• Welcome! SanctionedSuicide is a forum for the discussion of mental illness and suicide. Please read our rules and our Principles.
    If you are in need of immediate support, please call the Samaritans hotline at (877) 870-4673, or check our recovery resources.

Circles

Circles

There's a difference between existing and living.
Sep 3, 2018
1,723
I swear how long this false hope can last I will try my fucking hardest to hike again like I used to. I am going to fucking hike a mountain again before I kill myself. And if I hurt myself in the process well atleast I’m fucking trying. I am going to hike that fucking mountain.
 
AverageFanEnjoyer

AverageFanEnjoyer

The Hated One
Sep 26, 2021
1,939
The reason why I wanna ctb on Valentine's day is as a statement of how much i was "loved" throughout my life (it's actually opposite, only hated , abused and abandoned).

Sorry for this confession. The night has always been my friend while the day has been my enemy.

I feel like a WW2 soldier for some reason. Yes im drunk again although I'm getting slowly out of the addiction surprising.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: art and Circles
Hirokami

Hirokami

What if it were all just a dream?
Feb 21, 2021
275
No one gives a shit. I feel terrible and dejected. I can barely eat. I can't sleep for more than three hours. Even my job performance is lacking. It's like I'm sinking down a hole and the light is shrinking.
 
  • Hugs
  • Aww..
Reactions: art and Circles
l8tony

l8tony

Broken beyond repair 💀
Dec 17, 2021
39
I feel truly alone. A puzzle piece that doesn't fit in any where no matter what I do. I don't even fit in trash. I'm much very below that. I reach out and all I can grasp are pain and misery. I'm just tired. I hate seeing others suffer and I have it well. I just can't take it any longer. Just a tortured tormented soul in a mobile cage. I make things up in my head and it seems the world is against me throwing hate instead of tomatoes at me everyday. I'm just torn and it makes me frustrated no one understands.
 
  • Hugs
  • Aww..
Reactions: art and Circles
Nessie

Nessie

Cynical
Aug 23, 2020
1,262
I'm conflicted on whether me being all alone without any companionship is a good or a bad thing. On one hand, loneliness is sad. On the other, real social interaction almost never feel like my fantasy of belonging or the pretty picture drawn by media, they are hollow, fake and meaningless at best, and decidedly negative for me at worst. I am broken, it makes me hard to handle and no one is really motivated to handle me properly, chosing, for the most part, to either ignoring me or pressuring me into "just being normal". With this kind of social life, isn't it better to just pick solitude after all?
 
OrcWitch

OrcWitch

Mage
Sep 3, 2021
538
My dad told me he has terminal cancer 5 minutes ago. I feel anxious and sad, and I'm not sure what to feel. He told me that and then started telling me I need to make an ebay account and start selling off his tools and other things that have value. I feel like my head is going to explode.
 
Circles

Circles

There's a difference between existing and living.
Sep 3, 2018
1,723
For once in my pathetic life I actually want to try to give life another chance but holy fuck man do I feel like such a fucking loser at life. Like how in the ever living fuck can people keep themselves focused on recovering if at all? How can anyone have and keep on having the will to even try? I’ve been suicidal for so long that now I’m even doubting myself, I’m doubting my ability to even change anything.

It feels like it takes more courage trying to live than it does wanting to die. I want to cry so much but I know if I cry I lose even more.
 
WeAreInfinite

WeAreInfinite

Anyone Else Feel Like They're Drowning?
Dec 29, 2021
10
Pain. Self harm does that.
 
  • Aww..
Reactions: art
S

Suanne samp

Member
Oct 28, 2021
7
Eu sinto um vazio,medo talvez medo de ficar assim por mais tempo e medo de não conseguir mais sair do quarto
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: art
Hirokami

Hirokami

What if it were all just a dream?
Feb 21, 2021
275
Please let me fade out of existence ... Let me fade out of existence. Everything is shit now. I don't want to exist anymore.
 
PrincessInWhite

PrincessInWhite

I just want to sell out my funeral
Feb 21, 2019
383
panic. For myself, the members of this site, the admin in an impossible fucking position. Grief as well, but also pure panic.
 
  • Aww..
Reactions: art
S

scaredycat84

Forever and ever, Amen
Dec 29, 2021
2
I really should get up and go pee, its been 27hrs. I should try to eat or drink something, its been a little over 2 days. Why does my body feel hollow inside except for my chest that is a constant nervous, frustrated, longing, like im missing somebody terribly and just found out ill never see them again.
How does my mother not notice that ive alienated myself from the family to the point where i rarley come in the house and choose to sit in my car 24/7. How does my dad not notice that ive given up on everything i ever used to put time and energy into. I dont want to leave my children behind because i love them more than anything but im beginning to resent them for keeping me here when i dont want to be anymore and havent wanted to be for a few years now.
Impatiently waiting a few more years till they turn 18 and can take care of themselves and can maybe not blame themselves for their mother taking herself out.
I realized a couple days ago that i think the reason why i look so much younger than i am, im 37 right now but people say i look 25, never older, is because my whole life ive never really smiled. Not as a child, or a teen and especially not an adult, so my skin is free from wrinkles completely which I think is why i look much younger. I think id of rather had the wrinkles from smiling.
My legs are starting to cramp cause i havent moved them in hours and my neck is sore cause i havent moved that either.
 
