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Comatose11

Mage
Jul 26, 2018
576
I had every opportunity to make something of myself, but ruined it. I fucked up my life beyond repair. I don’t have the motivation to make things better (not that I could get back on track and live a normal life, pretty sure that’s impossible at this point). And I honestly don’t trust myself to make the right decisions to improve my life. I realize death is the only way for me, I don’t have a future and life isn’t for me. Depression is also a component.

What are your reasons?
 
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ScaredOfLife

Arcanist
Jul 9, 2018
441
I had every opportunity to make something of myself, but ruined it. I fucked up my life beyond repair. I don’t have the motivation to make things better (not that I could get back on track and live a normal life, pretty sure that’s impossible at this point). And I honestly don’t trust myself to make the right decisions to improve my life. I realize death is the only way for me, I don’t have a future and life isn’t for me. Depression is also a component.

What are your reasons?

I'm facing losing my income, and I have depression and anxiety. I wouldn't be able to handle being homeless, so I will have no choice but to kill myself.
 
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typx

Specialist
May 4, 2018
381
I had a dream months ago where I had a piece of hose with a kink in it. No matter how I manipulated it that kink would not come out. I couldn't fix it no matter what. No matter what I did it was hopeless.

Much like OP... too many fuck ups over the years. And no path back to a normal life. Not that I really ever had one.
 
lastsummer

lastsummer

-
Jul 28, 2018
56
I don't have one main big reason. It just a little of this and that. I don't want to have a family or have kid. I don't want to be old lady one day. I'm getting bored of my current job. After almost 10 years of hard work, I think I deserve a nice rest with N method, if I'm able to get it, hopefully.

"Whenever I face with troubles, I just feel giving up and wanted to be disappeared." No more fighting spirit in my soul anymore"
 
ge0rge

ge0rge

the satanic mechanic
Jul 29, 2018
295
The possibility of not being able to reach the only real dream I've had for many years. The kind of dream you obsess over and build your life around. The quail egg you lay in just one basket, without which everything else seems pretty much pointless. And it's keeping me unemployed.

That and severe body dysmorphia that makes me break down whenever I leave the house. I can't remember the last time I left the front door without crying and being a wreck in public :/

It's a mixture of "what the fuck do I do now?" and frustration and hatred and envy for people who have not had to work half as hard as I did.
 
IRIYAMA

IRIYAMA

Student
Apr 10, 2018
141
Have an illness similar to an autoimmune disease which means living with constant pain, nerve pain and numerous symptoms. Living with this triggers the depression which flares up the symptoms, it’s a damn vicious cycle that never ends.
 
Midnight

Midnight

Beyond solace
Jun 30, 2018
625
Probably not enough compared to most here to be suicidal. I just had a little bit of everything. I was bullied alot in school. Below average looks and generally not good at picking up girls leaving me without a relationship until my late 20's (she took off few years ago) i have a job but it just doesn't get me where i want to be. Made alot of wrong financial choises compared to what you should do according to society. Some physical/health issues and anxiety. Parents kind of made me anti-social and they where alcoholics. I wasn't abused or anything like that. Again i feel kind of wrong at times for the way i think when looking at what kind of things people here have had to endure in their lives ... Some people have it far worse yet i can't help but feel this way. It's been like this for more than 15 years (started arround 14-15).
 
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Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
Probably not enough compared to most here to be suicidal. I just had a little bit of everything. I was bullied alot in school. Below average looks and generally not good at picking up girls leaving me without a relationship until my late 20's (she took off few years ago) i have a job but it just doesn't get me where i want to be. Made alot of wrong financial choises compared to what you should do according to society. Some physical/health issues and anxiety. Parents kind of made me anti-social and they where alcoholics. I wasn't abused or anything like that. Again i feel kind of wrong at times for the way i think when looking at what kind of things people here have had to endure in their lives ... Some people have it far worse yet i can't help but feel this way. It's been like this for more than 15 years (started arround 14-15).
I don't think this reasons are weak. But anyway don't worry for that. A lot of people said it but this is not a competition for for see who suffers more. You are in your right.
 
Midnight

Midnight

Beyond solace
Jun 30, 2018
625
I don't think this reasons are weak. But anyway don't worry for that. A lot of people said it but this is not a competition for for see who suffers more. You are in your right.

Thank you for your kindness.

One thing i forgot to mention is the fact that in life i always gave twice as much as i took. I always was the first to help people. Be it relationship issue's,cars,computers etc etc i never asked for anything in return. I gave away so much of myself and my money just for people to like me. I went out of my way to even help people that didn't deserve it. Everyone looked at me when they needed help with something/someone to talk to. But i was actually the one not feeling ok. When i talked about it i pushed people away so i learned to keep my problems to myself.
 
