Yungire

Yungire

Rabbit Tank
Dec 3, 2020
1,147
I was bounced, so I have to go back to the office early tomorrow, this makes me nervous and paranoid, I hope everything goes well, it is the final step to be able to be calm.
 
Manaaja

Manaaja

euROPE
Sep 10, 2018
1,390
For about 70 years my parents have always went to sauna on Saturday and Wednesday, religiously. After they denied me from clean water and showers and I had to rely on their showers, (I hope they go to hell for it), they changed their days. So now when I go there on Wednesday they just say "We had the sauna on Tuesday".

Honestly, I hope a Palkia appears and...
 
S like suicide

S like suicide

Enlightened
Apr 29, 2021
1,107
I feel deeply hurt, disappointed, my heart is broken and it is so painful.

I'm also shocked and I feel so stupid for having sincere feelings all this time ... I can't stop crying,i'm heartbroken :( :( :( I can't even speak ... make a sound ...

I just want to kill myself
 
T90-Alpha

T90-Alpha

Hopeless
Apr 21, 2022
141
Empty and alone. I feel like a empty shell of a human being, without a heart or mind. im losing my humanity at a fast rate, I hope i don't try to do something stupid i'll regret
 
Lullaby

Lullaby

🌙
Mar 9, 2022
414
I screw up everything. I close myself off and then when people want me to open up, I get too emotional and scare them away. I wish I wasn’t me.
 
bloomingdark

bloomingdark

Alex
Jan 24, 2019
158
I'm hopeless, I'm thinking about how it would affect my family and my boyfriend with my death,I'm trying to think about how to get to live even if I don't want to just to not hurt them, and mostly my boyfriend , he's someone so beautiful I wouldn't resist hurting him and ruining stuff for him.

I'm definitely going to CTB,i just started college and my week was horrible, i don't like to be there, i can't get out because I don't want anything else either and i don't want to work myself to death, why would I? I just want to pass away quietly.


I don't regret my efforts to die, I'm sure there's no hope for this world anyway


I don't want to do this and every fucking morning it heavier and heavier, it feels like I'm running a marathon and I'm just tired all the time, going nowhere.


I've tried almost everything I have as an option but nothing seems to be good, my only option was staying here, for the moments with my boyfriend and not hurting my familybut that option is fading away with me...


Being alive feels wrong.
 
heavilyfatigued

heavilyfatigued

Member
Sep 7, 2021
9
i'm so sick of everyone i'm so sick of everything i miss my boyfrienf and i'm so angry at him for killing himself but do i even have a right to be when i regularly browse here?? i was thinking of killing myself but i hung on for him and he didnt do the same for me. i miss him so much i wanted to die anyways but now i want to die more. i think my time is coming. i just need to get my spirituality worked out and i'll be good to go.
 
littlelungs

littlelungs

Mage
Oct 21, 2018
550
I'm so fucking incompatible with life. My condition only continues to deteriorate based on the fact that I merely exist. I live in a near-constant state of dissociation and I'm operating almost exclusively on autopilot, and I only do the bare minimum just to satisfy the most basic human needs required for survival – just having to get something to eat is torture. I'm horrified and ashamed by how long it's been since the last time I washed my hair, but I just can't. I'm in so much fucking pain and it's exhausting just to even roll over in bed. Everything about this existence is so fucking degrading.

The reality of ME/CFS is so far off from what most healthy people can even comprehend. It's a brutal fucking illness in itself, and even if I didn't have all of these other long-term physical and psychological conditions or have to carry around all of this trauma, and "just" had ME, I'd still want to off myself because of how bad this is... but no, apparently a degenerative, debilitating chronic illness that wreaks havoc on my entire body (and currently has no approved treatment or cure) just isn't enough. And I know that life isn't easy and blah blah blah, and I've never expected life to be easy or even enjoyable, but for fuck's sake, this is just stupid. Life has shown me time and again that there is no such thing as rock bottom for me; no true low. I am positive that if an anti-choicer spent just one day in my position (or that of A LOT of people on SS), they would understand.

