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Chupacabra 44

Chupacabra 44

If boredom were a CTB method, I would be long gone
Joined
Sep 13, 2020
Messages
710
It's basically been downhill for me the second the doctor spanked my ass after childbirth.
 
J

justsad&done

Visionary
Joined
Nov 11, 2020
Messages
2,805
k75 said:
10 years ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Before that I was happy and healthy. I'd never even been in the hospital, aside from having my son. They destroyed the cancer, but they destroyed me as well. I lost myself, my family, the whole future I had planned with the person I loved. Now I have to watch him living a new life and pretend to it doesn't bother me, pretend I don't miss what we had. And I'm stuck here, in a body I hate, living a life I don't want, alone in a city I don't even like. I'm still suffering from side effects of treatment and am riddled with pain and chronic illness. And on top of all that, my brain is constantly trying to kill me. There's no way to come back.
I'm sorry you are suffering so much. I was also diagnosed with breast cancer. And everything I went through has pretty much devastated me. Just when I thought maybe things would be ok, my fiance died and everything came crashing down. I agree. There's no way to come back.
 
A

AutoTap

Paragon
Joined
Nov 11, 2020
Messages
902
an_alias said:
for me it was birth. i inherited really shit allergies from my dad (eggs, nuts, chickpeas, all dairy, fish, etc. and they were all lethal) so i couldn't find any friends. then there was the divorce.
Severe debilitating anxiety disorders, phobias, panic disorder and depression.
Puffinz said:
I really don't know. My whole life there's always been this expectation in the back of my head that I will fail at everything. I've always done well in school and was told I was smart. People say I can do anything I set my mind to and I think that's true. But there's nothing I want to do. Even when I was a kid I can't remember having any dreams or goals for the future, I just did what others expected of me. I have never had any passion for anything. I always start things but then realize I hate doing them and I stop. Now that I'm older I have more freedom to choose what I want but when I look inside my head there's nothing there. I don't think I even feel real emotions anymore. I can cry or laugh at a movie or tv show but when it comes to real life I don't feel anything. I guess I was born missing a piece of my soul or something...
Same here except I also have a lot of anxiety disorders, phobias, and stuff that debilitate me and cause me mental and physical anguish.
 
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R

regular john

Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2020
Messages
86
cytoarchitectonic said:
It all went wrong for me when i was born. i hate feeling pain and the animal functions like hunger that i have to feed. Being born. Every animal including humans for the last 500 million years is born hungry thirsty and has to constantly work to feed itself, keep itself warm , sheltered from predators etc etc. Every day there's always the threat of accident ,disease , extreme pain. Then that animal starts to get old and eventually a painful tortorouse disease or old age will lead to torture and torturous death. This will happen to practically every human and every animal and has for hundreds of millions of years. As soon as birth happens you fall into the trap. imo old age must be avoided at all costs. People malign consciousness but at least it with consciousness is what i figured out the above and that there is no purpose to life and that i have to ctb (why work for what purpose, why risk torture for a made up purpose?) , i will kill myself i can do it and will do it while other animals and people that don't realize the trap of life will suffer while i at least have a chance at having a relatively painless quick exit from this hell while others fall into the hell of old age then a painful natural death. animals and most humans don't realize that old age has to be avoided as all costs as that is hell. i used my consciousnesss, reasoning ability to figure this out most humans have no clue of any of this. this is just some stuff of the top of my head. These are just some basic problems for every animal. Of course there are other hells on top of that the thousand shocks the flesh is heir to, injustice evil etc.
my mom says people are made for work. Do you think she is right ?
 
pthnrdnojvsc

pthnrdnojvsc

Time goes by really fast
Joined
Aug 12, 2019
Messages
590
regular john said:
my mom says people are made for work. Do you think she is right ?

i hate working. Why do i have to work so hard for what purpose? I don't see a purpose to life . Any purpose would be subjective and made up fiction imo. i hate being trapped in this decaying meat prison.
 
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A

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Paragon
Joined
Nov 11, 2020
Messages
902
regular john said:
my mom says people are made for work. Do you think she is right ?
I know you didn’t ask me the question but I saw in my feed. And I think some people are. I sure wasn’t. I can barely survive when all I have to do is stay home because of my mental issues.

