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Manaaja

Manaaja

euROPE
Sep 10, 2018
902
The shop having gone through renovation and makings shelves too high so I can't reach food and juices plus shampoos anymore

I feel one person hates me, but I'm not entirely sure why. They always ignore me and the only times they speak to me is to complain about something I said or did. We share much in common and so I thought we could have been friends, but... It saddens me because they seemed to be a good person at first.

I miss my dog.

Fuck any season not named summer.

Fuck this house.

Fuck my parents.

Fuck people who make the world a bad place. They have no right.
 
Morte

Morte

Jul 31, 2020
382
I lost money, I'm not sad for the money it was a small amount, I'm sad that things in my life always go wrong, I feel if I start crying now I won't stop
 
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Shadowplay

Shadowplay

Average life non-enjoyer
Sep 11, 2021
863
My parents are hassling me about me buying a house like I give a flying fcku.
 
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Mr2005

Mr2005

Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
Sep 25, 2018
3,360
Just something someone said. It won't make sense to anyone else, there was nothing wrong with it. There is however a lot wrong with me
 
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Darkmoon Queen

Darkmoon Queen

Arcanist
Apr 1, 2020
404
That I've basically been soft-dumped by a man I've sacrificed everything for and tolerated no end of Narc bullshit from.

He is subservient, however, to everyone else in his life who do treat him very badly so THAT'S validating. -_-
 
Manaaja

Manaaja

euROPE
Sep 10, 2018
902
That I've basically been soft-dumped by a man I've sacrificed everything for and tolerated no end of Narc bullshit from.

He is subservient, however, to everyone else in his life who do treat him very badly so THAT'S validating. -_-
Narcissists rarely change their behavior. Someone said it excellently "Are you with him because of what he is now, or because of what you dream him to be tomorrow?" Being with someone just because they have potential to something else doesn't usually work well. It hurts a lot now, but in a way, his leaving you can be the beginning of a better life for you.

I'm sorry you had to go through it. It's awful how some people can be so evil.

I know that subservient thing. My narc mom will always do everything that others ask from her and she will never say no to them; she hates opera but if others ask her to drive 3 hours to see an opera show with them she will instantly cancel all her plans and go with them. Meanwhile she treats me like complete shit.
 
Darkmoon Queen

Darkmoon Queen

Arcanist
Apr 1, 2020
404
Narcissists rarely change their behavior. Someone said it excellently "Are you with him because of what he is now, or because of what you dream him to be tomorrow?" Being with someone just because they have potential to something else doesn't usually work well. It hurts a lot now, but in a way, his leaving you can be the beginning of a better life for you.

I'm sorry you had to go through it. It's awful how some people can be so evil.

I know that subservient thing. My narc mom will always do everything that others ask from her and she will never say no to them; she hates opera but if others ask her to drive 3 hours to see an opera show with them she will instantly cancel all her plans and go with them. Meanwhile she treats me like complete shit.

Yeah, it was all lovebombing at the start and that gradually gave way to zero compliments/sex/validation and gaslighting. I cornered him the other day and asked what the hell he even wanted of me anymore and he just gave basic bitch answers like "the relationship" (what). He also has no time to see me anymore and it's just, okay, fuck off.

We're technically still together, he still says he loves me. I'm not sure what he thinks love IS but whatever.

Yep, I think the subservience thing is part of the narc needing an idol. But the idol generally keeps a distance and acts badly too. It's as if they respect poor treatment because deep down they believe they deserve it and if you show love and respect, they see it as you being weak.
 
GenesAndEnvironment

GenesAndEnvironment

FUBAR
Jan 26, 2021
5,122
I've come to the realization that not even a gf would help me at this point, so there's not that infinitesimal chance for life to get good (after a few years) anymore. I have nothing on the positive side except for stupid jokes, everything I do is to minimize the negative consequences of my cowardice. One final act of bravery can set me free, and it looks like I have time to work up the courage.
 
Manaaja

Manaaja

euROPE
Sep 10, 2018
902
Yeah, it was all lovebombing at the start and that gradually gave way to zero compliments/sex/validation and gaslighting. I cornered him the other day and asked what the hell he even wanted of me anymore and he just gave basic bitch answers like "the relationship" (what). He also has no time to see me anymore and it's just, okay, fuck off.

We're technically still together, he still says he loves me. I'm not sure what he thinks love IS but whatever.

