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Pookie

Pookie

Somebody you used to know.
Joined
Oct 18, 2020
Messages
1,056
Famous bands often have interesting stories behind what made them come up with their band names. In the same vein, I’ve seen many interesting/creative usernames on SS and was wondering what the thought process behind them were or events/movies/songs that inspired you to choose your username. Obviously suicide would be one such reason...

I’ll start: I was going through a hellish time and feeling incredibly ill with very high pain levels and would’ve done anything to escape the pain. My prescription painkillers weren’t working. So I was Googling different ctb methods and inevitably stumbled upon SS. I was desperate to join and couldn’t think clearly due to the pain, so I just chose a username that was the first word to pop into my head, which bizarrely happened to be the word “Pookie.” There was simply no thinking process behind it.

Now your turn. (Obviously don’t give away too many identifying/personal details as we all know this is a public forum.)
 
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Pookie
JackTheStripper said:
I like to make others laugh I guess?^^"
Yup, you succeeded in that. :pfff:

PS: Some people here get angry/offended when people make the odd joke or are funny on a morbid “slit-your-wrists” type forum like SS, but I say to hell with them! I think it’s great that some people can still maintain their sharp wit despite their depression.

I often dealt with my depression by trying to see the absurdity of life, which in turn could make me laugh at times.

We all deal with our depression differently. Some of the most depressed people are actually the funniest people. Just look at Robin Williams…
S like suicide said:
My name starts with the...
Celerity

Celerity

Enlightened
Joined
Jan 24, 2021
Messages
1,344
Celerity was a GRE vocab word meaning something like “high speed” or swiftness. My plan is to CTB with a 45, and the speed of the bullet is critical. My profile pic is of a reporter, Christine Chubbuck, who fatally shot herself on live TV. My original profile pic was of Evelyn McHale, who was dubbed “the most beautiful suicide” after she jumped to her death, landing on a car. Celerity works for that method too. In contrast to most deaths from that method, her body was relatively intact, and she almost looks as if she is in a peaceful stupor, the car cradling her below. As sick as I feel for using their legacy, I feel for both young women and identify with them to an extent, particularly Christine Chubbuck.
amarillo said:
When I first started learning Spanish, I simply liked the sound of the word "amarillo". I was already depressed back then. Learning Spanish eventually led to me moving to a Spanish speaking country, which I thought would either mean a new start for me or the deciding factor in my contemplation to ctb. Somehow, "amarillo" became the word that represented this situation. Spoiler alert: moving abroad didn't fix me (surprise surprise), so, albeit four years later, suicide has become the only remaining option.

Also, my username fits with my profile picture ("amarillo" means "yellow"), which is a painting by Van Gogh, who was from my country and also struggled with mental illness and ended up committing suicide.
Moving never does what people think it will. Hollywood sells us lies we want to believe.
 
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Pookie

Pookie

Somebody you used to know.
Joined
Oct 18, 2020
Messages
1,056
Anonymous_A said:
My username is pretty self explanatory..but ay!..have a wild guess?.. lol
Here’s my wild guess: You’re somebody very famous, like a very well-known actor or in a world-famous band, but you don’t want anyone to know who you are because it’ll cause chaos and you just want to be left alone by all the groupies? :haha:
FinalDestination said:
I was thinking of the final destination movies at the time lol. The franchise is kinda nostalgic for me since the first time I watched it - the third one- I was far too young and it did a number on my anxiety but I was so mesmerised. The whole film is burned into my memory
I remember only the first one, but my god, how unlucky were those people? Lol
 
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Mistake of Nature

Mistake of Nature

A shadow suspended on dust
Joined
Mar 30, 2020
Messages
153
know_better_than said:
My inclination is to feel bad that you're saying these things but I can't lie that I feel the same way.
I'm sorry you feel similarly. It's difficult to feel so out of place in this world.
Pookie said:
I’ve read so much about Andrei Chikatilo and his boundless depravity. But Chikatilo was a prolific serial killer. How can you be as bad as him?
I'm not as bad as Chikatilo given his horrendous crimes, but strangely enough, that quote and his life in general have always struck a chord with me because him and I are both people whose existence has been a net negative. Perhaps for different reasons, but in the end, both of us have had pointless, useless, and tragic lives. We were damaged from the start.
 