If I can barely survive and do things at home. How am I expected to work? And I’m not the only one like this so I think she is wrong.

Anyways have a good day!
 
MindFog

MindFog

I'm not even having a good time
Joined
Nov 19, 2020
Messages
539
Probably when I found out about my mother being abused. It felt so surreal how much shit can be going on under you nose. You'd think your parents are happy but just find out your mother "tripped" again.

It made me think how people ca be cruel even to their own loved ones.
 
Lulu Land

Lulu Land

Member
Joined
Dec 22, 2020
Messages
12
I believe it all went wrong for me when I was around ten. My parents had always fought and my step-brother who was staying was not used to this so we went to a gas station and called the police. It was a horrible time for all of us and that's when I started feeling horrible about myself, one year doing self-harm and believing I could trust my friends. Around three years later I started identifying as trans, and my parents are the type to believe if you're trans you worship Satan. They believe in a bunch of weird things but that only made things worse. So now I am who I am
 
R

rata1

Specialist
Joined
May 8, 2019
Messages
349
i think it was a longterm influence. not one exact thing, trauma, moment....
i was born to the wrong parents, to the wrong family, the wrong moment and so on. from outside it doesnt look so hard or dangerous, but it fucked my life. it fucked my existence. it is nearly invisible but it is there. so invisible, that even myself i am not sure about my problems. but they are there i know it. one of the best patterns of manipulating communication. invisible, not lethal, best control ever. would be a perfect example for manipulation or torture. incredible ingenious. but the people who used it over me arent even conscious of it. fascinating world of communication.....

nice holidays if you have. if not: nice solstice. i hope you are well or better
 
R

regular john

Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2020
Messages
86
AutoTap said:
I know you didn’t ask me the question but I saw in my feed. And I think some people are. I sure wasn’t. I can barely survive when all I have to do is stay home because of my mental issues.

If I can barely survive and do things at home. How am I expected to work? And I’m not the only one like this so I think she is wrong.

Anyways have a good day!
I was born highly sensitive person. I have nervous system different when compared to what other people have. I hate how my body works. I admire my mom. She comes from poor family. She was smart enough to study economy and she made it in life. I didn't . I tried to work in my life but it never worked. I am not brainy person so jobs for not brainy person are only those boring and torturing ones. I always wanted to go beyond cleaning and jobs like that but recently I realized I was never brainy enough to go to smarter jobs.
 
B

Bigpink

Wizard
Joined
Oct 12, 2020
Messages
621
Shouldn't have been born. Never felt I belong in this world. Weak, inadequate, not smart.
Given all this did manage to make a life, partner, house, kids,the whole thing. All over now, alone and waiting for death.
 
A

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Paragon
Joined
Nov 11, 2020
Messages
902
regular john said:
I was born highly sensitive person. I have nervous system different when compared to what other people have. I hate how my body works. I admire my mom. She comes from poor family. She was smart enough to study economy and she made it in life. I didn't . I tried to work in my life but it never worked. I am not brainy person so jobs for not brainy person are only those boring and torturing ones. I always wanted to go beyond cleaning and jobs like that but recently I realized I was never brainy enough to go to smarter jobs.
If it makes ya feel better I’m to anxious to be able to do cleaning jobs.
 
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Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Defective since birth
Joined
Jul 1, 2020
Messages
4,354
birth, but it didnt have to be.

from what i can tell i was born with my personality disorder so i was basically screwed from the beginning. of course it didnt have to be that. i was fine being ignorant of my problem and just being me. of course after 16 years of abuse from parents and friends......its no wonders i developed all my all problems.

although capgras.....yeah not sure where that came from. might have been born with it might have developed. it didnt effect any of my pets before but were does something like that develop. idk. idc. (and this is my minor problem)
 
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issyishere

issyishere

Goodnight and always remember that’s life
Joined
Nov 5, 2019
Messages
443
Born a pretty normal life, brain began looking for answers. Saw a few that don’t really apply but my obsessive brain reacted as though it did. Been dealing with how cynical I am since.
 
