- Aug 6, 2020
When your out at the supermarket or something you see all the people happy doing there stuff what are thinking knowing your going to ctb, what is going through your mind?
ohhgeeitsme said:Just how surreal it is, especially since I act so normal. It's made me realize more than ever that you really have no idea what's going on inside someone's mind or in their lives, even seemingly happy people. Just because they're smiling and being sociable, doesn't mean anything and I know that now. I'm sure people have looked at me and thought I was happy had a lot going for me. But yeah, it's a very strange feeling and makes me kind of dissociate and can trigger derealization. I'm not currently planning on ctbing any time soon, though that can change at the drop of the hat, but when it was nearing in the past.. yeah, very strange feeling. I just always think, man.. if these people only knew the truth.
I definitely hide my depression well so I always wonder how many other people do as well. I wonder how normal even seemingly normal people really are. You just never really know anyone, even when you live with them for years. Not that everyone is hiding something, you just can't ever be sure who is and who isn't. I don't even really intentionally hide this part of me. It's instinctive. I mean, I know I learned it at some point but it's still automatic now and it doesn't feel natural at all wearing my heart on my sleeve. Anyway, I never take someone at face value anymore. I still think of myself as an honest person overall, just also someone that doesn't like to expose my vulnerabilities or weaknesses.WornOutLife said:I so agree! I always think that I'm a good actor because people talk to me normally. It seems I can hide my depression but this makes me wonder, how healthy are their minds? They can't all be happy. Depression is more normal than we think and ctb not so much but it does happen!
Anyway, I kinda envy normal people. I wish I could be as stable as them.
I think this is half my problem, I feel let down by people and there lack of support but they probably think my problems are trivial but to me there huge and there daily life is borring and trivial to me.FuneralCry said:I just feel disconnected to them really. Many people are so distracted by life they likely do not think about death that often and how pointless life is. All we are doing is waiting around to die anyway.
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