Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Pathetic || Just keep going
Jul 1, 2020
4,873
i feel like ive been at 100%, grab the rope and lets go, for the past 2-3 days straight. theres no way they understand how much im hurting even though im being very clear about it (thank you bpd). if anyone says they didnt see it coming im gonna come back and kick their fucking asses lol, i only say i want to kms at least twice a day
 
Z

Zegers

Specialist
Dec 15, 2021
337
I can't sleep and don't want to sleep, feel tired, not a normal tiredness, it's a vital tiredness.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Dead Meat
Xion

Xion

Please free me from hell.
Jul 5, 2020
484
natalie portman film GIF by Annihilation
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Dead Meat
O

outatime_85

Experienced
May 17, 2022
299
From diapers to around the age of eight, it is usually a one-to-one problem.

From the age of eight to the teen years, two to one, possibly three to one problem.

From teen to adult, life can start to look like a five to one problem, and that is too much to ask of anyone.

Live past adulthood and survive the onslaught that the world sees fit to dish out, only to find life repeats itself and you end up right back where you started, in a set of diapers, only these are made for older adults.

Your personal war over your adventure is finished, and your story will be told by those you leave behind, maybe.
 
S

Someone123

Visionary
Oct 19, 2021
2,386
Burp. Fart. Poop. Nap. Eat. Repeat. There must be more to life than this.
 
Lost in a Dream

Lost in a Dream

Enlightened
Feb 22, 2020
1,065
I'm just feeling really tired. I got a decent amount of sleep last night without edibles or smoking weed, but it sure doesn't feel like it. It feels like I only slept 3-4 hours. It's like this everyday and caffeine doesn't help anymore. Maybe the amount of sleep I need is the kind that never ends, but I don't know.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: foxdieΩ
VirtualSnow

VirtualSnow

who knows
May 21, 2022
62
Fucking sick, I just wonder how people manage to be so annoying, it seems that there are individuals biologically unable to make any sense.
 
O

outatime_85

Experienced
May 17, 2022
299
There is a war raging on inside me, and each day it gets more and more difficult to turn the volume down.
 
Circles

Circles

There's a difference between existing and living.
Sep 3, 2018
2,052
You know I’ve looked at gore for years and yet I still cannot fully stomach and accept what I see. The reality of death is astonishingly indescribable. It’s beyond sickening what we as living beings amount to and have to face. I understand death is a fact of life and I want to die still so badly, but seeing gore puts me in a negatively numbed state of mind. Like it feels like the universe feeds off of suffering and death. Countless living beings born, live, die, decay and all for what exactly? There’s literally no reason for why any of this has to happen and yet it does happen. Reality happens and it goddamn fucking sucks.
 
O

outatime_85

Experienced
May 17, 2022
299
I am isolated.

Over the many years of living this way, I have seemed to become used to it.

For me, isolation is as routine as any day for other people, less isolated.

Mentally and physically, I handle my self-isolation and loneliness well.

However, interacting with the world, I do not.

When I do have to interact with the world, it requires a strong mask.
 
  • Aww..
Reactions: Zegers
Sans

Sans

I'm going to burn myself alive in public!
Oct 2, 2019
270
I hate life, I hate the police for not letting people die in peace, I hate the world for being so unfair, I hate everything.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: milly and Dead Meat
milly

milly

about to die but won't even chat, wth?
Nov 28, 2021
127
this is not a joke @Dead Meat, I am really desperate 😭
 
FailureGirl

FailureGirl

lost in limbo...
Jul 5, 2021
117
I can't stop shivering or maybe I'm shaking i dont know but it calms slightly then racks my body, My tears have a mind of their own and my emotions are coming and going like massive waves so big i feel like I'm being physically crushed it hurts too much. I took 2 codine and antianxiety tablets but i can't even tell if they're working.. if i cut will it help like releasing air from a balloon about to burst I'm about to burst I'm cracking and it's not stoping it won't stop
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Yungire and milly
GageTheSpartan

GageTheSpartan

One more time around, might do it.
Jul 16, 2022
44
I feel sad and alone. It's all I've ever felt, and it's gotten to the point I would shoot myself, as scary as it is. No one really wants to even talk to me anymore.
 
LastFlowers

LastFlowers

the haru that can read
Apr 27, 2019
1,788
Exhausted, in pain, difficulty breathing..cannot sleep. Irritated. Anxious.
I feel stuck here with newfound responsibilities that I have to see through before I die, on top of previously unfinished preparations…I need to get out of here ASAP.
I’m becoming panicked.

I also need to get in the proper headspace in order to respond to some people who deserve a reply, but I think I may be even more avoidant of endeavors that matter to me, than the ones that don’t.

