Sans

Sans

I'm going to burn myself alive in public!
Oct 2, 2019
270
I hate PDA couples so goddamn much, whenever I see two fuckers kissing in public it fills me with resentment and rage. I’m 20 and have never experienced the privilege of having some who loves me for who I am, but it seems that everyone around me does. Even my parents, who I want to love but can’t help but resent for forgetting to use a condom, are affectionate to each other around me (which I guess is to be expected) but I can’t help but get upset.

Normally whenever I dare to speak up about my discontentment over being lonely I just get called an “Incel” and it hurts because people are just dismissing my feelings. Seeing PDA couples only fuels my desire to CTB in public.
 
Xion

Xion

Please free me from hell.
Jul 5, 2020
484
I feel you. I wish I was 20 though. I would have much more of a chance.

I can't bear to look at couples in public, especially if the guy is attractive. It's always unbearable whenever I see some, like when I'm stuck in the tramway or in a bar and they're in my direct line of sight and I have to somehow avert my eyes. The more lovelessness I endure the more hatred develops and it's so not me yet I seem to be powerless. If I end that way the world will have to burn.
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Pathetic || Just keep going
Jul 1, 2020
4,873
Normally whenever I dare to speak up about my discontentment over being lonely I just get called an “Incel” and it hurts because people are just dismissing my feelings. Seeing PDA couples only fuels my desire to CTB in public.
warning this might be triggering to you im being kinda blunt but i dont mean any of it in a mean way. more observation and personal opinion.
while i personally dont agree with what you say, because if youve had the chance to do so yourself you probably wouldnt feel this way (i could be wrong). it doesnt change the fact that you most likely are feeling unloved and seeing others receive what you lack hurts and that shouldnt be dismissed. i also completely disagree with the incel comment because of this. this doesnt make you an incel at all. incels seem to project their pain to others while youre just acknowledging yours and there is nothing wrong with that.
 
T

tfw_no_gf

5 feet and a little bone away from a perfect life
Feb 14, 2021
238
Same here. Seeing them being in love enough to display their affection in public while I suffer from eternal loneliness hurts more than being stabbed in the heart. I try my best not to go down the hateful incel route, but as loneliness and jealousy eats my mind I fear it is inevitable.
 
Foresight

Foresight

Global Mod
Jun 14, 2019
1,315
That pit of loneliness is one of the hardest human experiences. I was in isolation and I couldn't even watch television or movies because it was too much to even see intimacy portrayed in a storyline. I don't watch television to this day. I can still feel that pit in some triggering situations. I think this is more common feeling than some might think. The way you feel is completely reasonable.

I would definitely look deeply at any anger directed at the people. It hurts and that hurt is justified but couples are flawed humans too. Their relationship is flawed, they could be a new couple that doesn't even last, etc. No one is living a fairytale, and they're insecure and scared too half the time and that's why they're over the top. I know I have a tendency to stick very close to my partner and grab them a lot in public because I'm so scared of being in public. I grab onto him like a scared child. Maybe they do have a nice partnership, but who knows if they cling because they've known that loneliness too.

I really hope one day this feeling lifts for you. At the very least people need to respect the impact of loneliness and what it puts a person through in this hell realm.
 
whatevs

whatevs

Mining for copium in the weirdest places.
Jan 15, 2022
2,251
I never hated them, at the worst times I would purposefully change course to avoid the pain, nowadays it is just slightly hurtful, I don't avoid them. I even stare at them sometimes lol, I know that annoys people because I had a short period of having access to this part of the average human experience.

Read Elliot's Rodger manifesto if you want to distance yourself from that hatred, it should work if you aren't a malignant narcissist as he was.
 
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Sans

Sans

I'm going to burn myself alive in public!
Oct 2, 2019
270
I never hated them, at the worst times I would purposefully change course to avoid the pain, nowadays it is just slightly hurtful, I don't avoid them. I even stare at them sometimes lol, I know that annoys people because I had a short period of having access to this part of the average human experience.

