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greebo6

Enlightened
Sep 11, 2020
1,302
I know I have put it off for far too many years. This has done me no good at all . I truly wish I had done it years ago. Living with the desire to die is in itself exhausting and psychologically destructive.
My CTB date is in January.
 
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Glovkenspiel

Arcanist
Nov 12, 2021
426
You'll become bitter and angry, wake up one day realizing that you've wasted the few good years that you had and hate yourself for that, you'll hate other people having a good time too, and you'll eventually die of old age...alone.
I’m on my way…
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

I want to sleep for an eternity
Sep 24, 2020
6,055
If I never find the courage, I know I will just suffer for decades, spending the days wishing I was not here. However I know that things will get worse for me, and then I will get desperate. I refuse to reach old age, no matter what I will achieve my peace. I see suicide as taking control and ending all the suffering, it is the only thing that feels right for me.
 
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saintedwinter

New Member
Nov 8, 2021
3
Contemplating CTB for years but failing to gather the courage. What do long time lurkers plan to do? If I don't CTB, I think I'll waste my life away. Start drinking, start smoking, become a pain in the ass to everybody. Probably die of some stupid illness in a few years. Im slowly becoming a sociopath lol.
Probably either homelessness or a psych ward
 
eternalmelancholy

eternalmelancholy

waiting for the bus
Mar 24, 2021
901
You need to either seek recovery or actually ctb. Otherwise life starts to spiral out of control while you just standby and watch.
 
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reversenightmare

reversenightmare

Call it Eternity
Jan 24, 2020
265
I started smoking cigarettes years ago/don’t do anything to recover from my eating disorder with that in mind. If I never get the courage to CTB, I’ll either very possibly get a condition from smoking for so many years since a young age or die from my eating disorder (or from consequences of it, for example I write this as I haven’t had a bowel movement in 2 weeks oof). Well that or waiting until my mom passed away so I can CTB. If none of that happens in like 20 years, guess I’ll have to live in torture or get the courage to CTB and leave my family.
 
Sslsh

Sslsh

Experienced
Jan 29, 2020
236
Well a year has passed and I'm still around xD. Atleast now I've gathered enough courage AND have an actual plan to ctb. Waiting for things to fall in place now.
 
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PDAnnie2610

Waiting for my bus.
Oct 27, 2019
415
Can’t.. I cannot imagine how degraded my quality of life would be.

In my case, I’m better off dead.

Hoping to get the deed done by this weekend.
 
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flametrees

Member
Nov 22, 2021
6
Contemplating CTB for years but failing to gather the courage. What do long time lurkers plan to do? If I don't CTB, I think I'll waste my life away. Start drinking, start smoking, become a pain in the ass to everybody. Probably die of some stupid illness in a few years. Im slowly becoming a sociopath lol.
YES I am going crazy on this earth too. Nothing worse than being held somewhere you really don't want to be. Feel I'm being held hostage to live against my will. Every night I wish I could leave this earth and that I don't ever wake up. Other than hoping the universe shows some mercy and kills me quickly in an accident or something, I don't know what to do if I have to keep staying alive. It's like ongoing repetitive torture. I just try my best to support causes I agree with like animal rights. I help at the animal shelter. It makes me feel better but is also sad at the same time as the animals suffer too like we do. I guess the best we can hope for is that some sort of virus or pandemic wipes us out