lives in my mind that can obscure reality to the point that it can almost seem doable to go on for one more day, one more month, one more year, but one can't stay in wonderland forever and mere existence alone eventually feels trivial or even pointless.

Going to bed each night in hopes of not waking up in the morning is a blessing only the elderly can hope for so looking for the next best thing brought me to this forum that came higly recommended by the NYT. It's all in the silver lining, y'all.
 
Noctis

Noctis

I wish I'd done it years ago
Dec 15, 2021
221
The only reason I'm still here is I continually ran under the false pretense that things would get better. I always told myself that things will be better when...

They did not get better. But now I have people who care about me and rely on me. My death would hurt them, and I can't bring myself to do it. But that just means I'm suffering to keep my loved ones from suffering, and it's creating resentment.

I don't know how much longer I can keep going. I've run out of things to look forward to in life. The only thing that awaits me is slowly getting older, weaker, sicker, and less capable.
 
Moomin17

Moomin17

Member
Jan 14, 2022
26
They did not get better. But now I have people who care about me and rely on me. My death would hurt them, and I can't bring myself to do it. But that just means I'm suffering to keep my loved ones from suffering, and it's creating resentment.
Are you talking about a family you created? Like a wife and kids? If it's not a private q of course.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Noctis
KadathianStr1d3r

KadathianStr1d3r

Shattered Mannequin
Nov 21, 2018
239
What keeps you alive? There are so many people on Sanctioned Suicide who want to die, but are still alive. Why are you alive when you want to die? Humans have fear of death. Death is something scary. Life is the only thing we know anything about, we know nothing about death. In the same way that the clock is ticking forward, we are programmed to live. None of us would have had problems with death and suicide if we would have lived 200 years ago - at that time we would have had the opposite problem because people lived short, hard and poor lives. Most people in the society of today see nothing of human death. But if there were dead people almost everywhere in the cities and people committed suicide in front of you, would it not be easier to die?

I believe that a successful suicide requires:
- find the courage to die
- overcome the survival instinct
- a suicide method that works
- find trust in that method
- find a place to die
- a brave and determined act
- feel so bad that it is impossible to live

People are very different, some are braver than others. Are you tormented by physical or psychological pain? Sadness and sorrow usually disappear with time, but chronic physical pain, disability, broken teeth or toothlessness and age-related ailments can be worse. I believe that none of us would be here on Sanctioned Suicide if we were tormented so much that it is impossible to live because then we would not be able to sit in front of a computer and write. The bravest people with the worst pain are already dead or they have tried to kill themselves. But it is terrible that not everyone can get euthanasia.



View attachment 83786
I'm alive because of I have a deal with God or whatever sick cosmic entity I just prayed to before trying to take my own life. I promised to stay alive because of things that cannot be said I had with the deity in question. I'm still suicidal mind you, it's just that the universe decided to show it's cosmic dusted face into my miniscule life. God, the urge to kill myself is great but so is the urge to watch porn! I have too many deals with deities that cannot be named so I'm pretty much living under a strict eye right now! Wish me luck and good fortune in the near to far future friend!
 
Noctis

Noctis

I wish I'd done it years ago
Dec 15, 2021
221
Are you talking about a family you created? Like a wife and kids? If it's not a private q of course.
A wife, yeah. And two dogs. I've gotten close to killing myself once since getting the dogs, but the thought of them waiting at the door for me forever like Fry's dog in Futurama was too much and I suddenly lost all motivation.
 
M

markimobzzdeasui

Member
Oct 24, 2021
45
I don't really believe it is true about that bravest part! Bravery or cowardnes don't apply to death as it is not a part of life or just another big decision. It is complete opposite of life and existence and hence scares every person from every era alike. Philosopers,great people and almost people from every branch of science or whatever, have always been afraid of death or non existence as we know. Just like us who are here on this forum and are open minded about suicide and its right and feel relatively less afraid and judgemental talking about this option than those who are severely brainwashed by their culture,religion,society,hyporcrisy and narcissism against Suicide.

Speaking from my personal experience and after observing people' struggles here, I can say that some of us have already reached the level of pain and suffering that would eliminate the possibility of living a life or have any hope but are still struggling with this option not because of bravery or fear in general.

When you know that this is it, that you will be forever gone from the time and space fabric, there is very little room left for feeling brave about this option. I believe it is not even rationally possible. It only happens when you are somewhat certain about atleast some part of your existence and its continuity as we know now while living! Also many only ends their life when their pain becomes too conscious to bear. Like when the life conditions or people around make it impossible for you to not experience that pain daily. Otherwise we just exist in a limbo kind of state for quite some time with sometimes feeling that suffering while other times not! Sorry for rambling too much.
 
Moomin17

Moomin17

Member
Jan 14, 2022
26
A wife, yeah. And two dogs. I've gotten close to killing myself once since getting the dogs, but the thought of them waiting at the door for me forever like Fry's dog in Futurama was too much and I suddenly lost all motivation.
I see. This also reminded me of a scene from the show After Life, a Ricky Gervais gem.

