• Welcome to SanctionedSuicide, a pro-choice forum for the discussion of mental illness and suicide. Please read our rules and our Principles.
    If you are in need of immediate support, please call the Samaritans hotline at (877) 870-4673, or check our recovery resources.

LastFlowers

LastFlowers

the haru that can read
Joined
Apr 27, 2019
Messages
1,327
PISSED OFF AND READY TO BE DEAD..fucking exhausted, fucking miserable, fucking tired of sobbing, I feel TRAPPED AND SUFFOCATED by my own living demise and the lack of care others have for it!!!!
 
Last edited:
http-410

http-410

nowhere
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
636
I feel drugged.

Whether it's the sleeping pills, the poor sleep, the dissociation or all of the above, I can't tell. I'm not sure if this is better than agony. I'm just tired and want to sleep and forget everything.
 
Freedom Believer

Freedom Believer

Forever alone.
Joined
Dec 23, 2019
Messages
293
Alone. I'm turning 21 soon and I've done nothing with my life. I don't know what to do and my Dad knows it. I have no friends (despite my Dad thinking I do), have never had a girlfriend, or a first kiss. I know people make fun of me behind my back and I deserve it all. I wish I had someone that loved me, who thought I was the best thing to have been introduced in their life, but I know that will never happen because I have nothing that would allow anyone to love me.
 
logan

logan

Mage
Joined
May 20, 2021
Messages
517
Freedom Believer said:
Alone. I'm turning 21 soon and I've done nothing with my life. I don't know what to do and my Dad knows it. I have no friends (despite my Dad thinking I do), have never had a girlfriend, or a first kiss. I know people make fun of me behind my back and I deserve it all. I wish I had someone that loved me, who thought I was the best thing to have been introduced in their life, but I know that will never happen because I have nothing that would allow anyone to love me.
Then change that - you are still so young ...
 
C

Cant go back

Member
Joined
Apr 15, 2021
Messages
50
Remembering why I want to ctb again. Spouse and one of my kids (teen) are screaming at each other and I’m trying to referee as usual, trying to stop my spouse from hitting themselves as usual, telling my kid to stop talking back and making it worse as usual (guess what I’m supposed to be working too). I think it’s funny that in the middle of their screaming match I just stop and pull out my phone and log into SS right there, it’s one of the few things that provide comfort.

It’s kind of fucked up really. I still cannot believe I’m in this situation and how my life has turned out. Nothing like I planned at all.
 
Callie Arcale

Callie Arcale

Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun
Joined
Feb 10, 2021
Messages
315
I’m sad… so, so sad. But this too shall pass. One day I will take my last breath and I will be free from suffering. I just have to wait until then. One breath after another until it’s over.
 
blessed

blessed

New Member
Joined
Jun 20, 2021
Messages
3
i wish I didn’t suck. i wish i was fucking dead. I wish i wasn’t so annoying. I wish I didn’t crash down every time i get a little happy. i hate myself. i can’t get out of bed. i'm so tired of the emotional and physical pain. everything would be so much better if i was fucking dead. i already would be if i had the means to do it.
 
hotelbeneathground

hotelbeneathground

gay
Joined
Apr 13, 2021
Messages
2,993
BlankUser said:
The right side of my upper stomach hurts for days because of alcohol abuse. I don't know what's going on, but I'm buying more alcohol. It's the only thing that reduces my OCD :aw:
It's your liver :mmm:
 
  • Aww..
Reactions: BlankUser
LONE WOLF.

LONE WOLF.

PUNISHER.
Joined
Nov 4, 2020
Messages
879
I'm feeling confused! Like l have a urge to do something to occupy my tiny mind but l don't know what it is l'm meant to do? And l can't work out if Mice believe in cheeses? So Amouse l guess?Screenshot_20210706-124937.png
 
Last edited:
hotelbeneathground

hotelbeneathground

gay
Joined
Apr 13, 2021
Messages
2,993
BlankUser said:
Damn, I guess this is it... There's probably no turning back.
You don't think you could cope with your OCD if you tried drinking less?
 
