Volatile

Volatile

God
Jun 18, 2018
1,286
I enjoy reading and have countless books still in my queue. It makes me sad that I won’t get to read them. Im currently hurrying through Age of Reason by Thomas Paine. Then I’m going to jump into The Last Two Million Years (it’s a history book). Then hopefully I get to read The Idiot by Dostoyevsky.
 
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MAIO

Elementalist
Apr 8, 2018
838
I enjoy reading and have countless books still in my queue. It makes me sad that I won’t get to read them. Im currently hurrying through Age of Reason by Thomas Paine. Then I’m going to jump into The Last Two Million Years (it’s a history book). Then hopefully I get to read The Idiot by Dostoyevsky.

Lying, bring pain and misery to people, Genicide, selling drugs, you know just the typically stuff that make people happy.
 
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itsallover

Arcanist
Jun 29, 2018
478
I enjoy reading and have countless books still in my queue. It makes me sad that I won’t get to read them. Im currently hurrying through Age of Reason by Thomas Paine. Then I’m going to jump into The Last Two Million Years (it’s a history book). Then hopefully I get to read The Idiot by Dostoyevsky.
Most men will probably say something sexual. Personally I should have joined the military or done porn after high school. Fuck enlightenment and morality. People are animals
 
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Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,353
I’ll miss animals, sunshine, food, sex, driving car, smoking weed, adderall, reading, watching YouTube, doing nothing. I won’t miss being a sex worker, never ending bills, shaving my legs and other areas, grocery shopping, doctors visits, brushing my teeth/flossing, broken heart, regrets, being a loner, being an outcast, having to get stuck with a needle lol! I’m sure there’s more stuff haha!
 
Gray Wounds

Gray Wounds

A Phantasmagoria
Jun 27, 2018
531
I enjoy reading and have countless books still in my queue. It makes me sad that I won’t get to read them. Im currently hurrying through Age of Reason by Thomas Paine. Then I’m going to jump into The Last Two Million Years (it’s a history book). Then hopefully I get to read The Idiot by Dostoyevsky.

we're the same. I too have a lot of unread books. but the thought of me not having to read all of them isn't making me reluctant.
 
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comfortablydumb

-
Jun 19, 2018
148
I enjoy reading and have countless books still in my queue. It makes me sad that I won’t get to read them. Im currently hurrying through Age of Reason by Thomas Paine. Then I’m going to jump into The Last Two Million Years (it’s a history book). Then hopefully I get to read The Idiot by Dostoyevsky.

Then it comes down to a cost-benefit analysis. Young people very frequently cite books and music as a lifeline - the one thing that kept or keeps them from ending it all. Especially young people in communities that are toxic for them: gay kids in an intolerant environment, mentally ill kids in an intolerant environment, etc. One of the most common tropes in celebrity memoirs is how books/music/movies literally kept them alive until they were able to physically move away from a toxic community to a healthy community.

This is essentially why I am biased against suicide amongst the very young. Disregarding the whole thing about the meaninglessness of life and how we are specks in a vast and indifferent universe that seems destined for heat death, if one's main movers towards suicide are concrete, defeatable forces, I think that one should try to fight them or sneak out of their grasp. The worst that can happen is failure, and then the act of going through with suicide should be, by some intangible unit, that much more emotionally easy.
 
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comfortablydumb

-
Jun 19, 2018
148
Just for curiosity, what is the age range in that "very young" people?

Simply put: 0 to 18. (I've never heard of anyone younger than 10 taking their life on purpose, so for the roughly 10 first years of a human life suicide seems to be a pretty moot concept.)

I've seen a few stand-up comedians summarize my general point of view: "If you're a destitute, childless and friendless person over 50, then why not kill yourself? Is there enough pleasure and meaning in this existence to give you any reason to linger on?"

I see a lot of young people on this forum complain about their toxic parents, etc. I take that "less seriously" than the complaints of those who are in chronic pain, in insurmountable debt, or middle-aged and friendless. If you're 18, for example, and your parents are narcissistic psychopaths, then move out. If that means sucking dick down by the docks in order to be able to pay for food, then that's at least a fresh and new hell. I have all the sympathy and understanding in the world for an 18-year old who faces those choices and crafts a noose. But, all else being equal, that 18-year old's potential for a life where the good shit is equal to, or bigger, than the bad shit is much greater than it is for a 48-year old.

According to current neuroscience, a person's brain isn't "fully developed" until about 25 years of age. At least, it isn't "crystallized" until that age - in its final form, so to speak. An average 5-year old will beat any adult genius in the world at truly learning a language, for example. Because that kid's brain is a mushy pile of whatever comes into it. The same 5-year old's brain will take in whatever bad shit that comes his way, and can be epigenetically triggered into becoming a psychopath - a socially broken person who will, necessarily, harm others, and for whom there is no chance of change and "redemption".

