U

uselessanon42

Member
May 30, 2018
25
Mostly just life. Everything about it. I do find some good to it, but the happiness only lasts briefly. I talked to a co worker for hours about this today. Sure, it's nice to plan a vacation, have some good times with friends. but is it really worth it in the end? I end up bitter and nostalgic as the fun times slip away, and as time passes the bad days outnumber the good. I've always been in this suicidal state since I can remember but the situation I'm in becomes more perfect for ctb everyday. Losing friends, the only family i care about is dying, trapped in a bad situation. Failing health and crippling depression. And that doesn't even cover how i feel about myself. I'm a walking joke. The shy one nobody talks to. The ugly one nobody looks at. The dumb one everyone laughs at. The mean one everyone hides from. I'm the most selfish, lazy, piece of shit i know.
 
Tiredman

Tiredman

Rest is best
Apr 30, 2018
229
My old job ruined my life. It resulted in me getting eye+hearing injuries, ruined cartilage in my shoulders, chronic back pain, kidney + digestive problems and dental issues. Also My knee is blown out and I cant run or do fun things people my age do anymore. All my friends have abandoned me. My dad is completely nuts And My mom is the only thing keeping me together.
 
skyofAuroras

skyofAuroras

-
Apr 10, 2018
136
Been suffering with depression and anxiety for years. I never really had much of a life and I can barely remember anything from my childhood. After coming out as transgender and opening up about my mental health last year everything only got worse. Now I'm in an okay place in life with minimal stresses but I'm broken and exhausted. I don't think there's any hope for me in the future. I'm still young, and there's no need to spend more years here than I have to.
 
RainAndSadness

RainAndSadness

Global Mod
Jun 12, 2018
1,542
Oh, another trans person in this forum. It's a shame so many of us are suffering from suicidal thoughts. But I totally understand your intentions, I'm trans myself. I started HRT exactly 1 year ago. I can see a lot of progress during that time but being trans is just a nightmare, to be honest. I can't really fit into society and leaving the house is very stressful for me. For me it's one of many reasons to ctb. I'm tired of dealing with my internal struggles and I'll never be really able to accept myself.
The other reasons for my decision are depression, which I'm suffering from for over 8 years. I'm also suffering from severe social anxiety due to intense bullying back in school. That fucked me up really badly. I can't trust people anymore and it's very difficult for me to interact with them. I also prefer to never leave the house. Which is the reason why I have no friends at all except some online contacts and I feel very lonely. And that's how it has been for years now. I've been unemployed for almost 2 years due to my depression and inability to work and I have no perspectives on a good future. My education is also quite poor. It's the combination of many reasons that make me want to leave this world. And I'm just tired of live. That's why I want to go. There is nothing waiting for me in life.
 
mistoras

mistoras

Member
May 29, 2018
80
My old job ruined my life. It resulted in me getting eye+hearing injuries, ruined cartilage in my shoulders, chronic back pain, kidney + digestive problems and dental issues. Also My knee is blown out and I cant run or do fun things people my age do anymore. All my friends have abandoned me. My dad is completely nuts And My mom is the only thing keeping me together.
what did you used to do if you don't mind
 
Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
To be honest life never interested me very much. There are very few things that makes me happy but I lost interest in them. I'm consumed by my obligations, I'm working constantly and effort and reward are very descompensated. This is an overcompetitive world and things you have to do for having a "decent" life are crazy. And last years I was under huge pressure by everybody and made my suicidal thoughts rise.

I don't want a better life, I just want death. Life has nothing good to offer me, is not something worthy and it's better for me getting rid of it.
 
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shattered dreams

shattered dreams

Student
Jun 5, 2018
134
I don't want to end my life, but I have to. I am too sick to work a normal job and I cannot get disability. I live in poverty on a part time job that pays under $1,000 a month. I have severe chronic pain all day. No reason to go on, really.
 
Sasha

Sasha

Member
Jun 13, 2018
95
I really had big dreams for myself, but too bad I can’t fulfill them. I don’t want to die, I am still hoping that I change my mind. But I know it’s too late now. I have given myself 7 months to make decision but still it’s the same. I am still hoping that my parents would understand me, they never did so they never will. Everyday I feel like it’s time to leave, but I keep saying not today to death. I am trying to find a faster way, let’s see how it goes.
 
chronicpainnomore

chronicpainnomore

Not Circling the Drain Anymore
May 31, 2018
310
I've posted this before, but for me it's because I have chronic pain that doctors are no longer giving me the medications required to control it. You know how all you see anymore in the news is coverage of the "opioid epidemic?" Well, I am the collateral damage. People like me, who used the medications responsibly and relied on them to live our lives are the ones being hurt by this, and nobody cares. We're treated like drug seekers and addicts. Not being able to control my pain is only half of it. The way I am treated by everyone, from doctors to pharmacists, even my insurance company, is the other part of it. I'm sick of it all, I'm miserable, and I'm just ready to end it.
 