Ready Elliot's Rodger manifesto if you want to distance yourself from that hatred, it should work if you aren't a malignant narcissist as he was.
I’ve read it in the past. It’s what inspired me to write my own. Not that I’m a murderer, but I want to release it to news outlets before killing myself so that my cause gets some awareness. (There’s more plaguing my life than loneliness).
 
whatevs

whatevs

Mining for copium in the weirdest places.
Jan 15, 2022
2,251
I’ve read it in the past. It’s what inspired me to write my own. Not that I’m a murderer, but I want to release it to news outlets before killing myself so that my cause gets some awareness. (There’s more plaguing my life than loneliness).
Hey I enjoyed his book, I hope you write some good shit as well so I can read it! It wasn't literature tier but it had the added interest of being written by a murderer.

In terms of news outlets, you'll need something really flashy. Normally the quickest way makes you scum, killing people that have nothing to do with your sorrows. I would have never read his manifesto if he wasn't a murderer. Such is the nature of humans, we are fascinated by 'evil', even though we vocally oppose it.
 
Sans

Sans

I'm going to burn myself alive in public!
Oct 2, 2019
270
Hey I enjoyed his book, I hope you write some good shit as well so I can read it! It wasn't literature tier but it had the added interest of being written by a murderer.

In terms of news outlets, you'll need something really flashy. Normally the quickest way makes you scum, killing people that have nothing to do with your sorrows. I would have never read his manifesto if he wasn't a murderer. Such is the nature of humans, we are fascinated by 'evil', even though we vocally oppose it.
I'm not a murderer and I never will be. I don't want to be seen as a madman (though I probably will be). I want to be seen as who I am, a victim of unfortunate circumstances who is trying to bring attention to his cause.

Edit: I hope to draw attention with my method. Have you heard of Thich Quang Duc? He was a Vietnamese monk who protested his country's religious persecution of Buddhists by burning himself alive in public. I want to do the same thing.
What the hell does PDA mean?
PDA stands for public displays of affection. People kissing in public, talking about their sex lives around others, etc. Scum of the earth.
 
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lofticries

lofticries

obedear
Feb 27, 2021
1,284
I don't really care much. Though that might be because I'm a bit aromantic. Watching pda just makes me feel awkward af. I get triggered watching couples fight though due to my parents having a very very very dysfunctional relationship. It brings back them Vietnam flashbacks.

I do get jelly of watching best friends hang out with eachother. Only when it's two though. When it's more I just get second hand anxiety. Especially when it's a crowd.
 
Sibyl Vane

Sibyl Vane

Experienced
May 28, 2022
237
If it's kept at the minimum level of decency, I don't get bothered by it. Of course, it's painful to glance at what you desire but can't have, but at the same time, it brings me joy that at least someone gets to experience it.
 
Mixolydian

Mixolydian

Warlock
Aug 2, 2020
704
Whenever I see couples kissing in public, I instinctively avert my eyes and avoid looking, but I don't know why. I think it's because I haven't experienced that kind of "being in love" in a really really long time and I know I probably never will again, so I prefer to avoid any reminders. I don't hold it against the couples who do it but I would personally refrain from PDA because I know it makes a fair proportion of people uncomfortable.
 
J

Julgran

Enlightened
Dec 15, 2021
1,025
I hate PDA couples so goddamn much, whenever I see two fuckers kissing in public it fills me with resentment and rage. I’m 20 and have never experienced the privilege of having some who loves me for who I am, but it seems that everyone around me does. Even my parents, who I want to love but can’t help but resent for forgetting to use a condom, are affectionate to each other around me (which I guess is to be expected) but I can’t help but get upset.

Normally whenever I dare to speak up about my discontentment over being lonely I just get called an “Incel” and it hurts because people are just dismissing my feelings. Seeing PDA couples only fuels my desire to CTB in public.

