IthiChan

IthiChan

Member
Jul 3, 2022
7
These past few days my anxiety has been ramping up

the tl;dr is that I have adult ADHD, have tried all the non-stims, am going to a new psychiatrist to try stims. I have a congenital heart problem and I'm scared that I won't be able to get on anything helpful.

It's almost a "I'll fail college without this, and I'll be out of options."
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Pathetic || Just keep going
Jul 1, 2020
4,873
im bending over backwards for you, shoving my crippling disorders as far down as i can just hoping youll return...
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Pathetic || Just keep going
Jul 1, 2020
4,873
i cant keep up being away for long. im not you. i dont have friends, i cant make friends. theres only 1 way i seem to be able to make "friends" ......im breaking and debating it.....
 
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O

outatime_85

Experienced
May 17, 2022
299
Living isolated for as long as I have, it has started to follow me in my daily life, in stores, everywhere.

No matter the size of the crowds, I am isolated and alone.

There's only one escape, and I am not ready to push that chip forward because that is the last chip I will ever push.

So, for now, I take the view that there is no escape.

My days will continue to go by in a blur, indistinguishable from the previous one.
 
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Seaghost

Seaghost

Experienced
Apr 14, 2019
225
Till the afternoon it was okayish. Now it hurts again in combination with deep loneliness.
No pills at the moment. Feeling more free but in this modern hightech world freedom is just is based on complexity maybe combinated with a smartphone or pc.
The "old" freedom with nature is fading away. Gasps for air. The spirit of flora and fauna is...don't know.
If I had the money I would by a small house in the woods. Far away from metropoles and such thing.
I'm cursed.
 
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IneedUMama

IneedUMama

I begged you, but you didn't care & laughed it off
Apr 2, 2022
85
Right now and for the last few hours I've been thinking/feeling,

Why the f hasn't she replied to my text if she knows how anxious I can get, or even spiral into a full-blown crisis just because of that... Thank god I haven't this time. But why didn't you respond? Is it that hard for you? 😒😔
 
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self.destractive

self.destractive

ick/icks, they/them
Dec 11, 2020
85
cynical and confused. shit fuck goddamn

how long do i even have left am i really going to do this? is this really what i want? all i know is im scared and shakey. i hate my body and i need out of it
 
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Lebensunwertes

Lebensunwertes

Du bist auf dich allein gestellt
May 26, 2022
143
Guilt. His death was in vain and completely preventable yet I was too buys with my stupid fucking day to day activities that serve for nothing else than a time sink. If I actually moved my ass and actually implemented some basic critical thinking he would be lying beside me right now.
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Pathetic || Just keep going
Jul 1, 2020
4,873
I wish I had a drug that works like my buspar, but stronger. I want to stop feeling. I want to stop thinking. I want to be numb
 
Z

Zegers

Specialist
Dec 15, 2021
337
I should try to work, to undertake some project but have no energy for it, I barely manage to get out of bed and make something to eat... the letdown, lack of joy, loneliness and bitterness have been turning me off and every day is like a chore.
 
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jenny6391bubbles

jenny6391bubbles

a hikikomori waiting to catch the bus
Mar 1, 2021
59
awful, like i just keep disappointing people in my life. i dont feel safe either at home. wish i were never born
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Pathetic || Just keep going
Jul 1, 2020
4,873
pathetic. i cant make or keep friends. i can talk to 100 people a day and have zero friends. it never sticks. they always leave or my mental illness (being appropriately used as i feel physically sick) crashes.
ive tried random people. ive tried people i should get along with (common interests). ive tried faking it. ive tried and tried and tried and im always rejected.
trying to make friends shouldnt make you feel sick, make you cry or send you to the bottle.....yet thats where i am. what possible reason could i have for wanting to off myself though
 
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X

xo777

are we almost there?
Apr 5, 2022
161
I just want to go already
I don’t like being around but I have to finish a couple more things. It feels like everything around me is falling apart and having the supplies is taunting it would be so easy to just do it but i’m trying not to be selfish. All I can do until then is continue getting high and selling my body to gross men on the dock I hate myself and Fuck the guy I know who told me I didn’t want to die I was just having a bad day
A day is 24 hours, my bad day has been 6 years it’s not a bad day it is just a bad life “one bad day” lol it’s kind of pathetic that i’m sitting here waiting for the next guy to walk by so I can afford to get high tonight I wish I would have brought bug spray
Summer funerals are even more miserable anyways so I will wait until everything is done this winter
 
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VirtualSnow

VirtualSnow

who knows
May 21, 2022
62
Wish I could put it into words, but the closest I can get is despair, I just fail to see a future for myself, I feel like I'm playing along with some script, pretending to build up a future I don't want to see nor live, but whatever.
 
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Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Pathetic || Just keep going
Jul 1, 2020
4,873
what do you do when you cant ask for help? when the only thing that can save you is manipulative to others but youve been rejected since birth and just want a friend.....your only option is to just....do it. typing...anyone of what i said about not having friends would be manipulative.....i doubt hed ever see this but if he did i dont want him to blame himself.....its my parents fault for not caring in the first place
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Pathetic || Just keep going
Jul 1, 2020
4,873
the person i get 1-5 messages a day from if im lucky said i belonged in a psych ward last night. a high security one, with a padded room and straight jacket. well he didnt say it, i said i looked like i belonged there and he was like i think its more then looked basically. i laughed honestly but still ouch..
 
