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Live Free or Die

Live Free or Die

A wise man can always be found alone.
Jan 12, 2022
45
Same as you. Hiding under my fuzzy blanket and browsing the forums here. I have the TV on in the background to give me the sense I'm not all alone. I don't go out at all, can't be around people like that. What kind of hobbies did you used to enjoy?
 
lostautist

lostautist

wandering
Jan 12, 2022
139
TV is on for background noise. I'm on here in massive pain from surgeries yesterday. Debating if I should just suffer in pain or take a percocet. I just decided and took the pill. I will save the rest just in case...
 
Sides

Sides

Member
Dec 28, 2021
32
Reading, drinking yogurt because I lack the energy to eat. Need to go to bed early because I have a visiting nurse coming in the morning (recovering from open heart surgery.) The house is quiet and I am alone at last. Splendid isolation, as Warren Zevon put it. And yet I'm posting here, so I must be seeking the commiseration of a community of like-minded souls.
TV is on for background noise. I'm on here in massive pain from surgeries yesterday. Debating if I should just suffer in pain or take a percocet. I just decided and took the pill. I will save the rest just in case...

What surgeries? I just had open heart surgery (6 vessel CABG) on Sunday.
 
mixolydian

mixolydian

broken body, broken mind
Aug 2, 2020
426
Neat. I've not heard much of her since her fallout with Ethan from H3 podcast

No I've been watching HasanAbi watching master chef
Never heard of him. I'll have to look him up. Haha yeah, I'm watching some lady (her yt username is MYSTERIOUS) and she's analyzing the night that Trisha drove her car into Jason Nash's house and some of the lies she told about that incident. Good times. And YES, girl. She totally blew up her spot on Frenemies. Shame. I really liked that podcast and totally would have bought merch.

Anyway, enjoy.
 
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Circles

Circles

There's a difference between existing and living.
Sep 3, 2018
1,723
Just alone in my room looking at my phone pretending my life isn’t a joke. I’m half ass planning on hiking tomorrow but I hurt my back again so yeah wonderful. Might just end up talking about my problems on Reddit or get into a pointless argument on there for the fuck of it. Then get high with the little weed I have left and listen to the tv while I stare at the wall or ceiling.
 
Lurker

Lurker

Member
Nov 27, 2020
13
Just been reading forum threads/posts for the past couple hours (I think? It may have been longer... I lose track of time and become numb when mindlessly scrolling). Thinking about the past. Listening to music in the background for company. Probably going to disappear again and not log into this account for a long time and just lurk forever because I'm too awkward and sad to even talk properly to people anymore, or that's how I feel every single time I type or open my mouth.

I spent almost the whole night looking at the ceiling, I don't feel like doing my hobbies anymore due to anhedonia, and I don't go out to have fun because I don't have friends and no one ever invites me to anythingView attachment 83809
I don't know why, but seeing drunk Freddy made me laugh. It's so stupid it's funny. Also made me think of this:
feddycover.jpg

It was more funny in my head. I don't know what I'm doing anymore hahahaha
 
lostautist

lostautist

wandering
Jan 12, 2022
139
What surgeries? I just had open heart surgery (6 vessel CABG) on Sunday.

I'd say but they're very specific invasive procedures grouped into one visit and I'm not comfortable being searchable. Not on your level of invasive. I hope you recover quickly though.
 
Sides

Sides

Member
Dec 28, 2021
32
I'd say but they're very specific invasive procedures grouped into one visit and I'm not comfortable being searchable. Not on your level of invasive. I hope you recover quickly though.
No problem, I totally understand privacy issues. Hope you get relief from the Percs and are back in good health soon.

I've got a little Oxycodone left over from a previous surgery and trying to decide whether to take that before bed, as it will make my sleep apnea worse in combination with my Valium. Fuck it, what have I got to lose, right? Most of my life is pain now anyway. But I did just have a glimmer of hope just now a few minutes ago. Maybe I can hold onto that just long enough to make it to morning. Or if God blesses me, to die peacefully in my sleep, which is all I have ever wanted, to just slip away from the world peacefully without pain. That's my prayer for tonight, as it has been for months now. The clean death, the clean getaway, without fear or worry or pain. Just to close my eyes and let go and be with God forever at peace.
 
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lostautist

lostautist

wandering
Jan 12, 2022
139
No problem, I totally understand privacy issues. Hope you get relief from the Percs and are back in good health soon.

I've got a little Oxycodone left over from a previous surgery and trying to decide whether to take that before bed, as it will make my sleep apnea worse in combination with my Valium. Fuck it, what have I got to lose, right? Most of my life is pain now anyway. But I did just have a glimmer of hope just now a few minutes ago. Maybe I can hold onto that just long enough to make it to morning. Or if God blesses me, to die peacefully in my sleep, which is all I have ever wanted, to just slip away from the world peacefully without pain. That's my prayer for tonight, as it has been for months now. The clean death, the clean getaway, without fear or worry or pain. Just to close my eyes and let go and be with God forever at peace.

Well, it helped take the edge off a little... but still plenty of pain. Thanks for the kind wishes.

I wish it were simple like that. Even before my situation that has lead me here, I've wished the same. Just going to bed to sleep and not wake up. I wish you peaceful sleep. And more hope if you wake up.
 
Sides

Sides

Member
Dec 28, 2021
32
Well, it helped take the edge off a little... but still plenty of pain. Thanks for the kind wishes.

I wish it were simple like that. Even before my situation that has lead me here, I've wished the same. Just going to bed to sleep and not wake up. I wish you peaceful sleep. And more hope if you wake up.

If I could take away your pain and put it on myself, truly I would. At least then I would have died helping somebody else.

Good night and sweet dreams and no pain forever for both of us, forever.
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
16,321
I spent Friday night staying at home but what else is new?
 
Sherri

Sherri

Archangel
Sep 28, 2020
8,335
was watching crime documentaries like most days. Nothing exciting and was here most night.
 
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LeavingForever

LeavingForever

-
Sep 24, 2020
7,565
Its not friday night now where I live, it is Saturday afternoon, but I am spending the day just wishing I was not here as usual. I have so much dread for the future. It is a depressing, empty existence. I hope for eternal sleep.
 
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OrcWitch

OrcWitch

Mage
Sep 3, 2021
538
I'm watching some lady (her yt username is MYSTERIOUS) and she's analyzing the night that Trisha drove her car into Jason Nash's house and some of the lies she told about that incident. Good times. And YES, girl. She totally blew up her spot on Frenemies. Shame. I really liked that podcast and totally would have bought merch.
I don't mean to be judgmental over her issues, but I wonder how much her status/money/fame shields her from any real consequences for her unstable behavior? If she was an average person she would be so screwed.

I really liked frenemies, also content court. It had me in tears sometimes.
 
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