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E

ElizabethsFault

Had an abusive therapist
Joined
Jun 9, 2021
Messages
46
Pookie said:
Famous bands often have interesting stories behind what made them come up with their band names. In the same vein, I’ve seen many interesting/creative usernames on SS and was wondering what the thought process behind them were or events/movies/songs that inspired you to choose your username. Obviously suicide would be one such reason...

I’ll start: I was going through a hellish time and feeling incredibly ill with very high pain levels and would’ve done anything to escape the pain. My prescription painkillers weren’t working. So I was Googling different ctb methods and inevitably stumbled upon SS. I was desperate to join and couldn’t think clearly due to the pain, so I just chose a username that was the first word to pop into my head, which bizarrely happened to be the word “Pookie.” There was simply no thinking process behind it.

Now your turn. (Obviously don’t give away too many identifying/personal details as we all know this is a public forum.)
My former therapist, Elizabeth tricked me into doing early attachment trauma therapy while I was living with my parents during a quarantine. It caused a psychotic break which I’ve been unable to recover from. Also, whatever other “therapy” she provided was the opposite of helpful. I’ve had suicidal ideation since I began seeing her in 2018. Worse than I can remember having ever in my life.
 
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Pookie

Pookie

Somebody you used to know.
Joined
Oct 18, 2020
Messages
1,056
Celerity said:
Celerity was a GRE vocab word meaning something like “high speed” or swiftness. My plan is to CTB with a 45, and the speed of the bullet is critical. My profile pic is of a reporter, Christine Chubbuck, who fatally shot herself on live TV. My original profile pic was of Evelyn McHale, who was dubbed “the most beautiful suicide” after she jumped to her death, landing on a car. Celerity works for that method too. In contrast to most deaths from that method, her body was relatively intact, and she almost looks as if she is in a peaceful stupor, the car cradling her below. As sick as I feel for using their legacy, I feel for both young women and identify with them to an extent, particularly Christine Chubbuck.

Moving never does what people think it will. Hollywood sells us lies we want to believe.
I’m familiar with both those stories. The “most beautiful suicide” woman may have initially looked intact and beautifully peaceful, because the metal of the crumpled car shaped around her body was basically “holding her together.” As soon as they had to remove her body, her body came apart. As for Chubbuck, I watched the story on YouTube and it was a very tragic story. So basically you also want to shoot yourself like Chubbuck, just not live on air (I hope).
Mistake of Nature said:
I'm sorry you feel similarly. It's difficult to feel so out of place in this world.

I'm not as bad as Chikatilo given his horrendous crimes, but strangely enough, that quote and his life in general have always struck a chord with me because him and I are both people whose existence has been a net negative. Perhaps for different reasons, but in the end, both of us have had pointless, useless, and tragic lives. We were damaged from the start.
I’m so sorry to hear this. I understand what you’re saying about having lived a pointless, tragic life, and that you feel like you’re a mistake of nature, but at the very least you didn’t ruin the lives of countless others due to your vengeful actions. Chikatilo wanted everyone to suffer just like him.
Searcher of Elysium said:
The story behind my nick is quite short, I had no idea what nick to pick, I prefered something I've never used yet.

I really liked the word "Elysium". Partially because it's the place of eternal hapiness, where people can peacefully rest, without any suffering or desires (if allowed to enter here of course)- the place where you also don't remember anything from your past.
Also because how it sounds to me. I really like this world. Might be a bit weird I think, but yeah. In my opinion it sounds kinda relaxing.

