• Hey Visitor,

    In light of recent events, all community members in the US should reach out to their representative in regards to the Stop Online Suicide Assistance Forums Act that has been introduced in congress. This bill, if passed, could criminalize this community and hold it liable for simply hosting information.

    You should be able to locate and contact your represenative by going to this website. You can also contact Lori Trahan, the one spearheading this bill by calling her office at (202) 225-3411 or by leaving a message on the contact form on her site.

    One of the best ways to combat this is to make your voice heard. We're not political activists, but we made this notice to let you know that you do have a voice and that you do have representives that represent you in congress.
Hirokami

Hirokami

Out of order
Feb 21, 2021
563
Losing my mind. Stuck. It all feels like a blur. This nightmare needs to end now. I thought things were going well but it is not. I feel disconnected. Bad.
 
  • Aww..
Reactions: outatime_85
StolenLife

StolenLife

Specialist
Sep 19, 2022
301
Fuck psych wards. Infinite boredom makes me almost want to live.
Ah, the irony of browsing a pro suicide forum in a psych ward...
 
sonax22

sonax22

stuck
Mar 25, 2019
64
FRUSTRATED
Why are all those people who are unwilling to die, end up dying against their will (illness/murders/accidents/sudden death) WHY CANT I DIE INSTEAD? when I want it so badly?
 
  • Love
Reactions: Malpractice
Venom85

Venom85

SN ordered!
Oct 19, 2022
24
Emptiness, betrayed, loneliness, feel like I the world around me is moving quick and I'm still in the same place.

I don't want to work anymore, hate my job and all the people around me.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Zegers
O

outatime_85

Mage
May 17, 2022
528
The unit I was born into does not believe in mental health checks.

So I have lived undiagnosed since childhood.

I am withdrawn, empty, stunted, unable to express basic emotions.

I am unable to relate to the outside world and have never been shown how. So I don't have any bonds of any sort, and I am suspicious anytime someone tries to interact with me (no one would want to know me). I never connect with anyone.

So, I have no friends.

I don't have any support structures (no family to reach out to about what I am dealing with).

I am isolated.

I oversleep and deal with insomnia, nightmares, and night terrors.
 
S like suicide

S like suicide

Enlightened
Apr 29, 2021
1,231
Right now i'm thinking that i'm really but really ready to die.
I feel 100% commited in wanting to do it and determined to do it.There is nothing holding me back aside from just doing it,go to a spot and jump or if i will be able to put my hand on some Sn i will not fucking esitate for a sec.I'm again in partial hanging for desperation and i'm practicing again even tho it's very complicated here where i am.I can't really wait to die.It's really all i want.
 
ItsForTheBest

ItsForTheBest

Kate Bush ❤️
Oct 11, 2022
71
Seeing my therapist tomorrow. Going to mention this forum. If I disappear I've been admitted.

(Unlikely, he's pretty understanding.)

(Although it'll probably worry him...)
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

typically not in the mental frame to converse..
Jul 1, 2020
5,598
my SO is out doing a thing for the weekend and my bpd feels like (understandably) resenting him. hes going to MY home!!!! where im suppose to be moving to before i move in with him, but nooooooooooooooo im still fucking stuck here. i was suppose to be out. i was suppose to be hanging with him this weekend. and im still dealing with last f'en holiday "how was thanksgiving" still havent messaged my brother back after that one and hes asked several more times. i want to kill myself, im just grand. and i have an appointment after the weekend that ive never been to before (so not normal family doctor stuff).
next shittiest 5 days ever im sure
 
Lullaby

Lullaby

🌙
Mar 9, 2022
560
I'm about to snap...not even two minutes into the only proper dinner I've had all week that wasn't fruit or a pair of fries, and I had to stop eating because I'm so upset and can't stop shaking. So tired of the people in my life, my family and just everyone in general, I'm so tired! If only they knew that I'm a thread away from snapping and ending it all. if my sn was here I would just do it tonight. i don't deserve to be yelled at, called names or torn apart. I'm trying my hardest and I keep getting shit on by literally everything, I'm over it.
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

typically not in the mental frame to converse..
Jul 1, 2020
5,598
my SO is out doing a thing for the weekend and my bpd feels like (understandably) resenting him.
i wish hed stop messaging me... "gonna be 4hrs, message when i can" first, yeah i know its 4hrs. ive made the trip a million times ITS MY HOME!!!! secondly why would you mention how long youre gonna be. it kinda says "ill message you in about 4hrs", like "hey made the trip, everything's cool" sort of thing. especially since he knows i have cptsd with driving. i could have been panicking the whole time scared shitless he died (which i have panicked about when he was literally minutes late from messaging me after work). but nope he messages me OVER TWELVE HOURS LATER with "made it to the hotel and walked around A BIT" 4hrs turning into 12hrs isnt even close to the definition of "a bit". (to be clear, im not bitching that he did it, im bitching about his choice of words. at least if youre gonna tell someone something dont bullshit it)
i havent messaged him. i havent said a word (and its on discord so he doesnt even know ive read it). the last thing i said to him was "im cool with waiting" (until he gets back from his trip to talk). while i made it sound like i was just trying to be a good gf and give him his space and whatnot, i of course had a deeper meaning behind it. no goodnights, i love yous, have a good trip, nothing.. i just left it at "im cool with waiting". which was lies. not even close. it hasnt even been a day yet and ive already started my path of self destruction. im sure hed prefer if i messaged him, but just....no...i really dont want to..
maybe my bpd will be good and stay on track for once. maybe him being gone for 3 days (which is just a guess. he didnt even tell me when he was leaving or getting back. all i knew was "end of the month" and he messaged me yesterday morning with "leaving for the trip". never told when hes gonna be back either, it could be sunday, monday. i never get informed of shit.) maybe him being gone for 3 days will be good. maybe i wont talk to him when he gets back. maybe ill be able to just disappear and kill myself...
 
