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Hindsightis2020

Hindsightis2020

Student
Jun 14, 2019
121
My dogs are the most practical reason I'm alive, followed by the people I love. They need me and I know that. I can imagine that the people will do okay but my dogs are very attached to me. I think they would have a hard time and that's not fair to them. I think my partner would suffer badly but my mind can easily tell me that he is better off without me.

I have a burning desire to create art before I go. That's what I'm going to do. Create art and search my soul a bit more before my time is up.
 
divine4u2b

divine4u2b

Member
Dec 14, 2021
14
because there are many negative consequences if someone interrupts the suicide attempt such as:

- permanent disability
- locked up in an institute and drugged like crazy without consent
- suicide is illegal in some countries
- financial costs associated with saving the suicidal person
- social issues with people avoiding the suicidal person and shaming them
You know what; I took the initial message out of context. My entire response ^^^ up above was 'only' in regards to 'when someone finds my body after I 'completed' my mission. Sorry this through everyone off. My bad. I am reading back like; dang... where did my thought process go here... Yes I agree wholeheartedly with you in regards to if someone walks up in your personal space while your ctb & ruins that moment then ultimately any of the above mentioned items you sent; definitely will or could happen. You are correct. sry 4 the confusion.
 
N

Nightmare Painting

Member
Dec 16, 2021
37
I wonder why there's a lot of people bent on who / when someone will find them... personally I get a fulfilling sensation at the thought someone will find me and handle the necessary business. The part of this is.. that I do not want to pick a method that would forever traumatize anyone; that must be forced to stay here longer than me.
With this being said: I have picked between selflessly between my methods; as per not being selfish in thought that the person finding me can continue on; and not feel ultimately burned by 'MY' exit/ mode of transport per say; one domain to the next.

does this make sense? What do you all think about the mental health fragility of the one whom finds you? are you concerned enough to care? Curious on how anyone else feels.
I didn't mean that I was worried about traumatizing someone with my body; I want to be left alone a good amount of time to end my life without interference and to avoid failing.
 
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A

Angi

Member
Jan 4, 2022
21
- I am lazy and didn't finish working on my ctb plan and to do list
- I didn't finish training on my method
- I didn't finish ordering all supplies needed for my method
- I don't know where to ctb
- most important reason: I don't have the strength to rehome my dog
I am with you, especially with the last reason. Maybe you can stick around long enough so your dog will not need a new home? Life burns, every day, but today I feel brave and think I can be part of my loved one's lives for a while longer.
 
savagepeonies

savagepeonies

Member
Dec 9, 2021
7
My brother took his life in 2016. My mom doesn't deserve to lose her only other child.
 
freemindnsoul

freemindnsoul

Mage
Sep 29, 2021
537
I am with you, especially with the last reason. Maybe you can stick around long enough so your dog will not need a new home? Life burns, every day, but today I feel brave and think I can be part of my loved one's lives for a while longer.
I am trying. My dog is a young pomeranian. He is 3 years old. Pomeranians can live up to 20 years! average is 12-16 years old. It is a difficult situation.
 
A

Angi

Member
Jan 4, 2022
21
Wow, that is a long lifespan a dog! I wish you whatever it might take to either stay with him or find him a place where he is loved!
 
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Toonloon

Toonloon

Experienced
Nov 17, 2020
206
A wife, yeah. And two dogs. I've gotten close to killing myself once since getting the dogs, but the thought of them waiting at the door for me forever like Fry's dog in Futurama was too much and I suddenly lost all motivation.
You got urself a Seymour
 
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°Celsuis_Caesar

°Celsuis_Caesar

Truth is... the game was rigged from the start.
Jan 10, 2022
16
I don’t really know, My method was all perfect, but felt rushed and wrong, survival instinct is most likely the culprit I’m still here.
 
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Ada

Ada

New Member
Jan 14, 2022
4
The reason why I am alive is that I failed the first time. I got traumatized by my attempt, and I just can't deal with that level of panic again.
 
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Funkytown

Funkytown

I don't know why I run away
May 6, 2021
23
There are 3 reasons I'm still alive:
  • I'm too lazy/anxious to buy the things for the method I want to use. I also fear I may fuck it up cause I'm bad with chemicals as I have a hard time understanding them.​
  • I have a feeling that there's nothing in the afterlife and I find that kinda sad/boring. Call me silly, but I still enjoy somethings and would be a bit hard for me to never be able to experience them. 99% cause me pain and make me feel miserable but that 1% makes me get out of my bed and push through another day.​
  • There are people I still care for and bring good to my life, I don't wanna hurt them for the rest of their lives.​
There are days where I seriously wish everything could end, feel no pain, only calmness. Sometimes I think I just want to hurt myself badly as a form of "self-punishment", I guess; I'm not sure. My mind is constantly wandering around restlessly, so it's difficult to determine my exact emotions or what I wish for my future. It's really exhausting.​
 
Toonloon

Toonloon

Experienced
Nov 17, 2020
206
1) I don't know math. I did not chase enough whiskey with my pills for my weight.
2) I am too short to hang myself correctly. Meaning I cant tie the rope well to a high base.
3) I got interrupted in the middle of a hanging w/ a bag over my face. I tied the rope to the door and did a partial hanging. Guy walked in thought it was a kinky sex game and just fucked me. He took the bag off my head when he noticed I was about to pass out.