I'm searching for such a place, it seems that there's nothing what can finally release me from my suffering, as long as I'm alive. I really wanted to believe that there may be some other means to make my problems more bearable, to feel able to do something more productive than laying on my bed for the half the day, to be released/healed from my traumas which completely shattered my life (not sure if they are exact traumas for sure).
But I think as long as I'm alive, I'll never find what I'm looking for. That's why I picked nick "Searcher of Elysium" (might not be correct in english though, I'm not sure).
I really feel for you, all the trauma that you had to endure and how it has shattered your psyche and your life.

Likewise, I’ve always loved the word Elysium too. It sounds so luxurious and dreamy.
 
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ConfusedAndWeird

Member
Joined
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Messages
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The story behind mine is a little uninspired. I had a username that I always went by online, but since I knew it would be recognized instantly by friends and acquaintances, I knew I had to change it. It’s a shame because I have many mental problems so specific to myself that it is likely that those close to me who I have confided in would recognize them and hold it against me were they to find it here. So I have to keep quiet about those things even here.

But as for the name itself, it’s what I imagine other people think of me. My opinions and feelings on topics have always been considered bizarre and worthy of ridicule. Maybe understandable in a lot of topics but it even extends to the opinion of whether I should be allowed to act on my desire to end my own life. Whatever part of the brain regulates hive mind mentality was something they forgot to give to me when I was born and so I am officially diagnosed with Autism. The vast majority of people don’t really like me, but see me like more of a pet or an annoying object that has to be dealt with regularly. Anytime I express discontent about my arrangement, it makes me… confused and weird. Hence the name. But it’s kinda ok, because even if people see me as an annoying object, I see almost every human being in the world as an obstacle to me, so the feeling is mutual.
 
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Pookie

Pookie

Somebody you used to know.
Joined
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Messages
1,056
ConfusedAndWeird said:
The story behind mine is a little uninspired. I had a username that I always went by online, but since I knew it would be recognized instantly by friends and acquaintances, I knew I had to change it. It’s a shame because I have many mental problems so specific to myself that it is likely that those close to me who I have confided in would recognize them and hold it against me were they to find it here. So I have to keep quiet about those things even here.

But as for the name itself, it’s what I imagine other people think of me. My opinions and feelings on topics have always been considered bizarre and worthy of ridicule. Maybe understandable in a lot of topics but it even extends to the opinion of whether I should be allowed to act on my desire to end my own life. Whatever part of the brain regulates hive mind mentality was something they forgot to give to me when I was born and so I am officially diagnosed with Autism. The vast majority of people don’t really like me, but see me like more of a pet or an annoying object that has to be dealt with regularly. Anytime I express discontent about my arrangement, it makes me… confused and weird. Hence the name. But it’s kinda ok, because even if people see me as an annoying object, I see almost every human being in the world as an obstacle to me, so the feeling is mutual.
I’m sorry about your struggles.

So basically what you’re saying is that people consider you weird, but you also think other people are weird and don’t relate to them? Do you have at least one friend whom you get on well with, or do you sort of just feel alone and alienated in this world?
 
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Celerity

Celerity

Enlightened
Joined
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Pookie said:
I’m familiar with both those stories. The “most beautiful suicide” woman may have initially looked intact and beautifully peaceful, because the metal of the crumpled car shaped around her body was basically “holding her together.” As soon as they had to remove her body, her body came apart. As for Chubbuck, I watched the story on YouTube and it was a very tragic story. So basically you also want to shoot yourself like Chubbuck, just not live on air (I hope).

I’m so sorry to hear this. I understand what you’re saying about having lived a pointless, tragic life, and that you feel like you’re a mistake of nature, but at the very least you didn’t ruin the lives of countless others due to your vengeful actions. Chikatilo wanted everyone to suffer just like him.

I really feel for you, all the trauma that you had to endure and how it has shattered your psyche and your life.

Likewise, I’ve always loved the word Elysium too. It sounds so luxurious and dreamy.
I didn’t know that about McHale, but it makes sense. I figured the photo was just a perfect shot. And yes, I want to die like Chubbuck. Not dramatic enough to do live on air or stream.
 
