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war-is-lost

Student
Apr 15, 2018
124
My plan is fixed. Hotel room is booked for 2 nights. I am neither scared nor excited, I just feel numb. I am sure I would be more anxious when the date draws near. I don't have a bucket list and there is absolutely nothing I wish to do any more on this fucked up planet. I am done.
 
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dwimplepeen213

Member
Jun 26, 2018
37
I’m so jealous, hanging is my second option because I’m unable to afford or get hold of N. I’ve sorted most of it out, just got a few things to finalise but there isn’t too much shit for me to sort out anyway. Have you?
 
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war-is-lost

Student
Apr 15, 2018
124
I’m so jealous, hanging is my second option because I’m unable to afford or get hold of N. I’ve sorted most of it out, just got a few things to finalise but there isn’t too much shit for me to sort out anyway. Have you?

Yeah, done my will and left my notes. Just need to wait it out now. During this time, I want minimal interaction with loved ones who may sense something is off.
 
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dwimplepeen213

Member
Jun 26, 2018
37
I just gotta check my notes to ensure everything I need to say has been said. And yeah I’ve completely distanced myself also, the days are dragging but the inner peace of finality is soothing.
 
Definitelyworried

Definitelyworried

Member
Jun 19, 2018
555
I think I will be exiting in July as well.
And I am scared.
I've tried partial suspension hanging, but the survival instincts kick in and it's an easy method to walk away from, so I'm setting up for full suspension hanging, I'm trying to fix all the paperwork, as much as I can.
This sucks, cause I still want to live, but not with the the future that I see ahead for myself.
I hope we could keep each other distracted on the meantime.
I fell like my war is lost, literally.
 
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war-is-lost

Student
Apr 15, 2018
124
I think I will be exiting in July as well.
And I am scared.
I've tried partial suspension hanging, but the survival instincts kick in and it's an easy method to walk away from, so I'm setting up for full suspension hanging, I'm trying to fix all the paperwork, as much as I can.
This sucks, cause I still want to live, but not with the the future that I see ahead for myself.
I hope we could keep each other distracted on the meantime.
I fell like my war is lost, literally.

No-one truly wants to die. We just want to put a stop to the pain we are under. I have weighed my options over and over in the course of 6 months and came to the conclusion that dying is better than living in every possible way. My life would just keep deteriorating had I decided to live on, I see this as a rational choice and I owe this to myself. It has to be done.

I have tried both partial and full suspension before. For partial, it was very hard to fight the survival instinct, I instinctively stood up after my vision started to go black. For full, I did achieve unconsciousness (I don't know for how long) but the knot at the anchor point gave way and obviously I failed. But I think the time I did full, I managed to close both the carotid and jugular and unconsciousness followed swiftly.
 
Definitelyworried

Definitelyworried

Member
Jun 19, 2018
555
No-one truly wants to die. We just want to put a stop to the pain we are under. I have weighed my options over and over in the course of 6 months and came to the conclusion that dying is better than living in every possible way. My life would just keep deteriorating had I decided to live on, I see this as a rational choice and I owe this to myself. It has to be done.

I have tried both partial and full suspension before. For partial, it was very hard to fight the survival instinct, I instinctively stood up after my vision started to go black. For full, I did achieve unconsciousness (I don't know for how long) but the knot at the anchor point gave way and obviously I failed. But I think the time I did full, I managed to close both the carotid and jugular and unconsciousness followed swiftly.
Ok, now I'm interested, since full suspension is the only method I could afford, plus I can't sneak in a big tank of nitrogen, inside.
How painful would you describe full suspension to be?
Would you try it again if you didn't have N, or is this a method you would not recommend at all?
 
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war-is-lost

Student
Apr 15, 2018
124
Ok, now I'm interested, since full suspension is the only method I could afford, plus I can't sneak in a big tank of nitrogen, inside.
How painful would you describe full suspension to be?

Not painful at all but bear in mind I was lucky to be able to close both carotids and jugulars which brought about swift unconsciousness.
 
