thetwilightzone

thetwilightzone

-
Jul 14, 2018
307
They say that every child will have to learn the day when life is unfair. Not the unfair of not getting what you want but where you realize that you can do everything right in this world, do one thing wrong and have your life ruined whereas someone could do everything wrong, do one thing right and have success for the rest of their life.
 
thetwilightzone

thetwilightzone

-
Jul 14, 2018
307
I learned it when I had 12 years old. Since that day until now I've been contemplating suicide.


I was tortured every day with that shit and they only got kill me slowly to this point.

What happened at the age of 12 if you don't mind me asking?
 
M

Maggotymaggots

-
Apr 18, 2018
54
Realizing how fucked up life is was a gradual process for me. If I were to try to pinpoint where it began, I guess I'd say around when I was 13 or so, and read a detailed account of the Donner Party.

In case anyone's not aware, the Donner Party were a group of settlers back during the days of the Oregon Trail. They ended up getting snowbound while attempting to take a shortcut through the mountains. Long story short, they didn't have nearly enough food to make it through the winter, and resorted to cannibalism.

I found it pretty disturbing, especially the description of an infant clinging to the half-eaten corpse of its mother, and it (along with other things) caused me to question a lot of my beliefs at the time. What really hit home was the realization that they weren't bad people per se. Civilization's just a thin veneer, and once they began starving, the animal instinct took over.

I'd always been taught as long as you were truly a good person, or your devotion to God was strong enough, you'd be able to avoid doing sinful things through sheer willpower. This kind of shattered that belief. I realized it didn't matter how "good" someone was, under the right circumstances, anyone could be pushed to do anything, myself included. I hated, and still hate, knowing that.

I'm sorry, this is kind of just a stupid childhood memory.
 
L

Life sucks

Enlightened
Apr 18, 2018
1,864
Its a gradual thing for me and I can't pinpoint anything, the more I see about life, the more I know how its messed up . And now I reached the point I don't feel the need for more info and I know how life is messed up from many aspects. Even I get it doesn't matter because I want to ctb.
 
El Topo

El Topo

(---)
Apr 21, 2018
480
When I was in 3rd or 4th grade, I went to a summer daycare program at a local church. Some older kids tricked me into drinking their piss (they peed into an empty Coke can). That's when I realized that sometimes people do mean things to each other for no reason. lol
 
thetwilightzone

thetwilightzone

-
Jul 14, 2018
307
When I was in 3rd or 4th grade, I went to a summer daycare program at a local church. Some older kids tricked me into drinking their piss (they peed into an empty Coke can). That's when I realized that sometimes people do mean things to each other for no reason. lol

And they get away with it whereas if you did the same shit you'd face serious consequences....

fucked up world.
 
F

Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,354
When I started having panic attacks at public school as a result of being sexually abused at 10. I had ptsd but I didn’t know what I was experiencing at the time. For years after this I was dealing with all sorts of problems, depression started to set in at 13. I started to dissociate, go into my head a lot, I could not for the life of me stay tuned in to what was happening in class. I had no clue what we were doing because I would daydream and u know public school was painfully boring for me lol! I was so depressed being forced to sit there and attempt to pay attention for extended periods of time to shit I’m not interested in.
 
FTL.Wanderer

FTL.Wanderer

Enlightened
May 31, 2018
1,794
I wouldn't know where to start. By 9 I was already deeply suicidal. It wasn't because my brain "didn't work." It was because of persistent abuse and neglect. By 9, I was being regularly raped by different members of my own family. And beaten into a bloody pulp regularly either at school or after school. In the second grade, my teacher pulled me out of class to look me up and down in the hallway and tell me quietly with the most hateful look I've ever since then seen, "I hate you." I left home for school only to learn there that if you're the wrong type of human being, like the clearly feeling, suffering animals we humans create hell-on-earth for, you can be on the receiving end, chronically, of humanity's infinitely resourceful sadism. But the mental health professionals say people like me are "sick." It's not the popular, beloved people doing the abuse, but the people getting dumped on. We're sick. Which, of course, delegitimizes any arguments we might make to the contrary. OK.

Long and short, I'm on the absolute bottom of the social totem pole. I've known since years before puberty that life can be the picture of unfair--even downright cruel--and there's no god or just government there to protect you. Despite the fact you didn't ask to come here. Worst of all, once you're here, they won't even let you leave peacefully. I've done a lot of things I'm ashamed of in my life. Maybe the only thing I'm proud of is not subjecting any other feeling, living being to the type of hell we humans often create.
 
Last edited:
F

Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,354
I wouldn't know where to start. By 9 I was already deeply suicidal. It wasn't because my brain "didn't work." It was because of persistent abuse and neglect. By 9, I was being regularly raped by different members of my own family. And beaten into a bloody pulp regularly either at school or after school. In the second grade, my teacher pulled me out of class to look me up and down in the hallway and tell me quietly with the most hateful look I've ever since then seen, "I hate you." I left home for school only to learn there that if you're the wrong type of human being, like the clearly feeling, suffering animals we humans create hell-on-earth for, you can be on the receiving end, chronically, of humanity's infinitely resourceful sadism. But the mental health professionals say people like me are "sick." It's not the popular, beloved people doing the abuse, but the people getting dumped on. We're sick. Which, of course, delegitimizes any arguments we might make to the contrary. OK.

Long and short, I'm on the absolute bottom of the social totem pole. I've known since years before puberty that life can be the picture of unfair--even downright cruel--and there's no god or just government there to protect you. Despite the fact you didn't ask to come here. Worst of all, once you're here, they won't even let you leave peacefully. I've done a lot of things I'm ashamed of in my life. Maybe the only thing I'm proud of is not subjecting any other feeling, living being to the type of hell we humans often create.
I can completely understand your pain, I’m sorry u had to deal with these monsters around u.
 