Sure - it's easy to feel jealous of other people's happiness - that's completely understandable :wink:

I'm feeling the same.
 
G

Grayze

HikiNeet
Jun 28, 2022
128
I understand how you feel, having never experienced that sort of love and affection from another person, seeing it 'flaunted' in front of you like it's the most natural thing in the world is devastating.

Can't really hate them for enjoying their life though, just wish I was able to enjoy life too...
 
chokti

chokti

Metaphysically Homeless
Feb 21, 2022
216
For me personally, I just don't want to witness it/be party to it at all.

On two different occasions I was stuck in the same room with a couple having sex (motel room/dorm room) while they thought I was sleeping.

It was fucking disturbing and awkward as hell.

In comparison, seeing someone kiss or hug isn't all that bad.

I understand the loneliness aspect, and even the resentment, but all in all, I can't be mad at someone else enjoying their life.
 
W

waitingforrest

Warlock
Dec 27, 2021
763
I can understand where you are coming from. I dislike how quickly the word incel is thrown arround. Sometimes people have concerns or frustrations that they want to talk about. Calling someone a incel effectively cuts the bridge to understanding and communication. Making the ''incel'' more isolated and bitter.

(Of course there are just pure hateful people that deter people by their abusive behavior, and then blame it all on other people. I don't know if incel would be the most accurate term as they are actively driving people away with behaviors that can be changed, that it is not just their looks; regardless if they know it or not. Using other people as scapegoats for rejections and subsequently fueling their own feedback loop.)

It's common for people to associate being alone with being a loser and not trying enough. ''Incel'' has turned into another roundabout insult for that. People that aimlessly use ''incel'' fail to understand, there are cultures, standards, expectations of what is desirable that our out of our control. Alienating people that have been constantly rejected will only fuel the bitterness.

I'm sorry that people aren't willing to listen to how you feel. Only if people could understand the hate of seeing happy people doesn't mean hating happy people themselves, but it could be the dislike of the constant reminders of our own misfortune.

People that have always felt loved, content, and connected do not understand all the blood and tears other people shed to get just one person to stay, or the desperation of loneliness that then slightest bit of attention is held on so tightly.

It's like seeing something you aren't a part of. A party that everyone is invited to except you. All you can do is watch people from the driveway.
 
LastFlowers

LastFlowers

the haru that can read
Apr 27, 2019
1,788
I hate PDA couples so goddamn much, whenever I see two fuckers kissing in public it fills me with resentment and rage. I’m 20 and have never experienced the privilege of having some who loves me for who I am, but it seems that everyone around me does. Even my parents, who I want to love but can’t help but resent for forgetting to use a condom, are affectionate to each other around me (which I guess is to be expected) but I can’t help but get upset.

Normally whenever I dare to speak up about my discontentment over being lonely I just get called an “Incel” and it hurts because people are just dismissing my feelings. Seeing PDA couples only fuels my desire to CTB in public.
I think I understand what you mean, I don’t even desire a romantic (or sexual) relationship (but I do desire being a priority and having close platonic connections), and even I get perturbed by the sort of thing you speak of.

Light and infrequent PDA is one thing, especially when there is plenty of distance between yourself and others (like in a park), but I can’t even go to the damn grocery store without witnessing full on displays where couples are so attached at the hip that they can barely take one step forward (and might as well be wearing one of those giant shirts that fits two people).
Typically the excuse is that they “can’t help themselves”, but I call bullshit.
It’s 100% for attention. Of various kinds.
They want people to see them-to validate them, to acknowledge that they are desirable to another, they want people to feel uncomfortable..and/or they want people to feel inferior somehow and themselves the opposite.
It’s a show of their perceived status.
And that’s the part that nauseates me.
The narcissism at play.
There are some who do this out of insecurity and trying to keep up with the image of couples they see put out by others, but you’ll notice that those most guilty and relentless about it are people who are privileged and pompous in additional ways.