A large proportion of people on this forum either identify themselves as having, or display symptoms of, borderline personality disorder. Just like psychopathy, it is an epigenetically triggered personality disorder. For those people, as far as I know, there is no "hope". I get why they're here. They feel joy more intensely than "normals", but they also feel sorrow more intensely than "normals". And it's known that humans are DNA-wired to take pain and sorrow more to heart than joy. (We evolved from single celled organisms, and even for our closest relative - the chimpanzee - it's far more important to avoid pain than to achieve joy. Even "normal" humans are evolutionarily weighted to feel pain when it is caused, than to feel joy when it is caused.)

But, generally speaking, until you're 25, nobody - including oneself- knows who or what the fuck you are, and what your prospects in life are. But, if you are younger than 25, then you are probably reaching a conclusion that the evidence is yet to support.
 
ge0rge

ge0rge

the satanic mechanic
Jul 29, 2018
366
If that means sucking dick down by the docks in order to be able to pay for food.

I see you coming after me, such a rude rude callout

I disagree with the idea that older people necessarily have a harder time re-crafting their lives into something serviceable, or that younger people don't know the full extent of pain and misery, however. The only problem with making all sorts of phantasmagorical changes later in life is that you'll be channeling deep midlife crisis vibes.
 
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nuclearsnake

Student
Jul 11, 2018
147
Simply put: 0 to 18. (I've never heard of anyone younger than 10 taking their life on purpose, so for the roughly 10 first years of a human life suicide seems to be a pretty moot concept.)

I've seen a few stand-up comedians summarize my general point of view: "If you're a destitute, childless and friendless person over 50, then why not kill yourself? Is there enough pleasure and meaning in this existence to give you any reason to linger on?"

I see a lot of young people on this forum complain about their toxic parents, etc. I take that "less seriously" than the complaints of those who are in chronic pain, in insurmountable debt, or middle-aged and friendless. If you're 18, for example, and your parents are narcissistic psychopaths, then move out. If that means sucking dick down by the docks in order to be able to pay for food, then that's at least a fresh and new hell. I have all the sympathy and understanding in the world for an 18-year old who faces those choices and crafts a noose. But, all else being equal, that 18-year old's potential for a life where the good shit is equal to, or bigger, than the bad shit is much greater than it is for a 48-year old.

According to current neuroscience, a person's brain isn't "fully developed" until about 25 years of age. At least, it isn't "crystallized" until that age - in its final form, so to speak. An average 5-year old will beat any adult genius in the world at truly learning a language, for example. Because that kid's brain is a mushy pile of whatever comes into it. The same 5-year old's brain will take in whatever bad shit that comes his way, and can be epigenetically triggered into becoming a psychopath - a socially broken person who will, necessarily, harm others, and for whom there is no chance of change and "redemption".

A large proportion of people on this forum either identify themselves as having, or display symptoms of, borderline personality disorder. Just like psychopathy, it is an epigenetically triggered personality disorder. For those people, as far as I know, there is no "hope". I get why they're here. They feel joy more intensely than "normals", but they also feel sorrow more intensely than "normals". And it's known that humans are DNA-wired to take pain and sorrow more to heart than joy. (We evolved from single celled organisms, and even for our closest relative - the chimpanzee - it's far more important to avoid pain than to achieve joy. Even "normal" humans are evolutionarily weighted to feel pain when it is caused, than to feel joy when it is caused.)

But, generally speaking, until you're 25, nobody - including oneself- knows who or what the fuck you are, and what your prospects in life are. But, if you are younger than 25, then you are probably reaching a conclusion that the evidence is yet to support.

I'm 23 and I kept telling myself for the last twelve years that things are going to get better, I'm going to move out (which I did). I'm out of energy. I'm trans and ugly as sin and I don't know how to deal with that anymore. Everyday is nothing but pain and I don't really care anymore about things getting better because I simply want to be dead.

What I'm saying is that I see where you're coming from and this used to be my reasoning as well but what's the point when every day is torture and your therapists don't care.
 
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comfortablydumb

-
Jun 19, 2018
148
I see you coming after me, such a rude rude callout

Seriously, are you joking? "Sucking dick down by the docks" is just the easiest available shorthand for "a miserable existence". Out of the participants on this forum, you're probably the one that I agree the most with on things.