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Pookie

Pookie

Somebody you used to know.
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DoNotBoopTheSnoot said:
AnimaLogic's video on the gharial. Murder log with a deceptively boopable nose.
Boopable snoot indeed. In actual fact, I didn’t even know about gharials until I came across your pfp.
horrorslazuli said:
I love the color of lapis lazuli. It's what I imagine peace is like.
I agree, it’s the type of gorgeous, yet calming colour you can get lost in but I also love the name for it. It sounds exotic and sexy.
DeathNoot said:
I was gonna pick something with meaning but decided last minute that I didn't want to so chose something silly instead. I remember watching Pingu as a child and I'm clearly not original because I found the imagine from my profile pic immediately lol.
What a cute little character Pingu is. And that bright red mouth, or should I rather say “beak.”
 
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mold

mold

local fungi
Joined
Jun 25, 2019
Messages
51
My username is from another forum I used to frequent on, and another member who gave me hope there was named "mold" and so my username has basically been some variation of it across almost every platform. Though I worry people I know will find this account and immediately recognize me, I feel like that would be pretty difficult. :ahhha:
 
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HalfRight

HalfRight

you can die anytime
Joined
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My username is named after a song. It was either this or "Last Goodbye" by Jeff Buckley. Probably no one here knows who that is, I'm too old lol.
 
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puppet_nihilist

puppet_nihilist

cogito, ergo sum
Joined
Jan 8, 2021
Messages
107
I feel like I have no freedom at all. I'm deeply constrained by a lot of things in my life and I have always been a sensitive marionette, swayed by every little and small influence. I mostly felt like a puppet that was meant to satisfy my parents and my family in this bizarre entertainment show called life.

As I've grown up I began noticing nihilistic tendencies emerging almost out of no where. I became so nihilistic and dysfunctional to the point that I could go for weeks with doing absolutely nothing productive or useful for my own self. At some point I just knew that killing myself would actually save me from myself and from more potential destruction. Hence puppet nihilist.
 
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javabeane

Student
Joined
May 21, 2021
Messages
146
It's the username of a guy I used to speak with. He was from India and we had a deep friendship connection. He'd always reach out to me and I'd always ignore him but sometimes I didn't and we had intense conversations.
I accidentally lost his contact and always chose Javabean as my user name, as an homage to him.

He never told me his real name.
 
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BlankUser

Mage
Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
514
No story. I'm horrible at making usernames. I didn't even want an username. When I was signing up to this site, I thought "I wish I could leave the username field blank". So here it is...
 
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ConfusedAndWeird

Member
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Messages
37
Pookie said:
I’m sorry about your struggles.

So basically what you’re saying is that people consider you weird, but you also think other people are weird and don’t relate to them? Do you have at least one friend whom you get on well with, or do you sort of just feel alone and alienated in this world?

That’s basically the gist of my problems. I do get along well with my cat though, but the only friend I really have that actually listens and respects my opinions is a product of my imagination, as pathetic as that sounds. As far as sapient beings go, I do feel alone and alienated in this world. I guess I feel a bit vindicated in that a lot of my opinions included predictions of future events, most of which came true, even if people tried to say they wouldn’t. I think the thing about Autism is that the problem isn’t with the inflicted individual, and it isn’t with wider society either. Instead, the problem is a relative one where the two entities are so mentally different from one another that it puts distance between them. And since I’m in the minority, it means being scorned and ignored by people, and worse, people who hire for jobs, which is probably why I’m currently unemployed and will almost certainly remain that way my whole life.

But yes, living in a world where nobody respects you as a mature adult person just like them, or at best, in my case, sees you as a sex object, or listens to your words with the assumption they come from a sick and twisted mind that is unworthy of real consideration, and should only be listened to to make you feel better about yourself? That’s a good reason to CTB. I just got the COVID shot recently and I couldn’t even get injected without one of the medical staff talking down to me like I was a kid. Even though many people got injected that day, multiple people kept checking on *me* specifically and not them to make conflicting demands of me and criticize me when I can’t fulfill all of them. I had to play along because I knew fighting against it never went well, but even that was such a humiliating experience that it’s why I never like leaving the house and prefer to immerse myself in role playing video games where my character is actually treated like a person.
 