Yep, I think the subservience thing is part of the narc needing an idol. But the idol generally keeps a distance and acts badly too. It's as if they respect poor treatment because deep down they believe they deserve it and if you show love and respect, they see it as you being weak.
Gaslighting is so awful.

You deserve better. I suggest you write things down on a paper to see your relationship more objectively. Every time he does something bad, write it down. That way you can refer to that list whenever you need to remind yourself of something. If he gaslights you, then you might forget or remember incorrectly and think your relationship is better than it is. Ahh, the "I love you" trick.

He doesn't love you. It's a lie. He knows that he can do anything and you will always forgive him as long as he says "I love you". Victims of narcissists often go to great lengths to forgive. I know I do. People want to be loved by someone, and victims of narcissists often don't have anyone else, so it's really hard for them to acknowledge that there isn't any love and to understand that it's not the end of the world if no one loves you. You'll find someone else to love you.

Might be, who knows. I feel like my mom's idol is anyone who isn't me or who doesn't support me (one time a school psychologist defended me and mom got furious and told me to stop meeting the psychologist anymore). It's awful how love and respect and kindness is seen as weak.
 
Darkmoon Queen

Darkmoon Queen

Arcanist
Apr 1, 2020
404
Gaslighting is so awful.

You deserve better. I suggest you write things down on a paper to see your relationship more objectively. Every time he does something bad, write it down. That way you can refer to that list whenever you need to remind yourself of something. If he gaslights you, then you might forget or remember incorrectly and think your relationship is better than it is. Ahh, the "I love you" trick.

He doesn't love you. It's a lie. He knows that he can do anything and you will always forgive him as long as he says "I love you". Victims of narcissists often go to great lengths to forgive. I know I do. People want to be loved by someone, and victims of narcissists often don't have anyone else, so it's really hard for them to acknowledge that there isn't any love and to understand that it's not the end of the world if no one loves you. You'll find someone else to love you.

Might be, who knows. I feel like my mom's idol is anyone who isn't me or who doesn't support me (one time a school psychologist defended me and mom got furious and told me to stop meeting the psychologist anymore). It's awful how love and respect and kindness is seen as weak.
The funny thing is that I'm really not quick to forgive. If pressed hard enough, he says he likes the fact I believe in things so fervently and that I don't tolerate crap (which, outside of him and work, I really don't). Yet when I display these qualities, he loses his mind. Rage, stonewall, silence, etc.

I'm working on loving me now. It's hard but it's like a muscle, isn't it. You have to exercise it.

His idols tend to be women in relationships. Emotional affairs that he can pretend aren't.
 
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Manaaja

Manaaja

euROPE
Sep 10, 2018
902
The funny thing is that I'm really not quick to forgive. If pressed hard enough, he says he likes the fact I believe in things so fervently and that I don't tolerate crap (which, outside of him and work, I really don't). Yet when I display these qualities, he loses his mind. Rage, stonewall, silence, etc.

I'm working on loving me now. It's hard but it's like a muscle, isn't it. You have to exercise it.

His idols tend to be women in relationships. Emotional affairs that he can pretend aren't.

It's good that you don't take crap. Narcissists often say they like something and then get mad when you do so. Like my narci mom sometimes complains about having to take care of me (not my fault that I was born permanently disabled, should have aborted me or get me helpers or something) yet if I for example don't call her or don't answer the phone she will get mad and make me feel like I'm a monster for not contacting her.

True. It's just like a muscle. Just practice it. As long as you love yourself, there's always someone out there who loves you. Be your best friend.

I guess that if I was in a relationship, it would be hard for me to know whether someone is just friends or if there is more to it. For example if the other person taught someone else how to play guitar, I'd worry if guitar playing was the only playing that was going on. Emotional affairs are very tricky situations, because it's so easy for the guilty party to say "We are just friends with the other person, nothing more" and it might hard to prove yet it can hurt a lot.
 
Darkmoon Queen

Darkmoon Queen

Arcanist
Apr 1, 2020
404
It's good that you don't take crap. Narcissists often say they like something and then get mad when you do so. Like my narci mom sometimes complains about having to take care of me (not my fault that I was born permanently disabled, should have aborted me or get me helpers or something) yet if I for example don't call her or don't answer the phone she will get mad and make me feel like I'm a monster for not contacting her.

True. It's just like a muscle. Just practice it. As long as you love yourself, there's always someone out there who loves you. Be your best friend.

