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Divine Trinity

Divine Trinity

Pugna Vigil
Joined
Mar 20, 2019
Messages
302
i hate how my life ended up, I hate how such crucial stages of upbringing are decision that are out of your hands. How these decisions can totally work against whats in your best interest and ambition. How not finding a way to "succeed" despite a bad hand is seen as you having a lack of character instead of poor circumstance. I hate how unsolicited critism is readily abundant but a committed helping hand is a privilege in life.

I hate having to fight for the tiniest of victories, fight for the slightest shred of decency, fight to stay alive. My life has been a never ending battle and I'm tired of fighting, I refuse to. A war is decided before blood is shed on either side, clearly I lost mine before I even left the womb.

I hate how angst, weak, and self-loathing of a person I've grown to be, and how disappointed with life I've become. I hope to find the strength to make one meaningful choice in life, selfishly and completely disregard how others will think.
 
saji

saji

stale cookie
Joined
Dec 10, 2020
Messages
47
my life is going to shit. i have bills and responsibilities piling up. i lost my job so o don’t know how to pay for anything. i might get kicked out within the next year and i’m not where near stable. not mentally. not financially.
it’s so hard to cope when you feel that you can actually try but the world throws one thing after another.
i still can’t get over how i lost my best friend to cancer 2 years ago. life is shit. why the hell am i even still here. why am i still putting up a fight. i read earlier where someone asked what are the odds of going to sleep and not waking up. every night i pray i lll just remain asleep. i try to “manifest” it. faith seems fake. i believe, believe. or try to believe at least.. but to no avail.
i guess that’s all i have to say....
 
http-410

http-410

nowhere
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
568
Today I woke up with a vague feeling of aggression. As always, I am dissociated af, but somewhere behind the fog I suspect anger and sadness. It's a nagging, annoying feeling. I think it's starting to come through.

Apart from that, I am very exhausted and hardly able to do anything.
 
Nessie

Nessie

Cynical
Joined
Aug 23, 2020
Messages
1,204
I'm in a lot of physical pain, I'm humiliated, I'm devastated and I feel so unloved by the whole world. It feels like the Universe just kicked me for no reason. Yeah, I know I should've got that tooth fixed. But I couldn't afford it, even though God knows I'm working hard AF with two full time jobs. Now I lost two more teeth, I have stitches all over the inside of my mouth, I'm in a stupid amoung of pain, I'm completely traumatized by the horrible experience of the surgery, the medical bill leaves me so broke I'm worried about affording food again and I don't even have anyone to turn to for comfort. My life seriously sucks.
I wish I could at least get drunk, but I don't think I would be able to put alcohol in my mouth without being in agony at least for a week.
 
Lovequenel

Lovequenel

Wizard
Joined
Sep 21, 2020
Messages
696
I hate the ditchpig who has disrespectfully loud sex beneath me about 5 nights a week if not more with someone who is basically living there but shouldn't be. I hope the ditchpig is expunged somehow. Maybe I'll be able to get myself to die soon though. Then it won't matter.
 
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Freedom Believer

Freedom Believer

Forever alone.
Joined
Dec 23, 2019
Messages
283
Gotta do summer semester in college. One class starts next week and one starts July 7th and they go until the end of August. I don't know why I have to take a science class and Spanish for an English degree. I really don't want to do this shit but it's the only thing not having me kicked to the curb. I've got a 4.0 but I'm constantly stressed and lifeless. After this semester the rest of my classes are English classes (which I can deal with better) and 1 math class (which I'm good at). I'm hoping this semester goes by fast so I can put this shit behind me.
 
J

Journeytoletgo

Experienced
Joined
May 14, 2018
Messages
255
I’m just not okay inside anymore. When I was younger before 12 I use to be so happy and sociable and care free and felt like myself. CTB only thing that makes me happy when I don’t have to remember anything from this life anymore and the mean comments people said to me. I don’t have to remember this guy I hooked up with recently either as it hurts to remember it and that we can never be together . I don’t want to remember anything anymore I just want everything to shut off.
 
BlankUser

BlankUser

Specialist
Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
355
I feel horrible. My hand is bleeding right now because I destroyed a laundry rack right now. If I had N I would do it right now. I am just so fucking pissed. I punched things right now, I broke things and I've hurt my hand and I don't want to deal with this shit anymore. Everything I do fails, recovery is just a pretend, no matter how hard I try I always end up in a square one.
 
Nessie

Nessie

Cynical
Joined
Aug 23, 2020
Messages
1,204
I'm exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally. Not the "tired now" or "tired this week" just the big "real tired of life". I'm apathetic. I'm struggling to produce any kind of a reaction to things people expect me to care about that aren't the big old physical pain again. I need to hybernate.
 
http-410

http-410

nowhere
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
568
I feel like crap.

I'm severely worn out and numb, sleep is crappy, virtually non-existent or not restful and my body hurts for some reason. I can't help but just lay or sit around or all day thinking about suicide. I don't have any beta blockers. Should I lie to my doctor? Everything is too complicated. No idea what to do. I'm afraid I'll never be able to do it.
 
Lmd

Lmd

Mage
Joined
Jul 12, 2020
Messages
575
I feel like I'm gonna doing tonight. I can't stop thinking in how much I love some people, in how they'll never know I'm not gonna be here anymore and none will tell them I'm gone. They'll probably think that I got bored and just dissapeared and will appear someday. I want to write them some things without being suspicious but I don't have energy enough to do it. I don't want to get chickened, I want more, I really want to do it tonight. This forum is my only relief right now sigh.
 
BlankUser

BlankUser

Specialist
Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
355
I just want to be permanently drunk. Today it was vodka, whiskey, beer and even some wine. I'm messed up.
 
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Scribble Fan

Scribble Fan

I'm out!
Joined
May 30, 2019
Messages
624
Everything feels so empty. I hate my life. I wish I had a family that actually cared for me.
 
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J

Journeytoletgo

Experienced
Joined
May 14, 2018
Messages
255
Everything just seems so POINTLESS. I see no point to this if I can’t enjoy it. No BF, NO friends, shit job, ugly. What’s the point ?
 

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