N

noname223

Visionary
Aug 18, 2020
2,515
Honestly within the last 2 days I had ideas for 20 more new threads. I am also astonished how I am doing that. I am bipolar many say they are creative. I am usually not that creative I just ruminate a lot during the day. And I watch the news quite often.

Yeah now to the topic. I think I have read some mangas which were not allowed for children. I am not sure. I think some animes were allowed for people above 16. There was some nudity and mild sexual content. But not really that horrible. I mean nudity is not really damaging despite the evangelicals pretend the opposite. I just checked it. I was extremely excited when my mom bought me a game FSK 16 (FSK is German and is the age restriction. FSK 16 means only allowed for people who are 16 or above.) I was 12 years old I just researched it. There were rumors on the internet that the content (nudity) was so explicit. Blatant lies. Lol. I was really disappointed. The game would also have been appropriate for children who were 12 in my opinion. Like the game had an anime and manga. And especially the manga was way way more explicit than the game. My sister was disappointed by my mom that she bought me such a sinful game. My mom said there is a woman under a shower that is not really traumatiizing. Yeah the scene was only shown in the manga, less explicit in the anime and not at all in the game.

When I compare myself with my best friend I barely knew anything about sexuallity at this age. He told me he started watching hard core pornography when he was 13. He told me this had a negative influence on his sexuality. Yeah I can imagine that. I was way older when I watched something like that for the first time.

As other people have seen (the thread had some new replies) I watched gore when I was a teenager. And I personally regret it also due to moral reasons. But I think it was not a healthy way to cope with my mental pain.

First I started with brutal animes. Then brutal series with real actors. Sometimes I watched The Walking Dead and Dexter. I think there was a special experience which attracted me to watching brutal content. I was domestically abused by my mom for ten years before I started with this behavior. I have seen a brutal scene on the internet. A guy pulled his skin off in a series. And I said to me: Damn this is exactly how I feel when I get beaten up by my mom. There was my wish to die and this immense pain. Later I even watched some real life gore. Gladly I have stopped that. I don't think it trauamtized me. But I know it can cause PTSD. Not sure whether it had a negative impact on me. I think my psychosis would have happened anyway. I sometimes remember some scenes which I have seen. But my brain helped to forget the most shit. I very seldomly have nightmares about it. I was so far too embarrassed to admit having watched such content in a therapy session. We cannot change it anymore and it is not really a problem in my everyday life.

I think the most negative content for me was gore as a teenager.
The hard core porn for my friend which he started at the age of 13.

Some other (dis)honorable mentions. I have played GTA 4 and GTA 5 when I was a minor. That is not allowed in my country. Though technically when your parents allowed it it is legal as fas as I know. I think my first FSK 18 age restricted game was a Call of Duty. I was 16 but it did not have a negative impact on me. Though I did some really stupid shit in GTA 5 and bragged about it in class. I think it was a coping mechanism. And I wanted to shock people. I was manic and many manic people especially when they are young do stupid shit. There are people who do way worse things than me.

Which were your first forbidden games, films or series? Do you regret having seen them? Do you think it had a negative impact on you?
 
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Un-

Un-

Being alive hurts. I want to die. I hate life.
Apr 6, 2021
185
I'm a fucked up individual. I'll preface this with that.

When I was.. Young. Very young.. I can't tell you how old because I don't remember.. I used to watch my friends play GTA, and mortal kombat. I also watched, with my friends, the horror movie Sinister. The lawn mower scene is still in my head, heh.

When I was around 10 or something, I started watching horror movies - the Conjuring series, the Anabelle movies, Insidious series, Piranha, Jaws, etcetera. Around that age.. Or maybe when I was 12.. I can't remember.. I found out about porn.. Thanks to the friends I had at that time. I started masterbating a lot then, too. When I was 14, I stumbled upon gore. The first video I ever watched was of two drugged girls getting stabbed to death. They were too high to even react to the pain. One of them got stabbed in the eye. Also around this age I saw my first dead body. A woman was climbing up the stairs and she headbutted someone, and cracked her skull. When I looked at her, she was still smiling, and her blood was pink. I wondered what her last thoughts were.

When I was 15 or 16, I stumbled upon child pornograghy while I was browsing the deep or dark Web (I don't know the correct terminology). A lot of child porn.
An image that has burned itself into my brain was of a family doing it in a car.
I wondered to myself how anyone could be so cruel, especially to children who can't even tie their own shoelaces. Around this age, too, I saw the remains of someone being run over by a truck. I also saw a potential rape victim stumbling through the streets at night. She looked drugged, or drunk.. She had blood running down her half-naked body. No one helped her.


