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http-410

http-410

nowhere
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
630
Woke up in agony. It really hurts.

How am I supposed to spend less time in bed when all I feel is pain or numbness?
 
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P

Pallf

I'm tired
Joined
May 27, 2018
Messages
200
I feel numb. I feel worthless. I feel like a failure.

And it's all true.

I hate my dad sometimes, I hate my mom sometimes, I hate my brother sometimes, I hate my friends online sometimes.

Clearly I'm not a people person.
 
logan

logan

Arcanist
Joined
May 20, 2021
Messages
471
The end is near ...

It feels terrible because it's "only" the circumstances of life that force me to do this.

My family will suffer a lot.
 
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LifeIsAChore11

Member
Joined
Dec 18, 2020
Messages
19
im sick of obsessing over a guy ill never have. im sick of all my chores just to exist. im sick of taking care of my elderly cat even tho i love her. im sick of all my bullshit, im sick of my procrastination. im sick of me, im sick of being awake. i want to die.
 
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Sprite_Geist

Sprite_Geist

NULL
Joined
May 27, 2020
Messages
1,044
"Why can I not have the will to move away from my family? I hate myself for not having the feeling of independance that I wanted in my teenage years!"
 
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logan

logan

Arcanist
Joined
May 20, 2021
Messages
471
Sprite_Geist said:
"Why can I not have the will to move away from my family? I hate myself for not having the feeling of independance that I wanted in my teenage years!"

I think because we are social creatures and our family are our roots - even if it is sometimes difficult to live together with them.
 
idealniymir

idealniymir

Member
Joined
Jul 16, 2021
Messages
8
Like I have alot of responsibilities but it's only alot for me where as if it was someone else, they can handle it perfectly. I'm truly miserable.
 
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Sprite_Geist

Sprite_Geist

NULL
Joined
May 27, 2020
Messages
1,044
logan said:
I think because we are social creatures and our family are our roots - even if it is sometimes difficult to live together with them.
Yes - you have a point. However not everyone has a connection to their biological family. I think that family is more about sharing a social bond rather than blood. Plus when I said that I am finding it difficult to move away from family I meant the act of moving, and not missing family. Perhaps I should have been more specific. Apologies.
 
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western_heart

western_heart

Advanced darkness
Joined
May 23, 2021
Messages
181
Dissociated. Can't feel much but I know I am anxious and having stomach pain.
 
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Schevan

Schevan

Future Dead Rodent
Joined
Jan 3, 2021
Messages
41
Mad. I hate it when things tell me not to think.

Sweating, hot. Hate the heat. Wishing for someone to shoot me dead where I sit.

Soda is good. Drinking it. Miss my family and when I lived in a house.
 
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Morte

Morte

Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
243
Empty and indecisive, I just wanted to die in my sleep so I wouldn't worry about everything else
 
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K-On

Member
Joined
Jul 14, 2021
Messages
13
Like a piece of shit. I just deserve to die. I don't care how painful the method is as long as it guarantees death.
 
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BrokenLine

Member
Joined
Jul 13, 2019
Messages
88
Scared I feel today, I die.
 
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logan

logan

Arcanist
Joined
May 20, 2021
Messages
471
Sprite_Geist said:
Yes - you have a point. However not everyone has a connection to their biological family. I think that family is more about sharing a social bond rather than blood. Plus when I said that I am finding it difficult to move away from family I meant the act of moving, and not missing family. Perhaps I should have been more specific. Apologies.

I understand what you want to say...
 
B

BlankUser

Mage
Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
514
I'm in a horrible cycle of OCD. I thought I can keep it under control. But I guess I can't. I didn't choose this illness. It's horrible.
 
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ShadowsFall

Member
Joined
Jul 15, 2021
Messages
38
My father is currently in the hospital in the intensive care unit. He is currently not doing well, and sunset may be approaching. Despite everything that went on between us. I would gladly switch places with him, just so he can enjoy life a little longer...
 
S

ShadowsFall

Member
Joined
Jul 15, 2021
Messages
38
I don't really want to go to work today, but I have no other means of getting the funds needed for rent and 2 other bills due by Sunday. I would rather just stay here and get completely smashed.
 
