Charles

Charles

Member
Jun 24, 2018
30
So I am more or less ready to exit. I got all of my tools for an exit bag, so now it's just lying there, waiting to be assembled and used.
I won't go about much of how I feel in regarding to anyone trying to stop me, I do want to go and that is a full conscious, and right minded choice.
At the moment, I believe I will exit this week. Don't know when exactly. Might write my goodbyes here.
I feel..calm, and in my mind I am asking myself is this how someone "normal" would feel..I expect fear, cries, and alike, but I am mostly feeling calm. There is a little..buzz and a little shaking sensation when I think about my last moments..it may be fear, I am not sure. I said to myself..I can do it any time now I want, and I don't feel it now. But I often enough feel the emtpyness and the want to die, therefore this cooldown is nothing much.
I have a concern if somehow I might just end up brain dead, or worse, brain damaged, and incapable of anything but still alive..but I have a backup plan for that, my close family member, would arrange me a legal euthanasia if I ended up just brain damaged. That would definitely be good of a reason to be euthanized legally in Belgium or so. So there is really no option now where I don't die. But I am fairly certain, and sure that I will pass away quickly, also because my health is fairly down, and I am not very fit physically, I am very slim, unhealthy slim, tall and such.
How will I do it?
I will prepare the exit bag..do any kind of mind prep..to calm myself, and I will put on headphones, and my music of choice, start the filling of the bag..and..pull it over my head, following all the things, like exhaling before going in and etc.
I will focus upon my music..and just take a big breath or normal breathing..and after that..if I am conscious and can realise that I can't hear the music, means I am gone...somewhere in the afterlife, and after that..God knows what.
I really ... really fucking badly hope not to wake up in some fucking hell. But my personal belief in Source (what I call God) doesn't allow for such thoughts.
My view on biblical hell..christianity is simple, if it's real, and I am in hell, I will suffer for the rest of eternity, but not for my own sins, but for the sins of God. That's a calming thought to me.
So yeah..this is my situation right now. If in the moment, or later today I feel like going, I will go. If tommorow, I go tommorow.
I perhaps can't control much in my life, but I will sure as shit make sure that I can control my own death, and do it when I feel like it, not feeling forced into it..like I imagine mass shooters do, when they do some irreversible shit and either way lose their life, so they are kind of forced into killing themselves. I personally enjoy knowing I can stop at any given moment and do it later, and no force involved.
Anyone wanting to chat about anything, welcome to pm me, or write anything in this thread.
I am a very philosophical person.
Thanks for reading this.
 
NoLifeNoPain

NoLifeNoPain

-
Jun 17, 2018
1,364
Hey I didn't read everything, but If you really wanna do it I suggest you drink some wine before. Right when you'll know that you're about to die you will panic and it's not going to be pleasant for you.
 
Definitelyworried

Definitelyworried

Member
Jun 19, 2018
555
Hey Charles I found your post interesting, and I'm wondering if you still around? I had a few questions for you.
 
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