But, sure, life is precious, something that everyone wants and something that must be preserved at all costs, personal choice and quality of life be damned. Fuck me.

I don't mean to throw myself a pity party; I'm just so done with this pathetic existence and I hit my breaking point a very long time ago, and I take an immense amount of solace in the fact that one day I'll finally be free from this flesh prison and fucked up world. It's all I have to look forward to.
 
Niko66

Niko66

Specialist
Dec 6, 2021
330
I'm trying to live but I am so unfit for this world and disappointment after hope hurts so bad. I am stressed out and overwhelmed by work, by physical issues, by my emotional instability. I am trying despite everything and it hurts to be a failure. It's easier to just not try but I want good things too.
 
B

BrokenLine

Experienced
Jul 13, 2019
238
Worried about health issues.
I want to talk to someone not type who I can be completely honest with who wont burn me. Someone to talk with as I set up and ready myself to CTB. Honestly to hear some kind and final words at the end.

That's kind of what i need to work on and practice, till i just don't think about the fear.
 
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Lullaby

Lullaby

🌙
Mar 9, 2022
414
I’ve been struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts for years, and I think I’ve finally gotten to the point where I’m just done. So many things have happened over the last few months and I have finally been pushed to my breaking point. I honestly just refuse to keep fighting anymore, when the same stuff continues to happen to me.

That said, I feel sick to my stomach. I always thought I would eventually feel peaceful when it got to this point, but I feel scared and sad for so many different reasons. I’m really coming to terms with my reality and it’s surreal.

I wish I could tell people. I wish I could tell the very few loved ones I have and get support until the very end, but I have to keep quiet and pretend that everything’s okay.

I have no idea when I plan on going, but I feel I’m finally at the point where I feel like this needs to happen. It’s relieving and scary to think about.
 
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clown_17

clown_17

Almost gone, it almost worked
Oct 24, 2020
233
Anhedonic. Sensitive. I feel like I’m made of glass. I’m frozen and hollow, compelled unfeeling. But if I were made to suffer or feel I’d be overwhelmed and shatter completely.
 
S like suicide

S like suicide

Enlightened
Apr 29, 2021
1,107
I had a panick attack few minutes ago...i feel very bad,very suicidal.
I'm so scared of everything.
:'( :'( :'(
I can't go on like this...i need to die somehow.
I feel lost and hopeless
How can normal people live quietly and I live like that .... what's wrong with me?
Why do I feel this huge emptiness inside of me and I suck in everything to the point of wanting to kill myself badly every day?
I'm so alone in the darkness...i just want die :'( :'( :'( :'( i just want all this to stop...i just want an hug to confort me :(
There is no end to this pain
 
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nightnightnitrite

nightnightnitrite

baby blues
Apr 17, 2021
441
I haven't slept all night because of the mental turmoil you cause. You won't let me leave and I financially can't leave you so I'll always keep my SN close.
 
DunnoWhyButYeah

DunnoWhyButYeah

~*-*~
Apr 3, 2020
339
I miss you :'( I'm writing to you everyday, I feel emptiness, idk. This is too much some days. I try not to think, not to feel... I can't even write how I feel.
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
17,649
I’m finding it funny that the same people telling me that I’m a self-fulfilling prophecy about how awful my life feels are also the ones telling me I need to forgive myself. Like I KNOW all my problems are my own fault, why should I have to be forced to love the person who’s caused me the most misery in life, even when that person is me? It also gives me even less incentive to want to do something about it because if my life gets better then so will his, and I just want him to continue to suffer until he either kills me or I kill him.
 
Lullaby

Lullaby

🌙
Mar 9, 2022
414
Confided in a friend about my sexual assault, which is hard for me since I’m just getting used to being open about it, and I didn’t get the reaction I was expecting.

I was hoping for some support…comfort? Not total dismissal…one of the last few people I had. This is someone who told me they cared, and now I know that was a total lie.

Now I remember why I can’t trust anyone. It hurts a lot, and I’m just in this alone.
 
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