Definitelyworried

Definitelyworried

Member
Jun 19, 2018
555
Are you ok with the fact that you survived full suspension hanging?
 
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war-is-lost

Student
Apr 15, 2018
124
Are you ok with the fact that you survived full suspension hanging?

Obviously I wish I succeeded but it taught me a good lesson which is to pay attention to every single minute detail. It was my own negligence in not tying the knot at the anchor properly and I was lucky that I am not brain damaged from the experience.
 
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Definitelyworried

Definitelyworried

Member
Jun 19, 2018
555
Obviously I wish I succeeded but it taught me a good lesson which is to pay attention to every single minute detail. It was my own negligence in not tying the knot at the anchor properly and I was lucky that I am not brain damaged from the experience.
Did anything significant happen since then or do you feel like it doesn't make a difference if you would have been dead since then?
 
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war-is-lost

Student
Apr 15, 2018
124
Did anything significant happen since then or do you feel like it doesn't make a difference if you would have been dead since then?

Nothing significant, tried to get better and I did for a while then everything just collapsed again. It's just a vicious cycle with severity of depression and anxiety getting worse with each relapse. Now I am completely exhausted to fight another pointless battle, so it's my turn to have some peace I hope.
 
Definitelyworried

Definitelyworried

Member
Jun 19, 2018
555
Nothing significant, tried to get better and I did for a while then everything just collapsed again. It's just a vicious cycle with severity of depression and anxiety getting worse with each relapse. Now I am completely exhausted to fight another pointless battle, so it's my turn to have some peace I hope.
I can totally relate with this, I feel the same way.
How old are you if I may ask?
 
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Definitelyworried

Definitelyworried

Member
Jun 19, 2018
555
When is your hotel date set for, if you don't mind me asking?
 
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Definitelyworried

Definitelyworried

Member
Jun 19, 2018
555
I think I have to wait, to sign some documents. otherwise I would be trying right now.
 
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Fixin’ToDie

Member
Jun 11, 2018
95
My plan is fixed. Hotel room is booked for 2 nights. I am neither scared nor excited, I just feel numb. I am sure I would be more anxious when the date draws near. I don't have a bucket list and there is absolutely nothing I wish to do any more on this fucked up planet. I am done.
Late July at this stage, and leaning heavily towards the hotel option as well. Two nights sounds a very sensible idea. For me I’d be doing on the first night, giving the hotel the rest of the time to get the room cleared and any investigations completed. That way, assuming I had prepaid the two nights, the hotel would not suffer any loss of revenue due to the room being unavailable beyond the second night.
 
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war-is-lost

Student
Apr 15, 2018
124
Late July at this stage, and leaning heavily towards the hotel option as well. Two nights sounds a very sensible idea. For me I’d be doing on the first night, giving the hotel the rest of the time to get the room cleared and any investigations completed. That way, assuming I had prepaid the two nights, the hotel would not suffer any loss of revenue due to the room being unavailable beyond the second night.

That's very considerate of you but how do you ensure that they would find you on the second day? Are you not going to put up your DND sign?
 
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Fixin’ToDie

Member
Jun 11, 2018
95
That's very considerate of you but how do you ensure that they would find you on the second day? Are you not going to put up your DND sign?
Yes I’d definitely put up the DND sign, but I think after a certain amount of time things might begin to look a bit suspicious. Some hotels (though probably the bigger ones) I believe even have a policy of discreetly checking in on the room at certain times during the occupancy. I’ll be working on that assumption anyway. If that strategy doesn’t work then at least I’ve tried to minimise any inconvenience to them.

The other option would be not to put up the DND sign, but I’d need to be reasonably confident of not being disturbed. Would probably work best in a place that’s not staffed 24 hours.

But yeah, definitely need to give it some more thought. Good point raised.
 
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Gray Wounds

Gray Wounds

A Phantasmagoria
Jun 27, 2018
513
I'm going to exit perhaps in mid or first of august.
 
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