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lostundead

lostundead

Student
Mar 18, 2021
127
I thought I made so much progress but I'm still an anxious mess. My life would be considerably easier, if only I had the mental strength to deal with doctors who are clueless about my condition. Thanks for nothing parents, surely this has nothing to do with not having a proper father figure for the first 14 years of my life.
 
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DunnoWhyButYeah

DunnoWhyButYeah

~*-*~
Apr 3, 2020
305
I was right. Again... As I thought. Drama, quarrels, jealousy. Why did I even think something had changed and why did I break my shell, making myself an easy target, again.
 
stellabelle

stellabelle

ethereal
Dec 14, 2018
3,845
Lack of justice.
Hatred for bad roommates, bad family, bad “choices.”
Not finishing my degrees, the fact that my family kept burning me however they could.
Hating the system, hating my sisters, hating myself.
Ignorance, ignorant people, people who IGNORE a problem, add to a problem, and then a lack of feasible solutions to that problem.
Stalkers.
Narcissism.
People who IGNORE the word STOP, NO, and “I don’t want to.”
Thieves.
 
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C

canna2

-
Nov 20, 2021
146
Pregnant fuckers bother me rn

I hope they all b*rn an eternity in hell
 
Bed

Bed

Catch The Bed
Aug 24, 2019
485
Being paralyzed by inaction. Knowing my best opportunity to CTB is tomorrow and feeling trapped that I most likely won't be able to muster up the willpower to overcome my brain's will to live to do it.

I see no future for myself...I never really have. I tried to get better for a long time despite this hole in me. Things have just progressively got worse, besides my effort to make them better. Yet I have the means to end my life and I am still here, paralyzed.
 
stellabelle

stellabelle

ethereal
Dec 14, 2018
3,845
Unfinished “business”, a lack of justice, enablers, a crappy society, lack of closure for a hole in my chest that my mother created, crappy siblings, stalkers, shit disturbers, excuses for lousy people and their lousy behavior, harassment, inability to cope with those things.
 
Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
16,239
The new trailer for the next ‘Into the Spider-Verse’ movie came out and it looks amazing. What bothers me about it is that it doesn’t come out until October 2022 and they’ve already gone ahead and made it a Part 1. Part 2 may not even be the last part and for all we know it could take another four years to release. I was planning to already CTB some time after June 2022 but now I’ll have a reason not to just because I like these movies. Why can’t I just not care or hate everything like some people do? Why do I have to still be so attached to various types of media?

Oh well. It might hurt that I’m gonna miss it but if I can find some reason, any reason not to watch this movie and thus not get invested enough to see the remaining part(s) I can hopefully CTB before it even comes out.

Here’s the trailer btw:
 
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L

Life sucks

Enlightened
Apr 18, 2018
1,917
The new trailer for the next ‘Into the Spider-Verse’ movie came out and it looks amazing. What bothers me about it is that it doesn’t come out until October 2022 and they’ve already gone ahead and made it a Part 1. Part 2 may not even be the last part and for all we know it could take another four years to release. I was planning to already CTB some time after June 2022 but now I’ll have a reason not to just because I like these movies. Why can’t I just not care or hate everything like some people do? Why do I have to still be so attached to various types of media?

Oh well. It might hurt that I’m gonna miss it but if I can find some reason, any reason not to watch this movie and thus not get invested enough to see the remaining part(s) I can hopefully CTB before it even comes out.

Here’s the trailer btw:


I understand this feeling, I always find something new and become so attached and then find something else and the loop continues. I feel sad both ways, it's either missing something I want or being in pain.
 
Manaaja

Manaaja

euROPE
Sep 10, 2018
902
I download an extension that returns youtube dislikes, and right after I read that tomorrow youtube will hide APIs or something that will cause the extension to not work. However, the creator has proposed some sort of in-extension voting. So it won't show on youtube how many youtube users have downvoted the video, but it will show on the extension how many of the extension's users have disliked the video.

I hope I will feel less sick and abnormal soon. I hope I can be really happy again. I hope I can win lottery and get money to buy things I want to have before ctbing.
 
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maakies

maakies

DOOK
Dec 7, 2021
115
Today is the birthday of the only person I've really fawned after. I wanted to CTB on their birthday, but I've taken enough Xanax these days where I'm not thinking about it right now. Maybe next year. Or maybe sooner.

