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K

Kat!

-
Joined
Sep 30, 2020
Messages
838
I pushed my well-suited brain to it's breaking point I guess, my cousin's death is what really made me numb. Went to her funeral, she was murdered by her ex. But I got to look at her and she was still beautiful, she was like a mom for me since my parents were working full time. Didn't cry that day, nothing traumatic has made me cry since.
In school I was seriously stressed since 4th grade to work harder, and harder, and no one ever cared how hard I worked they always wanted more, and expected an astronomical effort. I'm basically at a 6th grade level in some aspects even leaving highschool soon because of my bad attention span, learning disability in math too, but in english and history I am great.
 
pinkcanvasshoes

pinkcanvasshoes

Member
Joined
Dec 13, 2020
Messages
18
Back in 2011 when my husband lost his job. We have had horrendous money worries since then and I nearly lost my home at one point. I was also being bullied at work and had health issues..

Now the tax man is haemorrhaging money from us because according to them we weren’t entitled to the benefits.

I have plummeted back down again. Can’t take this anymore
 
bingbond

bingbond

Member
Joined
Nov 17, 2020
Messages
45
mookid said:
This may not sound like a big deal but it still hurts to me. I don't have any friends, neither in real life or internet. Never had any friends except at my chilhood but now I feel alone and don't have anybody who will listen to me. Besides I don't know how to socialize at all. Whenever I go I feel like I don't fit and just make people around me uncomfortable and bored. Whenever I see people hanging out with their friends I feel so sad, I just wish I had anybody to do something so simple as watching a movie together or playing some game, Idk. I'm sorry if I said something wrong by the way, english isn't my natal language.
same here
i can't keep conversation going well
 
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LenkaX

LenkaX

Maybe there is a hope!
Joined
Aug 14, 2020
Messages
376
At the age of 21 when I got insane because no woman gave a shit about me. That was my first death. Now I'm just rotting at home an planning suicide.
 
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I

I screwed up

Waiting for the damn bus
Joined
Sep 11, 2019
Messages
886
Opiod and antidepressants addiction ...
 
daddy Phil :)

daddy Phil :)

Member
Joined
Oct 21, 2020
Messages
47
The second I could hear the voice in my head.
 
sadlystillgoing3

sadlystillgoing3

Member
Joined
Feb 3, 2019
Messages
54
When I developed anorexia at 13. But it really went downhill at 18 when I got several large tattoos on my arms (regret), and left college after one semester (bc of my health). Since then I’ve been in and out of treatment and lost all of my friends. I had some sort of psychotic break, changed my name legally...I had so much hope but now I have none. It’s amazing how fast I ruined it all.
 
gtrfvr

gtrfvr

live and let live or die
Joined
Dec 4, 2020
Messages
72
used to say i dont want to live past age 30. that was almost 20 years ago. parents had no business reproducing. they were opposites. war with myself is my natural state. divorce didn't help. financial fallout. cant wait to not be. only real desire is to end it.
 
Green Destiny

Green Destiny

Life isn't worth the trouble.
Joined
Nov 16, 2019
Messages
595
Suffering multiple head injuries before I turned 12. By that point it was already too late for me to have a feasible life for myself.
 
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H

Hoarsewithnoname

Member
Joined
Dec 4, 2020
Messages
20
My mom used to tell me that even as a toddler I didn't really smile, and she used to wonder if I'd ever be happy. So I think I've had depression since birth (I certainly remember having it since before age 10). For awhile I was stable and I met someone and thought we could be happy, and I was stupid enough to think I was stable enough to have kids. I hate to say it, but having children was the absolute worst mistake of my entire life. The past 12 years have been a continual descent into deeper levels of hell because 1) turns out I can't handle the emotional demands of kids and 2) my partner essentially couldn't stand that he was no longer the center of my universe and he is now leaving me. Everyone assumes I'm going to stay strong for my kids, but the reality is that they make me worse off and as a single parent, I see zero way I can even fake being a good mother to them. My partner is his own level of asshole, but at least he can handle the kids better than I can.
 
D

DrWh033

Member
Joined
Dec 23, 2020
Messages
87
Green Destiny said:
Suffering multiple head injuries before I turned 12. By that point it was already too late for me to have a feasible life for myself.
Head injuries? Were you abused mishandled as a kid?
 
DoNotBoopTheSnoot

DoNotBoopTheSnoot

⚠️ WARNING
Joined
Dec 25, 2020
Messages
641
Lupus (SLE). Started with mysterious joint pains and edema. Got diagnosed only last year after two whole years of angst. People say chronic illness makes you a better person but I call BS on that. Life has never been the same and I'm no more than a shambling corpse whose flames have long since died out.
 