Conversely, I am tired of certain someones following me around with a bone to pick and being permitted to do so, especially those who seem to only exist on this site as contrarians who never actually shared about their own pain and suffering yet feel entitled to salt the wounds of those that have-using this place as their own personal playground to rile up some juvenile applause and then act above it.
..I have manually ignored for long enough, I would appreciate a 2-way block feature, even if there was a limit on how many times I could use it, that would be fine with me.

I’m not saying I’m never guilty of this, but I have also become rather annoyed when people purposely fail to quote or respond to someone else directly, so that they can get in the last punch or the last word, without the other person even realizing they have been addressed.
Doesn’t really affect me all that much as I fail to read quotes all the same, but it’s conniving and cowardly under most circumstances (there are exceptions).
 
Z

Zegers

Specialist
Dec 15, 2021
337
I wished you could create yourself as a sim, so you wouldn't have problems of self-image, insecurity, self-confidence... There is a thread questioning what is the main thing that leads you to ctb and thinking about this in-depth is mainly the disability, think that if i didn't have a disability would be eager to do and try out new things, but this way i am discouraged to do anything with a flawed physique that i don't feel good with, not having a good family and a social connections has also had a big part on it.
 
Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
17,665
I’ve listened to a few YouTube videos by this therapist guy called Dr. K, and while sometimes he does make sense I still get mad that it’s still not enough to mobilize me to make a change. In fact do I really want to make a change? Maybe I really have found comfort in feeling miserable about myself and maybe it’s true that a relationship for the sake of having that be the only way I can love myself sounds unrealistic but even knowing all that…I don’t care. Somehow knowing that doesn’t matter.

It’s like if I dedicated my whole life to studying dragons and now that I know dragons are not real that means I still don’t want to do anything else. Even knowing it’s impossible is not enough to make me stop. How can this be? Why am I like this? Someone like me deserves to die for being this stupid.
 
Lullaby

Lullaby

🌙
Mar 9, 2022
446
Just feeling very lost…not sure if I’m making the right sections right now, or just wasting even more time like I’ve been doing for years. I don’t want to be here another 10 years from now, in this same position.

I’m also feeling really abandoned, yet again by people I thought cared about me. I wish I could go back and not trust anyone, I was better off alone,
 
Jeannine

Jeannine

Member
Dec 16, 2019
40
I'm so terribly tired. I would break down and sob and perhaps be thrown in the ER once again, but I won't, I know my worth but good Lord it's hard to sit and stew in these overwhelming feelings. Lord be with him but I cannot help but feel disappointed and upset. I miss him. I never had him, anyway, but if so he should not have such a hold on me either. So it shall be
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: foxdieΩ
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Pathetic || Just keep going
Jul 1, 2020
4,873
with joy follows pain, every damn fucking time. i breakdown several times a day. having a panic attack, crying, a stress attack (? its like a panic attack but stress related. like when something goes wrong, it causes a stress attack). a person cant live like this.
but for you i didnt mind....why did you have to go? now i dont have a choice but to go as well. just....differently 😢
the pain of death will stop, while the pain of living will continue until im dead
 
  • Aww..
Reactions: foxdieΩ
abyss

abyss

Member
Jul 13, 2022
54
I feel devastated over a woman rejecting me, I really thought we had something. I liked her more than anyone I met in years. I went outside yesterday to be among people and I felt crushed.
I just keep telling myself 'it's over'.
 
Z

Zegers

Specialist
Dec 15, 2021
337
I feel so unlucky in everything, it's like a fucking joke, fucked up health, no family, no social relationships, depressed and yet people want me to be positive, well, i think there's no point in dragging it all out much longer. I feel empty.
 
BigPP

BigPP

Already dead
Apr 30, 2022
27
I don't feel anything,, but underneath is fear. Fear that ill actually do something,, it's not unlikely. I've reached out for help so many times, it's a personality trait at this point. I don't know what else to do. The only feeling I've had in the last 5 years is that I don't want to kill myself and I need to stop before it gets to that point, but it's pretty much useless.
 
O

outatime_85

Experienced
May 17, 2022
299
I taste failure, defeat, inadequacy, loneliness, depression, and hopelessness on a daily basis. (My never-ending story)

I ask myself what the point of this life is, and I respond that there is no point.

Society and family would have me believe that going to work on something or for someone and being able to afford the things pushed on citizens as a "necessity" would be the point.

I no longer think that is the case.

Maybe I am at the point where I need to accept that my life is meaningless, and no amount of "hard work" will bring it meaning.

Since I am starting to have doubts about the true value of these traditional beliefs and values, I need to start learning to reject those values that were instilled upon me by others and society.

Maybe it is time to let go of their implied safety, find out if I can survive self-destruction and become stronger, take the risk of staring into the abyss and instead build values and beliefs of my own.

Accepting that whatever I embrace and become as a result of such an endeavor will further alienate me from people and whatever is good or true in society's eyes.