Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Pathetic
Jul 1, 2020
4,638
I feel hopeless....
I have to deal with the problems I have (bpd, cptsd, anxiety, ect)
I have to deal with add on problems each day (just as recently as mid last week I had to deal with sexual harassment. As if I didn't already have enough sexual caused ptsd. And just before that hit another deer.... Still dealing with that ptsd as well)
I have to be highly cautious of any medication I take (sensitive to meds) meaning I can't really take meds to ease the symptoms.
I can't go to rehab for my addictions because the only local rehab place my stepfather works at (he's a past abuser so... Yeah not going there)
I most likely have to stop therapy for 5-10yrs because telling my back story about my parents could get my brothers taken away so for their sake I have to let my recovery go.
2 sets of parents left me... Hell my whole family left... I only have my grampy.
I should consider myself lucky to have friends at all but I only have 4 and only really talk to 2. Everyone else hurt me, left me...

I swear, if there is a God, he's telling me to kill myself :'( I feel like there's a wall behind me and I'm backed into a corner while people are beating me with sticks (figuratively). Every second is spent dealing with one mental problem or another while more problems are being added on top. And every possible exit has been closed off...
 
Manaaja

Manaaja

euROPE
Sep 10, 2018
1,390
Fuck this non-world.

People who aren't allowed to be adoptive parents: trans and gays

People who are allowed to be biological parents: murderers, alcoholists, drug addicts, schizophrenics, psychopaths, sociopaths, completely insane and lunatic people, people with a long criminal history, people who beat their spouse and kids, crazy people, kid-haters, etc. etc. etc.

It should be the other way. I hate how many people have told me that I am not fit to adopt because I'm not a straight cisperson with a perfect life and 5 000 000€ in my pockets, and a good wageslave job, while those exact same people have told me to spread my legs and make new kids.

Why are the exact same people who tell me that I'll never in a hundred years be fit to be an adoptive parent the exact same people who tell me that I should have ten biological kids right now?
 
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Lullaby

Lullaby

🌙
Mar 9, 2022
414
This is too much, just way too much.

The weather is beautiful, music outside, fireworks are already starting up, people out and enjoying life. Summer is starting up and these a usually represent good vibes for people, but god it’s so hard to deal with when you’re struggling so bad mentally.

I wish I could just enjoy life like that but it’s hard when I’m depressed about so much currently, it hurts a lot. I feel like it’s being shoved in my face and it sucks.
 
Manaaja

Manaaja

euROPE
Sep 10, 2018
1,390
I have been sick today.

I thought about going to shop, deciding against it because I was just so sick and tired. Then later I thought "Well, I guess I can just and just go, it's only like 20 min from here to there and back, I'll go to bed after that, besides I really need to buy food". I had 20 minutes time to go to the shop and buy what I needed. I got diarrhea right when I was about to leave and couldn't go.

The thing about being suicidal and being sick is, that it's hard to decide whether you should try to heal yourself before your condition worsens and you die, or if you should just think "hey, I can use this sickness to ctb!".

Ages ago someone said "Before a person dies, their souls leaves their body, so they won't feel the death and won't experience dying!". I wish I could believe that.

To be honest, I just want the portal to appear and go through it, like going through a doorway.

....Diablo Immortal will come tomorrow? I guess I should preload it on PC. Luckily it's for all kinds of Windows.

EDIT: I'm so sick that when I heard rumors that a man had had kids with another person other than his wife, I thought "That's impossible! People can only breed with their spouse!".
 
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Manaaja

Manaaja

euROPE
Sep 10, 2018
1,390
DIABLO IMMORTAL WAS RELEASED TODAY! It's literally ten times better than I thought. I honestly thought it would be like 3/10, but for a mobile game, it seems to be about 10/10 after playing for 15 minutes. I like how it still uses D1 sounds. Some things are just so great they don't need changing. D1 and 2 had amazing sound effects.

REMEMBER TO TAKE BIOSHOCK COLLECTION FROM EPIC GAME STORE BEFORE THURSDAY EVENING, PEOPLE!!! IT'S FREE RIGHT NOW!


Go watch the Pokemon trailer on youtube if you want.
 
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Hirokami

Hirokami

What if it were all just a dream?
Feb 21, 2021
388
I'm such a fuck up and I can't do anything right. At all. Only thing I do is let everyone down around me. I'm such a disappointment.
 
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Z

Zegers

Student
Dec 15, 2021
167
Summer is beginning... you can feel how the spring breeze gives way to a relentless heat, you can feel how people are out there enjoying themselves, but you don't even remember what it's like to enjoy.

I feel so frustrated. I feel like in a prison without bars.
 
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ineverlived

ineverlived

Member
May 31, 2022
37
beyond sadness. a little anger and shame. i just can't believe that im going to die without even going on a DATE. how pathetic is that... happy people I see outside.. I looked out the window a little today and saw a young couple. They hugged for 10 minutes. I'm going to die before I can experience pure love SJDSDJDN I'm about to go crazy. Why? because of a few millimeters of bone. which makes me ugly. being a social freak. I can not believe this. it's happening. my worst nightmare is happening.
 