With everything I've seen, I still think I have it much, much better than most people here.. Most people out there. I've lived quite a sheltered life.
 
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bubo

bubo

Member
Jul 14, 2022
32
I also ended up watching GTA content when i was younger but mostly i think the inappropriate stuff i watched way too young was animes like The Bludgeoning Angel Doukuro-Chan, Roseila Vampire, i also ended up watching Faces Of Death. You could argue Faces Of Death was worst though at least Faces Of Death didnā€™t have any pedohila???????? parents seriously need to check their children internet access more. The amount of things plenty of us saw as little kids but would never admit to even on this website is probably insane.
 
whatevs

whatevs

Mining for copium in the weirdest places.
Jan 15, 2022
2,251
My cousin introduced me to the wonderful world of pormography when I was a child, before sexually abusing me. Seeing that on the screen was intensely traumatic, I couldn't understand it well but it made me feel very uncomfortable.
I'm a fucked up individual. I'll preface this with that.

When I was.. Young. Very young.. I can't tell you how old because I don't remember.. I used to watch my friends play GTA, and mortal kombat. I also watched, with my friends, the horror movie Sinister. The lawn mower scene is still in my head, heh.

When I was around 10 or something, I started watching horror movies - the Conjuring series, the Anabelle movies, Insidious series, Piranha, Jaws, etcetera. Around that age.. Or maybe when I was 12.. I can't remember.. I found out about porn.. Thanks to the friends I had at that time. I started masterbating a lot then, too. When I was 14, I stumbled upon gore. The first video I ever watched was of two drugged girls getting stabbed to death. They were too high to even react to the pain. One of them got stabbed in the eye. Also around this age I saw my first dead body. A woman was climbing up the stairs and she headbutted someone, and cracked her skull. When I looked at her, she was still smiling, and her blood was pink. I wondered what her last thoughts were.

When I was 15 or 16, I stumbled upon child pornograghy while I was browsing the deep or dark Web (I don't know the correct terminology). A lot of child porn.
An image that has burned itself into my brain was of a family doing it in a car.
I wondered to myself how anyone could be so cruel, especially to children who can't even tie their own shoelaces. Around this age, too, I saw the remains of someone being run over by a truck. I also saw a potential rape victim stumbling through the streets at night. She looked drugged, or drunk.. She had blood running down her half-naked body. No one helped her.


With everything I've seen, I still think I have it much, much better than most people here.. Most people out there. I've lived quite a sheltered life.
The gore you described is not as gruesome as some I watched but I always have thought that CP would destroy my mind. Luckily have never been exposed to it.
 
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Alcoholic Teletubby

Alcoholic Teletubby

Rip in piss
Jan 10, 2022
91
I can't recall everything in order, but if there is one thing I am certain of: When in doubt, blame anime.

Although it wasn't the main factor, it helped to lead me down this path of morbid, pseudo-sexual curiosity. I can also blame "society" and the imagery I was able to catch a glimpse of on TV to some extent. However, most of the shit I've seen was found online. When this whole mess began, I was WAY too young.

I'll presume you are aware of what yaoi is since you have mentioned anime a few times. Great stuff. 'Helped me eventually figure out my sexuality. Due to something, something, unmonitored access, I also ended up learning about kinks before entering middle school. But all of that is kinda expected. When you start looking for more, is when things take a turn. Certain keywords provide specific material. You only need Google search results.

In addition, there are the nastier subgenres of anime and manga, guro (Japanese gore), real gore, Liveleak, exploitation movies, fanfics, and people who are way too chill with roleplaying, among other things. Porn, however, really is the strongest contender. It's easy to find, and someone is always trying to up the ante. "Black female being penetrated by KKK members", for example. Lots of terrible things.
 
Un-

Un-

Being alive hurts. I want to die. I hate life.
Apr 6, 2021
185
My cousin introduced me to the wonderful world of pormography when I was a child, before sexually abusing me. Seeing that on the screen was intensely traumatic, I couldn't understand it well but it made me feel very uncomfortable.

The gore you described is not as gruesome as some I watched but I always have thought that CP would destroy my mind. Luckily have never been exposed to it.
For some reason, I feel the need to measure my dick against yours, heh. It was my first time.. Since then, I've seen more fucked up stuff.. But as with most things, you really only remember your first time.

The CP.. I wasn't traumatised by it, but my word did my faith for humanity dissappear. It's disturbing to see both sides of it - the consumer side of it, like I did at that age, and how the children are affected, like I see now with people on this forum. For example, that LostHotel.. I don't remember his username, but he was banned and it was a big deal.. Sexually abused by his father. I used to know someone who was raped twice at the age of, and before the age of 10, too. Horrible world we live in... Truly..
 