B

BlankUser

Mage
Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
514
hotelbeneathground said:
You don't think you could cope with your OCD if you tried drinking less?
I think it's impossible for me to cope with OCD without alcohol at this stage. I was prescribed a lot of antidepressants, I still do Exposure therapy, but it doesn't improve my life. I have intrusive violent, ugly, horrible thoughts on a daily basis, they give me so much anxiety, I've spent hundreds of hours performing weird rituals. It ruined my life, it ruined my boyfriend's life. So when I drink alcohol, these horrible thoughts diminish, I don't feel the urge to perform rituals and I can relax, I can actually do and enjoy stuff... But it's not living, I can't be permanently drunk, alcohol is ruining my physical health. So there's no happy ending I guess.
 
Last edited:
  • Hugs
Reactions: Dead Meat
hotelbeneathground

hotelbeneathground

gay
Joined
Apr 13, 2021
Messages
2,993
BlankUser said:
I think it's impossible for me to cope with OCD without alcohol at this stage. I was prescribed a lot of antidepressants, I still do Exposure
therapy, but it doesn't improve my life. I have intrusive violent, ugly, horrible thoughts on a daily basis, they give me so much anxiety, I've spent hundreds of hours performing weird rituals. It ruined my life, it ruined my boyfriend's life. So when I drink alcohol, these horrible thoughts diminish, I don't feel the urge to perform rituals and I can relax, I can actually do and enjoy stuff... But it's not living, I can't be permanently drunk, alcohol is ruining my physical health. So there's no happy ending I guess.
How about benzos? If they help, it's better to be addicted to them. I've been on Xanax for 20 years now, nothing else helps reduce my disgusting flashbacks & exhausting panic attacks. I have "OCD tendencies", I often waste hours washing my body, so I kind of know how horrible it is to have to perform useless rituals :'(
 
  • Love
Reactions: Dead Meat
B

BlankUser

Mage
Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
514
hotelbeneathground said:
How about benzos? If they help, it's better to be addicted to them. I've been on Xanax for 20 years now, nothing else helps reduce my disgusting flashbacks & exhausting panic attacks. I have "OCD tendencies", I often waste hours washing my body, so I kind of know how horrible it is to have to perform useless rituals :'(
Benzos are amazing, but where I live doctors don't prescribe them for anxiety anymore. I went to different psychiatrists and they were all like: "We don't give benzos for cases like yours". I can only get benzos if someone brings them from abroad. Other countries are not so strict, so people can bring me a few boxes if I pay them. But the pandemic made all things difficult, borders were closed... But I think I'll get benzos in a few weeks.
I'm sorry that you spend hours washing yourself, I did that too, for many days, it's so exhausting. But how does it feel to use benzos for 20 years? Do you feel that you need to increase your dose?
 
hotelbeneathground

hotelbeneathground

gay
Joined
Apr 13, 2021
Messages
2,993
BlankUser said:
But how does it feel to use benzos for 20 years? Do you feel that you need to increase your dose?
Amazingly, the same dose of Xanax still works. Not that I wouldn't love to triple it & just silence my brain completely
 
  • Love
Reactions: BlankUser
http-410

http-410

nowhere
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
636
I feel terrible. I'm frustrated and sad. Therapy makes everything way worse and it is hard to bear.

I don't know why... I feel abandoned, misunderstood.

I am talking to a wall.

I'm so exhausted and afraid to go to sleep and either lie awake too long or wake up and not be able to go back to sleep.

Being awake just means pain.

Please redeem me.

Let me have a stroke or heart attack in my sleep. I just can't do it anymore.

I don't even know who I'm talking to.

How do people on death row feel? I don't really want to know.
 
Celerity

Celerity

Enlightened
Joined
Jan 24, 2021
Messages
1,454
I hate my fucking job and their ridiculous policies. I think someone would literally have to be bleeding out from a gunshot wound to the chest for me to refer them to the ER and even then maybe not if the patient didn’t want to go.
 

Similar threads