I guess that if I was in a relationship, it would be hard for me to know whether someone is just friends or if there is more to it. For example if the other person taught someone else how to play guitar, I'd worry if guitar playing was the only playing that was going on. Emotional affairs are very tricky situations, because it's so easy for the guilty party to say "We are just friends with the other person, nothing more" and it might hard to prove yet it can hurt a lot.
I think it's possible that they identify qualities in others that they wish they had but then get scared and start screaming when they see them in real time. That said, I get painted black even if I'm angry at something external to him and us. They also project like a mofo so if they're accusing you of something, they're generally doing it themselves.

From what I've seen, if a man just has a female friend, they both include you and she keeps a respectful distance. You don't get the 'off' feeling.

If she's an emotional affair, he'll keep bringing her up while demonising you because that's how he makes the situation acceptable in his mind. She also keep dinging his phone and you're not allowed to speak to her. You can just tell. There are also patterns. Emotional affairs tend to happen at certain times (i.e. when he has a problem and is refusing to deal with it).

In my case, all of his fucking friends are in on it and he's a Twitch streamer with the woman in question so I'm being publicly humiliated.
 
Manaaja

Manaaja

euROPE
Sep 10, 2018
902
I think it's possible that they identify qualities in others that they wish they had but then get scared and start screaming when they see them in real time. That said, I get painted black even if I'm angry at something external to him and us. They also project like a mofo so if they're accusing you of something, they're generally doing it themselves.

From what I've seen, if a man just has a female friend, they both include you and she keeps a respectful distance. You don't get the 'off' feeling.

If she's an emotional affair, he'll keep bringing her up while demonising you because that's how he makes the situation acceptable in his mind. She also keep dinging his phone and you're not allowed to speak to her. You can just tell. There are also patterns. Emotional affairs tend to happen at certain times (i.e. when he has a problem and is refusing to deal with it).

In my case, all of his fucking friends are in on it and he's a Twitch streamer with the woman in question so I'm being publicly humiliated.
Might be. I know that "being angry at an external thing" and still getting hate from a narc so very damn well. Like if I need to take a butter packet but someone is standing in front of the butter shelf and won't move away after I have waited for a while, and I ask them to move away but they still don't move, my narc mom reacts like I'm the worst person ever for bothering other people. Everything is always my fault, never anyone else's. She always has a list of excuses why it's okay for others to behave badly, but never me.

Now that you said that makes sense. Somehow I automatically assumed that they'd both include you, but if the other won't ever include you, then that sucks a lot. I knew a middle aged woman who I went to dog walks with, and while we were walking, she met a friend of hers. And the friend didn't say hello to me or intruduce themselves. And the old lady with whom I was walking didn't introduce us either. They just chatted there forever while the dogs barked and pulled and wanted to move on, and while I was completely invisible to them. In the end I literally just walked away. I had one friend who had lots of other friends but who always introduced us and it felt so amazing to be included.

That's so wrong. Dinging? Do you mean phone calling? It's really suspicious if you can't speak to her. Ahh, the patterns. I've noticed that sometimes I'm more extroverted when certain things happen.

His friends too and publicly on Twitch? Shit. Leave him. It's really shitty of him to publicly humiliate you. I wonder if it can be against Twitch's rules and you could get him banned. If the other woman doesn't want to interact with you yet streams together with him, then that's a clear mark that he loves her, and she loves him.

Btw, I once read a good quote. "When people are continually oppressed, they start to welcome its presence.". So be careful you don't get used to the treatment. And be careful you don't forget how great it is to be free and happy and not deal with bullshit.

I wish you strength.
 
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BitterlyAlive_

BitterlyAlive_

-
Dec 8, 2020
2,086
Sooo many things. Only posting here because it *may* help.

• my body
• my job
• my brain
• been in bed all day like a lazy fuck
• I strongly dislike life in general and it bothers me a little bit
• suicidality, it’s finally been the calm type lately but I’m bothered by how often it’s been the desperate type :| I almost made a suicide pact with a friend wtf, among other things. Not a good time.
• bored all the time
• shitty friend
• I live in my parents’ basement what the fuck
• been thinking a lot about college and :(

So yeah just a bunch of whining. But man, there’s been a few dumb things on my mind.
 