IneedUMama

IneedUMama

I begged you, but you didn't care & laughed it off
Apr 2, 2022
85
what do you do when you cant ask for help? when the only thing that can save you is manipulative to others but youve been rejected since birth and just want a friend.....your only option is to just....do it. [...]
Exactly my situation. The only person who can save me doesn't give a fck and treats me with so much contempt, after all the love and tenderness he treated me with in the first few months. Now it feels like it never existed, actually; as if it was all a lie. And it won't come back. He won't come back. It hurts so much.


the person i get 1-5 messages a day from if im lucky said i belonged in a psych ward last night. a high security one, with a padded room and straight jacket. well he didnt say it, i said i looked like i belonged there and he was like i think its more then looked basically. i laughed honestly but still ouch..
I'm so sorry and aggravated; you don't deserve that kind of comment, especially not from someone you love/like/care about. I've been told a similar thing by the person who could save me, and it hurt like hell. I felt so humiliated and betrayed in a way. I'm sorry for you
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Pathetic || Just keep going
Jul 1, 2020
4,873
I'm so sorry and aggravated; you don't deserve that kind of comment, especially not from someone you love/like/care about. I've been told a similar thing by the person who could save me, and it hurt like hell. I felt so humiliated and betrayed in a way. I'm sorry for you
thank you. also who it came from your not entirely wrong, hes more like my big brother though (not bio lmfao).
he wasnt wrong..by the end of it i was uncontrollably bawling and my body was shaking so bad (also uncontrollably) i had to remove my laptop from my lap before i kicked it off
 
O

outatime_85

Experienced
May 17, 2022
299
thank you. also who it came from your not entirely wrong, hes more like my big brother though (not bio lmfao).
he wasnt wrong..by the end of it i was uncontrollably bawling and my body was shaking so bad (also uncontrollably) i had to remove my laptop from my lap before i kicked it off
They exist for certain reasons, but I think one should have to rise to an extreme threat level to even see the inside of one.

And I don't think just because someone does not fit into society's mold of what "normal" is, or because they deal with their emotions through heavy crying, etc., they should be subjected to a psych ward.

I might be wrong, so someone with more knowledge, please feel free to correct me.
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Pathetic || Just keep going
Jul 1, 2020
4,873
They exist for certain reasons, but I think one should have to rise to an extreme threat level to even see the inside of one.

And I don't think just because someone does not fit into society's mold of what "normal" is, or because they deal with their emotions through heavy crying, etc., they should be subjected to a psych ward.

I might be wrong, so someone with more knowledge, please feel free to correct me.
no, i should be in one. but youre right, a hug would have helped a million times better then if i was forcefully confined
 
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A

a seal

ghost rider motorcycle weeaboo
Jun 22, 2022
11
I regret that I didn't take drugs sooner. So apparently life doesn't have to feel like you're either lobotomized or walking at the bottom of the ocean while being crushed to death and suffocating? And you can just do drugs about it?? Wow.
If had known this sooner it might have made a difference in my life but now I've run my life into a corner so it does not matter anymore if i feel good or bad. Fml. Am i the only dumb ass idiot who listened to those anti drug slogans? Feeling so stupid rn.
 
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O

outatime_85

Experienced
May 17, 2022
299
To paraphrase Frank from They Live, "modified a little."

The whole deal they give most of us is like some kind of crazy game.

They put people at the starting line.

And the name of the game is to make it through life.

Only, everyone's out for themselves and looking to do you in at the same time.

OK, here we are. Everyone, do what you can, but remember, other people are going to do their best to make sure you might not make it (even family).
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Pathetic || Just keep going
Jul 1, 2020
4,873
i wonder how many people have undiagnosed mental health disorders. mental health disorders that dont show. i believe if i was treated correctly that i wouldnt be where i am now. that i would be ok. but i was born with bpd. if i was treated right it wouldnt have shown. kind of like a sleeper agent waiting for the secret word.
 
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nightnightnitrite

nightnightnitrite

baby blues
Apr 17, 2021
486
My kid was kidnapped and I can't do anything about it since they don't count mental or emotional abuse from a drug using alcoholic a problem. Thanks America:) I want to give up so badly but I want to hold and feed my baby even more. I hate my life and the father I chose for my kid but I didn't think he'd even want to come back into the picture, he wasn't even there for the birth. I can tell he's going to use the kid as a pawn already and I'm not looking foreword to it. I only ever wanted one kid why does my experience have to be like this.
 
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I

izzyisgoingtodie

Member
Jul 2, 2022
8
i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to diei want to i to die ai wa to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want todiei want to to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to diea i want to die i watnt to die i want do toei i want to di e i want to die i want to die i want to tdie i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Pathetic || Just keep going
Jul 1, 2020
4,873
my feelings are of curiosity.
why do we still have this rule when no one follows it?
  • Encourage acts, ask for encouragement, or help anyone commit any acts.
    • Do not encourage, suggest, manipulate, coerce, or help users carry out acts of any nature whatsoever, including suicide; only provide factual information and emotional support to those who ask for it. Do not try to get the community to tell you what to do, only you can choose your path and actions.
and yet still it seems EVERYONE askes "how do i kill myself" and everyone responds even though its right in the rules, dont do that.
and please dont be like "report them" i have, often. nothing against the mods i have no idea if theyve done anything. i didnt follow up to see if said threads had been locked or deleted, but theres such a high number of people doing it that id literally be here reporting it all day.
or maybe im somehow reading the rule wrong, i mean god knows the cops can pick whatever the rules mean to them (not entirely a dig, in some cases its literally up to them), maybe @RainAndSadness can clear it up???
 
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FailureGirl

FailureGirl

lost in limbo...
Jul 5, 2021
117
I feel like I'm bein torn apart from the inside.

I wish I could just run away then end it but in too weak and scared and pathetic.

Atleast the codine and alcohol let me sleep and pretend nothing exists till morning then it's what ever I need to keep myself moving...I wish I could just stay in bed sleeping all day but I cant.

I hate feeling so broken.
 
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