It's not that i dont want to die or lack "courage" it's more so I don't have the means and sheer dumb luck.
 
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moths

moths

Member
Mar 7, 2021
51
suicide is my only option. i’ve ruined my life beyond repair and been through things that have taken away every shred of innocence i have in me. i guess i’m just putting it off because when it comes down to it i don’t want to die. in a better, kinder, more forgiving world i would still be hopeful. i can still see the beauty in the trees and the animals and in music. and there are a few things left that i want to experience. i guess since i have a method i’m just waiting until i hit complete and total rock bottom or until the moment feels right. i’m also deeply afraid of failing and ending up brain damaged to the point that i lose self awareness or no longer have the mental or physical capacity to kill myself.
 
W

westie22

Member
Jan 14, 2022
58
Want a more peaceful means of going. The only reliable method I see is shooting myself in the head. I would rather just drink a cocktail of something and pass out peacefully
 
orange

orange

Member
Nov 19, 2021
68
I'm scared of getting scammed when buying the materials for my preferred method. It's expensive and the package might never arrive even if they do send it out, or it might not be the actual stuff.
 
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NormaJeane

NormaJeane

Member
Mar 24, 2021
570
What keeps you alive? There are so many people on Sanctioned Suicide who want to die, but are still alive. Why are you alive when you want to die? Humans have fear of death. Death is something scary. Life is the only thing we know anything about, we know nothing about death. In the same way as the clock is ticking forward, we are programmed to live. None of us would have had problems with death and suicide if we would have lived 200 years ago - at that time we would have had the opposite problem because people lived short, hard and poor lives. Most people in the society of today see nothing of human death. But if there were dead people almost everywhere in the cities and people committed suicide in front of you, would it not be easier to die?

I believe that a successful suicide requires:
- find the courage to die
- overcome the survival instinct
- a suicide method that works
- find trust in that method
- find a place to die
- a brave and determined act
- feel so bad that it is impossible to live

People are very different, some are braver than others. Are you tormented by physical or psychological pain? Sadness and sorrow usually disappear with time, but chronic physical pain, disability, broken teeth or toothlessness and age-related ailments can be worse.

I believe that none of us would be here on Sanctioned Suicide if we were tormented so much that it is impossible to live because then we would not be able to sit in front of a computer and write. The bravest people with the worst pain are already dead or so they have tried to kill themselves. But it is terrible that not everyone can get euthanasia - all people deserve a peaceful death.



View attachment 83786
Nothing keeps me alive anymore and yet I am alive - I have to do something about that soon. I want to be a brave person who have the courage to leave hell in life.
 
LastFlowers

LastFlowers

the haru that can read
Apr 27, 2019
1,410
I’m not afraid of death. I’m already dead, for all intents and purposes of life really.
I don’t just have a lack of reasons to live, I have an abundance of reasons to die.
There has been a severe absence of balance in my life, the asymmetry is absurd and favors the negative.
It’s the actual dying process that is most daunting, and my method isn’t exactly instantaneous either.
If it was as simple as a button press, it would be done by now, and that is me being completely honest. As long as the button also took care of the “matters to be undertaken” pre-suicide.
But that’s not why I am still “alive”, I don’t even think you’re wrong when it comes to some people, but it doesn’t always have to do with bravery or truly having no reason left to live (depending on your definition).

I know there are people out there with arguably and/or objectively less reasoning to stay alive than I possess, and yet they are still kicking..out and about in the world..logic be damned, and I also know of many people who-again, arguably-had far more reason to stay alive and yet their bodies are now set in the earth.
Not to mention..Impulsive suicides off the heels of a troubling event have less to do with bravery and more to do with an unfortunate lack of thought and impulse-control, so again, how you describe those who choose to stay and those who choose to go, is not always accurate. It’s also usually far from an actual choice (because it’s primarily an option born out of a lack of choices for an extended/indefinite period of time..or extreme and sudden emotional turmoil).

For me, I am holding onto the need to complete certain preparations (which includes the destruction and eliminating of things that could possibly be left behind to further complicate or humiliate me in my passing)..this has brought up many roadblocks because for much of this, I am at the mercy of other people, my most reasonable requests could set off red flags or seem unreasonable to them.
These are things that I cannot leave in a note and “hope for the best”, I need to see to it that they are handled before I croak.

I have begun to freak out at the prospect of having to go through with ctb, WITHOUT the proper planning/requests/preparations being met, but I really hope it doesn’t come to that, I have begged, pleaded, I don’t know what else to do…it really might come to having to go ahead in a panic without any peace of mind whatsoever..that will not be pleasant, and SN is already going to be a somewhat slow and uncomfortable death. (It’s the best option I have available to me and the one I feel most safe with as far as the least amount of risk for further maiming and/or brain damage..brain damage is my worst nightmare, I am pretty positive I will not be found early so I think it will be fine..it’s just that one person on here claimed to have awoken from SN all on their own, watching the blue dissipate from their skin afterward..and that terrifies me..that I could be out cold for days and then wake up on my own, perhaps in need of medical assistance to even get the strength back to attempt again..and with what then…worst case scenario. As you can see, sometimes thinking too much about it can actually be a detriment..I just need this DONE, done yesterday, done years ago..Jesus.)

