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athousandsorrows

athousandsorrows

Member
Jul 5, 2018
70
I find myself with this dilemma constantly. I want to die, I want to do it in such a way that my family won't be finding my body to spare them the extra trauma, and I want to do it in the most peaceful way possible for myself. I might be wrong, but it seems to me that I need money to accomplish that, since I don't live alone, and most methods that are peaceful require some money be spent buying supplies.

I just lost my job a little over a month ago and I ran out of the money I had from it. Now, I'm completely desperate for money and I can't bring myself to do anything. I mentioned in a previous post that I sometimes do transcription projects online to help me make some bucks, but I can't even do that because there are deadlines to be met, and I just can't. My family has made it abundantly clear they will not give me a cent for anything. I guess they figure that's a good way to push me to do something.

What do you do for money or for work feeling this way? I need some advice.
 
Severen

Severen

Enlightened
Jun 30, 2018
1,819
I find myself with this dilemma constantly. I want to die, I want to do it in such a way that my family won't be finding my body to spare them the extra trauma, and I want to do it in the most peaceful way possible for myself. I might be wrong, but it seems to me that I need money to accomplish that, since I don't live alone, and most methods that are peaceful require some money be spent buying supplies.

I just lost my job a little over a month ago and I ran out of the money I had from it. Now, I'm completely desperate for money and I can't bring myself to do anything. I mentioned in a previous post that I sometimes do transcription projects online to help me make some bucks, but I can't even do that because there are deadlines to be met, and I just can't. My family has made it abundantly clear they will not give me a cent for anything. I guess they figure that's a good way to push me to do something.

What do you do for money or for work feeling this way? I need some advice.

Can you make money as an English tutor there? No deadlines to be met. You just tutor people when you feel like it.
 
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mattwitt

mattwitt

# 978
Jun 28, 2018
2,307
Shuttered my business. “Living” off savings until I CTB.
That's basically me... I quit my job back in November. been living off of what little money I had in my 401k, savings, and credit cards. I only have enough for 2 - 3 more months then I either have to get a job which I really don't want to or CTB (little bit more to it than that)
 
S

Ssname

Experienced
Jun 30, 2018
268
I have moved back to my parents which minimises costs and am just spending savings. Luckily I had spent the last 4 years working multiple jobs and saving most of it.
 
Empty Smile

Empty Smile

The final Bell has rung. Goodbye to all.
Jul 13, 2018
1,784
I was a CPA but my second career choice was trucker. I love driving, or rather used to love it. And the idea of traveling appealed to me.

Do you enjoy it? Or did you?

I have my days. I do enjoy it because I like travelling, and getting paid to see the country.

Then I have my days where I just want to go downhill while in neutral, unbuckle seatbelt and crash. But I don't want to take innocent people with me.
 
Midnight

Midnight

Beyond solace
Jun 30, 2018
624
Worked in a factory for a decade. Now in a car dealership since a few years. Haven't been unemployed for a day since i left school. I have no savings to speak of and don't own any realestate. No debt either so that's pretty much the only thing i got going for me.
 
SexualChocolate

SexualChocolate

-
Jul 5, 2018
99
I have worked as a waitress.Currently i work as a Secretary.It is so boring.One of my most interesting jobs,that i really enjoyed working at,while i was attending collage.I worked for a company that employed students as house cleaners,I cleaned peoples houses while just wearing my underware.Clients could also provide me with what to wear.It was fun,i enjoyed it.It was safe also,as the company provided a bodyguard.No touching or such things were allowed.The client could just watch and nothing more.
 
F

Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,352
I’m a prostitute :( I started as a stripper in strip clubs though I was not exchanging sex for money for many years, not till I was in early 30’s. I had tried to get out b4 and worked a few regular jobs only to fall back into this stuff. I did have a messed up childhood although not all women who get into this stuff do. But most do yes. I struggled with normal jobs and the low pay. I did go through a couple vocational programs but ended up hating it. I realized I hated working when I would run into problems with coworkers or just struggling to be on time and finding the boredom difficult to cope with. I was just a terrible employee and kinda gave up. I struggled with relationships with guys too and so I feared commitment. So now I just feel like I’ve fucked up my life and I’m not about to start over.
 
