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Livide Lamb

Member
Apr 17, 2018
24
I found some time ago, a suicide note on the internet that, in my opinion, is a good representation of the "no joy - no hope" state of mind. And the suicide note goes like this :
Life seems to be black and white silent movie about nothing, flickering silently on film superimposed onto the retinas of my eyes. The movie is almost over - Suicide note found in Aokigahara.
 
RainAndSadness

RainAndSadness

Administrator
Jun 12, 2018
1,835
That's very difficult to describe and probably different for every individual. It feels like drowning for me. I'm constantly in pain. It's not physical pain though, more like internal, mental pain that infests your mind and lays a dark shadow over your life. It really darkens your perception. And sometimes these thoughts get so loud and ugly that I have to shut them down with physical pain. But I can only escape them temporary and that's the worst. There is no way of turning it off and I know it will happen again and again and again. And being trapped with that demon inside of me makes it so bad. Because it seems like death is the only way of escaping it. And I think demon is the right word to describe for me, considering it's following me since my childhood. Just some explanation from my point of view and how I interpret it.
 
Meena

Meena

Student
Jun 7, 2018
138
I might be wrong but i don't think that depression is a reason for tcb since you can treat it with medication. For me the hard circonstances of my life push me to think about suicide. But again i might be wrong.
 
Soon4me

Soon4me

Enlightened
Jun 15, 2018
1,591
I might be wrong but i don't think that depression is a reason for tcb since you can treat it with medication. For me the hard circonstances of my life push me to think about suicide. But again i might be wrong.
I agree but sometimes the reason for depression is because of a very bad event or many bad events that happened in your life or incurable disease.
 
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Phonenix Arise

Member
Jun 13, 2018
6
To me depression is like "Hopeless".. without Hope. It's like u are tired of running down a tunnel which never seems to end... after a while, u just wish to stop running.. & ending it all

Depression to me also feels like i have a unspeakable silent pain in my heart.. the pain is so excruiting.. & silent..

And somehow silent tears will flow unceasingly down your face. U really really do not wish to get up from your bed.. let alone step out from your room or your house.

U feel life is really meaningless. A silent torture
 
T

typx

Specialist
May 4, 2018
381
I might be wrong but i don't think that depression is a reason for tcb since you can treat it with medication. For me the hard circonstances of my life push me to think about suicide. But again i might be wrong.

Medication isn’t an answer for depression. It’s the latest perspective on how to battle it. Not a cure-all. There are a wide range of reasons that cause people to experience depression. Some may be treated with medication. Some can’t. I think it’s a pretty big leap to say depression isn’t a reason for CTB.
 
RainAndSadness

RainAndSadness

Administrator
Jun 12, 2018
1,835
Depression alone might not be lethal, but depression with the right circumstances and environment definitely is. For example, depression and ongoing loneliness is a dangerous combination.
 
Imaginos

Imaginos

Full-time layabout
Apr 7, 2018
638
This.

man-crushed-under-rock-gigantic-boulder-49435784.jpg


Combined with a resigned emptiness best exemplified by this.

0.jpg
 
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Phonenix Arise

Member
Jun 13, 2018
6
Depression can cause someone to turn into a hermit. U just want to stay in yr room, not go anywhere or see anyone. It’s a safe haven, and u just don’t want leave yr rm. U avoid everything. Ignore phone messages, skip appointments or plans, don’t leave the house, stop paying bills, try to avoid talking to anyone. Often, u feel tired . U often nap or sleep alot, in order to avoid people. U barely eat but only eat empty calories and drink a lot more.
Try to distract oneself with empty crap like TV shows, social media or games just to avoid having to think about anything real.
 
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Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,352
Depression alone might not be lethal, but depression with the right circumstances and environment definitely is. For example, depression and ongoing loneliness is a dangerous combination.
I’m in this camp I would say.
 