C

CursedForDisaster

Student
Joined
Apr 1, 2019
Messages
188
I can't say where it started, I have problems that are rooted in me since childhood that I'm only now figuring out. Those problems have weighed down on me over the years making me an increasingly shittier person, sometimes I wonder if I'm becoming shitty to try and push myself to end it and I hope it does. I just feel like a monster sometimes and when I don't all I feel is pain.
 
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D

DrWh033

Member
Joined
Dec 23, 2020
Messages
87
DoNotBoopTheSnoot said:
Lupus (SLE). Started with mysterious joint pains and edema. Got diagnosed only last year after two whole years of angst. People say chronic illness makes you a better person but I call BS on that. Life has never been the same and I'm no more than a shambling corpse whose flames have long since died

Have you studied about your disease? Are you on immunosuppressants, monoclonal Ab etc? I believe you can get enormous improvement in qol if you find a good reumatologist that does not just feed you cortisone. Mind also the cortisone induced psychosis.
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

I want to sleep for an eternity
Joined
Sep 24, 2020
Messages
3,978
In my case, it is being born. I was perfectly fine not existing until I was forced to live. In my case, the problem is life itself. I am not meant for this world. It has never felt right me being alive. The thing I want is to not exist.
 
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meetapple

meetapple

Student
Joined
Jun 3, 2021
Messages
179
When I was five years old and I couldn’t accept my thoughts which affected my psychosocial development.
 
Mr2005

Mr2005

Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
Joined
Sep 25, 2018
Messages
3,178
I think you can probably guess
 
tiredplant777

tiredplant777

Member
Joined
Jul 23, 2021
Messages
33
I was sexually assaulted when I was really, really young. I think that was it, for the most part. Then in my late teens I ended up being targeted by a psychopath and that went on for a decade. He was supposed to just be like a teacher and kind of family friend. Turned out he was in a ritual abuse cult from birth and became a perpetrator. Uh and then I got help in Peru from this Ayahuasca group and a specific Shaman, that helped and then like the Shaman went dark and it was super fucked up. And then my PCOS got bad from all the stress and yeah that has been hard. I also had a friend who like got this dog and wasn't able to take care of him, and I took him on, but she lied about stuff in the process regarding her willingness to take care of him at all. Anyway he ended up having aggression issues and attacked people (they were ok thankfully) and I had to put him down. Since that dog I've just never been ok the way I was before despite everything. I also have been having a flare up from the covid vaccine of the health stuff and that's been making me suicidal, just feeling out of control of my body like this has been too much. I dunno man just like too much stuff all at once over and over again.
 
T

treestumpbootsneo

Member
Joined
Sep 14, 2021
Messages
14
Difficult to answer. I was a really awkward kid. Even now I don't understand emotions the way other people do. I think I may have some kind of undiagnosed spectrum disorder. I had a horrible school career, but things got a lot better for me in my 20s, slightly downhill in my 30s, but sharply downhill after having kids.The relationship issues it caused, as well as stress and financial strain, are all really difficult to deal with. I don't know if this is normal or not, but it would explain the high suicide rate for men in their 40s.
 
C

clown_17

Time is of the essence
Joined
Oct 24, 2020
Messages
63
From the day I was born. Things definitely got worse when my education started though
 
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E

everydayiloveyou

Specialist
Joined
Jul 5, 2020
Messages
399
In grade school when I joined the gifted program and my social anxiety became really bad and functionally impairing. My teachers did nothing.

It kept getting worse until I told a teacher that I often thought about killing myself close to graduation (after bursting into tears during an assembly, something I did very often). By that point the anxiety already had its time to steal my joy for life, my chances at success, and all of my remaining social skills.
 
E

Ednospatient

Member
Joined
Sep 2, 2021
Messages
58
when my eating disorder started and a person who should've noticed something was wrong didn't

(my eating habits were mildly disordered since childhood but at some point I started exercising which made things a lot worse)
 
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S

seamus

Member
Joined
May 17, 2021
Messages
49
Made a stupid decision couple of years ago (still don't understand why I made it) now I realise I'll never be in a contented place So this final decision was the straw that broke the camels back Now just getting my Affairs in Order and will ctb don't want to take part in this existence anymore
 
D

deadverysoon

its over soon
Joined
Aug 19, 2021
Messages
123
it wasnt a good life i had before - but with thr last job all went wrong.

never experienced the ugly side of society more than in this company.

they just killed me.
 
nfives

nfives

Suffer for purity
Joined
Aug 15, 2021
Messages
19
I meant my life was always shit and I was adopted into a racist, drug addicted fuck of a family, but it turned into a nightmare once my dad died and my cousin took me in. She forced me to sell my body, locked me up, let me starve for 3 weeks straight... Abusive narcisst, you know
 

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