Dead Ghost

Dead Ghost

Mestre del Temps
May 6, 2022
813
I don't know, I'm still very sad and I've realized that something has changed inside me. It has already happened to me other times throughout my life, it changes my personal perception of things, my environment and my attitude towards everything.

I guess now that I'm 44 years old, and I've seen so many times how the same reality can be lived in very different ways by the same person (in this case myself) I have enough perspective to realize how absurd it is to be subject to my interpretation of things... sometimes they are bad and sometimes good, but always according to the mental context in which I find myself, never because there are external reasons that incorporate a real, palpable, common context to everyone.

The fact is that I feel sad, abandoned, without goals, bitter, sometimes angry, worried for no reason about superfluous things... something has changed inside me and I know that it takes me to the darkest part of my mind, that which I have never bothered to illuminate to see what is there.

I'm very sad.

//

No ho se, continuo molt trist i m'he n'he adonat que alguna cosa ha cambiat dins meu. Ja m'ha passat altres vegades al llarg de la meva vida, cambia la meva percepció personal de les coses, del meu entorn i de la meva actitud cap a tot.

Suposo que ara que tinc 44 anys, i he vist tantes vegades com una mateixa realitat es pot viure de maneres molt diferents per una mateixa persona (en aquest cas jo mateix) tinc prou perspectiva per adonar-me'n de l'absurd que es estar sotmés a la meva interpretació de les coses... de vegades són dolentes i de vegades bones, però sempre segons el context mental en el que em trobi, mai perqué hi hagin motius externs que incorporin un contexte real, palpable, que siguí comú a tothom.

El cas es que em trobo trist, abandonat, sense metes, amargat, de vegades irat, preocupat sense motiu per coses superflues... ha cambiat alguna cosa dins meu i se que em porta a la part mes fosca de la meva ment, aquella que mai m'he encarregat d'il·luminar per veure bé que hi ha.

Estic molt trist.
 
Eternal Pessimist

Eternal Pessimist

Student
Oct 16, 2019
103
Various things are coming to a head now in my life and I am completely unprepared to deal with them. I guess it serves me right for avoiding everything as much as possible and letting problems pile up. I feel like I can't deal with even one of thing much less everything at once. However, the saddest thing is even if I get through everything, what then? What's the point and why am I still living?
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

typically not in the mental frame to converse..
Jul 1, 2020
5,598
i wish hed stop messaging me... "gonna be 4hrs, message when i can" first, yeah i know its 4hrs. ive made the trip a million times ITS MY HOME!!!! secondly why would you mention how long youre gonna be. it kinda says "ill message you in about 4hrs", like "hey made the trip, everything's cool" sort of thing. especially since he knows i have cptsd with driving. i could have been panicking the whole time scared shitless he died (which i have panicked about when he was literally minutes late from messaging me after work). but nope he messages me OVER TWELVE HOURS LATER with "made it to the hotel and walked around A BIT" 4hrs turning into 12hrs isnt even close to the definition of "a bit". (to be clear, im not bitching that he did it, im bitching about his choice of words. at least if youre gonna tell someone something dont bullshit it)
i havent messaged him. i havent said a word (and its on discord so he doesnt even know ive read it). the last thing i said to him was "im cool with waiting" (until he gets back from his trip to talk). while i made it sound like i was just trying to be a good gf and give him his space and whatnot, i of course had a deeper meaning behind it. no goodnights, i love yous, have a good trip, nothing.. i just left it at "im cool with waiting". which was lies. not even close. it hasnt even been a day yet and ive already started my path of self destruction. im sure hed prefer if i messaged him, but just....no...i really dont want to..
maybe my bpd will be good and stay on track for once. maybe him being gone for 3 days (which is just a guess. he didnt even tell me when he was leaving or getting back. all i knew was "end of the month" and he messaged me yesterday morning with "leaving for the trip". never told when hes gonna be back either, it could be sunday, monday. i never get informed of shit.) maybe him being gone for 3 days will be good. maybe i wont talk to him when he gets back. maybe ill be able to just disappear and kill myself...
i feel so.....disconnected?? him and my friends are out doing a thing that 1 i cant go to because im in an abusive house (but dont tell him (the person i live with) that) and 2 is a thing im not interested in. yeah the second one kind of negates the first one but think of the first one more like, i cant hang out with my friends in general, not what we're doing. the second, theyre gamer/anime people....im outside, nature and things....... i feel really left out in life ;-;;-;
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

typically not in the mental frame to converse..
Jul 1, 2020
5,598
i feel so.....disconnected?? him and my friends are out doing a thing that 1 i cant go to because im in an abusive house (but dont tell him (the person i live with) that) and 2 is a thing im not interested in. yeah the second one kind of negates the first one but think of the first one more like, i cant hang out with my friends in general, not what we're doing. the second, theyre gamer/anime people....im outside, nature and things....... i feel really left out in life ;-;;-;
i cant talk about things even though its true.
last night he was like "i hope youre doing alright" "yeah im fine" i was only so high/drunk that i struggled walking, crying, cutting and wanting to kms because you were gone. if i were honest then it f'en turns into "im sorry i enjoyed my time" and then im the fucking bad guy for feeling left out and making them feel like shit for being happy.
im feeling like attempting again..
i should have just done it last night. im constantly telling myself how much f'en better shit would be without me, and i constantly have proof of that.