shattered dreams

shattered dreams

Student
Jun 5, 2018
134
I've posted this before, but for me it's because I have chronic pain that doctors are no longer giving me the medications required to control it. You know how all you see anymore in the news is coverage of the "opioid epidemic?" Well, I am the collateral damage. People like me, who used the medications responsibly and relied on them to live our lives are the ones being hurt by this, and nobody cares. We're treated like drug seekers and addicts. Not being able to control my pain is only half of it. The way I am treated by everyone, from doctors to pharmacists, even my insurance company, is the other part of it. I'm sick of it all, I'm miserable, and I'm just ready to end it.

That is how I feel and I am ON pain medication. My situation is a little different. They will not prescribe me the proper pain pills for my condition of chronic pancreatitis. They only give me tramadol which makes my pain go from super severe kill myself immediately pain to severe pain. I tried some oxycontin that my roommate gave me, and it made my pain go away and I felt so much better. I asked my doctor, and he said that since I was a heavy drinker (in the past, not now), he will not prescribe them to me since he thinks I will abuse them. Nope, I wouldn't and am more or less in the same situation as you.
 
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chronicpainnomore

chronicpainnomore

Not Circling the Drain Anymore
May 31, 2018
310
That is how I feel and I am ON pain medication. My situation is a little different. They will not prescribe me the proper pain pills for my condition of chronic pancreatitis. They only give me tramadol which makes my pain go from super severe kill myself immediately pain to severe pain. I tried some oxycontin that my roommate gave me, and it made my pain go away and I felt so much better. I asked my doctor, and he said that since I was a heavy drinker (in the past, not now), he will not prescribe them to me since he thinks I will abuse them. Nope, I wouldn't and am more or less in the same situation as you.
Have you offered to submit to super-heavy monitoring? By that I mean lots of random pill counts and piss tests? That may help address his concerns about abuse if he's on the fence about helping you.
 
develish

develish

Tell Heaven don’t wait for me
May 30, 2018
14
Don't want to grow old and watch the people i love sufffer because of me. Also just there's too much pain in the world, and I know we accept the love we think we deserve, but what if we deserve nothing? ...
 
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Imaginos

Imaginos

Full-time layabout
Apr 7, 2018
633
Why wouldn't I be? I mean, just look around. Can't you see what's there? The heinous things that surround us, every hour of every day? The boredom, the futility, the tragic absurdity and, worst of all, the pain. Even if they're not happening to you directly at any given moment. or you simply choose not to acknowledge them in the first place. They're still always there. The shadow of the axe itself, always hanging close nearby. That's not even mentioning, the crushing weight of all the other countless living things across this planet languishing in torment every single moment for nothing. It's totally inescapable. And for me personally, I'm tired of both bearing witness & being victim to it. I have no past or current trauma, no major physical hardships, and a fairly comfortable life as a hikikomori. It doesn't matter. As far as I'm concerned, base existence is utterly intolerable and is predisposed to exert pain (no matter the circumstances, good or bad). To put it simply, this planet, nay this universe, isn't fit to exist in and I want out. And yes, I suppose I should mention, that ideally I'd also like to kill myself because my life is only likely to get worse from here on out (my parents dying, further personal ageing & decrepitude, worsening mental problems combined with ever more unbearable bouts of loneliness, being ultimately left adrift in a terrifying world etc.) and I'd really like to leave before that happens.

If people could see the world for what it truly is, see their lives for what they truly are, without dreams or illusions, I don't believe they could offer the first reason why they should not elect to die as soon as possible.
Cormac McCarthy - Sunset Limited

 
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K

KillMe

Member
Jun 13, 2018
20
Well I am diagnosed with severe social anxiety and major depression. I have struggled with mental illness pretty much my entire life. I have an eating disorder as well. I don't remember ever being normal. Been abused by family and don't have any close friends. Also have gotten my heart broken repeatedly.
 
shattered dreams

shattered dreams

Student
Jun 5, 2018
134
Have you offered to submit to super-heavy monitoring? By that I mean lots of random pill counts and piss tests? That may help address his concerns about abuse if he's on the fence about helping you.

I would be willing to do that as I am already drug tested frequently. The doctor will not budge and told me I will have to find another doctor to get stronger medication. Unfortunately, this is the only pain clinic that takes medicaid. I am screwed.