I never had pets but I can relate ❤️
 
  • Like
Reactions: Noctis
Sherri

Sherri

Archangel
Sep 28, 2020
8,335
some Of us stay alive cause we wanna fight, help others, some decide to go and That’s their choice and we have to respect either decision. This community is a loving one no matter what ops are facing. I’ve lost a few friends, but they had their reasons and I wish they are at peace, we always ask someone who feels like going are you sure? You wanna give it one more go? And sincerely most of them do stay with us. We stick to each other like a family. We interact in many ways, and this page is not a page where people come here to die every day or every hour. Everyone has a choice. I chose to fight, and SS made me meet amazing people on here. we Will never say to an op , ok go for it do it! Never!!!!! We won’t EVER push anyone into a cliff. Saying that, you are entitled to your opinion of course. A healthy debate is always good as long as it doesn’t break the rules.
 
Last edited:
Wrennie

Wrennie

Latent Corpse 💀
Dec 18, 2019
1,339
I don’t want to hurt the people that love me (even if I don’t understand why they’d feel sadness over the loss of a defective individual like me). But I’m in agony from my diseases & every day is a struggle just to remain. 😣 I wish I could just erase myself from people’s minds and vanish into the abyss, never to be thought of again. I hate the idea that my ‘non-existence’ could result in another feeling the same level of pain that ‘existence’ causes for me.
 
Sherri

Sherri

Archangel
Sep 28, 2020
8,335
I don’t want to hurt the people that love me (even if I don’t understand why they’d feel sadness over the loss of a defective individual like me). But I’m in agony from my diseases & every day is a struggle just to remain. 😣 I wish I could just erase myself from people’s minds and vanish into the abyss, never to be thought of again. I hate the idea that my ‘non-existence’ could result in another feeling the same level of pain that ‘existence’ causes for me.
Keep on fighting that struggle, take it day by day, it’s what I do. Even in my darkest moments. I’m sorry for your agony. Hug.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Wrennie
Wrennie

Wrennie

Latent Corpse 💀
Dec 18, 2019
1,339
Keep on fighting that struggle, take it day by day, it’s what I do. Even in my darkest moments. I’m sorry for your agony. Hug.
Thank you for the words of encouragement, Sherri. You’re very kind. I hope that life goes uphill for you and that your hardships are ultimately rewarded in the end. :heart:
It’s so disheartening to know when someone is suffering & there’s nothing you can realistically do to ameliorate it for them.
 
divine4u2b

divine4u2b

Member
Dec 14, 2021
14
My main issue right now is not having a safe place where I have personal time and where I can be 100% certain I won't be found. I have absolutely zero reason to stay now so I don't believe that survival instinct will stop me again.

I also don't agree with your post that the people with the most pain are already gone.
I wonder why there's a lot of people bent on who / when someone will find them... personally I get a fulfilling sensation at the thought someone will find me and handle the necessary business. The part of this is.. that I do not want to pick a method that would forever traumatize anyone; that must be forced to stay here longer than me.
With this being said: I have picked between selflessly between my methods; as per not being selfish in thought that the person finding me can continue on; and not feel ultimately burned by 'MY' exit/ mode of transport per say; one domain to the next.

does this make sense? What do you all think about the mental health fragility of the one whom finds you? are you concerned enough to care? Curious on how anyone else feels.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Somber
freemindnsoul

freemindnsoul

Wizard
Sep 29, 2021
649
I wonder why there's a lot of people bent on who / when someone will find them... personally I get a fulfilling sensation at the thought someone will find me and handle the necessary business. The part of this is.. that I do not want to pick a method that would forever traumatize anyone; that must be forced to stay here longer than me.
With this being said: I have picked between selflessly between my methods; as per not being selfish in thought that the person finding me can continue on; and not feel ultimately burned by 'MY' exit/ mode of transport per say; one domain to the next.

does this make sense? What do you all think about the mental health fragility of the one whom finds you? are you concerned enough to care? Curious on how anyone else feels.
because there are many negative consequences if someone interrupts the suicide attempt such as:

- permanent disability
- locked up in an institute and drugged like crazy without consent
- suicide is illegal in some countries
- financial costs associated with saving the suicidal person
- social issues with people avoiding the suicidal person and shaming them
 
paulstrong

paulstrong

Enlightened
May 5, 2020
1,040
I love this post tbh, it is straight to the point and honest. Truth is, I felt more comfortable living (for a while) since visiting this forum. I also still enjoy some simple pleasures in life like music, games, movies and kratom tea. These sleeping tablets are quite relaxing as well, although, I don't get many of them. But, having said all that, those are just daily rituals that keep me going in the short term. I am lonely, broken, sad and mentally ill. I burnt my bridges with life and people a long time ago and I am really tired of it all now. Therefore it is my desire to leave this toxic world sometime this year. I'll donate what little I have left to charity and let the state burn me.

acds2 die GIF by Anime Crimes Division