FTL.Wanderer

FTL.Wanderer

Enlightened
May 31, 2018
1,792
Anyone else feel specifically that their base problem has been that, for whatever reasons, they just don't fit in anywhere? And that, therefore, no excuse--no matter how objectively valid, matters for your social failures b/c people are ultimately free to accept or reject other people?

I was driving back from the supermarket (my big Saturday adventure) thinking about what all my depressed episodes have in common. I can't be the only one who doesn't fit in anywhere, can I?

Those of you who, like me, are too awkward/strange to fit in even among the awkward or strange, how have you been coping? Me, it's eating, especially sweet things. That's pretty much been my whole life from my teens 'til now: eating sugar to numb pain.

What're your stories, those of you like me?
 
F

Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,353
Yea I have felt like I don’t fit in my whole life. I have used drugs, sex, and entertainment on internet to escape my sad lonely existence. I’m not really even that strange but because I had difficulty conforming to the wishes of society and understanding relationships, emotions, and myself. This really put me in a tough spot in life. Everything in your life depends on your ability to maintain relationships, control emotions, control behaviors, restrain impulses. Communicate effectively. If u don’t have these skills, it doesn’t matter how pretty or smart u are. You will be an outcast.
 
skyofAuroras

skyofAuroras

-
Apr 10, 2018
136
Yeah I relate with this way too much. In school I always felt like the different one. Even with my friends I feel like I'm the outcast, the "crazy" one. Same with my family.
too awkward/strange to fit in even among the awkward or strange,
Fucking this! I remember when I was in the psych ward and I felt out of place even there. I remember specifically thinking, how sad must it be to feel like you don't fit in, even in a room full of people who have tried to kill themselves. I don't really have anyway to cope with it. The only thing I use to cope is self harm and video games to distract myself.
 
O

okyeah

-
Jul 20, 2018
425
Yeah pretty much! It’s been a death sentence to be mixed race and the son of 2 immigrants out here in the Midwest. The only child thing is the icing on the cake. I get angry a lot because my parents have basically done nothing to change my fate from their own. They both have no friends and are very strange/weird. It doesn’t matter what I do - I have no extended family in the USA either. So it’s literally been me and them. Just extremely shitty isolation for the majority of my life.

Actually I feel like I fit in with you guys the most. I feel the most comfortable talking about negative shit and suicide, which has made my real life even harder because no one wants to hear that.
 
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Deleted_9cKnXB34QG

Mage
Jun 26, 2018
503
I feel like an alien, like I'm not even human because most of the things that normal humans care about are absurd to me. I don't understand their actions and motives, all the social norms, relationships etc.

This world is so foreign to me. I want to go back home.
 
BurningLights

BurningLights

He killed himself with his own mind
Jul 2, 2018
709
Yeah this certainly hits home, I've always had a weird view on 'becoming one of them' as in being a typical (insert type of person here).
Maybe i am how I am because I didn't want to fit in, or maybe not wanting to fit in was a mental coping mechanism for not being able to fit in or identify as a typical member of a group.
 
BurningLights

BurningLights

He killed himself with his own mind
Jul 2, 2018
709
This thread had made me remember about a conversation me and my brother had. We would always say that we are too different for this world, and ultimately I think that's the reason why he CTB. I know that's not the only reason but I'm sure him being lost in a world was a huge factor.
 
FTL.Wanderer

FTL.Wanderer

Enlightened
May 31, 2018
1,792
This thread had made me remember about a conversation me and my brother had. We would always say that we are too different for this world, and ultimately I think that's the reason why he CTB. I know that's not the only reason but I'm sure him being lost in a world was a huge factor.

When I hear stories like this, I feel both envy of and awe for the person who left. Like they were a sage that solved the great, ancient problem. Respect for your brother.
 
BurningLights

BurningLights

He killed himself with his own mind
Jul 2, 2018
709
When I hear stories like this, I feel both envy of and awe for the person who left. Like they were a sage that solved the great, ancient problem. Respect for your brother.
He certainly deserves respect, he was my idol, we were kindred spirits, both lost in a world beyond the lost city. We were going to do it together, but I think he felt that I left him behind, due to life occurances, so I think he felt even more alone.
 