A friend of mine with the same disposition as me disappeared by his own volition. He did this because he wanted to start over. I wonder if he CTB'd. We went crazy at the same time and I think people might think I might have not caused, but egged on a lot of his neuroses. He is very talented in my community and compared to him I am a nobody. I miss him dearly and wish he did not abandon me in this community. At the very least I wish he took me with him. Oh well.
 
Shadowplay

Shadowplay

Average life non-enjoyer
Sep 11, 2021
863
I just got prank called! Who over the age of 15 does that??! He used my name I used on Facebook; I used it elsewhere, but mainly on Facebook so thinking it was from a former Facebook group. Thing is I deleted my account back in April. He knew my old address - where I haven't lived since January (well the suburb). Good thing is I was on a Discord call with a friend who heard so I could joke about it and will become a joke between us. Still it freaked me out. 10PM on a Saturday night. I set my phone to reject private numbers as it was a private number. Don't get me wrong I'm a terrible person and I probably deserve much more and worse, but still.
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
16,239
This was a few months ago but I just remembered when I had a call with a “diabetes coach” that the doctor made me schedule an appointment with. Everything this coach said was pretty obvious knowledge that any adult would know like “fast food is bad” and the advice she gave was literally just “diet and exercise”. I even tried, really tried to ask a question that would have been helpful with the right answer. I asked “well what do I do when the mere thought of losing weight or exercising just makes me even hungrier and craving specifically unhealthy foods and lethargy because in the past, every attempt I’ve made to do either has backfired and only led to me gaining more weight”.

You know what she said? It was something like “You just need to accept responsibility for your well-being.” WOW. Really? You chose then to treat me like an adult? Do you really think that if I was capable of devoting an ounce of effort into personal responsibility that I’d even have type 2 diabetes in the first place? I don’t give two shits about my overall well-being! I literally would rather die than take even a second to bother with counting calories or abstaining from any food that I like to eat in the name of starving myself until a flat metal box shows a favorable number when I step on it. Same goes for anything of exercise or other physical activity. Why the hell would I bother milking sweat from my pores when it just hurts and makes my muscles sore? And I’m not like other people. Consistent exercise never feels good for me. It always just hurts and not in a good way.

I didn’t say anything like that though. I just said “okay”, ended the call, and proceeded to take none of the advice I was given because it was useless.
 
Circles

Circles

There's a difference between existing and living.
Sep 3, 2018
1,702
I fucking wish my mom would hate me now so I could fucking have atleast some motivation to kill myself. I feel so ready for it but yet for some reason at the same time I’m still entertaining the idea of recovery. Ain’t that some shit? Like I hate when someone says ‘Well it’s not your time if you don’t feel absolutely ready’ and sure I get that. But that’s the thing I will NEVER feel absolutely sure about killing myself. Like fuck what I’m feeling right now is such an indescribable mess.
 
J

Julgran

Specialist
Dec 15, 2021
370
I fucking wish my mom would hate me now so I could fucking have atleast some motivation to kill myself. I feel so ready for it but yet for some reason at the same time I’m still entertaining the idea of recovery. Ain’t that some shit? Like I hate when someone says ‘Well it’s not your time if you don’t feel absolutely ready’ and sure I get that. But that’s the thing I will NEVER feel absolutely sure about killing myself. Like fuck what I’m feeling right now is such an indescribable mess.

I see what you mean. You could also see it like this:

Not ending your life manually doesn't mean that you won't die eventually, so there's no harm in ending your life in a way that best suits you.
 
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right:sun

right:sun

Member
Sep 22, 2021
7
I have Covid right now- every time I get an illness I hope it will be the end of this. But alas, I am recovering.
 
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maakies

maakies

DOOK
Dec 7, 2021
115
I have Covid right now- every time I get an illness I hope it will be the end of this. But alas, I am recovering.
I also have COVID! I am very sad about it. I think I got it from one of my many jobs. One of my only joys in life is cooking and eating and I've lost my sense of smell and taste. It's making me very stressed out. I wanted to make it my gift to people, but no more.
 
needed_

needed_

waiting for a miracle
Dec 17, 2021
607
The worst thing right now is how all the family comes together and my siblings keep talking about how wonderful their lives are and I just feel so damn lost
 
SanguineHare

SanguineHare

Demon Bunny Queen
Dec 16, 2021
74
Being alone on Christmas with covid is up there. Even if I wasn't sick. It's not like I have offline friends. I have no family anymore. Outside of my pets it just feels like any other day to me. I feel like I'm rotting alone forgotten in this apartment of mine.