(Hyperbolizing here, but unless they’re long distance and only have a weekend to meet once a year, I’d rather not have to tolerate it.)

I’ve heard and read people admit that they prey on those around them (especially people they deem as pathetic and “less than”) while out in public places, by upping the PDA in close proximity to their captive audience (e.g. in line at a store or in an elevator).
I’ve also seen it play out in real time, where the couple literally side eyes anyone in the vicinity to make sure they’re watching, and if they do get someone’s attention they go into overdrive whilst letting up when they sense that the audience has abandoned them.
It’s like forcing someone to play a part in their exhibitionism and intimacy, it’s very inconsiderate and at times, oddly predatory and harmful.
Sometimes this isn’t just physical contact, but can also be in the form of projecting obnoxiously saccharine (or sexual) pillow talk out into the open for others to hear.
(There’s also social media..but that’s a whole other can of worms.)

As for family members (and their partners) not having the decency or respect to save it for later when in the presence of relatives..that’s perhaps worse than having to stand there awkwardly with a couple of touchy strangers.
Why anyone would even want their family to witness their caressing and heavy petting is beyond me.
A hug? A peck on the cheek when arriving and/or departing? Fair.
But the rest? Unnecessary and rude in a lot of cases.
(I guess parents could have a little more wiggle room since they’re in their own home with their children, but they still shouldn’t go overboard if it makes their kid that unnerved.)

When I see two people that I can infer are a couple, but who don’t actually make much physical contact and still seem independent enough to stray from their partner’s side..I feel like running up to them and shaking their hands in gratitude lol.

Besides the pda thing, and on a more personal note, couples (and any group of 2 or more people) scare me, because they’re emboldened by their company, which tends to enhance their less savory traits and inclinations.
As an easy target of bullying, it’s much more common for me to be harassed and laughed at by couples or groups, so I try to avoid them at all costs, just incase.
Their sense of ego is heightened while their filter is loosened.

The pedestal that society places romantic/sexual relationships upon certainly doesn’t help matters. We equate it with the ultimate form of social success and offer it multiple accolades and ceremonies that it really doesn’t deserve.
All of this can and does lead to severe issues of entitlement, toxicity and superiority complexes..also enhanced competition, so when someone’s relationship fails or they never become a part of one to begin with..they are victim to an atmosphere that makes them feel like worthless, utter failures.
Just look at the amount of people here who are suicidal for your own reasons and also for the reason of being broken up with or suddenly rejected…it’s massive.
(I think unhealthy dependency and the selfish expectations of some couples-or halves of couples-for their partners to endlessly compromise and sacrifice their individuality/own separate dreams/possessions/other relationships for the “entity” of the couple is also part of why those who fall out of relationships hit the ground so hard when they’re dropped.
They lost out on a huge investment of time, money, and SELF. They may not even know how to exist as an individual. Nor are they inclined to believe there is any growth to be had in being alone-which is unfortunate.
I think this is relevant because it has overlap with the reasons why you are bothered with seeing the public displays, and it also allows for further conversation about how the couple themselves can also suffer from what they become.)

As for the other aspects of your gripe, I think you deserve more understanding and compassion than you’ve been afforded.
It’s always been my goal-in both words and actions-to avoid boasting and showing off (but not to the point of playing dumb, where the existence of certain comforts and advantages are denied) as it’s almost always going to reach someone else who is suffering without the same benefits or opportunities. (Not that I ever had much to feel pride in lol.) The contrast is a blade that cuts deep.
Conversely, it does not hurt a person to practice humility and restraint where this is concerned, and it’s more than doable.
(I think there’s even a common phrase for it in a foreign country/culture from my own, but the name escapes me. Something about “achievements” being acknowledged but not excessively applauded or displayed. Where the “winning” individual’s only expectation of others is either no expectation at all, or simply a nod or a “well done” in place of full on flattery.)
All this to repeat, that it is an agreeable assertion to make: that a romantic relationship is oft considered an “achievement” in society that goes on to solicit congratulations and awe (which I consider synonymous with boasting).
Now circle back.