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Pookie

Pookie

Somebody you used to know.
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ConfusedAndWeird said:
That’s basically the gist of my problems. I do get along well with my cat though, but the only friend I really have that actually listens and respects my opinions is a product of my imagination, as pathetic as that sounds. As far as sapient beings go, I do feel alone and alienated in this world. I guess I feel a bit vindicated in that a lot of my opinions included predictions of future events, most of which came true, even if people tried to say they wouldn’t. I think the thing about Autism is that the problem isn’t with the inflicted individual, and it isn’t with wider society either. Instead, the problem is a relative one where the two entities are so mentally different from one another that it puts distance between them. And since I’m in the minority, it means being scorned and ignored by people, and worse, people who hire for jobs, which is probably why I’m currently unemployed and will almost certainly remain that way my whole life.

But yes, living in a world where nobody respects you as a mature adult person just like them, or at best, in my case, sees you as a sex object, or listens to your words with the assumption they come from a sick and twisted mind that is unworthy of real consideration, and should only be listened to to make you feel better about yourself? That’s a good reason to CTB. I just got the COVID shot recently and I couldn’t even get injected without one of the medical staff talking down to me like I was a kid. Even though many people got injected that day, multiple people kept checking on *me* specifically and not them to make conflicting demands of me and criticize me when I can’t fulfill all of them. I had to play along because I knew fighting against it never went well, but even that was such a humiliating experience that it’s why I never like leaving the house and prefer to immerse myself in role playing video games where my character is actually treated like a person.
I really feel for you and thank you for further explaining everything to me. I appreciate it.
HalfRight said:
My username is named after a song. It was either this or "Last Goodbye" by Jeff Buckley. Probably no one here knows who that is, I'm too old lol.
I checked out the Jeff Buckley song on YouTube and while I’m not familiar with it, it didn’t exactly seem “old” lol. I was expecting something from the 1930’s. :pfff:
LONE WOLF. said:
Like You said the other day Pookie, l truly am a Lone Wolf and have been as long as I can remember! :-)
So you’ve never been in a relationship, not even a brief affair, Lone Wolf? What about friendships?

Are you nomadic, do you find it hard to stay in one place for an extended period of time?

Sorry for the 101 questions, you don’t have to answer all of them if you don’t want to. I’m just fascinated by lone wolves.

So it’s just you and your furry best friend? :)
Efilismislife said:
Efilism=similar belief to antinatalism

Also i like the word merge between evil&life. Because life is evil and evil is life. Life backward is evil.

Initially i wanted to use Efilismsilife

Mindless breeding is pure evil
I agree with you on mindless breeding. It’s utterly selfish.

“Vile” is also “evil” backwards, and I’ve met quite a few vile people in my life. The peculiar thing about vile people is that they are often not suicidal or depressed, they seem to enjoy what they are. Hmmm...
 
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deepinlimbo

deepinlimbo

I want to Insert something profound here
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Messages
138
I’m feeling pretty stuck. I was thinking of ‘life is good’ but then I realised there’s a reason I’m on here… :( (no offense to SS, I think it’s good this community exists otherwise I wouldn’t even have something in my nothingness)
 
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ConfusedAndWeird

Member
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Pookie said:
“Vile” is also “evil” backwards, and I’ve met quite a few vile people in my life. The peculiar thing about vile people is that they are often not suicidal or depressed, they seem to enjoy what they are. Hmmm...

Not to diminish your feelings about vile people or anything, but technically, “live” is “evil” backwards, not “vile”. Although that has its own connotations. As an efilist I sort of think this link between the two words actually makes sense, as I think life and continued living could be the most mundane, unrecognized evil in existence, in part because vile people can live in it.