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mattwitt

mattwitt

# 978
Jun 28, 2018
2,307
This is going to sound weird but I first started to experience my never ending swellings of deep sorrow, pain, and emptiness about 5 years ago. It all started when I came up with this workout routine where I would walk on a treadmill as fast as I could (4mph) for about 30 minutes to build up a sweat. Then I would immediately go into the 210 degree sauna for another 30 minutes. After about a month of slowly cooking my insides my body began to detoxify itself. It's like 35 years of crap just decided to all come out at once. I would come home from after my workout and start bawling my eyes out uncontrollably. I would sit on my bed and put a towel on my face and just let it happen without fighting it. I knew it was because my body was detoxifying itself and that I was going through some serious withdrawal symptoms. Ever since then my body hasn't been the same and the bad feelings are ever so present with me.
 
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Jerryman

Jerryman

Member
Jul 19, 2018
93
I've been told I should be loving life given my circumstances, own home, car, good job, money etc. Also been told I'm good looking, tall etc. My relationships always fail because of my depression, I had a shitty childhood, death in family, neglected by mother who was also abused by step father. Just feel like it's never going to get better so have been tired of life and live the thought of the end coming soon. Nothing has any joy and working has worn very thin so just treading water lately. The things you should do to help yourself feel lame and hard work.
 
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R

ReleaseMe

I know it's over And it never really began
May 26, 2018
121
Doing nothing is unbearable, but no energy to do anything either. No ability to focus on anything. Always feeling decline and doom, looking at the clock, time stretching indefinetely and at the same time, fading away so quickly. Loneliness, isolation and not being able to communicate. Physical deterioration, disgusting eating and hygiene. Crying over long gone hopes and losses. Chest pressure and agitation but no where to go. Envying normal peoples and what they do but again, no energy to try do something about it, not being able to connect. All the things and chores I'd have to do to improve piling up: shaving, doing sports, paying off debts, staying sober, washing clothes, buying clothes,... and knowing that even when I do all that stuff I will still remain stuck in my loneliness, shitty job, tiny apartment. All the wrong decisions and experiences that led me to where I am can not be corrected anymore...knowing I will only get older and even more miserable. Rinse, repeat..
... That's what its like for me... As always please excuse my English...
 
F

Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,352
Doing nothing is unbearable, but no energy to do anything either. No ability to focus on anything. Always feeling decline and doom, looking at the clock, time stretching indefinetely and at the same time, fading away so quickly. Loneliness, isolation and not being able to communicate. Physical deterioration, disgusting eating and hygiene. Crying over long gone hopes and losses. Chest pressure and agitation but no where to go. Envying normal peoples and what they do but again, no energy to try do something about it, not being able to connect. All the things and chores I'd have to do to improve piling up: shaving, doing sports, paying off debts, staying sober, washing clothes, buying clothes,... and knowing that even when I do all that stuff I will still remain stuck in my loneliness, shitty job, tiny apartment. All the wrong decisions and experiences that led me to where I am can not be corrected anymore...knowing I will only get older and even more miserable. Rinse, repeat..
... That's what its like for me... As always please excuse my English...
Yes this, u covered everything here. This is what it’s like.
 
ForestDuck

ForestDuck

Member
Jul 11, 2018
45
Depression for me is pain and struggle to keep going. I feel everyone who suffers depression does try and does want to continue even though we don't have the means to do so. We are helpless with life and what life brings. Each day I wake up and feel I shouldn't be here, I feel out of place and want closure. Suicide for me would help the pain and struggle go away, people fight depression for years, and keep trying - which is what I've been doing, but after a while the burden is too much, and that's when you give up hope, give up ambition and rightly so, give up on life.
 
S

Suicidalsamurai

Member
Jul 22, 2018
12
It's a flip of a coin, for some, it is no emotion at all, for others it is so much overwhelming emotion that it drives you crazy. And for people like me, it starts with overwhelming emotional then graduates to numbness as your brain scrambles to find a logical response to your feelings.it is 100% impossible for someone without depression to truly understand, but that is as best as I can explain it.