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Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Pathetic || Just keep going
Jul 1, 2020
4,873
Horror movies like the alien movie signs (but I was crying and left out because I "couldn't watch" lightning thief or whatever that movie is called). I picked this one because I'm fairly confident it fueled my pseudohallucination/hallucinations
 
slushy

slushy

Member
Feb 19, 2022
67
Nothing much. I grew up very sheltered. But unfortunately you can't shield a child from the realities of life
 
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Slimetae

SlimeentšŸŽ²
Apr 23, 2022
212
porn and i would say games but shit i loved blacks ops one two and modern warfare and the gta games .
 
X

x_riverrock11

Enlightened
Jan 24, 2021
1,734
Like most people, I suspect, I'm going to go with porn. I did not start with porn though merely erotica, which is what I mostly consume to this day. What I have seen of porn mostly looks unrealistic and cringey AF, especially the straight porn.
 
lofticries

lofticries

obedear
Feb 27, 2021
1,284
Seeing some explicit sexual shit in movies at 6-7 put me off porn with real ppl for quite some time. Like I didn't get comfortable seeing real ppl have sex until 20. But for some reason hentai,bl manga, and dirty fanfiction was a-ok during my pre teens and teens.

I think it's the main reason I find real porn boring now. Like I can't connect with the actors/characters.šŸ˜†

I think a lot of the horror movies I watched as a kid kinda messed me up. I mean watching lions and raptors tear into ppl at 6.
 
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Unworthyoflove

Member
Aug 7, 2022
19
first content that I was too young for was a very old and badly made horror movie about some dead soldiers riding on dead horses...maybe it was called the riding corpses or something like that. My mom found out, because I had such nightmares that I needed to sleep in her bed. maybe I was 8 or 9 years old.
 
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Yungire

Yungire

Rabbit Tank
Dec 3, 2020
1,206
Like many, the inappropriate material I consumed as a child was M17+ videogames Like DOOM or series like the Simpsons, some with my siblings and others by myself, I used to play a lot of The House of the Dead in an arcade, the particular thing is that I was around 5 years old. Another case I remember was Samurai Champloo on CN, when it was vacation I could go to bed later, time when those series were broadcast, some were violent but not as explicit, like Trigun or Rave, then there was Samurai Champloo there wasn't chapter where someone doesn't end up dead, fucked or chopped-up.

A funny anecdote, when I saw part of School Days with my older sister, near the end when Makoto was murdered, rather than scare me, I asked her "Sis, why is his blood oil?". I was also exposed to horror material, although eventually it became a hobby.

The only thing that messed me up were some videos I saw on a dark web page called Deep Tube, much of the little material that the page had was about animal abuse and quite graphic, even today I remember them well, one where they put a live chick in a blender and another where they slowly rolled over a cat were the ones that disgusted me the most. I still don't know how someone can have so little empathy for another living being to actively make them suffer. That left me feeling pretty bad for a while and the fact that it coincided with an animal abuse scene I had to see near my school didn't help. Fortunately, the page went down a long time ago, but screenshots are still preserved.
 
nosurpries

nosurpries

Member
Jul 3, 2022
63
porn, gore, racist content, various other content sexual in nature. noteably fanfiction, which can actually be more harmful than you'd think, at least to a young impressionable girl. i think i saw porn for the first time when i was 11 or 12, which is unfortunately a common experience. i remember my middle school friends showing me an isis beheading video at lunch one day just because they thought it was funny or something. i remember literally being in 8th grade civics class when my friend was showing me leafyishere's nudes leak at 7am jesus. that ones sounds funny unless you really think about it.

i guess this is a little outside of the original question but also outside of unsupervised internet access. just being sexualized by older men when i was very young, typical experience of being cat called. i've experienced sexual harrassment from peers and coworkers while being underaged. i remember working my first job and a man old enough to be my father told me that i looked like a "party girl" and smiled at me in a way that made me feel sick. when i was 16 and a 27 yr old man actively tried to court me and begged for my phone number everyday, he told me that the butterfly clips in my hair made me look so endearing and that i reminded him of his niece. i remember when i was around 14 and a much older senior boy told me the oversized clothes i wore made me look innocent and small, had some strange little sister anime fantasy i don't know he was so weird. i ahve just about a million of these stories.

being slut shamed in elementary school. i remember a male classmate saying that my short dress made me look "fast" or "easy", i didn't know what that meant. i was called a "hussy" by a familiy member when i was 10 or 11 when i painted my nails red, i didn't understand then either. called a slut by a boy in my class when i rejected his friend, i had still never been kissed i was probably 13. i've been called a slut or a whore or any of the other million variations a hundred times over and i am still a virgin ironically.

when i think about the little girl i was and how i was treated by others, it makes me sick to my stomach. being degraded for being female for as long as i can remember, no one deserves that, especially no child deserves that.
 
