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nerve

nerve

24 hour sleep cycle
Jun 19, 2019
924
I was going through old chat logs of mine because I'm so lonely that this is apparently what I do and I came across some with this internet guy I kind of had a thing with in 2016ish. He was a very sad, insecure asshole who alternated between proclaiming his love to me and condemning me to eternal suffering but now, after six years, if I look at his incredibly bleak predictions for how my life was going to end up, he was totally fucking right. I feel sick.
 
AverageFanEnjoyer

AverageFanEnjoyer

The Hated One
Sep 26, 2021
1,939
I feel overwhelmingly lonely. Also this waiting for my poison is too long... I want to finish it all already.
 
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BitterlyAlive_

BitterlyAlive_

-
Dec 8, 2020
2,086
Thinking about potential dates. Things just feel too hopeless. I hate being alive and I feel like atm I’m only alive because of obligation. One one hand, I know planning a date can create a lot of stress, put a lot of pressure on someone. But on the other hand, it’s telling myself “Keep trying to stay alive and try to not attempt - if you still feel this way on this date you can finally kill yourself and have peace.”

I really want attempt soon. There’s been a few times in the past month where I’ve come close to (at least) starting an attempt. Existing is so awful. My friends won’t be happy but I think this is the best thing I can do for myself. In a weird way it might ease their minds too.

Probably the depression talking but fuck, I’m tired. Just tired of being a burden, tired of being miserable. Tired of existing and being a leech. Going through the motions with such a stupid, pathetic, senseless life. It’s all too much.

I’ll try to stick around for a couple more months……
 
Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
16,323
I think I have Covid. My mom tested positive with an at-home test which we only had one of and my throat has been kinda sore today even though my mom stayed quarantined in her own room. What’s weird is I went to go wait in line for a test the other day but even though I tested negative there I fear it may not have been done right or that maybe I caught the sickness while waiting in line, which is just so ironically tragic. Oh well. I got my 2nd dose less than three months ago so my doctor said it should be fine even if I do have it but it’s still annoying. I don’t want to die like this, that’s for sure.
 
T

tiredsadandlonely

New Member
Nov 15, 2021
2
Angry at past me for not taking care of herself. For not setting herself up for at least a little bit of stability.
And, at the same time, I can't really blame her.
Because she was just as lost and empty and tired as I am, now.
 
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DunnoWhyButYeah

DunnoWhyButYeah

~*-*~
Apr 3, 2020
308
I'm so naive. I just want to disappear. Now.

I'm big mistake, I made huge mistake. Mistakes everywhere...

I don't know what I feel and I don't want to feel anything.

I saw huge red flag and still... Still I said yes, again. Like I always do, but now I feel like this is the end. I don't do that never again.

I don't know where to start searching answers what is this feeling and what I need to do. I hope I'm drunk today, I want to forget all what I know.
 
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DeutscheKartoffel

DeutscheKartoffel

Ich wünschte ich wäre eine deutsche Kartoffel.
Dec 12, 2021
120
FUCK CHINA,
FUCK MANDATORY ANAL SWAB!
 
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Hirokami

Hirokami

What if it were all just a dream?
Feb 21, 2021
275
Everyone hates me now everyone is going to leave me I am worthless I fucked up again I am a monster I'm a bad person I'm annoying no wonder everyone hates me I hate me too I'm a piece of shit
 
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WaterHemlock

WaterHemlock

Student
Dec 18, 2019
103
Pissed off.
I do tarot readings for myself, find them online and sometimes get them from other people. I know it's silly but it distracts me and makes me happy sometimes.
But recently every fucking year ahead reading has featured some similar, depressing and negative cards, especially towards the end of the year.
I feel like even my fantasies are hanging up on me. I'm angry. Each reading features me as alone. I'm so over this shit.
 
LastFlowers

LastFlowers

the haru that can read
Apr 27, 2019
1,422
Severe discomfort, I’m in pain, I look like shit, I’m tired yet I can’t sleep, my dry eyes are glazed over and I can barely breathe, I’m forgetting to even blink, I’m so exhausted.
My wretched face and body deteriorate more and more every day.
I broke something again and got a piece of glass wedged in my finger, the wound won’t heal, and for some odd reason it feels broken, it hurts to type yet I can’t shut the fuck up now that I’ve become once again involved with the discussions on this site.
I was supposed to be dead by now, I am so angry, I feel as if I could bite down too hard at any moment and crumble my remaining teeth, swallowing them like nothing.
I don’t know what it’s like to feel human, I don’t know what it’s like to be alive, I am a walking dead person.
 
Seaghost

Seaghost

Student
Apr 14, 2019
186
I don't know what to feel.
My demons seem to having some kind of longer christmas holidays.
Have to be careful...life tricked me over and over again.
 
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AverageFanEnjoyer

AverageFanEnjoyer

The Hated One
Sep 26, 2021
1,939
Thousands of flames cover the whole world. A very calming scene. Apocalyptic. The flames of my pain and despair that I kept inside me for so long.
 
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Sherri

Sherri

Archangel
Sep 28, 2020
8,335
Angry at my doctor. I get Xanax from 2 different doctors and he can see them both on his computer. Gave me a lecture that I can’t have by law all those 4 boxes a month on my file. The other doctor doesn’t say anything. Now the mean one wants me to call the other and say don’t prescribe me anymore. Grrrrrr why do these systems have to be interconnected. I hate going to a drug store and ask for Xanax without a script. The mean doctor prescribes Xanax XR. Don’t feel anything when I take it. The immediate ones are the best. :'(
Everything is hopeless. Everything hurts.
A big hug Bitterly :hug:
 
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