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PhilistineEars

PhilistineEars

Member
Jul 1, 2018
62
Spend my days keeping people safe and the environment protected (Environmental Health Safety). Ironic that I’m looking to keep people from getting hurt when all I can think about is ctb.

I’ve said it before somewhere else here, but even making decent money does not change my desire to live either. I could be a billionaire and still feel this way.
 
deathwish

deathwish

-
Jun 16, 2018
71
It seems not many people feel just as you do; I hope you've still gotten some help from this thread, OP.

for me, maybe it's relevant? since i've still got shit to do before dying, i have to work. boom, my motivation. blessed motivation. i hope you find yours; sometimes even if it makes sense (need money = must work = *does work*) it's still hard; you're experiencing that, right? Fucking hard. Well, it'll work out. Maybe not well, but an end will come, prepare yourself as best you can.
 
I

I will go soon

Member
Apr 9, 2018
62
I work for one of the biggest car companies. Boss is a bitch and I believe I'm very underpaid but am only doing this because it's the first true job I found for my degree. Luckily they opened up their NA headquarters near my hometown so I got lucky. May go for a MBA in the future and get higher in corporate but will most likely ctb this year so no chance for that.
 
Aaron

Aaron

Member
Jul 2, 2018
63
Goldfarming - the practice of playing a game intensively so as to amass stocks of the game's virtual currency or other valuable items used in the game, which can then be sold to other players for real money.

Only works if you know the game and market around it in and out or you live in a country with a failed economy like venezuela. Though these markets tend to crash after time.
 
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athousandsorrows

athousandsorrows

Member
Jul 5, 2018
70
Yeah, I can see not many people are in my situation, which only makes me feel a million times worse haha. I can't get government cheese as someone said, nor money from my parents who are already trying to get rid of me (hence my desperation) and just want me out of here. Just the thought of going back to work makes me sick to my stomach. I've turned down 2 interviews in the last couple of days because I can't even muster up the will to go. To be perfectly honest though, I only want money so I can buy cigarettes and later down the line I'll need it to buy food for my pets (but they're covered for now, they always come first). So I'm thinking this is the perfect chance to quit smoking or finally ctb. Everything is just going downhill fast. My father won't even talk to me after he found out I missed my interview, it's been a few days now. Not that I miss talking to him, at all, there's no getting through to the man, but it feels just so awful to know your own dad would rather stop talking to you than actually make an effort to understand what you're going through.

Anyway, thanks for the feedback guys!
 
Midnight

Midnight

Beyond solace
Jun 30, 2018
624
I’m a prostitute :( I started as a stripper in strip clubs though I was not exchanging sex for money for many years, not till I was in early 30’s. I had tried to get out b4 and worked a few regular jobs only to fall back into this stuff. I did have a messed up childhood although not all women who get into this stuff do. But most do yes. I struggled with normal jobs and the low pay. I did go through a couple vocational programs but ended up hating it. I realized I hated working when I would run into problems with coworkers or just struggling to be on time and finding the boredom difficult to cope with. I was just a terrible employee and kinda gave up. I struggled with relationships with guys too and so I feared commitment. So now I just feel like I’ve fucked up my life and I’m not about to start over.

I know a few girls in your line of work and tbh some of them where the most genuine people i've met in my entire life. Most of them also don't consider normal jobs because of the huge difference in income. Fwiw they are doing alot better than i am financially.
 
