Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
Sometimes I think I will live forever. My wishes of death are very strong and suicide is the most reliable option but I never was even close of dying. Every ctb attempt I did went wrong. I really want to die and I'm very convinced of what I'm doing. But I can't do it. Ever the same. I have the house for me and I'm alone here, it would be an excellent situation for ctb but something pushes me back ever. When I have everything ready I can't do it and I feel like a coward and really frustrated for it. Why this happens? Why can't my mind understand that 15 minutes of deblooding or choking are way better than my next 60 years??? Why is so hard doing this??? I will never have guts for doing this. I know myself enough, I'm only losing time. This is awful and everytime this happens I feel a lot of frustration and I wonder why I didn't it. I feel bad. Nobody should be in a situation like this. Hope a meteor shash us all soon because if not I will be here, suffering for no apparent reason and feeling like a mental retarded for being totally unabled to killing myself. Oh god...
 
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Sasha

Sasha

Member
Jun 13, 2018
95
Sometimes I think I will live forever. My wishes of death are very strong and suicide is the most reliable option but I never was even close of dying. Every ctb attempt I did went wrong. I really want to die and I'm very convinced of what I'm doing. But I can't do it. Ever the same. I have the house for me and I'm alone here, it would be an excellent situation for ctb but something pushes me back ever. When I have everything ready I can't do it and I feel like a coward and really frustrated for it. Why this happens? Why can't my mind understand that 15 minutes of deblooding or choking are way better than my next 60 years??? Why is so hard doing this??? I will never have guts for doing this. I know myself enough, I'm only losing time. This is awful and everytime this happens I feel a lot of frustration and I wonder why I didn't it. I feel bad. Nobody should be in a situation like this. Hope a meteor shash us all soon because if not I will be here, suffering for no apparent reason and feeling like a mental retarded for being totally unabled to killing myself. Oh god...
I can totally relate to you, I make my mind that I am gonna do it today. But when the time comes I say myself tomorrow. I feel like I can’t do anything. But I really want to do it in this week, idk if I will be able to do it. But I hope so
 
Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
I can totally relate to you, I make my mind that I am gonna do it today. But when the time comes I say myself tomorrow. I feel like I can’t do anything. But I really want to do it in this week, idk if I will be able to do it. But I hope so
It's very fucked, like being trapped but can't scape.
 
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Sasha

Sasha

Member
Jun 13, 2018
95
It's very fucked, like being trapped but can't scape.
It’s pretty easy to die, you could kill yourself with anything around you. But you need the guts to do it (which I don’t have). Idk why people who want to live die, why people who are hungry for death live.
 
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Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
But you need the guts to do it
Exactly. And getting them is why commiting suicide is so hard.
Idk why people who want to live die, why people who are hungry for death live.
Life is chaotic, different persons can have very different wishes but it hasn't matter because life is a bitch and it will do everything it wants to you without remedy.
 
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Meena

Meena

Student
Jun 7, 2018
138
As far as i am concerned, i am not able to ctb 4 the moment because i am living a big lie which is hope. Like an idiot i am still hoping.