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Huntfish34

Huntfish34

Arcanist
Joined
Mar 13, 2020
Messages
496
Sitting here on my lunch break, I'm feeling quite tired and just plain drained. Having 2 Fuckhead bosses certainly doesn't help matters. Fckk
I am greatful that I have some good OG Kush to help me float through the rest of the day tho.
 
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http-410

http-410

nowhere
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
630
Shitty.

Pain.

I want to tear myself apart. I want to bang this head against the wall until it cracks.

I want to jump into a giant meat grinder. I'm sick of this body and mind.
 
http-410

http-410

nowhere
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
630
Stuck in a cycle of pain.

I remember how this agony started a year ago. I had never experienced anything like this before and I thought it was a one-time thing.

How wrong I was.

It's just going to get worse, if that's even possible.

I find myself thinking more and more about a date to die. I am falling apart. Everyone is watching, even I am watching myself die. There is no help, only I can help myself break out of this vicious circle by destroying myself. I wish I wasn't forced to do this, but I have no choice. Every day the same shit, the ever increasing pain. At some point I'm going to break. I don't want to die, or at least I don't want to experience it consciously. It will be excruciating and probably pretty terrible, but after that I won't be able to think it's bad. I wish I wasn't alone then. Just once.
 
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logan

logan

Arcanist
Joined
May 20, 2021
Messages
471
The way I read it, you really need to change something fundamental in your life.

That takes a lot of strength and energy!
Maybe you can focus your concentration on a possible solution.

If you fail then you can always end it.
 
littlelungs

littlelungs

Experienced
Joined
Oct 21, 2018
Messages
209
Today I made the mistake of looking at the social media profiles of people I went to school with. With every single profile I visit, I feel like I'm looking at the exact same, professionally taken photos in a field showing off a pregnancy or engagement, usually to someone like a firefighter or a well-off businessman, and who seem to (quite frequently) be able to afford lavish vacations to tropical climates.

And I really, truly don't mean to shit on them for any of that, or to sound all like "not like the other girls" or whatever. My own issues with life have nothing to do with them. Maybe that's how my life would have been, too, had I been dealt a very different hand of cards... and to be honest, that scares me, too.

Just about (if not) every single aspect of the masses is unsettling to me and bums me out beyond belief, one of the reasons being that it's yet another reminder that I don't belong here... but then again, if ALL OF THIS is what's "normal" and just how life is "supposed" to be, then I don't even want to be part of it, anyway. The societal expectations, trends and the cookie-cutter image of what it means to be a "normal" person, I find it all so insanely depressing: Go to college, get a job, pay taxes, get married, have kids, work for another 40 years or so, retire and then spend the rest of my time cutting coupons because of how much the system fucks over the elderly, the sick and the vulnerable, until I ultimately die a more "acceptable" death, most likely in a nursing home or hospital due to illness. It all just feels so insignificant and like one huge, glorified waste of time, and I've never really understood how people can just go along with all of this without even so much as acknowledging how fucking bizarre it is just to exist on this gigantic rock, spinning around and around in our solar system, surrounded by a universe that could go on forever for all we know... all the while "we're" focused on Kim Kardashian's ass and killing each other over whose imaginary friend is better. I don't understand any of this.

My whole life, I've been homesick for a place I could never identify, but in any case, I definitely don't think it's a place in this world – and God knows I've certainly tried to find it. When I was a kid, I used to tell myself that I was really just an alien from a faraway planet, who was sent here to observe – not even because I actually believed that to be true, but because by telling myself that, it made it a little easier to cope with everything.

The whole thing just makes me uneasy, and makes me feel almost like I'm drowning, but right as I'm about to slip into unconsciousness, I'm pulled up back to surface again. Rinse and repeat.

Being alive is so uncomfortable.
 
Promortalist_

Promortalist_

Celebrate Death Mourn Life
Joined
Jul 5, 2021
Messages
59
dfoihigbs;itjweaojosvinsindrgsfjbnifusdvubsdlivubzslLAfiafobcbz lol you said don't think. So many thoughts at once, mind is racing :(
 
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