ForestDuck

ForestDuck

Member
Jul 11, 2018
45
I'm a contractor, get paid a lot of dough, for barely any work, some contracts paid me £1000s a day For work that a 9 year old could probably do. Only issue is, I've had a bad gambling problem since I was 18 and I've lost every penny earned to date, lost my house, car and my girlfriend. I've had to move back with my parents because I'm now 'blacklisted' which means I can't borrow any more money and can't apply for credit. I literally have no will to live anymore, everything I cherished is gone, and everyday I wake up to disappointing faces on my parents. It sucks beyond words, I have ordered N, and I will demise as soon as it arrives - I'm already considered an idiot by everyone around me and I suppose I'll be doing everyone a favour once I finally die.
 
FTL.Wanderer

FTL.Wanderer

Enlightened
May 31, 2018
1,786
I teach. Adults. It's exhausting having to pretend to be upbeat and "together." And always serving others who already have everything--family, friends, money, careers... only to go back to an empty house where my "company" is a laptop. Day after week after month after year after decade. I just want the courage to take the leap. Hope died long ago.
 
F

Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,352
I'm a contractor, get paid a lot of dough, for barely any work, some contracts paid me £1000s a day For work that a 9 year old could probably do. Only issue is, I've had a bad gambling problem since I was 18 and I've lost every penny earned to date, lost my house, car and my girlfriend. I've had to move back with my parents because I'm now 'blacklisted' which means I can't borrow any more money and can't apply for credit. I literally have no will to live anymore, everything I cherished is gone, and everyday I wake up to disappointing faces on my parents. It sucks beyond words, I have ordered N, and I will demise as soon as it arrives - I'm already considered an idiot by everyone around me and I suppose I'll be doing everyone a favour once I finally die.
Clearly you are not an idiot and the main issue is your addiction. This might be one of those situations that can actually be solved. I saw a guy speak about addiction on YouTube who I was really impressed with. Cg kid is the guys name. It really doesn’t matter what the addiction bc it can be behavioral or substance. I would check out his vids even though he mainly covers substance abuse.
 
ForestDuck

ForestDuck

Member
Jul 11, 2018
45
Clearly you are not an idiot and the main issue is your addiction. This might be one of those situations that can actually be solved. I saw a guy speak about addiction on YouTube who I was really impressed with. Cg kid is the guys name. It really doesn’t matter what the addiction bc it can be behavioral or substance. I would check out his vids even though he mainly covers substance abuse.

I've tried private counselling, going to gamblers anonymous clubs and nothing helped, but I don't have a reason to stop anymore, I've already lost everything that ever mattered to me, and been depressed for 3 years, I've tried two past attempts to od but failed even though I took excess amounts (100+). I work for no reason, I don't see a future anymore, I'm literally living in hell and it's only going to get worse. I'm 1000s in debt and all my wage that comes in, goes into that. Just an absolute pain.
 
Volatile

Volatile

God
Jun 18, 2018
1,286
I teach. Adults. It's exhausting having to pretend to be upbeat and "together." And always serving others who already have everything--family, friends, money, careers... only to go back to an empty house where my "company" is a laptop. Day after week after month after year after decade. I just want the courage to take the leap. Hope died long ago.
That sounds like a possible future for me. Now I want to ctb even more
 
M

millefeui

-
Mar 31, 2018
1,035
I know a few girls in your line of work and tbh some of them where the most genuine people i've met in my entire life. Most of them also don't consider normal jobs because of the huge difference in income. Fwiw they are doing alot better than i am financially.
Even if they are doing better financially, it still is an extremely risky line of work. One has to wonder if it is really worth the risk if the person has other job opportunities.
My father won't even talk to me after he found out I missed my interview, it's been a few days now. Not that I miss talking to him, at all, there's no getting through to the man, but it feels just so awful to know your own dad would rather stop talking to you than actually make an effort to understand what you're going through.
If it means anything, my father has barely talked to me for the last decade+ because I didn't want to work for one of his friends in a really awful job when I was 16. He never tried to understand, or even asked me why. He just shut me down. So I can relate.
 
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