• Hey Visitor,

    In light of recent events, all community members in the US should reach out to their representative in regards to the Stop Online Suicide Assistance Forums Act that has been introduced in congress. This bill, if passed, could criminalize this community and hold it liable for simply hosting information.

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callme

callme

I'm a loose cannon - I bang all the time.
Aug 15, 2021
1,196
I know it’s never going to get better for me. It’s not possible. So I keep asking myself why do I continue to stay when I know the only thing ahead is suffering. I might try to start to look for a partner.

Reading this, mind goes to Rocky in his final moments in the first bout with Creed, with all the dramatic music playing.

"What is keeping him up Bill?" "I don't know!"

Maybe you can turn it around?
 
Deadly_Intention

Deadly_Intention

Member
Apr 10, 2021
79
I need to vent!
My best friend is ghosting me after I said that we should consider ending our friendship. It has been really hard for both of us, mainly cos of me and the evil, heartless person that I can be at times..
I think I am doing the right thing by saying it should be over. And I think that they think the same cos they even said that there are things they want to change about themselves but can't cos of how it will impact our friendship. While I really appreciate the gesture, I can't allow them to stay in this toxic relationship with the same never-ending hell loop when there is a chance they can live a happier less drama filled life.
So I was blocked, again. It's like the 10th time that has happened. It hurts everything still. It took courage for me to say that, maybe you think I am being selfish, but ending the most important relationship in my life is not something I consider light heartedly. It is so hard to think of life without them. But it's worse thinking of all the pain I caused over the years and still cause...
I thought we would talk it through or even shout it out. But no, blocked. And then they wonder why I always "hold back" in conversation, cos my real thoughts and my true self is just too ugly to handle. I am disgusting right?
 
Deadhead Frank

Deadhead Frank

It’s Over!
Aug 29, 2019
1,297
Reading this, mind goes to Rocky in his final moments in the first bout with Creed, with all the dramatic music playing.

"What is keeping him up Bill?" "I don't know!"

Maybe you can turn it around?
Hi Callme,
No I can’t turn it around but thanks for the thought. It’s either keep going with these things while also having new things to pop up and old age also or quit. I’ve been standing at the crossroads for a long time. I hope things can work out for you.
 
callme

callme

I'm a loose cannon - I bang all the time.
Aug 15, 2021
1,196
Hi Callme,
No I can’t turn it around but thanks for the thought. It’s either keep going with these things while also having new things to pop up and old age also or quit. I’ve been standing at the crossroads for a long time. I hope things can work out for you.

Quite the same here as well, despite there will be no old age for me. Not planning for a long term is not necessarily unhealthy, so I wouldn't overthink it.
 
symphony

symphony

surving hour-by-hour
Mar 12, 2022
730
I'm new (obviously), but it seems that things have been pretty, well, dead around here the last few days, even compared to how it was when I was a lurker last week or so. I know recent public controversy and long-time members leaving have probably contributed to this, but I'm wondering, for anyone who reads this, is it usually more active than this? Can I reasonably expect things to pick back up?
 
Silenos

Silenos

Ṿ̸̄Ọ̶͂Ỉ̶͉D̴̞͝ ̴̲̐A̷̾͜W̷̪͒Ā̵̯I̵͍̅T̵̛͔S̷̗͛
Jul 25, 2020
1,046
So... what’s crackalacking?

Edit: amigos and amigas
The buffalo have got a beef
About this season's grass
Warthogs have been thwarted
In attempts to save their gas
Flamingoes in the pink and
Chasing secretary birds
Saffron is this season's color
Seen in all the herds
Moving down the rank and file
To near the bottom rung
Far too many beetles are
Quite frankly in the dung
 
sweet17sour29

sweet17sour29

turning teeth
Feb 22, 2019
35
I just wanted to write a little, someone may read this and it'd be nice to be seen.

I had a panic attack at work today, I don't know why. Maybe the shame I feel that I need alcohol to tolerate being awake? Or how I have no physical attraction to my boyfriend, but can't handle the thought of being alone? Or that it was my birthday yesterday and my life is in utter shambles compared to my peers? Or maybe it's because of my job that I'm not valued in? My unease in being in public? My health which is constantly declining? Those I've lost? Those who've deliberately hurt me? Those I wish I was instead?

I feel like I've set my world on fire. I just want to be able to have a place of my own that my cat can live, somewhere quiet. I'd make candles, journal and garden. Exercise. Socialise. Drink water, eat greens.

Everything seems so out of reach.
 
lili

lili

Experienced
Feb 17, 2022
264
I just wanted to write a little, someone may read this and it'd be nice to be seen.

I had a panic attack at work today, I don't know why. Maybe the shame I feel that I need alcohol to tolerate being awake? Or how I have no physical attraction to my boyfriend, but can't handle the thought of being alone? Or that it was my birthday yesterday and my life is in utter shambles compared to my peers? Or maybe it's because of my job that I'm not valued in? My unease in being in public? My health which is constantly declining? Those I've lost? Those who've deliberately hurt me? Those I wish I was instead?

I feel like I've set my world on fire. I just want to be able to have a place of my own that my cat can live, somewhere quiet. I'd make candles, journal and garden. Exercise. Socialise. Drink water, eat greens.

Everything seems so out of reach.

I’m sorry you went through this. Living a life of quiet desperation can often feel unbearable. I live with my ex boyfriend and it’s challenging. Birthdays are a big trigger for me as well. Or any holiday, it’s just a reminder of how lonely one feels.

Where you able to stay at work or did you have to leave?

Whenever I feel an incoming panick attack I drop everything that I am doing and take time off. Perhaps it might be a sign that it’s best to drop what you are doing and make sometime for yourself today. Maybe your mind and body need some self care by doing something you love. However i do understand it can be very challenging to take a moment out of work when life can be so demanding.

I wish you the best in the rest of your day. Life’s trials can be so challenging.