GreyCTB

GreyCTB

I miss her so much
Aug 26, 2022
38
I'm starting to feel my survival instict getting stronger now. I will attempt ctb the day after tomorrow. I have wanted this for months and months. But now that it's getting close I'm starting to have second thoughts, and my heartbeat going up when I'm thinking about it. Being a human is not fun
 
DunnoWhyButYeah

DunnoWhyButYeah

~*-*~
Apr 3, 2020
353
I'm too tired to think or do anything. Nothing feels good... I try to be how I should be, I can't. And I can't leave yet, so I just sleep.... And wait. I'm empty, I don't know what I feel? Pain is awful now, cold weather is killing me and medicines don't work.
 
L

Lostandlooking

Specialist
Jul 23, 2020
309
Maybe I should have killed myself in september 2020. I’m thinking of scenarios that will bring me back to similar circumstances, even the same place. Imagining where and how I would kill myself. How it would feel. I feel angry and want to break things. Destroy some things. There has been no coming back after that last crisis. Or will I be able to forget eventually? Somehow that disgusts me.
 
Nolan96

Nolan96

Arcanist
Feb 12, 2022
489
I'm very scared. I want to be a good person in good faith. I also feel crushingly alone, like the people closest to me are drifting through another dimension even though I love them and I want some kind of human connection that feels real like human connections used to. I feel like I'm rotting and running out of air, but somehow I've managed the energy to just keep shambling around more frantically than ever before keeping on top of things. I intend to continue doing so if I can. I very much want to be a decent person and I'm very hurt and afraid.
 
jodes2

jodes2

SN arrived!
Aug 28, 2022
1,305
I hate that I'm having doubts about CTBing in the near future, I just want to be gone. I need to accept that I'll be leaving grieving people behind, this life is not enough to sustain me. Is it early SI or recovery or something else?
I'm too tired to think or do anything. Nothing feels good... I try to be how I should be, I can't. And I can't leave yet, so I just sleep.... And wait. I'm empty, I don't know what I feel? Pain is awful now, cold weather is killing me and medicines don't work.
Which of your meds aren't working? Sorry to hear that
 
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WhatPowerIs

WhatPowerIs

Arcanist
Jun 19, 2022
402
It's groundhog day, folks! Sigh

What test is that? *Hugs* let us know how it goes
Groundhog Day! I certainly know what it feels like to be trapped in a time loop haha

It's a math test. Because of the math class I'm in (lowest level) we have a test every Friday. I passed last week's one but now I feel like everything suddenly just ramped up and I'm nowhere near as confident for this approaching one compared to last week's. Ugh.
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

typically not in the mental frame to converse..
Jul 1, 2020
5,254
Frusterated, pissed. I'm a gr10 (gr11??) dropout (I got kicked out a couple months into the years so I'm not sure what counts cuz I didn't really learn or do anything in gr11) and I'm smarter/better at things then my bosses. I noticed problems and mistakes in doctors/scientists work. Like dudes, you're suppose to be a million times better than me. And this is why it's beyond stupid that the only thing employers look at is that stupid piece of paper. Personally what isn't on paper is so much more important. You didn't go to school, the info wasn't handed to you. It's impressive you did it on your own. Stupid humans.
 
jodes2

jodes2

SN arrived!
Aug 28, 2022
1,305
Bored out of my mind. TV isn't helping. I'm having trouble following SS chat as well. Is boredom an ok reason to CTB? I don't know. My gf would say not.
 
InjuredBrainGamer

InjuredBrainGamer

Member
Sep 8, 2022
25
I feel like society is backwards in not understanding reincarnation and I feel let down that we are not allowed to pass away without searching long and finding the resources to do so by ourselves, I am trapped in an injured body.
 
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Lullaby

Lullaby

🌙
Mar 9, 2022
510
I just wake up to more problems, every single day at this point. It’s not even 12pm yet and so much has happened that fell into my lap…I’m tired of this. I just want to go back to sleep and not wake up again.