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an_alias

an_alias

i will not CTB i will not CTB i will not CTB
Joined
Dec 21, 2020
Messages
19
for me it was birth. i inherited really shit allergies from my dad (eggs, nuts, chickpeas, all dairy, fish, etc. and they were all lethal) so i couldn't find any friends. then there was the divorce.
 
W

WornOutLife

マット
Joined
Mar 22, 2020
Messages
7,341
I second you as regards the birth being the start of all this mess (life).
I'm sorry to hear about your divorce. I know many people who ended up really depressed because of it.

As for me, I screwed my life up in my 30s because of alcohol, overweight, depression, bipolarity, etc.
 
Wrennie

Wrennie

〘 Latent Corpse 〙
Joined
Dec 18, 2019
Messages
1,002
I’m so sorry for how life has treated you. You deserve better, and you aren’t alone. :heart:

For me I became afflicted with a very rare case of autoimmune encephalitis as a small child, which made me behave erratically. My parents put me on heavy-duty drugs so they could “zombify” me and make me easier to deal with. Said drugs chemically castrated me so that I never developed a sex drive upon hitting puberty. I was also taken away from my family by CPS when I was ten and forced to live in an abusive group home for about a year and was later enrolled in a school for violent/behaviorally challenged children despite my only problem being extreme anxiety, and then my abusive homeroom teacher had me physically shoved into a cramped broom closet when he overheard me crying in class one day.
The straw that broke the camel’s back for me though was a drug interaction which occurred in my early twenties. It aged my body and butchered my health, and as soon as my problems became physical I just lost all will to go on.
 
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Puffinz

Puffinz

Member
Joined
Dec 7, 2020
Messages
94
I really don't know. My whole life there's always been this expectation in the back of my head that I will fail at everything. I've always done well in school and was told I was smart. People say I can do anything I set my mind to and I think that's true. But there's nothing I want to do. Even when I was a kid I can't remember having any dreams or goals for the future, I just did what others expected of me. I have never had any passion for anything. I always start things but then realize I hate doing them and I stop. Now that I'm older I have more freedom to choose what I want but when I look inside my head there's nothing there. I don't think I even feel real emotions anymore. I can cry or laugh at a movie or tv show but when it comes to real life I don't feel anything. I guess I was born missing a piece of my soul or something...
 
S

SuicidallyCurious

Warlock
Joined
Dec 20, 2020
Messages
744
I was cursed/blessed with being smart. I can easily see through BS including government and corporate facades and am very good at spotting potential disasters. This causes extreme anxiety for me which has been turned up due to CV19. I feel as if i'm being forced to opt back into a failing system due to lockdowns and the severity of the crisis limiting my personal mobility.
 
Deleted member 94

Deleted member 94

Wizard
Joined
Mar 24, 2018
Messages
696
Depressed with suicidal ideation since childhood, with age my list of physical and mental conditions grew. Also some caused by aggressive treatment of my physical ailments by medications. Half of my current disorders are due to side effects of medicines.
 
Merlay

Merlay

you need to die if you want to go to heaven
Joined
Oct 24, 2020
Messages
32
The day I was born. I always feel unwanted and disposable. I always hear my mother complaining on how hard it is for her to raise me and my siblings. They burden me with expectations. I thought I was smart and strong until I realized I was running from the grotesque madness inside my head. I was running from myself. Giving up my boundaries in order to fit in with my best friends. Detaching myself from myself so I won’t get disconnected from them. And awareness from the feelings and truth that I’ve been masking and concealing all this time. Awareness from the injustice, violence, inequality, despair, sorrow, pain, everything.

I may not know you but I want you to know that you don’t deserve all of that. You’re not alone.
 
NightmareTour

NightmareTour

Arcanist
Joined
May 13, 2020
Messages
401
The whole thing and just me as a whole? I'm gonna go with that. Started off with a train wreck and circumstances, my own stupid choices and people out to hurt someone turned it into a full on apocalyptic event.
 
Hidden Base

Hidden Base

Enlightened
Joined
Apr 5, 2020
Messages
1,040
The big mistake was creating agents in this reality with wills of their own, which are routinely stepped on and violated without remorse, and in more ways than one can even imagine. God if you're there, then I have a bone to pick.
 
k75

k75

L'appel du Vide
Joined
Jun 27, 2019
Messages
2,556
10 years ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Before that I was happy and healthy. I'd never even been in the hospital, aside from having my son. They destroyed the cancer, but they destroyed me as well. I lost myself, my family, the whole future I had planned with the person I loved. Now I have to watch him living a new life and pretend to it doesn't bother me, pretend I don't miss what we had. And I'm stuck here, in a body I hate, living a life I don't want, alone in a city I don't even like. I'm still suffering from side effects of treatment and am riddled with pain and chronic illness. And on top of all that, my brain is constantly trying to kill me. There's no way to come back.
 
C

Chemicalcastration20

Member
Joined
Sep 11, 2020
Messages
76
Antidepressants.. Stole my personality! My identity! Sex drive! Emotions! I am a complete empty shell! .. I feel like I have been buried alive. I cant wait to die and be in eternal peace. I never deserved any of lhis I only had mild anxiety before.. Its so cruel what tablets have done to me.. I now deserve to rest as I can't take anymore of this complete torture.
 
S

Symbiote

Has left the building
Joined
Oct 12, 2020
Messages
2,651
Being born to parents who also shouldn't have kids and had fucked up morals on punishment. Therapists wondered why I haven't killed myself yet or became a sexual deviant due to my past. Basically have done the opposite of what psychopaths turn out to be after receiving so much abuse and trauma.
 
R

regular john

Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2020
Messages
86
I have horrible unemployment history. When younger I ignored work life. Now I am fifty and have zero skills and zero work years. It is my fault. I always had problems with keeping jobs. I made stupid choices when I was younger cause I was very immature at the time.
 
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NegativeSymptoms

NegativeSymptoms

trying to recover
Joined
Sep 4, 2019
Messages
151
Being born was the worst thing ever. I never wanted to be alive. Now I am disabled depressed schizophrenic with total anhedonia, severe cognitive deficits and anxiety. Life is a torture.
 
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behemoth

behemoth

Member
Joined
Dec 13, 2020
Messages
5
Parents. Birth location. Brother. Environment. Basically from the start. Pretty much everyone around me was with cave man "I'm supposed to do something just because I told you so" mentalities
 
KleinerWolf

KleinerWolf

Account Wipe.
Joined
Apr 30, 2020
Messages
2,701
At birth, birth deform, hearing impairment on one side,
Born in a shitty country to mediocre parents,
And a shitty life from that point forward.
 
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R

regular john

Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2020
Messages
86
I was born in good family. My parents had both strong work ethics. They both earned pension. I think I had easy life when I was young . I only exist thanks to my parents. I think they gave me too much protection. Now I am fifty and I can't cope with life. I am not brainy person. I don't have higher education. Only high school. They don't want to employ uneducated people.
 
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