Itsallover123

Itsallover123

Student
Nov 14, 2021
137
fasting makes my head hurt. I wish I had made more hooch, 1 cup wasn’t enough to feel much. I hope I don’t pussy out tonight
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: art
C

chaosSource

New Member
Dec 26, 2021
2
You ever felt like you were in a tight space and wanted to get out? Yeah that’s me. I want out of life. I am done with it at this point. If it wasn’t for my job I would have successfully killed myself. I hope I can i through with it by march latest. Fuck this life.
 
sasshimi

sasshimi

david lynched me
Aug 20, 2019
41
I'm mad, I'm so fucking tired of living an empty, boring life. I hate myself I hate everything that's correlated to me. I can't feel joy I can't feel empathy nor sympathy fuck this fucking mental illness I'm so done with everything I hate it I hate it
 
  • Aww..
Reactions: art
AverageFanEnjoyer

AverageFanEnjoyer

The Hated One
Sep 26, 2021
1,939
Fucking hell my whole body hurts and I'm beyond tired I could barely get up from the couch.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: art
nolongerhuman

nolongerhuman

Arcanist
Feb 9, 2021
483
Slightly optimistic but also pretty apprehensive. I've been relatively emotionally stable for an amount of time much longer than I have been since I was a teenager, but the other shoe is going to drop, it always does. A new school year brings lots of new opportunities to make me suffer without taking into account the chance that my brain will just decide that my emotions are just going to be negative from now on and there's nothing I can do about it (It's done that before). I guess I'm just trying to be grateful for the amount of happiness I have been able to have because I have no idea how long it's going to last or if it'll ever come back again once it goes away.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: art
S

S like suicide

Wizard
Apr 29, 2021
632
Right now I am feeling very bad physically ... my head is spinning and I feel very light and I feel like throwing up, I feel physically weak and I am alone and here it is late at night ... I am afraid and I am writing here because I don't know what else to do, I'm afraid and I'm feeling very bad:_(
 
  • Aww..
Reactions: art
needed_

needed_

waiting for a miracle
Dec 17, 2021
718
I'm feeling guilty of having eaten way too much food during the last days. I know it sounds stupid. but I have a bad eating disorder and this for me was days of loss of control and I feel so so so guilty about it
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: art
Babou

Babou

Member
Dec 18, 2021
7
I don’t know how to describe how I feel right now. A bit hopeless. Empty. I hate when I feel like I wasted a day, even when I know I didn’t. Today was objectively a “good day,” but I dunno, I just felt off. I’ve been feeling off for a few days now. I unofficially dedicated this day to some end-of-year housekeeping / clean-up, and I got done what I wanted to for the most part, but what was the point? My better half has been in a miserable mood all day, and I felt like I couldn’t say anything all day without getting my head bitten off.

I‘m staring down the barrel of going back to work like some dreadful countdown timer, anxious about all the shit I’m going back to, not feeling rested, and feeling more stressed out going back to work than when vacation started. I already fully expect that tomorrow’s going to suck—with people stopping by, my entire day will be sacrificed to the work needed to host people, which I really don’t want to do.

Eh…just riffing. No real point here, just more of a ”stream of consciousness” post. Many thanks to Rose Mirren for starting this thread.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: art
stellabelle

stellabelle

ethereal
Dec 14, 2018
3,845
Resent. Resent for crappy relatives and a fucking terrible system within the US that enables abusers to harm others however they “can.” Stupidity. A terrible mother and a terrible father and it’s all about affairs or drinking or screaming and lying and hellraising and then pretending they didn’t do it. The same problem of stalkers and fuck faces and fucking losers that won’t let young people be people or make their own decisions. People who think that toxic mothers or toxic living situations or toxic work environments are acceptable. People who think relatives should be entitled to everything in the world. People who pester and pester and stalk and pester and stalk.

So what did she say? So what happened next? So what happened after that? And the next time on… you have to go! We just don’t like you, we blame you for everything and then lie and say you had “choices”. Not really. So tell me again? Okay and then? And then? And then? Okay? And then… and then… okay.., not okay that people do this to their fuckin kids or adults or whatever. Just because they’re stalkers and fuckin losers who act super childish and then say they didn’t do it. Just to be selfish and mean and cruel. It is so fucking sad. Well, tell me moooore… fuckin evil shit. Fuckin evil shit.
 
T

testytesttest

New Member
Dec 21, 2021
2
Like every day is the same. Groundhog Day over and over again. Wake up. Shower. Work. Eat. Netflix. Sleep. Tired. Joyless. Empty.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: art
O

Onkyo74893

Member
Dec 11, 2021
94
A medical problem nine months ago has left me with an inability to get a full nights sleep. I fell off a cliff into depression, and I'm losing hope of ever getting out. For the last nine months, negative thoughts are all that go through my mind. I used to think, tomorrows another day, maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. But it never happens.