Just dont. I dont want to hear it
- Jul 1, 2020
who do you talk to about a problem when you cant think of anyone to talk to for one reason or another. i have people but sometimes everyone/thing falls under "no i cant talk to them about it" for one reason or another and im left here stuck with the problem. and to clarify its not a personal...
ok so i thought about it and if i change my mind i always have a couple hours to delete it. also it would be appreciated if you could be careful how you word things. this kind of topic really isnt for me.
long story short for those that dont know. i was having problems with my husband. i wrote him a note. i showed it to my therapist and then i showed it to him. one of the things on the note was about me wanting to be celibate and another thing on it was about me hanging out with my friend.
well ever since i showed him the note (aside from today- since i made that first post, which i might go into a little bit at the end.....*) anyway ever since ive showed him he's been really touchy. like what did you not understand about idk if 'i want' or if I WANT to? i want to do stuff because i emotionally want to not physically, i hate it. and hes been all touchy which doesnt help at all and him saying i like it only fucking makes it worse. im trying to rationalize with myself that maybe he's just trying to replace what i want to take a break on but doing that really really isnt helping. and then part of me wonders if its not some stupid man thing where i want to hang out with my friend like "look see im better then him" NO! not even fucking close. he wouldnt be touching me. all youre doing is driving me to him. and i have no idea what to do or what to think. all i know is how i feel and i dont like it.
edit: i also feel that i should add that i feel horrible about not having.........considering hes my husband. which then spirals into a hes my husband thing i should be but why should i be if i dont want to and the entire situation makes me want to cry. he really doesnt understand. "id rather be single" "no you wouldnt" "I WOULDNT WANT TO BE CRYING OVER SEX RIGHT NOW IF I WAS FUCKING SINGLE! YES I DO!" stop fucking thinking you know me holy fuck!
*i swear hes in my fucking head or something. shit like that always happens. i dont say a single word to him and he'll do something or say something in reference to something i said here or something thats in my head and it freaks me the fuck out i swear he's watching me. (see what i mean when i say im insane. i feel crazy no way is that true how the fuck would he get in my head, only ive known about this touching thing until i click post thread, but yet still i believe it because just too much adds up.)
edit: and then he wonders why i dont want to talk to him. i dont trust you plus i like to get my head straight before dealing with the problem and sometimes that involves another's opinion.
edit: that really didnt help. he either isnt in my head or is just trying to make me think that. (my own sanity at the very least, is why i should be single. this is fucking stupid)