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J

Journeytoletgo

Elementalist
May 14, 2018
851
The fact that nobody tells you that being around someone with depression makes you a horrible/toxic person to be around. I am very nasty when I drink alcohol the worse behavior comes out. I don’t genuinely laugh anymore, when people talk to me I’m like “yeah” and “mhmm”, can’t talk about anything anymore because I don’t have the energy and upbeat. Now I’m back to working a shitty retail job interacting with people again I have to get out of this soon. I want to go on my birthday in February. I hope I get the courage why do I keep clinging to this misery?
 
R

RazzleDazzle

The void stares back.
Sep 16, 2021
140
I'm a total non-functional fuck-up and I'm tired of trying to get better. I've fucked up so many things in my life and my attempts to fix it just makes things worse. I'm crazy as hell. My brain doesn't work right. I'm unloveable as a person.
 
LONE WOLF.

LONE WOLF.

PUNISHER.
Nov 4, 2020
1,180
This new change to the appearance of SS is bothering me, l preferred the previous one! in fact l dislike it so much l think it's time for me to leave!
 
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cambrai33

cambrai33

Traveller
Nov 3, 2021
379
I’m bothered that my ctb will fail, I can see from the post that the majority do at least the first time. SN would seem the most likely in chance of success but I don’t know where to source it in the UK so I have to try less reliable methods and this makes me doubt things will work out as planned

it consumes my thoughts at the moment
 
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motyxia

motyxia

less than him
Oct 14, 2021
168
⬅️ this fucking idiot slept, that's been pissing me off since I woke up 💜
 
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MeltedJello

MeltedJello

My brain is a liquid mess.
Aug 18, 2021
2,120
Waiting for a perfect chance to ctb. The wait is going to be a while, and I’m scared of my survival instinct stopping me.
 
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J

Journeytoletgo

Elementalist
May 14, 2018
851
The fact that I didn’t think of this in my youth when I was more impulsive. Also the fact I was neglected by parents with uncomfortable topics that could have prevented me pain.
 
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L

Life sucks

Enlightened
Apr 18, 2018
1,917
The more I observe and the more I find this life is fake. I'm suffering because of the laws of physics and chemistry, whatever I do is just the result of external forces. Why should I suffer because the laws of thermodynamics are messing with my brain?
 
NearlyIrrelevantCake

NearlyIrrelevantCake

The Cake Is A Lie
Aug 12, 2021
554
Migraine and I'm out of meds and can't afford to buy more until my disability check in a week.
 
motyxia

motyxia

less than him
Oct 14, 2021
168
My eyes. I got rain in my eyes hours ago. I hope I didn't get an infection.
 
Shadowplay

Shadowplay

Average life non-enjoyer
Sep 11, 2021
863
Trying to figure out crypto currency. Seriously.
 
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B

Beeper

Experienced
Sep 28, 2021
227
Trying to piece my life back together after a manic episode.

During the episode I destroyed my finances, walked away from my job and got into legal troubles.

Picking up the pieces is difficult as it is, but doing so in a depressed state makes it much more difficult. CTB speaks to me during times like this.
 
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Manaaja

Manaaja

euROPE
Sep 10, 2018
902
I remembered what my name given by my parents means and I feel like punching a wall. Like imagine if you hated and feared tarantellas but your name was "Tarantella lover". It's so humiliating and shitty.

Imagine if you were a child of an abusive and extreme fanatical religious family, and then when you turned 18 and escaped your parents you became an atheist, but your name was still Jesus or Christian or Christina or Muhammed. Feels the same. Then (in my shitty country) you'd have to pay thousands and go through a million legal processes to get your name changed to something non-religious like Asta or Robin or Alex.

I also failed a suicide attempt recently and feel really bad about it.
 
L

Life sucks

Enlightened
Apr 18, 2018
1,917
There is very little time, I'm doing basic stuff like eating and sleeping, etc and that alone takes much time. Then let's say I'm checking the forum and time flies, then I want to play or do something, and the day ends and the cycle continues. I don't even think the day is 24 hours, it feels way less than that. But this makes me question why I'm living anyway, it's exactly like a fast train is going to run over me.
 
SuicideBoys93

SuicideBoys93

I am the lord of loneliness.
Feb 10, 2020
300
It seems petty but I matched with a girl on tinder, got her number, and we’ve been texting the past few days. She’s been distant today. she did say she suffers from depression so I automatically related and we joked about our shortcomings. She’s super pretty, but I don’t want to seem overbearing or pressing in asking her if everything’s okay. Idk if it’s the fact that I told her I’d to wait and see her between my school semester and work. She doesn’t live too far but I’m super busy and it’d be a 45min drive from where I live. Shame if I get ghosted.
 
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D

deathismymeaning

did not consent to being alive
Nov 19, 2021
44
having the f ing flu and not being able to work towards my plans for ctb bc i feel like crappy both emotionally and physically
 
Y

Yiyo123

Member
Apr 24, 2020
87
I have major depression disorder, high anxiety, psychosis and was diagnosed with autisim as an adult. I take 7 medications for my mental health comditions. I’m so tired of it.

So i’m always depress, anxious and psychotic. Every therapy session feels
like the first because I forget what I said in the previous session. Been in therapy for so many years. I’m constantly monitored by my tutor (which happens to be my wife), the feeling of loneliness is horrible (even though she is always with me).

I don’t care about life whatsoever (in fact I gave up a long time ago), don’t believe in happiness, can’t sleep, don’t eat well (been losing weight for months), don’t have any friends, have a non suportive family… so what’s not to hate.
 
avoid_slow_death

avoid_slow_death

Ready to embrace the peaceful bliss of the void.
Feb 4, 2020
1,077
Once again, like a fool, I let myself get close to someone. It was cool at first and I actually started to be a bit more optimistic about the future. I even debated the idea of canceling my CTB date. But, just like that, someone better came along and now I am simply not good enough. Story of my fucking life. I was a God damn IDIOT to put my faith in another human being yet again. This is a huge part of the reason I don't want to live anymore. People are fucking selfish and will dispose of you like trash when something better comes along. Fuck humans and fuck this world. I'm out.
 
E

EliphasBlackwood

Member
Nov 27, 2021
28
Not being able to tie a slip knot properly. How am I this bad? Oh and the usual stuff about anxiety, depression and not being able to find work.
 
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AverageFanEnjoyer

AverageFanEnjoyer

The Hated One
Sep 26, 2021
1,890
there are many things that bother me... firstly, the chances of failure when I'll ctb, secondly how to make it less painful for the ones i have, thirdly, how to manage coping the last few days i have because even now im hated everywhere and drinking doesnt even help anymore, i need to retreat myself before doing it.
 
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littlelungs

littlelungs

Arcanist
Oct 21, 2018
492
I'm suffering particularly badly as I had to go out recently for a medical appointment, and I'm really suffering the consequences of doing so. As a result, I haven't been able to actually post on SS as often as I'd like to because I'm fucking suffering and my condition is even worse than it already was before, which I didn't even think was possible, due to the extreme strain of simply having to go into the world. There's no low with this illness and this body and I'm struggling like crazy to piece my thoughts to together.

And yet here I am, making a post because I'm already forced to be so isolated from the rest of the world as it is (due of all of my issues), and I'm afraid of being forgotten about on SS as well, as stupid as it might sound.

Fuck it; I'm going back to sleep.