I disagree with the idea that older people necessarily have a harder time re-crafting their lives into something serviceable

Then we disagree. Older people can re-craft their lives into something serviceable. But in order to even begin to re-craft your life, no matter your age, that something has to be desirable, not merely serviceable. There are plenty of real stories about "older" people who found joy, purpose and meaning in helping others in some way. There are plenty of "past their prime" people, however, who lack the natural and/or social gifts needed to be able to contribute anything that is worthwhile and meaningful to others and themselves. It's exceptional to live to 110, and it's just about as exceptional to be 80 and willing and able to contribute anything of societal value. That's not to denigrate the millions of elderly in, or in need of, care, nor geriatric philanthropists like Jimmy Carter. Just talking about likelihoods.

or that younger people don't know the full extent of pain and misery

I'm sure that I've explicitly or implicitly expressed that idea. In any case, I am wrong about that. I've been a younger person, so I know what it's like. Adolescents feel the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune more sharply than adults, but your ability to get out of range is closely correlated with your age.

The only problem with making all sorts of phantasmagorical changes later in life is that you'll be channeling deep midlife crisis vibes.

I don't understand what this means.
 
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ge0rge

ge0rge

the satanic mechanic
Jul 29, 2018
366
lmao I was joking about the dick sucking thing, although I often think about doing sexwork once I get into shape

and what I mean about "phantasmagorical changes" and "midlife crisis vibes" is that the significant social drawback to becoming a professional juggler at 45 is everyone thinking you're a pathetic loser and that you've gone off the deep end
 
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ge0rge

ge0rge

the satanic mechanic
Jul 29, 2018
366
as for notions of worthwhile and meaningful, I feel they are empty descriptors that are bandied about too freely, @comfortablydumb

anything is worthwhile if it brings enjoyment, and meaning is only something you can ascribe to an event after it's happened, so the discussion of meaning through the framework of suicide is kind of useless. at least that's how I see it.
 
ge0rge

ge0rge

the satanic mechanic
Jul 29, 2018
366
@comfortablydumb , an addendum: I think some suicidal people, or "existentialists" or "nihilists," or whatever the elastic descriptor is nowadays, are more at fault for seeking some kind of transcendental or overwhelming meaning in things than people who have never sought meaning to begin with

the notion of meaning is problematic, multifaceted and very difficult to pinpoint without formally defining it, and even in the presence of formal definitions, there is no authority to enforce any normative take on the subject

very often, I think, we're dealing with people whose minds have been inculcated with ideas of exceptionalism and some shiny, diffuse woo-woo idealism that makes them fall all the harder once they realize they've clung to thin air
 
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Sundayafternoon

Sundayafternoon

Cosmic panic
May 18, 2018
394
Eating. Finding a great YouTube video that was uploaded in 2008. Ironically enough, sleeping in. The peace that comes with not having to set an alarm clock. Orgasms. Belly laughs. . rare these days. My cat.
 
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InsidiousDormouse

Member
Jul 3, 2018
79
Minecraft lol, it's infinite possibilities. I know I would have been gone sooner if it were not for that damn game, I actually part blame it, along with my dog, for the fact I am still on this shithole planet. That and I am considering my method, probably helium to be fair, it's the only one I have a remote chance of getting hold of and pulling off. I have fucked up everything in my life, so it only stands to reason I will fuck up my exit too and miss the damn bus.

I am quite a creative person and Minecraft allows me to create stuff without having to use my hands, as I am in so much pain I cannot draw or make sculptures etc anymore. Benzo withdrawal stole that away from me, my hands lock up and cramp now if I use them like that.

Minecraft serves so many possibilities for other stuff, like I will take my anger out on zombies sometimes lol, I'll open a creative world, make a huge arena, fill it with hostile mobs, pile on a ton of shit hot enchanted armour and weapons, switch back to survival and bash them up gladiator style lololol.

I also find exploring the worlds quite relaxing, I naturally love exploring, I used to do urbex (urban exploration) back when I had friends and a working body, I love exploring places, and exploring infinite worlds on Minecraft is a lot of fun, it's also a good distraction for anyone in my level of pain The only pain I could not play it through recently was my last period, pain was so bad I could not sit up. Apart from that it has destracted me from the jumping muscles and vibrating sensation I have, it's a fantastic game and I will miss it, it will be in my thoughts as I get to the bus stop. I may even drop a word of thanks somewhere for the creators before I go, just so they know how much this game helps people like me.

If I could, I would do my own YouTube channel for it, I was going to once but I realised I am too tired and sick, I cannot sustain anything that involves any effort, it drains me, it wears me down. Minecraft doesn't do this though, no matter how tricky an aspect of the game is, it does not seem to drain my energy like other forms of mental exertion do.
 
Jerryman

Jerryman

Member
Jul 19, 2018
93
Watching youtube,i'm almost finished it now.I would like to read,i just don't have the patience.I've read one book in my life.It was about UFOs.
Music,tv series.
Also masturbation.
Like it, I've done YouTube to death, dunno where I'd be without it, well actually I have an idea