Darkmoon Queen

Darkmoon Queen

Arcanist
Apr 1, 2020
404
Might be. I know that "being angry at an external thing" and still getting hate from a narc so very damn well. Like if I need to take a butter packet but someone is standing in front of the butter shelf and won't move away after I have waited for a while, and I ask them to move away but they still don't move, my narc mom reacts like I'm the worst person ever for bothering other people. Everything is always my fault, never anyone else's. She always has a list of excuses why it's okay for others to behave badly, but never me.

Now that you said that makes sense. Somehow I automatically assumed that they'd both include you, but if the other won't ever include you, then that sucks a lot. I knew a middle aged woman who I went to dog walks with, and while we were walking, she met a friend of hers. And the friend didn't say hello to me or intruduce themselves. And the old lady with whom I was walking didn't introduce us either. They just chatted there forever while the dogs barked and pulled and wanted to move on, and while I was completely invisible to them. In the end I literally just walked away. I had one friend who had lots of other friends but who always introduced us and it felt so amazing to be included.

That's so wrong. Dinging? Do you mean phone calling? It's really suspicious if you can't speak to her. Ahh, the patterns. I've noticed that sometimes I'm more extroverted when certain things happen.

His friends too and publicly on Twitch? Shit. Leave him. It's really shitty of him to publicly humiliate you. I wonder if it can be against Twitch's rules and you could get him banned. If the other woman doesn't want to interact with you yet streams together with him, then that's a clear mark that he loves her, and she loves him.

Btw, I once read a good quote. "When people are continually oppressed, they start to welcome its presence.". So be careful you don't get used to the treatment. And be careful you don't forget how great it is to be free and happy and not deal with bullshit.

I wish you strength.
I read once that narcissists view you (if you're closest to them) as an extension of themselves.. so if they actually hate themselves, they'll treat you with likewise contempt because it's like you're their arm or leg or somesuch. Also, they'll project what they hate about themselves onto you and then they'll feel cleansed and treat you as if you are the very trash that they dumped. It's all very twisted. Your mum sounds like him in that regard (i.e. rules for you but not them).

I hate rude people. People who blank are probably insecure and that's why they're nasty but it's still no excuse.

She's married and 14 years older than he is (if that matters) and apparently they all used to hang out before he met me. But there were also times where he spent hours of each day with her and even snubbed his friends, which is what they keep bringing up during the stream. So it's an open secret. I've seen her sending him messages I deem inappropriate.

His channel would be easy to ruin if I felt that way inclined but I want revenge on her. I don't see why she gets to ruin part of my life and go back to hubby.

Thank you, you too.
 
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Manaaja

Manaaja

euROPE
Sep 10, 2018
902
I read once that narcissists view you (if you're closest to them) as an extension of themselves.. so if they actually hate themselves, they'll treat you with likewise contempt because it's like you're their arm or leg or somesuch. Also, they'll project what they hate about themselves onto you and then they'll feel cleansed and treat you as if you are the very trash that they dumped. It's all very twisted. Your mum sounds like him in that regard (i.e. rules for you but not them).

I hate rude people. People who blank are probably insecure and that's why they're nasty but it's still no excuse.

She's married and 14 years older than he is (if that matters) and apparently they all used to hang out before he met me. But there were also times where he spent hours of each day with her and even snubbed his friends, which is what they keep bringing up during the stream. So it's an open secret. I've seen her sending him messages I deem inappropriate.

His channel would be easy to ruin if I felt that way inclined but I want revenge on her. I don't see why she gets to ruin part of my life and go back to hubby.

Thank you, you too.
I've read that too. There's this one hairstyle I still hate with passion, because my mom always told the hairdressers to give me the same hair cut she has, we looked like twins. All the boys had beautiful short hair and girls beautiful long hair, and I was stuck with the ugliest medium hair cut imaginable. Both times, when I let my hair grow really long, and when I cut hair really short, felt like big "fuck yous" to mom. Like look, I'm allowed to have any haircut I want! And I used to hate red clothes only because my mom bought me a million red clothes (of course I wasn't allowed to choose my own clothes as a kid). I would have liked to have white or black shirts and trousers, but no, I had to wear red shirts and red trousers.

Yeah, it's no excuse to behave shittily. If someone is rude to you, then it's okay to be rude to them. But if someone is really nice to you, then you should be nice to them too.

I wouldn't have guessed. Maybe she has a bad marriage, and seeks thrills in your bf. It's baffling to me that she doesn't care that he's already taken. Guess cheaters love cheaters, huh?

