• Welcome! SanctionedSuicide is a forum for the discussion of mental illness and suicide. Please read our rules and our Principles.
    If you are in need of immediate support, please call the Samaritans hotline at (877) 870-4673, or check our recovery resources.

AnnihilatedAnna

AnnihilatedAnna

A Joke
Apr 17, 2018
1,346
You know, the thing is that I’m not sure what I want anymore. I mean living would be the “good option” the option I would hurt the least people with I think. Some people tell me they care about me and that they would not want me to be dead. I want to get better but I don’t think I will. Lot of people say it’s just a phase you’ll get through it, but what if I won’t? I dying would be quicker and easier for me and I’m just exhausted from trying to stay. What if I’m too screwed up to continue?

I’m stuck. Late at night when I’m crying or when I’m alone everything overwhelms me. Every night, everyday is a battle just to keep going. I can’t do it anymore, not like this. Sometimes I just wish i would never have opened up to anyone. Then I could still be pretending I was fine. I still can to people who don’t know me, like my class mates and some of my teachers. But with the people who really know me I can’t anymore. Because what’s the point?
 
AhG

AhG

La vie est tout sauf un rêve
Jan 24, 2019
313
You know, the thing is that I’m not sure what I want anymore. I mean living would be the “good option” the option I would hurt the least people with I think. Some people tell me they care about me and that they would not want me to be dead. I want to get better but I don’t think I will. Lot of people say it’s just a phase you’ll get through it, but what if I won’t? I dying would be quicker and easier for me and I’m just exhausted from trying to stay. What if I’m too screwed up to continue?

I’m stuck. Late at night when I’m crying or when I’m alone everything overwhelms me. Every night, everyday is a battle just to keep going. I can’t do it anymore, not like this. Sometimes I just wish i would never have opened up to anyone. Then I could still be pretending I was fine. I still can to people who don’t know me, like my class mates and some of my teachers. But with the people who really know me I can’t anymore. Because what’s the point?
I know you posted this a couple months back, but I feel the exact same way you did back then like now (I don’t know if you still do now) and I understand this. Friend and a few family members have told me that “things take time”, “life won’t be always be like this”, “everything gets better”. I am stuck between pretending to be ok and falling apart at night. Everything in my life feels like a complete joke at this point. I’m just stuck here, wondering when it will all end.
 
AnnihilatedAnna

AnnihilatedAnna

A Joke
Apr 17, 2018
1,346
I know you posted this a couple months back, but I feel the exact same way you did back then like now (I don’t know if you still do now) and I understand this. Friend and a few family members have told me that “things take time”, “life won’t be always be like this”, “everything gets better”. I am stuck between pretending to be ok and falling apart at night. Everything in my life feels like a complete joke at this point. I’m just stuck here, wondering when it will all end.
Yeah I still have the same feeling. It doesn’t go away easily I think. A couple of weeks ago some said to me “it’ll all get better” I replied with “how do you know” and he replied with, “because I have faith in you”. At the moment I have a day or maybe 2 that I feel al little better but I know the crash is gonna come. So frustrating. If there is anything I can do to help you, you can pm me
 
  • Like
Reactions: AhG and Jc40
F

ForgetAboutMe

Member
Feb 21, 2019
48
Please don't take this in a harsh way, but if ur making the decision i want to be as clear as possible. Life is not a fairytale and things dont get magically better, its going to take a ungodly amount of will power for years to get where you want and then even more effort to maintain. Your going to need a reason for all that so figure out what would make life's pain worth it for you. when it gets unbearable and it will again sure as the sun comes out, your going to need a reason that makes you get up work the hardest when you want to give up the most. I hope you find your reason.