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Maggotymaggots

-
Apr 18, 2018
54
They're many contributing factors, but I guess it all adds up to me just not being cut out for this life. I can't enjoy the things most people seem to. Any amount of pressure or stress overwhelms me, even when it's like water off a duck's back for others. I'm constantly anxious and afraid. I'm just not at all suited for life.
 
FTL.Wanderer

FTL.Wanderer

Enlightened
May 31, 2018
1,792
One thing i forgot to mention is the fact that in life i always gave twice as much as i took. I always was the first to help people. Be it relationship issue's,cars,computers etc etc i never asked for anything in return. I gave away so much of myself and my money just for people to like me. I went out of my way to even help people that didn't deserve it. Everyone looked at me when they needed help with something/someone to talk to. But i was actually the one not feeling ok. When i talked about it i pushed people away so i learned to keep my problems to myself.

Wow. I could have written this. You get two thumbs up from me.
 
D

Dip

Student
Jul 27, 2018
171
I'm just tired of it all. I've been unemployed for over a year but before that I was employed in banking and admin at various points and even ran an Internet business (selling gambling-related advertising) I managed to live off of for 3 years.

Looking forward, there are no options I can personally live with. I don't want to go back to living with my parents or any sort of wage-slavery and there aren't any business possibilities that I have any interest in (whether suggested to me by others or that I've found).

I've always had an insatiable curiosity for the way the world and universe works around me and the more I've learned the more certain of the inevitable I am: civilization will eventually collapse, any survivors will eventually die off as the conditions of the Earth and Sun change and eventually all life on this planet will cease. This cannot be reversed any more than entropy in a closed system can be reversed.

What's more I've learned firsthand that almost everyone around me doesn't even want to talk about processes such as entropy and the logical endpoint for energy dissipation structures such as civilization or even life itself.

The only reason I'm still around is irrational fear of death, there are still some things that stimulate the reward center of my brain and I still have some savings left. Once the savings go down enough I'll leave. The only hope I have is that I'll successfully kill myself with a much simpler method this time (hanging) because I don't want to go back to a psychiatric prison either.

I've been officially diagnosed with depression and anxiety, though to me these are such vague categorizations they might as well have told me "he's sad".
 
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samhelloall9

Experienced
Jul 16, 2018
297
Anxiety, obsessive compulsive, a little wary of germs. I know, try living with me, it's hard just for me being me. So that, and also that life is unpredictable. If there was no such thing as pain or unlucky things in life, it would all be worth it. But no, there's more pain than gain, I feel.
 
ninaevol

ninaevol

Member
Aug 2, 2018
58
Years of being bullied in school, very controlling Muslim parents (I've been ex-Muslim/atheist since I was 14) who don't let me date (even at 20) and expect me to have an arranged marriage, toxic and dysfunctional family, financial issues, no friends (only acquaintances from school who use me for my grades). Overall I just have no freedom to live my life the way I want to. Even if I did, I believe I'm too sensitive and weak for this world. I have no clear purpose or passion. In the grand scheme of things, life is pointless and nothing matters so might as well end it.
 
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NoMore

Member
Aug 5, 2018
57
Two antipsychotic injections lobotomized me, i was forced by the government and ive lost the ability to feel pleasure or be constructive socialize sleep enjoy music or anything, not even cocaine does much, they fucked up my frontal lobe and basal ganglia which are crucial for a human like experience, im a prisoner in my mind and it causes severe mental anguish throughout the day, simple thoughts are painful to process. Ive tried suicide several times, partial suspension hanging and helium
 
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Jonnydoeuk

-
Aug 4, 2018
67
Two antipsychotic injections lobotomized me, i was forced by the government and ive lost the ability to feel pleasure or be constructive socialize sleep enjoy music or anything, not even cocaine does much, they fucked up my frontal lobe and basal ganglia which are crucial for a human like experience, im a prisoner in my mind and it causes severe mental anguish throughout the day, simple thoughts are painful to process. Ive tried suicide several times, partial suspension hanging and helium
And none of them methods worked ??
 
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NoMore

Member
Aug 5, 2018
57
And none of them methods worked ??
Helium was a complete fail.
Got close with hanging i think, ended up with a bloodshot eye and a bruised elbow, but the ligature broke and was left wrapped tightly around my neck and i was unaware until i nearly blacked out again i hastily picked at it until it loosened and i threw myself on the bed panting for 10 minutes and heart was pounding ridiculously hard, that is an extremely disappointing memory
 
FTL.Wanderer

FTL.Wanderer

Enlightened
May 31, 2018
1,792
Helium was a complete fail.
Got close with hanging i think, ended up with a bloodshot eye and a bruised elbow, but the ligature broke and was left wrapped tightly around my neck and i was unaware until i nearly blacked out again i hastily picked at it until it loosened and i threw myself on the bed panting for 10 minutes and heart was pounding ridiculously hard, that is an extremely disappointing memory


I'm very, very sorry. Failing terrifies me... :/