I also have to take care of some things on my own as well , which is a feat considering I’m too fatigued to so much as get out of bed most of the time and can’t even manage to sleep properly. It’s hard to have motivation to prepare for your death, when you can’t even do the same for your life. It’s like being asked to go to the ends of the earth for something that isn’t even a consolation prize, killing yourself to kill yourself. Hilarious.

I have done a lot already, but it seems never-ending, I planned to be gone by the holidays and I was not able to do that-most notably because of the apathetic stubbornness and excuses of other people…I’m talking things I’ve asked of them for YEARS now, multiple times a week..and there is ALWAYS an excuse. I can’t take it.
I realize now why so many people just throw their hands in the air and give up the pre-steps just to get the damn job done and end their consciousness of the suffering.
I wonder why there's a lot of people bent on who / when someone will find them... personally I get a fulfilling sensation at the thought someone will find me and handle the necessary business. The part of this is.. that I do not want to pick a method that would forever traumatize anyone; that must be forced to stay here longer than me.
With this being said: I have picked between selflessly between my methods; as per not being selfish in thought that the person finding me can continue on; and not feel ultimately burned by 'MY' exit/ mode of transport per say; one domain to the next.

does this make sense? What do you all think about the mental health fragility of the one whom finds you? are you concerned enough to care? Curious on how anyone else feels.
As someone else mentioned..an interruption can mean an absolute horror show for the person who attempted and was caused to fail. They could end up worse off than they were before they dealt themselves the death blow, because contrary to popular belief-things might not ever get better, but things can ALWAYS get worse.

For me I don’t give a shit about those “forced to stay here longer than me” because these same people are benefiting from life and they don’t feel “forced” to stay at all, my dead body is not going to change that, especially the way things are going..and regarding who I believe would end up finding my corpse..nobody to feel bad for in the slightest, least not from me.
I’m not blowing my brains out anyway-nothing that would leave a substantial mess, but yea. And I’ve given plenty of warning shots, this should be no surprise.

I’m also the type of person, who wouldn’t scorn a stranger for making me find their dead body/corpse, no matter the state of it.
I would consider the torment and their reasoning before I considered my own reaction..I would almost feel as if I were stealing their pain and appropriating it as my own if I were to wrap myself up in the aftermath to the point that I made it into my own trauma.
Obviously it’s different for people you are closer to, but in my case I don’t have anyone that close that actually gives two shits about me or my situation, and for a death to affect you so severely, truly and genuinely..you have to give quite a few damns about the person and their relationship to you.
I don’t have anyone in my life who fits that bill. It will be a mere blip on the screen for the majority of them, and nothing life-ruining or anywhere close to what I’ve dealt with.
They don’t even have a right to be upset imo, too little too late.

On the other hand (from what you mentioned), I actually get no fulfilling sensation whatsoever from the thought of someone finding me. I don’t want my body to be touched or gazed upon, I would rather it teleport to the nearest cremation chamber. Then stick my remains in the cremulator ASAP.
You know what; I took the initial message out of context. My entire response ^^^ up above was 'only' in regards to 'when someone finds my body after I 'completed' my mission. Sorry this through everyone off. My bad. I am reading back like; dang... where did my thought process go here... Yes I agree wholeheartedly with you in regards to if someone walks up in your personal space while your ctb & ruins that moment then ultimately any of the above mentioned items you sent; definitely will or could happen. You are correct. sry 4 the confusion.
Just saw this so don’t mind that part of my previous response lol
 
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erdbeeren

erdbeeren

Member
Oct 13, 2021
68
What keeps you alive? There are so many people on Sanctioned Suicide who want to die, but are still alive. Why are you alive when you want to die? Humans have fear of death. Death is something scary. Life is the only thing we know anything about, we know nothing about death. In the same way as the clock is ticking forward, we are programmed to live. None of us would have had problems with death and suicide if we would have lived 200 years ago - at that time we would have had the opposite problem because people lived short, hard and poor lives. Most people in the society of today see nothing of human death. But if there were dead people almost everywhere in the cities and people committed suicide in front of you, would it not be easier to die?

I believe that a successful suicide requires:
- find the courage to die
- overcome the survival instinct
- a suicide method that works
- find trust in that method
- find a place to die
- a brave and determined act
- feel so bad that it is impossible to live

People are very different, some are braver than others. Are you tormented by physical or psychological pain? Sadness and sorrow usually disappear with time, but chronic physical pain, disability, broken teeth or toothlessness and age-related ailments can be worse.

I believe that none of us would be here on Sanctioned Suicide if we were tormented so much that it is impossible to live because then we would not be able to sit in front of a computer and write. The bravest people with the worst pain are already dead or so they have tried to kill themselves. But it is terrible that not everyone can get euthanasia - all people deserve a peaceful death.



View attachment 83786
fear of failing and ending up suffering even more