I see the argument of not wanting to judge others’ “happiness” or rain on their parade..but if they’re so happy and content, why do they feel the need to have other parties involved as extras in a story where they’re the only main characters?
As I’ve said before, I’m not an empty pair of eyes for others to view their reflections in.
And I’m not here to be an accoutrement to someone else’s life or relationship.
No thanks.


The other thing, OP (though I doubt that this will make you feel any better) is that a lot of these couples will never admit to getting involved with one another for largely superficial reasons. They may admit that it had a part but they’ll almost never state just how big of a part those more conditional reasons played and that an equal or better person out there for them (compared to their partner) had the door to a relationship slammed in their face because of harmless yet uncontrollable (or cosmetic) reasons.
Loving each other for “who” they are is always up for debate, but of course that also depends on your definition of “love”.
Mine may differ from others’.
Either way, romantic relationships tend to be some of the most conditional relationships in existence (and not in a good way).
Not to say there’s not a single one (couple) of virtue (don’t get me wrong), but appearances and general infatuation tend to blind a person or cause them to see things that are not there, also making them willing to tolerate what they would normally never tolerate in someone else…and that’s the only “unconditional” aspect of the relationship, which is not exactly admirable (e.g. couples excusing each other for bad behavior and takes, or laughing it off to the detriment of those outside of the sacred two..holding their partner to a lower standard, or breaking rules that single people are governed by).
..btw I’m not saying any of this to diminish your own desire for someone to love you “for who you are” or to dissuade you from it…you have every right to long for (and receive) companionship & affection (which I think is a more accurate way of describing a relationship, rather than “bursting with true, celestial love”).
 
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cat_supremacist

cat_supremacist

Who goes there?
Jul 7, 2022
69
PDA stands for public displays of affection. People kissing in public, talking about their sex lives around others, etc. Scum of the earth.
Are there non-PDA couples, who avoid kissing or hugging in public to not hurt the feelings of bitter virgins like ourselves? To me, what you're describing sounds like a normal, healthy relationship, except for the "talking about sex"- part, which would seem a bit inapropriate in public. Then again, I've never seen anyone do that, but maybe you are from a trashy area where people do this sorta stuff.
 
D

Dida

Member
Apr 15, 2019
14
I don't know, even though I haven't been in a relationship before. I don't really resent them. I just wish I can be happy as well, but that'll never happen.
 
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summers

summers

Visionary
Nov 4, 2020
2,293
Does everyone on this thread really think that just because two people are kissing or holding hands or having sex that they're in love? What planet are you people from?
Scum of the earth.
Damn, someone's jelly.
 
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WhatPowerIs

WhatPowerIs

Experienced
Jun 19, 2022
233
Does everyone on this thread really think that just because two people are kissing or holding hands or having sex that they're in love? What planet are you people from?
Huh? Probably because those are things that people in relationships, people who love each other, do? It's not rocket science.
 
summers

summers

Visionary
Nov 4, 2020
2,293
Huh? Probably because those are things that people in relationships, people who love each other, do? It's not rocket science.
Yes, but it's also what people who are attracted to one another do. Would you have to be in love to hold someone's hand? That's the point I'm making, maybe they are in love, maybe they're on a first date and just want to fuck.

Either way, the hate that people feel for others who have done absolutely nothing wrong to them is disgusting.
 
WhatPowerIs

WhatPowerIs

Experienced
Jun 19, 2022
233
Either way, the hate that people feel for others who have done absolutely nothing wrong to them is disgusting.
Why not show them why instead of making fun of them?
 
summers

summers

Visionary
Nov 4, 2020
2,293
Why not show them why instead of making fun of them?
I'm not making fun of anyone. There are plenty of truly bad and evil people in this world. Two people kissing in public aren't doing anything wrong.