I knew a person who had an open polygon relationship. She lived with both a husband and a boyfriend and all three also had other relationships. But before beginning they had all agreed on that, they all agreed to have a polygon relationship, and they all had clear rules what was allowed and what was not. It seems that woman and your bf want to have a polygon relationship without your or her husband's permissions.

Wouldn't it be a revenge on both of them? If she's half of the channel? It's wrong of her to ruin your life. But it sounds like you still want to be with him and please him even if part of you is angry with him and hates him. I really suggest writing thoughts down on a paper, keeping a small "things my boyfriend has said or done" diary.

Btw, you didn't hear this from me, but https://www.shitexpress.com/
You can anonymously send her a packet of shit if you want.

Thanks! Let's hope our lives get better.
 
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Darkmoon Queen

Darkmoon Queen

Arcanist
Apr 1, 2020
404
I've read that too. There's this one hairstyle I still hate with passion, because my mom always told the hairdressers to give me the same hair cut she has, we looked like twins. All the boys had beautiful short hair and girls beautiful long hair, and I was stuck with the ugliest medium hair cut imaginable. Both times, when I let my hair grow really long, and when I cut hair really short, felt like big "fuck yous" to mom. Like look, I'm allowed to have any haircut I want! And I used to hate red clothes only because my mom bought me a million red clothes (of course I wasn't allowed to choose my own clothes as a kid). I would have liked to have white or black shirts and trousers, but no, I had to wear red shirts and red trousers.

Yeah, it's no excuse to behave shittily. If someone is rude to you, then it's okay to be rude to them. But if someone is really nice to you, then you should be nice to them too.

I wouldn't have guessed. Maybe she has a bad marriage, and seeks thrills in your bf. It's baffling to me that she doesn't care that he's already taken. Guess cheaters love cheaters, huh?

I knew a person who had an open polygon relationship. She lived with both a husband and a boyfriend and all three also had other relationships. But before beginning they had all agreed on that, they all agreed to have a polygon relationship, and they all had clear rules what was allowed and what was not. It seems that woman and your bf want to have a polygon relationship without your or her husband's permissions.

Wouldn't it be a revenge on both of them? If she's half of the channel? It's wrong of her to ruin your life. But it sounds like you still want to be with him and please him even if part of you is angry with him and hates him. I really suggest writing thoughts down on a paper, keeping a small "things my boyfriend has said or done" diary.

Btw, you didn't hear this from me, but https://www.shitexpress.com/
You can anonymously send her a packet of shit if you want.

Thanks! Let's hope our lives get better.
Oh God, I had the medium hair too! I don't think mine was a narcmum thing but I hated it too. When I grew it out, both parents kept telling me to get it cut, I thought it was really odd. I kept it well groomed so why do they care?

Was red your mum's fave colour by any chance?

I've done some snooping and from what I can tell, she's never had a real job and her husband is in his 60's and has a very high level STEM job (according to bf, he has worked at the highest level with NASA and knows government secrets...). My guess is she's lacking excitement and it seems she has a few 20-something men on rotation. I just keep thinking the entire situation is ridiculous. "Oh what does your wife do for a living, Mr Rocket Scientist" "She gets her tits out on Twitch". Amazing.

I confronted bf last year. He started crying (or pretending to, nothing much was coming out) and has never mentioned her since (odd if you're just friends). But she's been around since before I met him so she'll still be hovering around.

She isn't half of the channel, she has her own and he has his. They're part of the same community.

I don't want to please him at this point, not anymore. I just haven't got it in me to hurt him. Her, however, I have zero attachment to and I'd ruin her in a trice.

Bookmarked shitexpress!

Yes, indeed. Thank you for talking to me. :)
 
Panna

Panna

Paragon
Aug 31, 2020
914
The future, I can’t see myself living a self sustained life when I struggle with completing the bare minimum things, like simply checking my college emails causes such fear and anxiety in me that I’ll avoid it for days on end, terrified that I’ll open it and find a expulsion notice, let alone signing up for classes for fear that I’ll fail them which will guarantee the email. I feel trapped with no solution to my problems. I keep hoping to find someone someday, not even a partner but a person to dictate my purpose, at least then the guilt, fear and anxiety would die off, they would make my demons go away, and I would do anything they’d ask, they’d be the stopper to resolve me of my guilt and I’d gladly devote everything to them even my life. I want to die anyways, why not die in the service of such a person. A person not afraid to get their hands dirty for the sake of their conviction. I’d be a fanatic to them but it would be fine, I could be free.