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Noone

Member
Jul 30, 2018
41
Anyone’s desire to ctb due to mental illness? I have severe OCD, the symptoms of which are fueled by the feasibility of my fears. I’m trying really, really hard to stay alive for my loved ones but my brain keeps tricking me into assuming the worst until I basically am unable to even get out of bed because of this “what’s the point when everything’s going to go to shit anyway” mentality. This literally feels like terminal illness and I just want to be born again in a different body or alternate universe, you know?
 
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ScaredOfLife

Arcanist
Jul 9, 2018
441
I have depression and anxiety and I always hate it when other suicidal people try to write us off. They think only the terminally ill or people with chronic pain have a reason to commit suicide. It's like they don't think we're suffering. Mental illness is a disease and very painful for those who suffer from it.
 
Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
I have depression and anxiety and I always hate it when other suicidal people try to write us off. They think only the terminally ill or people with chronic pain have a reason to commit suicide. It's like they don't think we're suffering. Mental illness is a disease and very painful for those who suffer from it.
People underrates depression and specially anxiety too much. Like if somebody would find pleasure in living in constant agony and attacks.
 
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Noone

Member
Jul 30, 2018
41
Oh my God

I wake up with panic attacks practically every morning, usually if I don’t get enough sleep. It’s perpetual torture.


I know how you feel.

Do you wake up with panic attacks everyday too? In my case it affects to my rest. If I'm lucky I can sleep 4 hours. It's horrible. I go to sleep and I wake up in agony everyday. Even in the night I'm trapped.
 
Lara Francis

Lara Francis

Enlightened
Jun 30, 2018
1,630
Hi.
I am sorry to hear your despair.
I know exactly how you feel and it is difficult living for others when you want to ctb especially when you are that low.
Depression and ocd are very hard to get through and I don't know if I can do it personally.
A lack of understanding from family members does not help.
You are not alone with how you feel.
 
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ScaredOfLife

Arcanist
Jul 9, 2018
441
I know how you feel.

Do you wake up with panic attacks everyday too? In my case it affects to my rest. If I'm lucky I can sleep 4 hours. It's horrible. I go to sleep and I wake up in agony everyday. Even in the night I'm trapped.

I wake-up with panic attacks I think because of the despair of finding myself back in this body... back in this awful life and world. To go to sleep is to escape... to wake-up and find myself back here again is torture and causes panic attacks. I have about three panic attacks a day. It seems my whole life is panic attacks.
 
Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
I wake-up with panic attacks I think because of the despair of finding myself back in this body... back in this awful life and world. To go to sleep is to escape... to wake-up and find myself back here again is torture and causes panic attacks. I have about three panic attacks a day. It seems my whole life is panic attacks.
Same... but I can't escape even sleeping unfirtunately, I wake up at least 3 times in middle of the night due to a panic attack and for me only closing my eyes stresses me. It's unbearable.
 
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ScaredOfLife

Arcanist
Jul 9, 2018
441
Same... but I can't escape even sleeping unfirtunately, I wake up at least 3 times in middle of the night due to a panic attack and for me only closing my eyes stresses me. It's unbearable.

I'm sorry you go through that. I don't get panic attacks while I'm sleeping.
 
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EternalSanction

EternalSanction

-
Jun 7, 2018
251
I've SAD, combined with some other factors resulting in depression.
Don't let yourself be devaluated by other people, just because it's "only" a mental illness, that's bs imo.
It's not a contest of who suffers the most.
 
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Dead_Inside

Dead_Inside

Wizard
Jul 2, 2018
625
That is just insane. Anxiety is horrible. The terminally ill are allowed by society to think about death and to contemplate suicide. Society sees them as tragic. If you have depression or anxiety? Society says, get over it already. Imagine if they said that to the terminally ill? Get over it, its going to be done with soon anyway.... then they would feel what its like to suffer with out understanding.
No one can say how a person suffers - the terminally ill, the person with constant panic attacks, the person who just feels ashamed of who they are.
Its the suffering without understanding ... its the loneliness. Its why we kill ourselves.....
 
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ScaredOfLife

Arcanist
Jul 9, 2018
441
That is just insane. Anxiety is horrible. The terminally ill are allowed by society to think about death and to contemplate suicide. Society sees them as tragic. If you have depression or anxiety? Society says, get over it already. Imagine if they said that to the terminally ill? Get over it, its going to be done with soon anyway.... then they would feel what its like to suffer with out understanding.
No one can say how a person suffers - the terminally ill, the person with constant panic attacks, the person who just feels ashamed of who they are.
Its the suffering without understanding ... its the loneliness. Its why we kill ourselves.....

I can understand that some people might not need to commit suicide if they haven't tried treatment yet, because treatment might help some people, but there are some - like me - who have been in therapy and on medications for 17 years and are simply not getting better.

It just bugs me when I see anxiety and depression written-off as irrational reasons to commit suicide.
 
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Deleted_9cKnXB34QG

Mage
Jun 26, 2018
501
I've had extreme anxiety since childhood, I've always struggled with the simplest tasks, couldn't stand going to school and I can't even imagine working.
I also have schizoid PD, I can't connect with people (even my family), I'll never have a partner or friends, I can't enjoy anything anymore due to anhedonia, I can't really feel anything anymore besides anxiety and anger. 0 positive emotions.

This is no way to live.