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S

Skrabz

New Member
Joined
Aug 12, 2020
Messages
2
Scrolling through and reading everyone's posts made me realize unlike some of you, it's all my fault that I'm here. I dug myself into this hole and I'm not sure how I'll come out.
I mismanaged funds i was supposed to use for my tuition, however the school allowed me to write my final year exams and I passed those but I can't get my degree because I haven't completed payments.
I was contacted earlier today saying they will have it cancelled in a week or so and I have no means of paying that off.
I don't see a future I'd live in if that happens
 
EnnuiCat

EnnuiCat

Member
Joined
Nov 20, 2020
Messages
48
My childhood was fairly normal other than being bullied incessantly. Major depression struck in my mid-twenties and I've been battling it ever since, I'm now 54. It destroyed my marriage and continues to color everything a dull gray. Intense social anxiety, agoraphobia, and anhedonia add to the mix. I fake my way through the motions of life when even on my best days I don't really care about anything.
 
livefreeorpeace

livefreeorpeace

Member
Joined
Jun 14, 2020
Messages
63
an_alias said:
for me it was birth. i inherited really shit allergies from my dad (eggs, nuts, chickpeas, all dairy, fish, etc. and they were all lethal) so i couldn't find any friends. then there was the divorce.
Right around this time of year when I was three years old, my father killed himself.
 
Gaybonez

Gaybonez

vegan jesus
Joined
Nov 30, 2020
Messages
171
an_alias said:
for me it was birth. i inherited really shit allergies from my dad (eggs, nuts, chickpeas, all dairy, fish, etc. and they were all lethal) so i couldn't find any friends. then there was the divorce.
Puberty.
 
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Wraith

Wraith

Lost in The Void
Joined
Nov 4, 2020
Messages
186
Birth. Mental illness and abuse run rampant on both sides of my family, and not only did my parents think it was a good idea to get together, they also had the genius idea of reproducing too. I didn't want to be born disabled; nobody does.
 
D

DrWh033

Member
Joined
Dec 23, 2020
Messages
87
Bad surgery. Surgeon ignored basic anatomy, damaged spinal accessory nerve, developed neuropathic pain. Untreatable and intractable. Medications just put you on an addiction withdrawal spiral with no effect. I am not interested in nerve modulation. Have to leave this earth. Did my duty. I helped a lot of people. Quality of life is zero. I am a doctor myself. I don't really understand non physical causes of suicide like anxiety, OCD, etc. I am sorry I cannot empathise. I do empathise with a person that is tetraplegic however and wants to get out.
 
omoidarui

omoidarui

orangedarui
Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
897
i needed to be artificially conceived so it was going wrong before i was even an embryo.

I needed oxygen at birth and then my teen years were horrible but I’m liking my twenties. The cruel irony is I only now know how to achieve a peaceful death, at a time when I’m actually semi-enjoying life, oh modernity
 
make_00

make_00

404
Joined
Jul 3, 2020
Messages
47
being abused verbally and physically since I was 4-5 years old but getting drugged by someone (unknown to this day,drugs found from blood test after I got admitted because I went off the rails from being drugged) when I was 10 years old sent things spiraling bad
 
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sweater

sweater

tired of it all
Joined
Dec 23, 2020
Messages
28
At birth. 2 months premature and very very ill for my entire childhood. Lots of trauma regarding surgeries and medical exploration of my body. Then dealing with undiagnosed autism/adhd/anxiety/depression from kindergarten up. Then being fat. And queer. And trans. Everything is wrong in my life. Nothing was ever right and it’s pretty annoying to have to continuously be here in this wrong life.
 
mookid

mookid

New Member
Joined
Nov 11, 2020
Messages
4
This may not sound like a big deal but it still hurts to me. I don't have any friends, neither in real life or internet. Never had any friends except at my chilhood but now I feel alone and don't have anybody who will listen to me. Besides I don't know how to socialize at all. Whenever I go I feel like I don't fit and just make people around me uncomfortable and bored. Whenever I see people hanging out with their friends I feel so sad, I just wish I had anybody to do something so simple as watching a movie together or playing some game, Idk. I'm sorry if I said something wrong by the way, english isn't my natal language.
 

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