Although if you brought up the backwards spelling to a lot of people, they would assume that it’s because life is the opposite of evil and that living is the ultimate good. But I can’t see how that makes sense with all the suffering and violence perpetrated precisely because of life.
 
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Pookie

Pookie

Somebody you used to know.
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come to dust said:
The Boards of Canada track titled Come To Dust. It is very apocalyptic and dreary music which represents my life
Seen BOC mentioned three times in this thread already and although I haven’t listened to most of their other music, I’ve become a fan so far.
ConfusedAndWeird said:
Not to diminish your feelings about vile people or anything, but technically, “live” is “evil” backwards, not “vile”. Although that has its own connotations. As an efilist I sort of think this link between the two words actually makes sense, as I think life and continued living could be the most mundane, unrecognized evil in existence, in part because vile people can live in it.

Although if you brought up the backwards spelling to a lot of people, they would assume that it’s because life is the opposite of evil and that living is the ultimate good. But I can’t see how that makes sense with all the suffering and violence perpetrated precisely because of life.
Yeah scrap that, vile isn’t evil backwards now that I actually properly looked at the word. It’s eliv :pfff:. I suffer from brain fog due to being on strong painkillers all the time, so unfortunately my cognitive functions have declined dramatically. And to think I was studying for a degree at one stage. My life feels like a cruel prank.
SheJumped said:
Such a destructive yet peaceful moment captured in history.
Yup, what a paradox. Jumping is such a brutal, messy method and yet she looks as though she’s having the most peaceful sleep of her life.

And I assume you like Nick Cave, I’m a fan too. Horrible what happened to his son.
deepinlimbo said:
I’m feeling pretty stuck. I was thinking of ‘life is good’ but then I realised there’s a reason I’m on here… :( (no offense to SS, I think it’s good this community exists otherwise I wouldn’t even have something in my nothingness)
Life can be both ugly and beautiful but for some unfortunate people it can be very cruel for a lifetime. Some people are just unlucky.
 
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deepinlimbo

deepinlimbo

I want to Insert something profound here
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Pookie said:
Seen BOC mentioned three times in this thread already and although I haven’t listened to most of their other music, I’ve become a fan so far.

Yeah scrap that, vile isn’t evil backwards now that I actually properly looked at the word. It’s eliv :pfff:. I suffer from brain fog due to being on strong painkillers all the time, so unfortunately my cognitive functions have declined dramatically. And to think I was studying for a degree at one stage. My life feels like a cruel prank.

Yup, what a paradox. Jumping is such a brutal, messy method and yet she looks as though she’s having the most peaceful sleep of her life.

And I assume you like Nick Cave, I’m a fan too. Horrible what happened to his son.
Just looked at that, "the most beautiful suicide". yeah what a juxtaposition. She just looks as though she just fell asleep on that car.
 
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Pookie

Pookie

Somebody you used to know.
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BlankUser said:
No story. I'm horrible at making usernames. I didn't even want an username. When I was signing up to this site, I thought "I wish I could leave the username field blank". So here it is...
Ironically, it actually stands out because it’s so... well, blank. :pfff:
javabeane said:
It's the username of a guy I used to speak with. He was from India and we had a deep friendship connection. He'd always reach out to me and I'd always ignore him but sometimes I didn't and we had intense conversations.
I accidentally lost his contact and always chose Javabean as my user name, as an homage to him.

He never told me his real name.
So you actually liked him even though you ignored him? I assume he must’ve made a deep impact on you.
puppet_nihilist said:
I feel like I have no freedom at all. I'm deeply constrained by a lot of things in my life and I have always been a sensitive marionette, swayed by every little and small influence. I mostly felt like a puppet that was meant to satisfy my parents and my family in this bizarre entertainment show called life.

As I've grown up I began noticing nihilistic tendencies emerging almost out of no where. I became so nihilistic and dysfunctional to the point that I could go for weeks with doing absolutely nothing productive or useful for my own self. At some point I just knew that killing myself would actually save me from myself and from more potential destruction. Hence puppet nihilist.
I think it’s a very creative username.
 
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