FTL.Wanderer

FTL.Wanderer

Enlightened
May 31, 2018
1,794
I can completely understand your pain, I’m sorry u had to deal with these monsters around u.

They're monsters, the ones doing these things to us. We know they're also the ones running the companies, the schools, the countries. They're in charge--the police officers, doctors, university staff, politicians, court officials... It's like you have to be a monster to have a good shot at winning in this jungle. :/

Thank you for the empathy.
 
F

Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,354
They're monsters, the ones doing these things to us. We know they're also the ones running the companies, the schools, the countries. They're in charge--the police officers, doctors, university staff, politicians, court officials... It's like you have to be a monster to have a good shot at winning in this jungle. :/

Thank you for the empathy.
Yep, and yet these fucks are held up as noble good people in society. When u have a government the most evil pple always rise to the top. Because government is by definition immoral. It’s the hidden gun in the room. Many things are forced on us by the government and it’s not like we have a choice as individuals about how we will be educated, where your taxes actually go, maybe u don’t want drugs to be illegal. Just saying. The majority can screw over individual preferences because they impose violence on the rest of us through force and guns.
 
Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
I wouldn't know where to start. By 9 I was already deeply suicidal. It wasn't because my brain "didn't work." It was because of persistent abuse and neglect. By 9, I was being regularly raped by different members of my own family. And beaten into a bloody pulp regularly either at school or after school. In the second grade, my teacher pulled me out of class to look me up and down in the hallway and tell me quietly with the most hateful look I've ever since then seen, "I hate you." I left home for school only to learn there that if you're the wrong type of human being, like the clearly feeling, suffering animals we humans create hell-on-earth for, you can be on the receiving end, chronically, of humanity's infinitely resourceful sadism. But the mental health professionals say people like me are "sick." It's not the popular, beloved people doing the abuse, but the people getting dumped on. We're sick. Which, of course, delegitimizes any arguments we might make to the contrary. OK.

Long and short, I'm on the absolute bottom of the social totem pole. I've known since years before puberty that life can be the picture of unfair--even downright cruel--and there's no god or just government there to protect you. Despite the fact you didn't ask to come here. Worst of all, once you're here, they won't even let you leave peacefully. I've done a lot of things I'm ashamed of in my life. Maybe the only thing I'm proud of is not subjecting any other feeling, living being to the type of hell we humans often create.
I agree with a lot of you said and I think nobody should suffer in that way.

I'm sorry of you had to experience all this, must be terrible. Our specie is truly rotten and they don't care about anything.
 
FTL.Wanderer

FTL.Wanderer

Enlightened
May 31, 2018
1,794
Yep, and yet these fucks are held up as noble good people in society. When u have a government the most evil pple always rise to the top. Because government is by definition immoral. It’s the hidden gun in the room. Many things are forced on us by the government and it’s not like we have a choice as individuals about how we will be educated, where your taxes actually go, maybe u don’t want drugs to be illegal. Just saying. The majority can screw over individual preferences because they impose violence on the rest of us through force and guns.


Eeeeeeeexactly!!!
 
Imaginos

Imaginos

Full-time layabout
Apr 7, 2018
633
On some level, I feel like I've known it all my life, frankly. Ever since I was even a small child I've constantly wondered just what the fuck it is that am I doing here, why humans/the world/life itself are all so barbarically horrific, and where, ultimately, is the fucking exit door out of this god damn insane asylum. Granted, it wasn't until I was a teenager before I could finally put exact words/terminology to all this by discovering the works of Zapffe, Cioran, Schopenhauer (etc.), and, as a result, really begin connecting the dots of awfulness/peeling back the layers of raw shit to this rancid onion we call life. I'd also be remiss not to mention, that comedians like Bill Hicks, George Carlin, & Doug Stanhope certainly helped act as catalysts for deeper insight as well. There were other revelations of course, such as understanding the inherent evil/stupidity of capitalism, along with fully recognizing the coming extinction of the human race (and quite possibly all life on this planet) via climate change/ocean acidification/exponential growth/nuclear catastrophe, but piercing the veil of reality itself was definitely the big one. Be that as it may, my reflexive revulsion (as it were) to daily existence has, for better or for worse, been with me from the beginning.

madhouse-charlton-heston.png
 
Last edited:
F

Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,354
On some level, I feel like I've known it all my life, frankly. Ever since I was even a small child I've constantly wondered just what the fuck it is that am I doing here, why humans/the world/life itself are all so barbarically horrific, and where, ultimately, is the fucking exit door out of this god damn insane asylum. Granted, it wasn't until I was a teenager before I could finally put exact words/terminology to all this by discovering the works of Zapffe, Cioran, Schopenhauer (etc.), and, as a result, really begin connecting the dots of awfulness/peeling back the layers of raw shit to this rancid onion we call life. I'd also be remiss not to mention, that comedians like Bill Hicks, George Carlin, & Doug Stanhope certainly helped act as catalysts for deeper insight as well. There were other revelations of course, such as understanding the inherent evil/stupidity of capitalism, along with fully recognizing the coming extinction of the human race (and quite possibly all life on this planet) via climate change/ocean acidification/exponential growth/nuclear catastrophe, but piercing the veil of reality itself was definitely the big one. Be that as it may, my reflexive revulsion (as it were) to daily existence has, for better or for worse, been with me from the beginning.

madhouse-charlton-heston.png
It’s not free market capitalism that harms people it is democratic socialism. Socialism always leads to tyranny.
 
Similar threads

Similar threads