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nys

nys

mors mihi lucrum
Jun 1, 2022
148
Mostly it was normal stuff like violent horror movies & online games abt death & stuff like that. But I was groomed & abused for literally my entire life so when I was abt 7/8, I found this extremely inappropriate game on the internet. I dont remember how I found it but maybe my abuser showed me. The plot was relatively appropriate compared to other online games. Most of the game consisted of the player & main character of the game, a high schooler, going swimming & drinking at a playground

The sexual stuff was rlly bad though but I didnt rlly care, probably bc of the abuse. I kept playing it bc I found it interesting &, excluding the sexual stuff, it was fun. My mom found out soon but got mad at me for playing it instead of wondering how I found it & why I didnt seem disgusted by the inappropriate stuff, & why I instead acted like I was used to it & didnt care

Later when I was 9/10 my dad got obsessed with animal rights. He stopped eating meat, which is ok, but then he would get graphic animal abuse videos in his twitter feed & showed the videos to me. I guess he thought it would make me an animal rights activist. I dont even wanna get into what the videos were like but they were so terrible & graphic

Every time he'd find one, he'd call me & say something like "hey! come here! i have something interesting to show you. Look at this video!" He would get mad & scare me if I didnt, so I had to come over & look at it. Then some extremely graphic thing would be on his screen. If I tried to cover my eyes or ears, he'd say I was just purposely ignoring the fact that animals suffer in the meat industry bc I selfishly didnt care & wanted to eat them & he'd force me to look & listen

I know this probably sounds like an exaggeration but back then I'd cry myself to sleep every night bc of what were in those videos. For a while, the word "video" would trigger me so badly bc it would remind me of all the times my dad would be like "Look at this video" and show those animal abuse videos. It got so bad that ads that said the word video in it would literally make me cry sometimes. If I saw some dog or cat walking around somewhere I'd cry bc it would remind me of the videos
 
chocolatebar

chocolatebar

Warlock
Jul 11, 2021
743
It may sound strange, but I think I was exposed to the unfiltered reality too soon. One of my earliest memories, just when I started in preschool, is of me realizing how the world really works, while playing with a ball, kicking it at some objects in the backyard. The more the things became clear to me, the less motivation I had to kick the ball, because it had no meaning anymore, until i just crouched in front of it and stood there, paralyzed, until someone came and asked me something, taking me out of the trance.

Curiously, my family tells me that I loved to play with balls and then I suddenly stopped and never liked it anymore. I don't remember playing or liking ball games, except for this moment. perhaps I stopped after this for some reason.

It happened in a time when so many "little" things happened to me almost at once. My father told me he wished he never had me; my friends in school started to play with some collectibles and would measure friends by how much they could contribute to their collection or trading dominance and, since I had none, I was left out; I saw my teacher, who was so lovely while in class, but barely recognized me in the outside, getting paid and I had that naive and childish "aha! She only fakes being nice for the money!"; I saw my mother talking about how nice it was that I started school, because I would be away from her fr a while; and other things like that.

I don't even know if these event had a play in it, but that's the only hypothesis I came with after all this time. Since this event, whatever it was, I could never be happy again.

Not that I think about it, it looks unrelated to the thread, but since I wrote all these painful words, I'm gonna post anyway.
 
not-2-b-the-answer

not-2-b-the-answer

Illuminated
Mar 23, 2018
3,922
Porn.... Alcohol.... Cigarettes.... Chewing Tobacco.... Smokeless Tobacco (Snuff) .....
I think that is all. No hard drugs though.
 
Pullmyplug

Pullmyplug

Life is too difficult for me
Oct 11, 2019
662
I have never consumed anything that I was too young for. I hadn't even watched regular adult movies until I was 16 and a friend introduced those to me.

But after that, I was obsessed not with regular porn but more like finding hot steamy erotica in every place I could. Except anything illegal, which I have never watched and will never watch in my life.

I used to rub my stuff a lot in my college years and it gradually tapered down. Now I barely masturbate at all.

So overall, pretty boring I guess compared to others.

Oh, I should I also note I don't drink or smoke. I have tried a cig once or twice and alcohol a few times but I really hate the extremely bitter taste.