Note or None?

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Aponia & Ataraxia

Aponia & Ataraxia

Experienced
Jun 24, 2018
235
Upon acquiring all of your critical substances / equipment / travel money: Are you planning on leaving a note, or are you planning on utterly rocketing from this lower plane / making a bee-line for the nearest emergency exit?

*Anecdotal experiences: Having philosophically equated oblivion to deep dreamless sleep, every passing morning greets me with a spike of utter despair during the first ten seconds of waking up.

My first attempt was aborted, and as of now my actual end frame is on track for a 120-day delay... for those of you who have not yet attempted: make sure you've made a black & white decision on whether to stay or go, and orchestrate a damn good plan the first time. ...I recall hearing the term 'limbo' in the reddit days, which is slang for the experience of an intervening time delay between attempts and/or being on the fence about cutting one's experience short. ...'limbo' is pretty real, and it absolutely sucks. Fortunately, suicide euphoria is also real. That being said, it seems as though each botched attempt (failed or aborted) is anecdotally likely to have a negative effect on your suicide euphoria and/or ideation euphoria (which are invaluable when it comes to orchestration & execution) while simultaneously almost guaranteeing one an encounter with 'limbo' --the experiencing of which, should be on the suicidal individual's list of the top 5 things worth avoiding.
 
Xmac000

Xmac000

Somewhere...
May 23, 2018
102
Yes limbo sucks. My aborted attempts lead to me feeling like i'm stuck in it. Just as you said with each aborted attempt i felt more and more discouraged in doing it. I'm feeling trapped as of right now but i am going to attempt one last time with a different method before i kick in the bucket. I just have to find the energy to get up and do it. After being beat down by the survival instinct a couple of times already im feeling kind of hopeless.
 
Definitelyworried

Definitelyworried

Member
Jun 19, 2018
555
My first bailed attempts I had left a note, and it got me in to trouble.
Now I have explained to everyone that is close to me why I'm depressed, and a note would be pointless in my situation, if the people that care about me don't know by know why I killed myself, then they never payed attention. By me opening them up to them so much and explaining my feelings there should be no need for a note.
So it depends on the situation. Sometimes a note is better other times no.
 
Aponia & Ataraxia

Aponia & Ataraxia

Experienced
Jun 24, 2018
235
Yes limbo sucks. My aborted attempts lead to me feeling like i'm stuck in it. Just as you said with each aborted attempt i felt more and more discouraged in doing it. I'm feeling trapped as of right now but i am going to attempt one last time with a different method before i kick in the bucket. I just have to find the energy to get up and do it. After being beat down by the survival instinct a couple of times already im feeling kind of hopeless.

It's like a gravity-well, where each successive fail/abort knocks you down to a lower rung on the ladder than you had been prior... the whole limbo thing forces one to walk a tightrope between seriousness and humorousness. It makes the final present moment akin to a mirage...

I'm always careful to distinguish between what I call method aversion v.s. existence bias: The latter having to do with the abstract strategy game between the Platonic "third realm" VS the unconscious evolutionary programming (propaganda) under the hood, which effects us from afar (ego included), --tricky & psychological in character. The former is simply a pain & maim aversion, nothing more than common sense regarding method mechanics IMO.

"To think with fear of the end of one's life is pretty general with human beings. It is one of the means nature uses to conserve the life of the species. Approached rationally that fear is the most unjustified of all fears, for there is no risk of any accidents to one who is dead or not yet born. In short, the fear is stupid but it cannot be helped." --(Einstein unintentionally articulating the existence bias)

Ultimately, I think the platonic realm of abstract objects, logic,and reason quite clearly exposes the evolutionary-rooted existence bias as not only a trojan horse, but a hologram of a trojan horse: It appears large, intimidating, and mysterious ...even though it's decidedly nothing other than a virtual reality, an illusion, --albeit a "stubbornly persistent one" ;)

The two combined (method aversion + existence bias) are decidedly pretty locked-down, so I'd say at least one has to be eroded completely while the other is damn-near eroded. I'd say the two most prominent subcategories would have to be money (method aversion), and family/friends (existence bias)
 
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Aponia & Ataraxia

Aponia & Ataraxia

Experienced
Jun 24, 2018
235
My first bailed attempts I had left a note, and it got me in to trouble.
Now I have explained to everyone that is close to me why I'm depressed, and a note would be pointless in my situation, if the people that care about me don't know by know why I killed myself, then they never payed attention. By me opening them up to them so much and explaining my feelings there should be no need for a note.
So it depends on the situation. Sometimes a note is better other times no.

Couldn't agree more. My experience was virtually equivalent.
 

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