Apr 7, 2018
I have heard people stress that it is important for people to teach their kids to be mentally tough. Apparently that's why people say things like "Grow Up", "Man Up", or "Toughen Up".

But I seem incredibly perplexed by this since I was always told things things by various people and it made no sense in my mind. What did they think that a phrase would accomplish.

I can very slightly understand what they are trying to get across, the world is certainly no bed of roses or box of chocolates for the majority of humans, but then again, It really is confusing for me because I know of well off people that were 'mollycoddled' by their parents according to some in my school, yet succeeded above many others who had stricter parents. Never had discipline issues, criminal records, never rude (and I know this because I've become best friends with them).

On the other hand, my parents beat me as a child in Africa with a belt and metal implement, stopped when we moved to Europe but then my family became distant, parents betrayed me and my father became the disher of 'tough love' with these same phrases. Certainly hasn't helped me, I'm worse off compared to my classmates (a lot of it my doing).

So has anyone had similar experiences with being told stupid shit like this? Suicidal and non-suicidal?

Life sucks

Apr 18, 2018
I'm sure everyone has faced some at least verbally in different ways. This is just one way for them to make abuse acceptable and not questionable. A lame excuse and a way to justify their wrongs and making people suffer more and trying to turn them to monsters so they beat the "weaker ones". If this shows anything, it shows how many people are retarded and stupid monsters that live like a jungle.


Jun 26, 2018
Physical abuse on a young child in the name of building "mental toughness" is wrong. It teaches the child the worse kind of lesson: that it is ok to respond with violence. Study after study confirms this. Yet, instead of mental toughness, what parents should be teaching instead is what Daniel Goleman calls emotional intelligence or EQ. The skills associated with EQ include being able to recognize your emotions, being able to recognize other people's emotions, and being able to delay gratification. A high EQ more than IQ is a better indicator for how a child will turn out later in life.

Michel Angelo

Jul 5, 2018
What a person really means by "toughen up" really is dependant on the context, and the sort of person who is stating such. Some prefer ideology as a means to getting ahead or what they "want," ie and the means used don't matter much, including "toughening up" to achieve that goal, so in that case it could be "ignore all the bad things in the world if it makes you less efficient" because achieving those goals is more important to them, and typically those of these types are assuming that same principle should apply to you.

And it needn't be so tactical, there are a lot of people who believe in Jesus simply because it makes them feel better, and perhaps alleviate death anxiety.

Then there are other who are as focused on the journey as an end goal, or who don't care how useful an idea might be, merely what the actual truth of the situation is, and these people generally respond very differently.