FTL.Wanderer

FTL.Wanderer

Enlightened
May 31, 2018
1,792
He certainly deserves respect, he was my idol, we were kindred spirits, both lost in a world beyond the lost city. We were going to do it together, but I think he felt that I left him behind, due to life occurances, so I think he felt even more alone.

I probably shouldn't mention this here, but a few years ago I had a buddy who was like a brother to me. We'd both been through similar crap with our families. We met on a suicide chat line and remained really close. He had all the outward signs of success, though: from a wealthy family, a really handsome guy all girls just adored... But he was certain he wanted to leave and asked me to go too. I made plans. Then he met a girl and disappeared. I'm happy he's out of pain, but, yeah, I feel like you said--about feeling left behind. Not his fault, but it's how life can be. Sucks to be the thing left behind, not growing. I try not to get close to other suicidal people because it seems to me this is more the rule than the exception--that some of us are just so broken that even among other suicidal people we're the ones always left behind.

I appreciate your insight.
 
BurningLights

BurningLights

He killed himself with his own mind
Jul 2, 2018
709
I probably shouldn't mention this here, but a few years ago I had a buddy who was like a brother to me. We'd both been through similar crap with our families. We met on a suicide chat line and remained really close. He had all the outward signs of success, though: from a wealthy family, a really handsome guy all girls just adored... But he was certain he wanted to leave and asked me to go too. I made plans. Then he met a girl and disappeared. I'm happy he's out of pain, but, yeah, I feel like you said--about feeling left behind. Not his fault, but it's how life can be. Sucks to be the thing left behind, not growing. I try not to get close to other suicidal people because it seems to me this is more the rule than the exception--that some of us are just so broken that even among other suicidal people we're the ones always left behind.

I appreciate your insight.
Damn man, sorry to hear that, hits home a little bit, almost seeing it from the other side and yeah your right, that feeling that were so broken we get left behind. I wish I could that his reasoning was justified, I tried to be a better person, but look where I am now. :'(
 
FTL.Wanderer

FTL.Wanderer

Enlightened
May 31, 2018
1,792
Damn man, sorry to hear that, hits home a little bit, almost seeing it from the other side and yeah your right, that feeling that were so broken we get left behind. I wish I could that his reasoning was justified, I tried to be a better person, but look where I am now. :'(


Like I do too often, I just started blabbing without thinking how it might affect you. I didn't mean at all that your brother actually felt left behind by you or that you did this. You two shared a blood bond. I like to think that was a lot deeper than what people like me can have with people we happen to meet out there... In any case, from what I've witnessed of you, you get both thumbs up from me.
 
Sharethepain

Sharethepain

We forge the chains we wear in life.
May 2, 2018
138
I have the opposite but kinda same issue. I can fit anywhere, but I dont feel like I belong there. I can talk to most people about anything, make friends fast, get along, but even so, its all so empty. Like, what is the point in all of it when I dont feel anything? In a way, I dont fit anywhere either.
 
smalls_world

smalls_world

Member
Aug 3, 2018
5
Anyone else feel specifically that their base problem has been that, for whatever reasons, they just don't fit in anywhere? And that, therefore, no excuse--no matter how objectively valid, matters for your social failures b/c people are ultimately free to accept or reject other people?

I was driving back from the supermarket (my big Saturday adventure) thinking about what all my depressed episodes have in common. I can't be the only one who doesn't fit in anywhere, can I?

Those of you who, like me, are too awkward/strange to fit in even among the awkward or strange, how have you been coping? Me, it's eating, especially sweet things. That's pretty much been my whole life from my teens 'til now: eating sugar to numb pain.

What're your stories, those of you like me?
Anyone else feel specifically that their base problem has been that, for whatever reasons, they just don't fit in anywhere? And that, therefore, no excuse--no matter how objectively valid, matters for your social failures b/c people are ultimately free to accept or reject other people?

I was driving back from the supermarket (my big Saturday adventure) thinking about what all my depressed episodes have in common. I can't be the only one who doesn't fit in anywhere, can I?

Those of you who, like me, are too awkward/strange to fit in even among the awkward or strange, how have you been coping? Me, it's eating, especially sweet things. That's pretty much been my whole life from my teens 'til now: eating sugar to numb pain.

What're your stories, those of you like me?
 

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