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Z

Zegers

Student
Dec 15, 2021
167
Today I was with a "friend" (neighbourhood acquaintance) at the bank and he stole 20$ from me, he took it and then said he couldn't find it (when I saw how he put it in his wallet) i've done quite a bit to help this guy out (invite drinks, buy cigarettes, cannabis, food) I know his financial situation is very difficult but I wasn't expecting this. Time to cut off the relation, I will not tolerate this. But why do I have to meet this kind of people? I know there are a lot of nice people in the world but it seems like I can only meet problematic people, sometimes loneliness is better than people who don't bring you anything at all.
 
Atlantian

Atlantian

Member
May 25, 2022
70
Depressed, anxious, fatigued, sad.
I spent all day doing nothing but sitting in my living room alone listening to music. The feeling of hating life and loneliness while not being able to leave reality with drugs or sleep is hellish. Its like the depression is just kicking my fucking ass like some fucking 400 lb. Bald white dude in Prison while several inmates hold me down. I could write a lot more but yeah...hell is what my life is righy now
 
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lofticries

lofticries

obedear
Feb 27, 2021
1,174
My period cramps are killing me right now. I just brushed my teeth and the mint taste is making me wanna vomit.
 
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Seaghost

Seaghost

Experienced
Apr 14, 2019
214
Can’t sleep the right way. I have problems this way since a long time but since February (Vaccinaton) it's been really bad.
Even if I'm completely tired I sleep 3-4hours and I'm awake again. Than my body have to be awake a few hours and I'm "able" to sleep another round of 2-4hours.
Since last week this rotation not even this works anymore :'(.
I have to be awake till my body's givin up and have to sleep. Something like this. Thats damageing every fucking day ;-;.
It's so exhausting and makes me angry.
I don't want that anymore!!!

Every fucking time I try to survive somehow the universe says: no little boy you need some more pain. You're here for our entertainment.

Besides of that the other souleather diseases are also here.

I need a break from beeing alive.
Trying Ctb again?! Oh dear...this prison drives me crazy.
 
Z

Zegers

Student
Dec 15, 2021
167
What is the point of a bad life? I don't understand it. I can see the point of a good life, but what's the point of a bad life full of problems all over the place? I don't get it and it makes my situation even worse. I guess some people can live in uncertainty, I need there to be some meaning or at least not feel like a castaway. I need a home, I need a family as a reference point, I need to feel good in my skin and I need the day to day not to be empty. Life is so absurd, I'm in the best moment of my life (finally out of poverty) and I feel sick all the time.
 
M

Medium Trainee

Unhappy people are unhappy in their own ways.
Jun 3, 2022
36
How many people actually die neatly these days? An typical life may start taking pills for cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes from around 40, move and think more slowly every year. It's still a lottery how long one may be confined to a house then a bed before everything actually ends. Some people, like the top tennis players, may delay this, but they probably still need to face the final lottery. Not to mentioned how frustrating to many young players to be beaten by some old guys.

This seems to be the concept of death society agrees on: it is not a choice. Irreversible condition is required before helping someone to die.

On the other end, people may tidy up all loose ends, have a farewell party, then take the pill at their peak. This is a choice. They can choose to live on.

There are a few recent movies with this party and pill scenario or similar. But they are apocalyptic, about end of the world, climate change. People are facing imminent death. Death is not a choice, just more comfortable.
 
idonthavetobehere

idonthavetobehere

Member
Jun 5, 2022
17
Angry at my stupid fake sister for punishing me with the silent treatment, for no apparent reason. Also nostalgic and watching videos about the 90s on YouTube and wishing there was a time machine.
 
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FailureGirl

FailureGirl

lost in limbo...
Jul 5, 2021
99
Pain.. so much mental and emotional pain, self hate, conflict, guilt, grief, I wana die but I can't do that to them, it hurts being here, I hate myself I feel full of anguish.
 
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Lullaby

Lullaby

🌙
Mar 9, 2022
414
I’m so done.

Things have been on a downward spiral since the year has started, it got progressively worse a couple of weeks ago and now I’ve just finally snapped. I just don’t care anymore.

I’ve worked my butt off to try and improve my circumstances…and yet things just keep getting worse. More disappointments, more roadblocks, more pain. If this is what happens every time I try, what is the point?

It’s so insane to see journal entries or even Facebook posts I made 10-12 years ago of me talking about the same things I am now. There’s no way I’m doing another decade of this. At this point, everything feels like one big joke at my expense. It’s almost comedic to see everything I try to make happen or hope for just fall apart, every single time.

Trying very hard to not be impulsive right now, as I know I deserve the best when I go, but it’s incredibly hard to resist the urge to say “Screw it.” and just take a plunge from the top of my building.
 
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Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Pathetic
Jul 1, 2020
4,638
I have this picture (but on another device) it's of a little girl looking in the mirror at an older, mentally battle worn woman.
It explains how I feel perfectly. Looking at myself wondering wtf happened.
 
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